- This topic has 2,003 replies, 182 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 8 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
dont tell!!! dont blow my top layers off 😉
Who should I tell anyways? Mods would never let it thru if I tried…;)
Well, just don’t come track me down in the middle of sem… and say, hey! I know you! you’re kapusta!!! 😉
lol, I would love to do just that!
and kapusta, feel free to do the same, should you think you found the real mepal!
I’m sure you would!
well you’ll have to tell me where you work, unless you want to plan a secret meeting in a fruit store near the kapusta… 😉
hmmm, that’s a good idea (the second one!) Would be so cool to bump into each other one day. I’d be like, gosh, I never thought you looked like that!
no?! I’m all for it! Lets meet at mod central so you can pick up your postcard. Unless you have a better place in mind. Does this mean we both have to go around wearing a sign that says kapusta/mepal?
Attractive Jewish woman, 35, college graduate, seeks successful Jewish Prince Charming to get me out of my parents’ house. POB 46
Shul Gabbai, 36. I take out the Torah Saturday morning. Would like to take you out Saturday night. Please write. POB 81
Divorced Jewish man, seeks partner to attend shul with, light shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs. Religion not important. POB 658
Sincere rabbinical student, 27. Enjoys Yom Kippur, Tisha B’av, Taanis Esther, Tzom Gedaliah, Asarah B’Teves, Shiva Asar B’Tammuz. Seeks companion for living life in the “fast” lane. POB 90.
Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos. Seeks same in woman. POB 43.
Worried about in-law meddling? I’m an orphan! Write. POB 74.
Nice Jewish guy, 38. No skeletons. No baggage. No personality. POB 76
Female graduate student, studying kaballah, Zohar, exorcism of dybbuks, seeks mensch. No weirdos, please. POB 56.
Staunch Jewish feminist, wears tzitzis, seeking male who will accept my independence, although you probably will not. Oh, just forget it. POB 435.
Jewish businessman, 49, manufactures Sabbath candles, Chanukah candles,havdallah candles, Yahrzeit candles. Seeks non-smoker. POB 787.
I am a sensitive Jewish prince whom you can open your heart to. Share your innermost thoughts and deepest secrets. Confide in me. I’ll understand your insecurities. No fatties, please. POB 86.
Jewish male, 34, very successful, smart, independent, self-made. Looking for girl whose father will hire me. POB 53.
Single Jewish woman, 29, mountain climbing, skiing, track and field. Have slight limp. POB 76
Desperately seeking shmoozing! Retired senior citizen desires female companion 70+ for kvetching, kvelling, and krechtzing. POB 64
So tell me, WHERE IS MOD CENTRAL??
make sure the mods dont see this
Maybe if we both walk around with those nametags, we’ll discover who some other posters are….
How should I know? I’m not a mod… I’m not even a queen… 🙁
so lets be q-u-i-e-t!!!
s-h-h-h-h
you go first, and give me a general vicinity so I dont first discover you when I go to Timbuktu on my next vacation. 😉
Let me remind you, dear. As quoted by our very own, dear queen kapusta, some seven minutes ago, the Grand Mod Central is in Sweet Choice!
Timbuktu? Ehh? Not quite. My next vacation is gonna have to be in…Sweet Choice!
hmmm interesting way you people figure out meetings i’ll have to work something out once i get back to NY
kapusta, 30’s. Yossi, you’re more than welcome to join!
mepal, k, I gotta get there… maybe I’ll go to the other one on the way for fuel.
fine, I’ll go to the Coney one, ’tis closer to woork anyways so works out perfectly!
See ya in general shmooz before the mods get nervous from us!
LOL kapusta! Really cute!!
glad that missus. enjoyed it! maybe she would re-queen me now. :/ and mepal I would ask for your help, but unfortunately the mods dont like it too much… sorry buddy.
lol, you sound so desperate!
I am! 😉
I tried my bestest…
yes, I know, and I am very, very grateful for it. 🙂
If only some mods would stretch the rules just a bit…
An elderly women, Ethel, calls her husband on the cell phone.
“Harry, where are you?”
Her husbands answers “I am on the highway driving home from the doctor.”
She says, “Oy, Harry , be careful, I just heard that some meshugganah is driving the wrong way in traffic. “
The husband answers, “What do you mean one meshuggenah, I see hundreds driving the wrong way.”
There is a moral in there somewhere, also.
Jose, great one! Welcome to the CR!
Todays blunder… (bam badda dam…!)
I was walking, a few blocks away from my house, and I met a neighbor (who I rarely see). We said hello and spoke for a minute, and she said “good meeting you.” I, fully intending to finish the sentence mistakenly said “good.” instead of “good seeing you too.”
Whats that on a scale of 1-10?
kapusta, maybe we start a thread “Most Embarrasing Moments”! What do you think?
mepal, thats what the.nurse told me last night after she read it, I thought I would give her the honor since it was her idea. What do you think? The thread itself I like, but I might be the only poster! 😉
maybe I’m the.nurse in disguise 😉 We seem to say a lot of the same things lol.
And yes, you’re the only person that has thier embarrassing moments. So you’ll write them out and I’ll reply, k? This way, there’ll be the two of us at least 😉
not even once 😉
Although you really never know.
cant believe this fell off the page!
Things You May Hear Just Before Unemployment…..
— I don’t know what we’ll do without you, but we are certainly going to try!
— We told everyone you are leaving because of illness. The truth is, I’m sick of you.
— Its not that you aren’t a responsible worker. In fact, you’ve been responsible for more disasters than any one else in the place.
— Today I’m going to mix business and pleasure. You’re fired!
— I’ve got good news for you. You won’t have to worry about being late for work ‘ever again’.
— Tell me – how long have you been with us not counting tomorrow?
Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, “This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so I would like to return it.”
The librarian says to the other librarian, “So here is the person who took our phone book
Hey, I like reading the phonebook.
Not much of a plot but a great cast of characters
Why Parents Drink
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper. ‘ Hello ? ‘
‘Is your daddy home?’ he asked.
‘ Yes ,’ whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?’
The child whispered, ‘ No .’
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, ‘Is your Mummy there?’ ‘ Yes ‘
‘May I talk with her?’ Again the small voice whispered, ‘ No ‘
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, ‘Is anybody else there?’
‘ Yes , ‘ whispered the child, ‘ a policeman . ‘
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, ‘May I speak with the policeman?’
‘ No, he’s busy , ‘ whispered the child.
‘Busy doing what?’
‘ Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman , ‘ came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, ‘What is that noise?’
‘ A helicopter ‘ answered the whispering voice.
‘What is going on there?’ demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered,
‘ The search team just landed a helicopter ‘
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, ‘What are they searching for?’
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle…
‘ME. ‘
mepal, lol!
that is a good one!!
“Everyone is entitled to thier own opinion. Yours is just stupid.” 😉
A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF REPRESENTATION WE HAVE IN CONGRESS, TRUE STORY:
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease..
‘Would you mind telling me, Doctor,’ she asked, ‘how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?’
‘Nothing is easier,’ he replied. ‘You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.’
‘What sort of question?’ asked Pelosi.
Well, you might ask, ‘Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?”
Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, ‘You wouldn’t happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don’t know much about history.’
True story, mepal? It sounds like a recycled blonde joke.
A similar “true” story – Pelosi asked the head of a psychiatric ward how he evaluates incoming patients to see if they are sane or insane. He replied that he takes them to a bathtub and fills it up. Then he offers the patient a thimble, a spoon, and a bucket, and asks them to empty the tub. “Oh I get it,” said Pelosi, “The sane person would choose the bucket, because it is the biggest.”
“No,” replied the doctor, “The sane person would pull out the drain stopper. Now, would you like a bed by the window?”
Before the summer i was in a supermarket and i witnessed a Morah with a bunch of small children walking down the aisles. She was showing the young children all the diffrent foods and explaining what bracha to make on it and why. e.g. she showed them a carrot and said that we all have to thank Hashem for creating such wonderful vegetables. This vegetable we make a ha’admaa on because it grows from the ground. She explained to them that it is a huge miracle how Hashem creates food from the ground.
I thought to myself, look at the amazing difference between a jewish school and a muslim school. IN a Jewish school they are teaching about creation and to thank G-d for creating and to continue creating. IN the muslim schools their teaching destruction. How to destruct. How good destruction is. They teach them how to use guns at young ages. UNBELIEVABLE. Every morning when you say the bracha of “Shelo Usani Go” we all should think in to what we are saying and mean what we are saying.
squeak, I promise I didnt write that! 😉
and you’re joke was seen here (sent in by yours truly) a while back.
MKY, beautiful! maybe try posting that on a more ‘serious’ thread for everyone to see!
okay
i’ll be back to the cr in 10-15 minutes, see ya!!!
This is what we gotta do since we dont have the ‘post here’ thread…
You can just bet that this won’t go anywhere at all!!!!!!!!!
Replacing Michelle
At the top right hand corner of Page 17 of the New York Post of January 24th, 2009, was a short column entitled “Replacing Michelle” in the National Review “The Week” column. So here it is, word for word, as it appeared:
Some employees are simply irreplaceable. Take Michelle Obama: The University of Chicago Medical center hired her in 2002 to run “programs for community relations, neighborhood outreach, volunteer recruitment, staff diversity and minority contracting”.
In 2005 the hospital raised her salary from $120,000 to $317,000 – nearlytwice what her husband made as a Senator.
Oh did we mention that her husband had just become a US Senator? He sure had. Requested a $1 million earmark for the UC Medical Center, in fact.
Way to network Michelle!
But now that Mrs. Obama has resigned, the hospital says her position will remain unfilled. How can that be, if the work she did was vital enough to be worth $317,000?
Let me add that Michelle’s position was a part time, 20 hour a week job.. And to think they were critical of Blagoyovich’ s wife for taking $100,000 in fuzzy real estate commission.
My thoughts: How did this bit of quid pro quo corruption escape the sharp reporters that dug through Sarah Palin’s garbage and kindergarten files? Unbelievable!
This one is probably as old as they come. For member “Poster”.
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first.
One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking. “No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won’t settle this case for less than one million. Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I’ll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the DA that I’ll meet with him next week to discuss the details. “
This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. “I’m sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I’m very busy. What can I do for you?”
The man replied, “I’m from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone.”
Kapusta, I once heard that in reference to kavanah in tefillah. Like shuckling away while thinking about….
The phone rang as I was sitting down to my anticipated evening meal and, as I answered, I was greeted with, “Is this Wilhiam Wagenhoss?”
This didn’t sound anything like my name, so I asked, “Who is calling?”
The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer Company or something like that and then I asked him if he knew Wilhiam personally and why was he was calling this number. I then said, off to the side, “Get really good pictures of the body and all the blood.”
I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the local courthouse to testify in this murder case.
I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call. The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice.
Then I proceeded to tell him that we had located his position at his work place and the police were entering the building to take him into custody. At that point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.
My wife asked me, as I returned to the table, why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn’t tell her for about fifteen minutes.
My meal was cold, but oh-so-very enjoyable.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.