Funny Shidduch Stories

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    In parents home they have a video camera so they can see the front and side entrance. When one of my siblings was dating there was one guy that came a little early he standing in front of the door pacing back and forth. We were all wtching him piting the guy, hoping he would just ring the bell! well, finally he did. My sister didnt want us to answer the on the first ring, she said it will look like we were standing a watching…well we were!!!!!


    My sister went on a date to a park, theyr’e walking for a while and she’s very thirsty, finally he turns to her would you like to get a drink she says yes, he take her back to the car and takes out a bottle of water from the trunk! (it wasn’t a desert there were soda machines maybe even a cafe in the park)


    yeshivahman: I’ll bet your sister and her husband now joke about it! 🙂


    My friend’s new husband of 2 weeks had to go out of town for the day. While eating lunch at the local Kosher Spot, he got to talking with a friendly, older guy. After a while, the man said, “I think I have a girl for you…” The Chosson replied, “OK, tell me about her… Oh, wait, I got married!” Luckily, my friend found the story funny too, and they’re still married 15+ years later! (in his defence, the husband said since he had been dating for many years, this was his “reflex”)


    Mrs. Beautiful;

    How about the one where the guy pulls up a few minutes early rings the bell.

    While he’s waiting for them to buzz him in,

    He feels he has something stuck in his teeth.

    so he inches forward to the nice shiny reflective surface above the bell,

    which happens to be a video camera.

    He opens his mouth and proceeds to try and pick it out of his teeth

    using the bell as a mirror.

    meanwhile the whole family is getting a show they will never forget.

    When the poor Bochur enters the house, he wonders why the father has an unnaturaly huge smile on his face. He also notices the mother has run off to the kitchen in a fit laughter. After getting red in the face the father explains in between giggles that one of the kids just made a good joke. He calm down.

    Then the girl enters the room, the Bocher smiles, when the girl sees his teeth for the second time today, she erupts in hysterical laughter, which causes the father to burst out laughing and the mother in the kitchen to joins in all over again.

    It took a while for them to calm down,and after apologizing profusley to this bocher who is beet red & sweating nervously, they send then off.

    To make a long story short, this bocher took her out for a very brief time.

    droped her off & told the shadchan, NOO, to a second date.


    my dad went on a date w a girl on a rollercoaster in hershey. she threw up. it was a disaster. no, they did not get married.


    bein_hasdorim, oh my that story must have been so so humiliating!!!!!!! Especially not knowing why everyone was laughing. Truth is, I am surprised that adults couldnt control themselves. Their behavior sounds a bit immature.

    But it is a very funny. Beware of video cameras!!! Most pple in NY have them nowadays!!! And the camera look like mirrors!!!


    Bein Hasadorim LOL


    The Offical Shidduch Resume (FOR GIRLS)

    Name:_______ ________ Nick name:_______ _________

    Age:________ ________ Screen name:_______ _________

    DOB:________ _______ Sign:_______ _________ __

    Place of Birth:

    City:_______ _________ State:______ ________ Country:____ ______

    Hospital:___ _________ ___ Doctor:_____ _________ _ Midwife:____ _________ __

    Height: With heels on:_________ ______ Without heels on:_________ _______

    Weight: Before sister’s wedding:____ _________ _ After sister’s sheva brachos:____ _________ __

    Color Eyes: With contact lenses:_____ _______ Without contact lenses:_____ ____

    Religious Affiliation:

    A. Jewish: ( ) FFB (Frum From Birth) ( ) BT ( ) OT () Out of towner ( ) Regular orthodox ( ) Modern orthodox

    B. Education: Please star * anything that was co-ed

    a) Playgroup:__ _________ __ b) Preschool:__ _________ __ c) Elementary School:_____ _________

    d) High School:_____________

    e) If you did not attend a Bais Ya’akov High School, please write a 500 word essay why. (You may

    attach additional paper to the back of this resume).

    f) Day Camp:_______ ______ g) Sleep-away Camp:_______ ________

    h) Seminary:___ _________ ___ *Why davka this one_________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _____.

    *Was this your first choice? Were you rejected from any seminaries and if yes, please

    specify:____ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ .


    1) So, who really is the prettiest girl in Bais Ya’akov Monsey?_____ _________ ___.

    2) Are you really a hocker?? Check if you have any of these: ___ # of

    cellphone(s) ___ # beeper(s) ___ # of blowdrier(s) ___ Type of car(s) ___

    VCR/DVD ___ TV ___ computer with email ___ computer with internet ___

    computer with Koshernet

    3) Did you ever have a crush on a boy in Miami Boy’s Choir? No____ Yes_____

    (If yes, please specify # and which ones)

    ____________ _________ _________ ______



    4) What midda really defines your character? ____________ _________ .

    5) What do you do to relax? A. Eat B. Get you nails/hair done C. Go

    shopping D. Talk on the phone E. Say Tehillim F. Design your wedding gown

    6) How much food do you need to be satisfied? A. One slice of pizza, french

    fries or onion rings and a diet coke B. Half a burger or hotdog C. Salad,

    salad, and more salad D. 3 Chalav Yisrael Hershey Kisses

    E. Satisified? Never, I’m on a diet!

    7) What are your eyebrows like? A. I wax once a month B. So thick I have to

    tweeze every-other night C. Very sparse, I need to color them in

    D. Non-existent is in, didn’t you see the latest cover of Seventeen?

    8) During the Oscar’s, you are: A. Doing chesed to counter-act the tumah

    B. Watching for tips C. Watching ER D. The Oscar’s, what’s that?

    9) Are your suits: A. Long jacket, long skirt B. Long jacket, short skirt

    C. Short jacket, long skirt D. Short jacket, short skirt (and how short?)

    E. Suits, me? I go casual; denim skirt, Gap sweatshirt

    10) How often do you buy a new Shabbos robe? A. Once a year B. Every time I

    see one I like C. Whenever they go on sale D. Twice in a life time

    (Bas-Mitzva and wedding IY”H)

    11) How many outfits do you go through on Shabbos?

    A. 1-3 B. 3-5 C. I don’t get dressed

    12) How much time do you spend doing your hair before a date? A. I don’t, a

    ponytail is good enough for me B. 10 minutes C. 20-40 minutes D. 60+ minutes

    13) What do you use to do your hair?

    A. Brush only B. Blowdrier C. Straightner/ Curler D. Gel/Mouse E. All of the above

    14) What brand of make-up do you use?

    A. My mother doesn’t let me wear make-up B. Whatever is on sale at Target C. Mary Kay

    D. Clinique/Lancome/ Estee Lauder/MAC

    15) What would you buy with a $100 gift certificate to Macy’s?

    A. New make-up B. Third pair of Shabbos shoes C. Lingerie D. Macy’s chas veshalom! I only shop at Brenda’s!

    E. The skirt I saw Miriam wear last week


    16) What kind of table cloth does you family use?

    A. Disposable B. Pink with lace C. Classic white

    17) What does your family serve for Oneg Shabbos?

    A. What Oneg Shabbos? We’re all on diets! B. Only Pashkes and Liebers C. For those over 16- diet

    coke, 15 and under- fruit punch D. Dried fruit E. Nosh is only for those who clear the table

    18) What’s your retail value on the market? $$$_________ _

    19) What time do you daven Shacharis Sunday morning?

    A. Neitz, I’m usually up anyways B. I set my alarm for an hour before zman kriyas shema

    C. My mother wakes me 5 minutes before chatzot D. Shacharis Sunday morning?!

    20) What is your monthly phone bill usually like? ____________ __

    21) What’s your favorite page in a yearbook?

    A. Baby pictures, they’re just sooo cute! B. Divrei Torah C. Class pictures D. Jokes and memories

    E. Family pictures of girls with older brothers

    22) When you see those chocolates on the coffee table, do you…

    A. Begin drooling, but remember your bathing suit is only a size 4 B. Count calories

    C. If it?s PMS time, I’ll grab the whole box D. I will not succumb to this great taiva

    23) What do you do if your date opens the car door for you?

    A. Look down, I’m makpid on shmiras einayim (no eye contact) B. Run back into my house and

    call the shadchan C. I say thank you, and get in D. Blush and get in silently

    24) What’s your favorite dating spot?

    A. Lounge B. Lounge C. Lounge D. Other??? Couldn’t come up with any!

    25) If your older brother has a friend over for lunch, you…

    A. Look down the whole meal B. Blush when he asks you to pass the cholent C. Talk about

    politics D. Have an animated conversation until your father asks you to clear the table E. Eat at your friend’s

    26) What’s the most embarrassing thing that happened to you on a date?

    A. My mascara shmeared B. My hair frizzed in the rain C. He forgot my name

    D. Too many quiet moments E. When I sat down, my skirt went above my knees

    F. Met too many of our ex-dates in the lounge

    27) Why do you feel you are ready for marriage?

    A. My parents are forcing me B. I want a baby C. I just came back from sem, a true kalah maidel D. I

    can whip up a whole Shabbos in 3 hours E. All my friends are

    28) What does it take for a boy to get on your list:

    A. One phone call, I’m 20, an alta kakah B. 4 phone calls from prominent rabbanim C. Money makes

    things move pretty quickly D. He has to be my mother’s cousin’s sister’s

    mother-in-law’ s best friend’s son E. If he attends the Mir F. A blue eyed stud who knows how to dress

    29) What do you feel is your supreme sacrifice for Torah?

    A. Living on a kollel salary B. Letting your husband learn half a day C. Eating out only

    once a week D. Driving a Camry (not a Mercedes or Rolls) E. Doing my nails myself

    30) Why do you think you should be chosen above everyone else?

    A. I throw really cool parties B. I wear a size 4 C. I have great yichus D. I can talk

    on the phone while mopping the floor and holding the screaming baby

    E. I have a great personality, real modest F. My grandparents left me a huge trust fund

    31) What kind of engagement ring are you looking for:

    A. A plain band B. A nice 1 carat diamond C. A big diamond surrounded by emeralds D. I’ll take

    what I can get E. Anything from Tiffany’s or Cartier

    I, ____________ _________ promise that everything I have answered above is

    the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Please help me Hashem.

    SIGNATURE: ____________ ________


    getzel, very funny! But why do I have a feeling that its not so far fetched?!


    LOL! while many of these questions wouldn’t be asked straight out, I dare to believe that many have those questions in their minds while researching a prospective shidduch!! but some of these questions are way too funny to even attempt to answer!


    I really love it!!


    My bat

    Sadly it”s not just a joke


    and what’s the one for the guys? love to hear what kind of craziness the boys go through!!! (or is it only the girls???)


    a person i know knocked at the correct time for his date and was asked from the other side of the door:”who is it”?being miffed at the question he yelled:”ELIYAHU HANAVI!!!!!

    Who Cares?

    havesomeseichel- here’s the guy’s resume:

    For Boychiks

    1.NAME (last, first)

    a. On license #1_________ c. On credit cards___________

    b. On license #2_________ d. Real Name_________________

    2. Address

    _________Boro Park _________”Just outside of Boro Park”

    _________Flatbush _________”Just outside of Flatbush”

    (if not New York, gay avech!)

    3. Telephone Number(s)

    a. Listed____________ d. Car phone_________________

    b. Unlisted__________ e. Beeper____________________

    c. Fax_______________ f. Shoe phone________________

    4. Date of Birth

    a. On license # 1 _________ c. On birth certificate _________

    b. On license # 2 _________ d. Real date of birth _________

    5. Height

    a. With Borsalino _________ b. Without Borsalino _________

    6. Weight

    a. with keys _________ b. Without Keys _________

    7. Type of Yarmulka

    a. Velvet __ c. Knitted (Pepsi-Cola capsize) ___

    b. Suede (Leather) ___ d. Other (explain) _______________________

    8. Tzitzis Worn

    a. in ___ c. “sometimes in sometimes out” ___

    b. out ___ d. “sometimes out sometimes in” ___

    9. Yeshiva presently attending _________

    a. Lakewood_____ b. Other (Don’t bother specifying

    10. If you checked “other” by #9 fill in the date of

    earliest probable enrollment in Lakewood: __/__/__

    11. Where did you learn in Israel?

    __ The Mir __ Richie’s Pizza

    __ Brisk (Any one) __ Yeshivat Rechovot (which Rechov _______)

    __ Merkaz Hatorah __ Traveling yeshivah boychik

    __ Did not learn in Israel __ Did not go to Israel

    12. Second Language (you may check more than one)

    __ Yiddish __ Polish

    __ Hebrew __ English

    __ Hungarian __ Other_______________________

    13. College(s) Attended (you may check more than one)

    __ Brooklyn College __ Y.U.

    __T ouro College __ Darkei Noam

    __ United Talmudical Acadamy __ Lakewood Credits

    13. Planned occupation

    __ Accountant __ Kollel

    __ Actuary __ Lawyer

    __ Computers __ “My wife will support me”

    __ Diamonds __ Work for Father-in-law

    __ Doctor __ Open a Shteeble

    14. ____Please check here if you know what an actuary is.

    15. Value of real estate owned by Father:

    __ Less than $500,000

    __ Between $1,000,000 and $3,000,000

    __ Between $500,000 and $1,000,000

    __over $10,000,000

    16. Income declared by Father (on the Books)

    __ $9,000 __ $10,000

    __ $9,500 __ $10,500

    17. What kind of shas would you like?

    __ P’ninim ( ___ Microscopic __ Large set) __ Mid-sized set

    __ The enormous set with yellow cover

    __ Mid-sized with English translation __ Used set

    __ “I’ll take the cash”

    18. Looking for someone from

    __ Prospect Park __ B.J.J.

    __ B.Y.A. __ Brooklyn College

    __ B.Y.H.S Other ______________

    Submit 2 recent color photograph with this RESUME…….


    For office use only




    ___ Schmendricks ___ Schlamazle

    ___ F’nageler ___ Hot Guy, call my relatives


    See, its no joke, as you can see from the girls vs boys form (yes, I know its hypothetical, but it is grounded in truth). It takes 100 times more work for a girl to be someone outstanding, while a boy just has to be able to fog a mirror. (That is, until he applies for a job in the real world)


    i have this friend who was a baal teshuva. He went on a date with this girl in yerushalayim, and they went for a walk by the midrechov (no cars). The boy accidently stepped on this guy and the guy starts yelling at the poor boy and pushing him around.The boy knew karate from his earlier days, so he turns to the girl and asks her can you hold my hat please?” and proceeds to polish up some old karate moves. they ended up getting married.


    sms007, I would be scared of such a boy!


    Poster, I think a guy like that would be great. I know he’d be able to protect me if I ever needed it. I don’t know if you ever learned any martial arts, but part of the training is learning the appropriate way to use it (primarily self-defense).


    A girl while in the bathroom on a date managed (don’t ask) to get her shoe stuck in the toilet she had to borrow the guys spare rubbers-that’s not the end of the story she later on got engaged to a different guy and they were exchanging funny shidduch stories that happened to their friends when the choson proceeds to tell her this hysterical story that happened to his friend while on a date the girl got her shoe stuck in the toilet…


    DramaQueen: i heard the same story…but that they got married!


    A boy was taking a girl on a date, driving in an out of NY area location, and he was ticketed for a moving violation. In that area, such a violation lands you in the local village prison for a while. Well, the boy and girl had plenty of time to get acquainted in the village prison for a number of hours, which concluded with their mutual feelings that they were meant for each other. They got engaged. Wonder whether the arresting cop received shadchanus gelt!?!


    my husband asked me on our 7th date (as he was instructed by his rebbe ) how i felt about ‘us’ and in doing so was hoping to move me along in the relationship. There was absolutely no intent to be getting engaged, we had only dated for 2 weeks.

    to his surprise i was completely responsive and by the end of the night we were unofficially engaged. When we called his Rebbi (the Shadchan) after the date to tell him that we were engaged, his Rebbi was Shocked! (although this wasn’t part of the plan, it definately was well recieved)

    3 months later, after our wedding, we realized that we had gotten engaged completely by accident.

    i thought he was talking about ‘us’ getting engaged and married and he was just gently trying to broach the subject…(not trying to freak me out that he was really ready to get engaged). he was so happy that he didnt have to sweat his brains out to move our relationship along bc everything was going to smoothly 😉 little did i know he wasnt asking me to marry him, but he was sure happy when we parted that date basically engaged!


    Ok funny story, guy driving home from yeshivah passes two girls stuck with a flat tire, pulls over to help, strikes up a conversation with one of them, ends up knowing a relative, she sends a thank you gift, he calls back to thank her,

    they end up schmoozing, meet for coffee, have it redt by aunt, they go out,

    they end up getting…………..hold on…….it’s still pending. 😉


    I used to work with a single girl who was also in the parsha. Against my better judgment we became friendly and occasionally we would text each other. I realized I kinda liked her but we were past the shadchan stage so I would have to ask her out myself. I was all prepared to ask her out the next day when she texts me the question “do you like me,?” Im shocked by her bluntness and forthrightness so I try to dodge the question to no avail but eventually I say yes. She replies that it wasn’t such a tough question and we say goodnight.

    The next day I figured she would be different at work. Either very excited to see me or extremely awkward, but she was neither. I’m quite perplexed so I figure I just have to ask her after work how she feels.

    I ask her and she is absolutely stunned that I am asking her. Now I’m even more confused so I remind her that she asked me if I liked her last night.

    Now she’s confused, she has no memory of asking me any such question.

    So you probably are thinking her friend or sibling was using her phone- NOPE.

    Turns out she was taking medication for insomnia. Some of the side effects of her medication were hallucinations and amnesia. She was basically hallucinating when she originally asked me if I liked her and she had total amnesia about the incident.

    We went out 1 time and unfortunately I’m still single but Baruch Hashem it didnt work out with her.


    This reminds me of a real embarrassing story that happened to me, though not on a date. We have a girl in our office that is not frum – We will call her Sara. Right near me sits a Lubavitch girl that is eavily involved in Kiruv. SO I wanted to instant message the Lubavitch girl about Sara. Accidently since I was thinking about sara, I clicked sara’s name and started to send a message.

    I wrote – Is sara jewish

    Sara – yes.

    me – so why dont you get to work.

    Sara – what do you mean

    me – you know what to do, your work

    sara – why are you talking in riddles

    me- about becoming frum

    Then Sara truned away from her computer to look at me, she asked me outright, I dont understand what you are trying to say.

    By that time I realized my mistake and I was mortified. I quickly tried to cover up and was happy that I didnt write anything more straight out. SInce then I made it my business to be extra nice to sara. Until she commited a terrible crime and was asked to leave the office. I dont know what she is up to today. But I am very very careful when I text message, instant message or send an e-mail. I am sort of parinoid.


    bein hasdorim –

    That story is no longer pending. They are either engaged by now, or have moved on to newer pastures (too bad we don’t know which, but either way the story is cold)

    Too bad, it was a doozy!


    was this one already posted?:

    there was a really fat boy and whenever he went out and the father offered him a piece of cake he always said, “yes” and the shidduch never went through. every time the shadchan begged him not to eat anything but to no avail. then one night the shadchan pleaded and pleaded and he said, “okay. i wont eat anything” that night he stuffed his face full. the shadchan was horrified “i thought you said you wouldnt eat anything” to which he replied”i already decided the girl wasn’t for me might as well get the free food”


    im thin as a rail and i love cake. how come no one ever offers me any on dates?


    ” the shadchan was horrified “i thought you said you wouldnt eat anything” to which he replied”i already decided the girl wasn’t for me might as well get the free food”

    And THAT, in a nutshell, is why this bochur isn’t married yet (yeah, yeah, I know the story is probably fiction).


    In israel it is tpyical for the girl and boy and meet to meet somewhere. Many boys and girls are in dorm situations so it is supposed to be simpler.

    I was very nervous that I wouldn’t find him but with some encouragement from the shadchan and simanom [standing by a certain door, black hat, glasses, dark hair, etc..] I went to the hotel. To cut a long story short, someone was standing by the door waiting for me and when I said are you Moshe he nodded his head so we went to sit down. After about 1/2 hour of noticing that he seemed really different than I was told, we both realized that we were with the wrong person. We looked across the lobby to see a bored bachur standing by the door and a girl sitting on the coach. [ I guess they were smart enough to ask last names as well.]


    Well, that IS a funny shidduch story, so you certainly found the right thread.

    What would have made it even funnier is if you would’ve married that guy!


    Speaktruth, what happened to you is not such an out of this world occurance. My cousin from Israel had been dating for a while when she told me about a similar story she witnessed when on a date in a hotel lobby. She must’ve been sitting a bit past the entrance, because first she see’s one couple getting a drink and then sitting down. A while later she noticed a second couple get a drink from the bar and then go sit down at another end of the lobby. About 15 minutes later (she must’ve been really bored with her date if she noticed all this…)the second couple walked over to the first and redfaced switched off dating “partners”…


    It always seems like a story you hear in the books but one that I never would have thought would happen to me.. In the fairy tales, you always end up liking the wrong person but I don’t think that happened with either of us although I got a good laugh.


    I dont remember where I read the story but there was a couple that met in a lobby checked first names….Had a great date she calls the shadchan and says I want to go out again but the shadchan said he said you didn’t show and they realize wrong guy…She tries to find the guy and cant has several dates with other guys always comparing them to the phantom and turning them down.

    A couple of years go by she gets redd a sfardi but doesnt want to go out, after weeks of being badgered she gives in and it’s that guy and they get engaged.


    There were two identical boys who had a date the same night. They decided that they would go to the same place with two floors and made up a time to meet in one of the bathrooms, and switch themselves and their cars and keys and see if any of the girls would realize. They did this and only one girl realized. One of the twins got engaged to the girl that realized.


    realtalk: Did she marry the first twin she dated, or the switcheroo?


    There is the story about the girl marrying her seminary teacher. Why the seminary ahd a single guy teaching single girls, I do not know! But it was the last one.

    Another story is the one where the guy tips a bookcase over on a girl in a judaica store in Yerushalyim and she decided she liked him and told her parents she found her chassan.


    dunno. and the story about the guy who toppled a bookshelf on a girl happened to my friend’s aunt and uncle and did not realize that it was already posted.


    arc: it’s from people speak but it’s from the guys point of view

    checkmate 27

    a very shy buchur on the 3rd date he decided to pick up the courage to ask his date if she would marry him. so he nervously asked to his date ” can i ask you a question?” to which the date shot back “sure you can ask but it does not mean your going to get an answer”


    Volvie from page before: I dunno because I heard it from a friend who knew the twins and I did not ask because I do not really care.


    A guy and girl were having a sit-in. The host had put out cake and fruit. Both were 1st timers and the conversation was not going well. As it got more awkward the girl asked the guy if he wanted to eat something. He took an orange and started to peel it. During the peeling it squirted and hit the girl. To save face, he joke, “Oh I thought I would share some with you.” No they did not marry.


    realtalk, that is cute of him….


    I didn’t know my wife’s first name until half way through our 3rd date. (She was always red to me as the girl XXXX)

    Another time I was driving on a highway and dragging another car when we hit 190 she said if we get married I dont think our kids will be allowed to travel with you. So I slowed down. a few minutes later we passed the other car being booked.

    Once we went to a hotel and saw another couple we split and met around the other side of the lobby the other couple got engaged 2 weeks after us. The same night we came out of the lift and there were about 100 bnei people who all knew my date(now wife)and again that night we got surprised.

    One friday night we went for a date down by the beach, and I had forgotten that I had sent 45 kids there on a shabbaton about 3 kms away. They claimed they saw me at about 3am but it was definitely another couple cause I was home by 1.

    But the best is that when she was red to me I said no way. And she said no thanks. I only ever went out with 1 girl and here we are 12+ years later…


    dunno, I never read that book and the story was definately girls POV. I guess it got around.

    em es

    on a date with a guy from out of town, he crossed the double yellow line by a busy intersection on the way to manhattan. I was horrified and terrified! I cleared my throat and quietly said “i believe we just crossed the double yellow lines!” At that moment a cop pulled us over. I was so scared! I felt so bad for the guy! He couldnt find the registration as he rented the car..the cop told him to check the glove compartment. He tried to get out of it by saying to the officer “i’m on a date and trying to make a good impression!” i dont remember exactly what happened next but a short time later teh cop came back and we left.


    em es; That happened to me too. It was a daytime date, I unknowingly made a right

    turn onto an ave that was illegal during those hours. a cop spotted me & signals me

    to pull over. I did & told him “officer i’m so sorry, I didnt realize, I’m on a date etc..” The girl was cool and started backing me up, with the cop & telling him to please not ticket me. B”H he said “ok be careful & have a nice time!”


    She really earned her museum addmission, & lunch in NYC. 😉

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