A Humorous Item

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  • #1172011
    moish01
    Member

    good one!

    #1172012
    teen
    Member

    shindy: that made me laugh

    #1172013
    teen
    Member

    reasons y some men have dogs and not wives

    1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

    2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.

    3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

    4. A dog’s parents never visit.

    5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

    6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.

    7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.

    8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

    9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, If I died, would you get

    another dog??

    10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

    11. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

    And last, but not least:

    12. Try locking your wife and dog up in a box for an hour and then let them out. honestly which one is happy to see u?

    #1172014
    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    shindy- hahaha! there’s a whole topic dedicated to shvigger jokes. It’s my all time favorite

    #1172015
    moish01
    Member

    teen, nice!

    #1172016
    BasYisroel2
    Participant

    Husband: I’ll admit I’m wrong if you’ll admit I’m right. Wife: I agree! u go first. Hus: Ok…I’m wrong. Wife: ur right

    Martin Luther King had a dream… We’ve gotten ourselves a nightmare…

    Can you believe it? There were 2 million people at the inauguration & none of them had to miss work!

    My wife loves Sales. She’ll buy anything that’s marked Down. Yesterday she came home with an ESCALATOR

    My shviger ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” Following her I yelled “No, jump in!

    How many Chelmer does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

    Seven…

    1 to make the dough and 6 to peel the M&M’s.

    Husband rprts missing wife.

    How long gone?

    month!

    Why u wait so long?

    1st thought it’s a dream, then realized have no clean clothes.

    A Willamsburg Yungerman says ”If Obama wins, I will move to Monsey, I don’t won’t to live in America any more”.

    SIGN AT CANADIAN BORDER: “OBAMA won, continue driving

    I moved to a new block. Its called Wall Street. It’s a competitive neighborhood, and I have to put up with the <Dow> Jones’s

    Tisha BeAv is like a hotel!

    Everybody is walking around with slippers and asking “when are we going to eat”.

    #1172017
    moish01
    Member

    basyisroel – whatever you’re high on, i want some of it! jk- they just came too quickly

    #1172018
    teen
    Member

    basyisroel2: haha nice

    #1172019
    Itzik_s
    Member

    BS”D

    A representative from D**s Em** (a disgusting organization that tries to convince yeshiva bochurim to fry out) visited a major yeshiva once to try to recruit freiers.

    He approached one seemingly quiet bochur and spewed out his nonsense. The bochur responded: “Why should I fry out? Besides everything else, we have yichus and our family has been frum all the way through from the days of the Rishonim!”

    The menuval recruiter answered: “And what if your family were thieves, swindlers and murderers going back to the days of the Rishoinim?”

    Without the bochur missing a beat he said: “In that case, I’d already be frei!”

    #1172020
    BasYisroel2
    Participant

    teen: Thanx!

    #1172021
    qwertyuiop
    Member

    basyisroel and teen: all good jokes.$

    #1172023
    BasYisroel2
    Participant

    qwertyuiop:Thanks!

    #1172024
    SJSinNYC
    Member

    OK this is a funny story that happened to me a few days ago.

    I was at the pediatrician’s office with my son (who is 11 months old). We heard the pediatrician’s voice coming over the loudspeaker. I turned to my son and asked “Who is that?” and he said “G-d!” I was laughing so hard.

    #1172025
    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    BasYisroel2: ha those were amazing!!!!

    #1172026
    Itzik_s
    Member

    BS”D

    Here is one that happened to my father years ago (reminds me of the Dell service jokes).

    An Indian man approached my father when he was on line at a big chain hardware store and asked him “Where is the acid?”

    My father, who doesn’t look or dress like he knows his way around a hardware store (he sure does though), said something like “You should ask someone who works here, but what kind of acid are you looking for?”

    The man replied: “The acid, I want to go out, the acid”

    My father pointed out the EXIT…

    #1172027
    qwertyuiop
    Member

    itzik: that was pretty funny.$

    #1172028
    teen
    Member

    haha sjs and itzik those were both great

    once were on family

    a couple of years ago my sister (who was then about 6-7) was learning about lech lcha in school. her teacher made everyone in the class pick one thing they would take with them if they had to leave thier home. my sister said “i would take the key so that i could get back in when i come back”

    #1172029
    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    Itzik_s: ha funny!!!

    #1172030

    nice 1 teen

    #1172031
    qwertyuiop
    Member

    teen: that’s funny.$

    #1172032
    BasYisroel2
    Participant

    asdfghjkl-thanx!

    #1172033
    teen
    Member

    qwerty: thanx

    hey i just noticed there is no zxcvbnm i should have made that my name 😛 is there a way to change it?

    #1172034
    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Ames, I don’t think he knew what he was saying – he doesnt really speak yet 🙂 He does have great comedic timing!

    #1172035
    qwertyuiop
    Member

    teen: you won’t be able to, someone already has it, but they went missin, sorry.$

    #1172036
    mazal77
    Participant

    Itzik, thanks for the laugh. It was so funny.

    Bas Yisroel, keep’ em coming.

    #1172037
    beacon
    Participant

    Bas Yisroel-You got some good ones!! Lol

    #1172038
    teen
    Member

    <


    this guy has just been spewing the good ones out 😛

    im jk but seriously everyone the jokes azre really putting me in a better mood. thanx

    #1172040
    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    teen: yeah someone already chose zxcvbnm & lkjhgfdsa!!!!

    #1172041
    teen
    Member

    asdfghjkl: how about poiuytrewq or mnbvcxz?

    #1172042
    teen
    Member

    hey y didnt this go thru. its a joke 🙂

    im in the moooooooooooooooooood of steak

    #1172043
    qwertyuiop
    Member

    asdfghjkl: i don’t think poiuytrewq was taken yet, or was it.$

    #1172044

    cant u check? by putting the name on the address bar?

    #1172045

    guess what qwerty-there is, and hes been a member for a month-check it out http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/profile/poiuytrewq

    #1172046
    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    teen: nope they were not!!!

    qwertyuiop: nope your’s backwards wasn’t yet!!!

    #1172047
    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    coke not pepsi: ha funny he/she must be scared to post or something!!!

    qwertyuiop: got a friend/admirer!!!

    #1172051
    qwertyuiop
    Member

    coke: i checked it out, but (s)he didn’t post on anything, and i joined 4 days earlier.$

    #1172054
    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    26 Things To Do While Your In The Elevator

    1) When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the

    shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.

    2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and

    go back for more.

    3) Ask if you can push the buttons for other people, but push the

    wrong ones.

    4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they

    know what floor you’re on.

    5) Hold the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend.

    After awhile, let the doors close and say, “Hi Greg. How’s your day

    been?”

    6) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up,

    then scream, “That’s mine!”

    7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

    8) Move your desk in to the lift and whenever someone gets on, ask

    if they have an appointment.

    9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they’d like to play.

    10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if

    they hear something ticking.

    11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency

    procedures and exit with the passengers.

    12) Ask, “Did you feel that?”

    13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

    14) When the doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay. Don’t

    panic, they open up again.”

    15) Swat at flies that don’t exist.

    16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

    17) Call out, “Group hug!” then enforce it.

    18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering

    “Shut up, all of you, just shut up!”

    19) Crack open your briefcase or handbag, and while peering inside,

    ask, “Got enough air in there?”

    20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,

    without getting off.

    21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror,

    “You’re one of THEM!” and back away slowly.

    22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other

    passengers.

    23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

    24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

    25) Grinning, stare at another passenger for a while, and then

    announce, “I have new socks on.”

    26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the

    other passengers, “This is my personal space.”

    #1172055

    adfghjkl-really good 1

    #1172056
    teen
    Member

    HAHAHAHA ive heard them before but they still crack me up lol

    #1172057
    anonymisss
    Participant

    asdf, did ya lose it, buddy???? lol

    ~a~

    #1172058
    beacon
    Participant

    That was too funny- Loved it!! 🙂 Thanx for the ideas..

    #1172059
    qwertyuiop
    Member

    asdfghjkl: that was hilarious.$

    #1172060
    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    thank yous to coke not pepsi,teen, anonymisss, beacon , & my dear friend qwertyuiop!!!!

    #1172061
    qwertyuiop
    Member

    asdfghjkl: awwwwwwwww thanx.$ you da man

    #1172062
    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    qwertyuiop: your welcome!!!!

    #1172063
    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    qwertyuiop: warm & fuzzy????

    #1172064
    Phyllis
    Member

    asdfghjkl, I always wondered where these weird pple get their ideas from. It must be from YWCR!

    #1172065
    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    an email I received:

    #1172066
    moish01
    Member

    areivim – it was the joke of the day on the home page

    by the way everyone, check out the new joke of the day.

    #1172067
    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    another email:

    New White House Staff!

    So far we have:

    Rahm Emanuel – Chief of Staff – Jewish

    David Axelrod – Senior Advisor to the President – Jewish

    Ronald Klain – Chief of Staff to the Vice President of the United States – Jewish

    Larry Summers – Economic Advisor to the President – Jewish

    Paul Volcker – Economic Advisor to the President, Former Head of Fed Reserve – Jewish

    Tim Geithner – Treasury Secetary – Jewish

    Peter Orszag – Head of Budget – Jewish

    Is Barak Obama assembling an administration or trying to make a minyan?

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