Funny Shidduch Stories

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  • #1227311

    em es
    Member

    you know those horror stories where the info given is totaly wrong? where you imagine the shadchan must’ve read off of someone else’s resume than the one you’re going with? This happened to a close friend of mine. She is from a family where the shidduch goes through the shadchan and they did not knwo each other beforehand. This guy turns upat her house looking anything except like a boy sitting and learning. She went with him only cuz she was dressed adn refused to hurt the boy. She just hoped she’d be taken to a place where no one she knew would be there. Being the boy he was, he took her to a place where most yeshivish dates dont go. He kept making hints about how romantic the place was, how beautiful she looked…things that scared her completely. After a 4 hour date, she was dropped off at home.

    They did not go out again….

    #1227312

    tomim tihye
    Member

    The suburban guy (barely 20 years old) showed up in a fancy little car, and as we’re approaching the car to head out, he says, “Oh, I’m just gonna leave my hat and jacket in the car. It’s so convenient that you live near the subway; I hate driving in Manhattan. We’ll just take the train- I hardly ever have a chance to ride it!” Of course I met lots of friends and neighbors on the train, and of course I said hello to them. He says, “Don’t you think they’re embarrassed to meet you on a date? Just pretend you don’t see them!”

    #1227313

    tomim tihye
    Member

    On our fourth date, we opened our fortune cookies at the Chinese restaurant. I read mine first: “You will soon be sharing good news with all the people you love.” He then read his: “If you have heard of something good to happen, it shall be fulfilled.”

    They were indeed prophetic messages!

    #1227314

    Mayan_Dvash
    Participant

    If I produced fortune cookies, I think I’d make a separate run (and market it to fancy restaurants) for “serious dates.” They will contain messages similar to the ones tomim tihye got. Discretion will have to be with the server/maitre de etc.

    ;

    #1227315

    em es
    Member

    On a shidduch date, I saw a couple who were waiting for the elevator. When the elevator came, the boy paused. The girl thought he wanted her to go ahead and walked onto the elevator. The boy stayed behind. Right before the doors closed, she slipped out of the elevator, looking confused. They sat down near us and he said its not tznius – yichud, to go on an elevator alone with a girl.

    I almost burst our laughing!

    #1227316

    Poster
    Member

    em es, My friend went on a date and the boy did the same thing. She thought they should’ve taken the steps if he felt this way. Or maybe such a boy should sit in.

    Actually, once on a date the boy told me that he is sorry he didnt open the car door for me, he knows it’s protocol for a date, but he doesnt think its tznius. I was quite impressed actually, and agreed.

    #1227317

    realtalk
    Member

    I read this story somewhere. An older girl lived in Yerushalayim. One the families that she regularly ate by, tried to constantly redt shidduchim to her. One time they redt a shidduch of an older boy that they knew. The girl, Ahuva, said what is worng with him- does he have two heads or something. (since a lot of other shidduchim that were redt to her had major problems.)The lady of the house started to answer and say, Actually… when Ahuva cut her and said never mind, I don’t want to know, I will just go out with him. Later when the lady called the boy, he said something similar. They both agreed to go out with actually knowing what was wrong with the other. When he called her they had a nice conversation and were actually excited for the date. They made up a time and place to meet. When Ahuva got to the hotel she looked in the corner of the hotel and noticed the boy. She smiled and smooth out her hair with her black as ebony hand when she saw Meir with his seeing- eye dog.

    #1227318

    oomis
    Participant

    realtalk, this sounds like a story about the girl Ahuva (I forget the last name) who became a giyoress?

    #1227319

    Ahuva Gray

    #1227320

    ir
    Member

    Did they get married?

    #1227321

    realtalk
    Member

    Yes they got married- but no it is not Ahuva Gray! I was not aware she got married. I made the name up and used that name because of Ahuva. It is not her real name!!!!!!!!!!!!

    #1227322

    realtalk
    Member

    BTW, does anyone know if Ahuva Gray ever got married? I always wondered.

    #1227323

    newbie
    Member

    No, I don’t think so. She wasn’t when I met her 2 years ago.

    #1227328

    realtalk
    Member

    Someone I know was eating by her chassan’s house for the first time, and they spoke yiddish. This girl knew next to nothing and could not understand what was happening. Of course when they spoke to her they talked in English but otherwise her chassan had to translate. Anyhow it was on Friday night, and she was clearing the fish course and serving the soup course. She finishes serving the soup and sits down to eat her own soup. She picks up her spoon and the whole family bursts our laughing, and blabbering in Yiddish and she is just sitting stupefied- what did she do wrong? She does not say anything and later on asks her chassan. He explains- his whole family teases her father for being a lefty. When his father saw his son’s kallah eating her fish, he told him- your kallah is also a lefty. Chassan- she is not, watch by the soup she will eat with her right hand. Sure enough she came in and ate with her right and the whole family started laughing. So she explained that she is ambidextrous, and they all had a good laugh- including the kallah.

    #1227330

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    Guy is from out of town.

    Picks up the girl, hails a taxi and asks the driver to take them to the Bronx Zoo.

    The guy is horrified at the price (maybe he just assumed the Bronx Zoo was on 13th Ave?) and asks the girl if he could take her home by subway- she agreed.

    After spending some time walking around the zoo and talking he leads her to the zoo tram and waits in line to buy tickets.

    When it’s their turn he says, “Can I buy two tickets to Boro Park”?

    They did not get married.

    #1227331

    smartcookie
    Member

    OMG!! And thank you Dr Pepper for bringing this thread back to life!! It is the most enjoyable thread here after all!!

    #1227332

    emoticon613
    Member

    funny shidduch story, happened to my camp director:

    she and her husband both speak yiddish, but he’s chassidish and she’s not so they speak different dialects. somewhere along the line, he asks her a question, and she, not really understanding what he said and not wanting to sound stupid, nods and says, “yuh, yuh.” about four days later, he proposes in english. she says yes. he tells her that they were actually engaged four days ago. she looks at him in disbelief, until he tells her that that was the question that he’d ask that she hadn’t understood and just said “Yuh, yuh!” 😉

    #1227333

    emoticon613
    Member

    happened to me:

    on our second date, we were still both pretty awkward, so we sit down in the hotel lounge (also our first time out, the first was a sit it), and after a few minutes of VERY awkward converstion, he takes out a siddur with mefoshim and says, “wanna learn?” i’m like to myself, “okaaaaaaay, this is strange,” but being the unexperienced dater of then, i said yes, which ended up in like a half hour shiur on shema. it was quite interesting though.

    we did not get married.

    #1227334

    YW Moderator-42
    Moderator

    In YCT, the Maharts usually wait until they are on the tram back to Boro Park before taking out the Gemara.

    #1227335

    one of my friend’s mothers works in a hospital. The boy brought her to a lounge near the hospital but wasn’t comfortable with the environment there, so she suggested they go to the hospital meeting room. It so happens her mother had to go there for another reason and was totally shocked to see her daughter on a date, as they were to see her!!

    #1227336

    unknown 613
    Member

    I very strongly oppose what goes on in YCT, but I’m not sure I like where this thread is going to go either. Please put it back on track!

    #1227337

    emoticon613
    Member

    mod i must be totally uneducated, but what in the world is yct and what are maharts? do i not know what it is cuz i live in israel?

    #1227338

    Mayan_Dvash
    Participant

    emoticon, I live in Brooklyn and grew up near Boro Park and I don’t know what YCT or Maharts are, would someone please explain?

    ;

    #1227339

    shtarkbocher
    Member

    unknown613: whats wrong w/ this thread its hysterical?!?!

    #1227340

    emoticon613
    Member

    someone just explained to me the terms. yct-yeshivat chovevei tzion, modern yeshiva. maharts are female rabbis.

    so i just got the joke. mod – haha.

    Actually it’s Chovevei Torah and the term Maharat has been changed to Rabba, back to funny shidduch stories…

    #1227342

    lakevooder
    Member

    This story happened with my father, he once took a girl on a date to a park it was a nice spring day and a bee happened to be buzzing around the area and this girl started getting frantic and then she started running around in circles to try to get the bee away but the bee didn’t let up and neither did she her screams got louder and her running around got more intense and she started to attract a crowd of spectators my father started to get annoyed being that this carried on for over 45 minutes so he tried to get her attention to excuse himself but to no avail she just kept going on and on so my father decided just to go home and leave the girl to continue dating the bee last my father heard from her is that she is happily married to the bee.

    #1227343

    potsandpans
    Member

    lakevooder…i was laughing out loud when i read your story!! now everytime i’ll see a bee, i’ll be remind of that girl lol

    #1227344

    emoticon613
    Member

    i know just today i was walking with my friend and bumped into a bee. the first line that crossed my mind was ‘dating with a bee.’ first date i’ve had in a long time!

    #1227345

    I don’t believe the story with the bee.

    #1227346

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Once I was redt to a girl form England. I did the Gaon’s goral and turned to “Lo me’eiver l’yom hee”

    #1227347

    emoticon613
    Member

    do we know how to do this properly nowadays?

    #1227348

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    Not really a shidduch story since it happened by the l’chaim.

    Friend of the kallahs mother comes over to the chosson and says “I saw you before your kallah did. You probably don’t remember this but before your first date I saw you walking up the block towards her house. I was going to introduce myself but from the way you looked I didn’t think you would make it past the first date anyway.”

    Not to be outdone the guy replied, “I actually do remember seeing you. I remember thinking, “Oh no, if that’s her mother I’m running out of there sooooooooooo fast!'”.

    #1227349

    Belev Echad
    Participant

    omg Dr. Pepper HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

    thanks for a really good laugh

    #1227350

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    emoticon613

    do we know how to do this properly nowadays?

    apparently I do.

    #1227351

    emoticon613
    Member

    apparently. so tell me how, i’d like to know. it would save me a lot of emotional investments in worthless shidduchim.

    #1227352

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    get a chumash with no perushim, turn pages seven times, then send me the page and the question you were asking with all the pertinent information and I’ll try to help

    #1227353

    emoticon613
    Member

    random pages? any ones?

    #1227354

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    just flip it randomly seven times

    #1227355

    YW Moderator-42
    Moderator

    popa_bar_abba, is the Gaon’s goral a segula for doing the right thing?

    #1227356

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    Not sure if this will make it past the mods but worth a try.

    After the guy parks and they get out of the car, the guy realizes that there are three creeps drinking beer surrounded by a mountain of empty beer cans and bottles just a few feet away. As they try walking away real fast one of them approaches and asks for some money. The guy gives him a few bucks to get them away but then realizes that he just parked his car less than two meters from their living room. He then makes them a deal that if they watch his car until they come back and make sure no one touches it he’ll give them an additional five dollars. (In other words- go bother another car.)

    After the date the guys are still there and want their five dollars, which the guy gave them. After letting the girl into the car one of the creeps went to a nearby wall and started to do something that people who drink that much beer have to do every five minutes.

    Being the gentleman that he was, the guy stood in front of her window so she wouldn’t have to witness what was going on. The guy took off his jacket and pretended like he was holding it up to get ready to hang it up. Finally he opened the back door, removed the hanger he brought and hung up his jacket.

    He then got into the car and started driving, being very impressed with himself at how he blocked the whole incident from her. She finally broke the silence and said “It’s a good thing you didn’t offer them another five dollars to wash the car while we were gone”!

    They ended up getting married but he made it clear that she can feel free to clean the house as often as she wants but he’ll take care of washing the cars.

    #1227357

    emoticon613
    Member

    i learned that the STEIPLER did the goral hagr”a ONCE in his life. that should teach us s/t no?

    #1227358

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    yes, A. that you can do it B. even the steipler sometimes had sfekos.

    #1227360

    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    I’m happy to see this thread current, Dr. Pepper, ur stories are

    hilariously appreciated. (you must’ve had a wacky time dating.)

    K, True story! Not so much funny as surprising.

    My friends, friend,calls this girl he’s been dating a few times, & tells her to bring a change of clothes comfortable footwear etc.. something about a long drive and water..

    Picks her up at her home, drives straight to the airport

    proceed to the gate having purchased two tickets to miami

    for the day, they go there and come back later that night.

    I Don’t think they’re married.

    #1227361

    volvie
    Member

    b_h: She was nuts for going out with him with such a request!

    #1227362

    SmartJew
    Member

    My friend was on a date, and was deep in conversation walking through the city, and did not notice that do not walk sign had gone on. She continued talking, and as she starting crossing the street (not realizing the car that was about to crash into her) the boy yelled out her name and grabbed onto her shoulder pulling her back. With his hand still on her shoulder he stammered, I’m..um..sorry…I wasn’t thinking you were a girl.. They are happily engaged 🙂 On another date, the same girl saw the front headlight was out, asked the boy to please stop at the side of the road, calmly got out of the car, kicked the headlight until it flickered on, and got back in the car.

    #1227363

    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    I dont think she dreamed that this was the reason!

    I heard he has (or had) money.

    emoticon613; I hear ya, believe me, I understand the

    agmas nefesh, but “worthless shidduchim!?”

    when I was dating, I wud be very makpid not 2 say anything negative about the seldom “really over the moon girls”

    even though it’s frustrating, like “what on earth was the shadchan thinking?! One time I almost drove to the bronx cuz I was embarassed to be seen with a certain girl

    & I didn’t want 2 get out of the car.

    Nevertheless, she had no clue and I treated her with the utmost respect (as she deserves) didnt even bring her home early

    as I didnt want to insult her, or make her feel insecure.

    My point is everything that gets redt 2 u, is 4 a reason,

    & don’t look at them like they’re worthless, just…

    Not Nogeah! Hatzlacha!

    #1227364

    Imma613
    Participant

    OK so here’e one of my stories. This goes back quite a while…

    We went canoeing on a date and we tipped over. Like three times! The guy called the shadchan after the date and said, I just came back from a date and I’m all wet!!” Nice guy but we didn’t end up married.

    #1227365

    emoticon613
    Member

    you’re right of course, bein hasdorim. i don’t mean that the people are worthless, and of course i treat them fine. i meant that they’re not for me, and going out with someone for no reason really makes me crazy.

    popa, about the goral – listen, if you’re as great as the steipler, i fell priveleged to know you (sort of anyway) and can i have a bracha? otherwise — well i can’t tell you what to do, so i wish you a lot of hatzlacha in everything you do and hope nothing bad comes out of it. and can i have a bracha? al tehi bircas hedyot kalla be’eynecha… 😉

    #1227366

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    bein_hasdorim-

    I’m glad you enjoy them at my expense 🙂

    My wife keeps reminding me how much more I appreciate her because of what I went through.

    I’m curious to know how many of the people these stories happened with got to relive the experience by reading it here!

    #1227367

    tomim tihye
    Member

    I was waiting for the proposal, so to help him along, I proposed a trip to the Bronx zoo- on WEDNESDAY (free day), CHOL HAMOED PESACH… yup, that did the trick (“Well, now that all the Jews we know already know…”)!

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