By Rabbi Yair Hoffman for 5tjt.com

All her life, the Kallah was looking forward to her wedding.  We can well imagine what was in her head:  the Kaballas Panim with the stunningly decorated floral backdrop and the wide assortment of food stations, the sushi station in the Asian Food section, the omelet and hamburger stations in the American food section, the mid-east food section, the outdoor chuppah with the carefully manicured lawn and white gloved waiters giving out mints and perhaps candy-bags with a wide assortment of chocolates, the procession of family members walking down the aisle accompanied with the music from that very popular singer along with a five piece band, the breaking of the glass preceded by a dramatic rendition of “Im eshkachaich,” the post-chuppah dancing, the stunning assortments of food placed in the yichud room just for her and her chosson, the first dance, the second dance at the lavish meal with white on white linen in that magnificent ulam with columns and exquisite carvings on the mahogany, and, of course – all of those people present throughout the entire affair.

Alas, instead, she had a small Corona-era backyard wedding with two people on watch to ensure that the modest festivities not be broken up by the police, or the Department of Health.  All of her siblings had enjoyed lavish and stunningly magnificent weddings.

True, she had had a child in the interim, but still.  Could she possibly have – another wedding?  A redo, so to speak?

She asked her parents.  Her parents were very wealthy gvirim. They responded to her question as follows, “If you receive permission from a Posaik to allow it – we will do it.”

The question was then posed to Rav Yitzchok Zilberstein shlita.

** There is a Yesoma who boruch Hashem just got engaged.  If anyone would like to assist in making her chasuna please donate here or contact the author.**

Rav Zilberstein responded (Vavei HaAmudim 97 siman 2) that it was not worthwhile to do for three reasons:

1. They already have a child and the holding of a wedding replete with pictures and memories could, Heaven forbid, cast aspersions on the child that he was born out of wedlock. Rav Zilberstein points to a very similar concern in Rashi explaining Beis Hillel’s position regarding a certain type of Get in Gittin 79b.
2. It is not worthwhile to make light of venerable customs in Klal Yisroel.
3. There are remarkable brachos that are given and reserved for those who conduct small and modest weddings. It is not worthwhile to forego these blessings.   Rav Zilberstein cites the content of Rashi in parshas Ki Sisa (the source of which is a Midrash Tanchuma) that the reason that the first set of Luchos were broken and did not last was because they were given so publicly with fanfare and thunderous blasts.  He states that weddings which are more modest have a special syata dishmaya – Heavenly assistance that the marriage will last and endure.

Rav Zilberstein then elaborates upon each of the reasons at greater length, and cites some fascination situations wherein a mock ceremony was, in fact, sanctioned by some Poskim.  He cites a case of a bris milah that was made in order to appease a relative who had hit traffic and the Bris would not been able to have been done before the shkiya.  The real bris was done quietly in the side room minutes before the shkiya.  He cites a fake burial as well, in order to actually wait for the arrival of a child who would have been very upset if they did not wait for him.  But, Rav Zilberstein writes that all of these situations were done in order to avoid machlokes – arguments and fights.  Here, there is no underlying machlokes.  Rav Zilberstein concludes that a wedding is like the Kikayon d’Yona – it was born and grew in one night and subsequently lasted only one fleeting day.  He recommended against it.

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** There is a Yesoma who boruch Hashem just got engaged.  If anyone would like to assist in making her chasuna please donate here or contact the author.**