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Viewing 50 posts - 201 through 250 (of 294 total)
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  • #1163601

    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    sunflower: what seems to be the confusion?

    #1163602

    ronrsr
    Member

    Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    Your TURN SIGNALS are for my enjoyment

    Your village just called. They’re missing an idiot.

    Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!

    Make love, not war; get married and do both!

    Lord, give me patience… But Hurry!

    Keep honking – I’m reloading.

    It takes a Viking to Raze a Village

    If it wasn’t for plumbers, you’d have no place to go.

    Do not wash. Vehicle is undergoing a scientific dirt test.

    Do they ever shut up on your planet?

    my favorite of this group:

    Think Yiddish, act British.

    #1163603

    ronrsr
    Member

    Computer Literacy? You mean my computer is supposed to be able to read?

    Caution! Will brake for tailgaters.

    Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.

    I’m the man of this house and I have my wife’s permission to say so

    I want my rib back!

    If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

    Not afraid of heights – afraid of widths.

    Previous owner had an honor student!

    Veni, Vedi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I got stuck.

    #1163604

    ronrsr
    Member

    When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS

    Unless you are the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

    Remember Lot’s wife

    Nice front bumper you’ve got there. Shame if something happened to it…

    Never play leap frog with a Unicorn.

    My kid was Prisoner of the Month at Orange County Jail!

    If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

    #1163605

    ronrsr
    Member

    Dyslectics have more fnu

    Clones are people, two

    186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it’s the LAW!

    Air Pollution is a mist-demeanor

    COLE’S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage

    When an agnostic dies, does he go to the “great perhaps”?

    Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

    If procrastinators had a club would they ever have a meeting?

    If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

    Isn’t it strange that the same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously?

    If practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, why practice?

    If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?

    Who decided “Hotpoint” would be a good name for a company that sells refrigerators?

    #1163606

    ronrsr
    Member

    Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

    Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines

    Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

    i intend to live forever – so far, so good

    Mind Like A Steel Trap – Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

    Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have

    The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

    When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

    #1163608

    ronrsr
    Member

    Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

    When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

    But besides that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?

    A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

    Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. — Oscar Wilde

    What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do

    the unnecessary

    Don’t hate yourself in the morning — sleep ’till noon.

    My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

    Why are our days numbered and not, say lettered.

    “Time’s fun when you’re having flies.” — Kermit the Frog

    When I want your opinion, I will give it to you.

    #1163609

    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    ronrsr:

    A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

    I like! 🙂

    #1163610

    sunflower
    Member

    ron man ure on the roll!

    #1163611

    ronrsr
    Member

    There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

    To you I’m an atheist; to G-d, I’m the Loyal Opposition.

    As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

    More from Ashleigh Brilliant, playwright, cartoonist, and synopsizer of knowledge in 17 words or less:

    My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure

    If you don’t like my opinion of you, you can always improve

    Please don’t lie to me, unless you’re absolutely sure I’ll never find out the truth

    Words are a wonderful form of communication, but they will never replace kisses and punches

    Strangely enough, this is the past that somebody in the future is longing to go back to

    Unless you move, the place where you are is the place where you will always be

    #1163612

    Mayan_Dvash
    Participant

    ron:My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.

    This week I heard on the news that Bonno from U2 (leader of yet another band from the UK) blamed the slow sales of their latest CD on the public “not understanding the music” The host went on to explain that artists used to blame the record company for the lack of success and now this guy is blaming the public.

    Don’t ask me about Bonno or U2 because I’m not that into their music but I thought that piece of news fit right into one of ron’s lines.

    ;

    #1163613

    pusht
    Member

    What on earth are you doing for heavens sake!!!

    #1163614

    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    My day is not complete,

    until i terrify a complete stranger!

    Just because you look that way

    Doesn’t mean you have to act dumb!

    It is better to have loved and lost,

    than to live with a psycho

    for the rest of your life!

    Life is short,

    eat dessert first

    Even the cutest babies smell.

    #1163615

    haifagirl
    Participant

    If government is the answer, it must have been a really stupid question.

    #1163617

    ronrsr
    Member

    Dear Mayan_Dvash,

    it is a universal sentiment. There is an old yiddish proverb that says the same thing:

    If a bride can’t dance, she blames the musicians.

    #1163618

    sammygol
    Member

    Mind is a terrible thing

    If you run in front of a car, you will get tired, if behind – exhausted.

    My name is also Nachman, but I don’t stutter

    #1163619

    ronrsr
    Member

    saw one on a car in Wattertown, MA yesterday:

    Mycology is mushrooming!

    #1163620

    haifagirl
    Participant

    sammygol: That Nachman one is great!

    #1163621

    sammygol
    Member

    Smile! Your government is watching

    Well behaved people rarely make history

    Don’t play stupid with me, I am better at it

    Be nice to America, or we’ll bring democracy to your country

    Don’t worry what people think; they don’t do it very often

    I know what you are thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself

    #1163622

    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    liked the na nach one,

    here’s some more…

    Why should I have to

    press 1 for english?

    Support your local search & rescue.

    GET LOST

    MY children are in this car.

    BACK OFF

    or i’ll make YOU ride with them.

    #1163623

    ronrsr
    Member

    It’s Bush’s Fault.

    #1163624

    bbyg
    Participant

    THIS IS HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!! COULD WE GET IT GOING AGAIN?? sorry i don’t have any funny things that i saw recently!

    #1163625

    R.L.
    Member

    sleeveless undershirts: the right to bear arms

    #1163627

    EloQuint5
    Member

    Does this burka make my hips look fatwa?

    #1163629

    bein hasdorim i wish we could email obama and all his nutty workers those quotes. i was rolling!

    Here are some, sorry if they were already posted:

    Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

    A Grudge is a heavy load to bear

    If you want what you have, you will always have what you want

    Stress is when your gut says “no” and your mouth says “sure i’d be glad to”

    I can resist anything but temptation

    Taste makes waist

    btw “dinner will be served at the sound of the smoke alarm” you may think it’s a joke but until we moved that’s how we knew dinner was almost ready. And erev shabbos- forget about it!

    #1163630

    oomis
    Participant

    Rnrsr, THANK YOU! I am still laughing.

    #1163631

    Sister Bear
    Member

    Those were all really funny!!!!

    Embarrassing my children, a full time occupation.

    #1163632

    BOSD
    Participant

    A penny saved is a government oversight.

    Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.

    Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

    This thread is great for laughs…. THanks!

    #1163633

    baron fritz
    Participant

    here’s a good one for old people with driveways

    I’M OLD AND I’M COMING BACK

    #1163634

    baron fritz
    Participant

    oh here’s another one i saw on a septic draining truck

    WARNING!THIS TRUCK IS FULL OF POLITICAL PROMISES

    #1163636

    One of the chevra
    Participant

    ADVERTISEMENT:

    ***NEW*** TOTALY TRANSPARENT NON-VISABLE CLEAR PLASTIC TABLE CLOTHS

    ~~~The ultimate solution for families with both little kids AND at least 1 daughter over the age of 20.

    To order Call the “Does her family use…?” Shiduch inovation center today

    #1163637

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    Here’s a funny bumper sticker it says on the top

    YOU CAN’T SCARE ME

    followed on the bottom with

    I HAVE CHILDREN

    #1163638

    LAer
    Member

    Saw this one on a T-shirt, but it would make a good bumper sticker too:

    Obama loves America like OJ loved Nicole

    #1163639

    WIY
    Member

    LAer

    Yeah he loves us to death.

    #1163640

    d a
    Member

    I put this sign up on my bedroom door:

    If you have nothing to do,

    don’t do it here!

    #1163641

    AinOhdMilvado
    Participant

    Saw this one originally in Hebrew…

    “Al ti’hiyeh tzodaik, Te’hiyeh Chacham!”

    (Don’t be Right, Be Smart” — in driving situations)

    and…

    Four of the Five voices in my head

    are telling me to clean my guns today…

    and…

    I LOVE CATS!

    …they taste just like chicken!

    #1163642

    AinOhdMilvado
    Participant

    saw these on T-shirts…

    YES…

    I DID wear this T-shirt yesterday!

    WARNING!

    I know Karate!

    (and 5 other Japanese words)

    #1163643

    Queen
    Participant

    “Don’t wait for six strong men to carry you to church”

    #1163644

    ronrsr
    Member

    sign at my optometrist’s office:

    If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.

    sign on a small urn at my physicians:

    Ashes of patients who complained.

    #1163645

    asyyeger
    Participant

    Bumper sticker I saw coming home from college twenty years ago:

    Get really stoned, drink wet cement!

    I laughed the whole way home.

    #1163646

    WIY
    Member

    “Please don’t honk. I’m running out of places to hide the bodies”

    “Life is painless for the brainless”

    #1163647

    tzum_zach
    Member

    “Buckle up

    I wanna try something”

    “Wife & Dog Missing Reward for Dog”

    “I Had A Life But My Job Ate It”

    “My Dog Is My Co-Pilot”

    #1163648

    d a
    Member

    “I Had A Life But My Job Ate It” is now hanging by my desk in the office. Thanks tzum_zach!

    #1163650

    cb1
    Member

    d a

    i wonder what your boss has to say about that?

    #1163652

    ronrsr
    Member

    <i>Additionally, under U.S. copyright law, copying copyrighted material for personal non-commercial usage falls under the “fair use” doctrine and is legal. Even if it is one friend copying for another, without any mass distribution involved.</i>

    Not so, fair use does not cover copying entire works for your own enjoyment. It’s stealing.

    #1163653

    italics:

    <em>text</em>

    #1163655

    d a
    Member

    Mod, can you remind me how to put the < > thingys without it turning into italics or bold like you did above. Thanks!

    And ronrsr, why is that post on this thread? Did you mean to put it HERE?

    #1163656

    ronrsr
    Member

    seen on a t-shirt:

    Made in America

    with Jewish parts.

    #1163657

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Dieting is unhealthy – it makes you hungry

    #1163658

    Understand
    Member

    Honk if you believe in G-d

    Text if you want to meet him.

Viewing 50 posts - 201 through 250 (of 294 total)
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