Good Forwards (Emails)
Home › Forums › Humor & Entertainment › Good Forwards (Emails)
- This topic has 571 replies, 106 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 3 months ago by ☢️ Rand0m3x 🎲.
June 10, 2009 8:27 pm at 8:27 pm #1059341
No matzo balls in that chicken soup! BTW, we weren’t charged for information calls, only connections.June 10, 2009 8:30 pm at 8:30 pm #1059342
Grand WELCOME BACK to mr know it all! don’t get lost! Stick around!June 11, 2009 2:13 pm at 2:13 pm #1059343
mepal- thanx- will try me best!June 11, 2009 4:26 pm at 4:26 pm #1059344
GGOD. 😉June 12, 2009 5:45 am at 5:45 am #1059345
noitallmr: your back! harray! boy am i glad to see ya! i really missed ya mate! 😉
mepal: loved that one there! my granny had a really really old roder phone back in the day! the story some how reminded me of that!June 12, 2009 12:22 pm at 12:22 pm #1059346
Jax: same here- which was the main reason I came back for a minute!!! Sorry but my next major come-back won’t be for some time- I will pop in every now again to see how ya all doing! Keep up the great work pal and we’ll see ya!June 12, 2009 5:16 pm at 5:16 pm #1059347
noitallmr: adios! it’s been real man! see ya next time! take care buddy! 😉June 14, 2009 4:37 am at 4:37 am #1059349the.nurseMember
A customer was really hassling an airline agent at the ticket counter —
yelling and using foul language.
However, the agent was polite, pleasant and smiled while the customer
continued to abuse her.
When the man finally left, the next person in line said to the agent,
“Does that happen often? I can’t believe how nice you were to him.”
The agent smiled and said,
“No problem, I took care of it.
He’s going to Detroit.
His bags are going to Bangkok.”June 14, 2009 1:42 pm at 1:42 pm #1059350
Jax: love your slang! It sure has! Keep cool buddy…June 14, 2009 7:07 pm at 7:07 pm #1059352
noitallmr: will do my friend! but make more visits when ya can, to make the CR experience way better! 😉June 16, 2009 8:13 pm at 8:13 pm #1059353
PREPARATIONJune 16, 2009 8:40 pm at 8:40 pm #1059354Mayan_DvashParticipant
…unless it’s Preparation-H [just had to throw that in!] ;June 16, 2009 9:09 pm at 9:09 pm #1059355kapustaParticipant
Mayan, as long as you brought that in…
Did anyone ever see the email (I’m on topic) said “why its important to read english” and theres a pic of a chinese guy brushing his teeth with preparation-H?June 17, 2009 12:38 am at 12:38 am #1059356
Nopes. But your welcome to pass it over!June 17, 2009 2:09 am at 2:09 am #1059357
This was the frightening threat heard by the London businessman who had
just emerged from an important deal that brought him 100,000 pounds
sterling in cash. He realized that the three thugs standing before him
had trailed him and were out to get his money.
A flash of inspiration moved him to thus address the young leader of
“You look to me like a decent person and an intelligent one. Why do you
want my money?”
Totally taken aback by this question the gangster stammered that he
needed the money for alcohol and drugs.
“How much do you need for that?” he was asked.
“Five pounds,” was the reply.
So the businessman took out a ten-pound note and handed it to him and
his would-be assailants left.
The next morning the much-relieved businessman was coming out of his
synagogue and was met by the gang leader who handed him a five-pound
note as change for the ten he had received.
“I am 27 years old,” he explained, “and no one has ever complimented me
as being decent or intelligent. I was so moved by what you said that I
even refused to keep the extra money you gave me.”June 17, 2009 4:14 am at 4:14 am #1059358anonymisssParticipant
mepal, thanx for sharing it. I like that. Never underestimate the power of a compliment.
~a the real one~June 17, 2009 4:44 am at 4:44 am #1059359havesomeseichelMember
is this true? wow! its hard to believe!June 17, 2009 1:49 pm at 1:49 pm #1059360anonymisssParticipant
Who cares if it’s true or not? The point is a good one.
~a the real one~June 18, 2009 3:18 pm at 3:18 pm #1059361aussieboyParticipant
LOL! that would never happen. They would have just taken the money anyway.
anonymisss: It matters if its true. Anyone can make up a story about how giving a small compliment can save you a 100,000 pounds but if its not true then its just a made up story.June 18, 2009 5:56 pm at 5:56 pm #1059362
I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around.
We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels.
My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, “This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to Hashem said in prayer are received.”
I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.
Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section.
The angel then said to me, “This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them.
I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth.
Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing.
“This is the Acknowledgment Section,” my angel quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed.
“How is it that? There’s no work going on here?”
“So sad,” the angel sighed. “After people receive the blessings that they asked for, very few send back acknowledgments.
How does one acknowledge HaShem’s blessings?” I asked.
Simple,” the angel answered. “Just say, “Thank you, Hashem.”
“What blessings should they acknowledge?” I asked.
“If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep … you are richer than 75% of this world.
“If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy.
And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity.”
“If you woke up this morning with more health than illness …… you are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day.
If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation … you are ahead of 700 million people in the world.
If you can attend a shul meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death … you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people in the world.
If your parents are still alive and still married.. You are very rare.
If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you are unique to all those in doubt and despair.”June 18, 2009 6:14 pm at 6:14 pm #1059363
A young and successful
executive was traveling down a neighborhood street,
going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was
watching for kids darting out from between parked
cars and slowed down
when he thought he saw
something. As his car passed, no children appeared.
Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag’s side door!
He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to
the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry
then jumped out of the
car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up
a parked car shouting,
‘What was that all about and who are you? Just what
the heck are you doing? That’s a new car and that
brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why
did you do it?’ The young boy was apologetic.
‘Please, mister…please, I’m sorry but I didn’t
know what else to do,’ He pleaded. ‘I threw the
brick because no one else would stop…’ With tears
dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth
pointed to a spot just around a parked car. ‘It’s my
brother, ‘he said ‘He rolled off the curb and fell
out of his wheelchair and I can’t lift him
Now sobbing, the boy
asked the stunned executive, ‘Would you please help
me get him back into his wheelchair? He’s hurt and
he’s too heavy for me.’
Moved beyond words,
the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling
lump in his throat.. He hurriedly lifted the
handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took
out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh
scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything
was going to be okay. ‘Thank you and may God bless
you,’ the grateful child told the stranger. Too
shook up for words, the man simply watch ed the boy!
push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk
toward their home.
It was a long, slow
walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very
noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair
the dented side door. He kept the dent there to
remind him of this message: ‘Don’t go through life
so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to
get your attention!’ God whispers in our souls and
speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don’t have
time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It’s
our choice to listen or
not.June 23, 2009 4:32 pm at 4:32 pm #1059364believerParticipant
This is a real test. Not too easy, but it does not take long to do.
Sit comfortably and be calm. This is a serious test, not a joke..
Put your thinking process aside – i.e. put your brain in neutral gear.
1- Find the C below. Do not use any cursor help.
2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.
3- Now find the N below. It’s a little more difficult.
This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you’re far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer.
Congratulations!June 23, 2009 4:39 pm at 4:39 pm #1059365
Thanks, I just cancelled.June 23, 2009 4:45 pm at 4:45 pm #1059366namelessMember
I have edited the title / introduction and removed the contact information at the end of the letter. Although the letter appears to be authentic, it was wrongly attributed to someone (a fourth grade teacher) who forwarded the email to others.
LETTER FROM SOMEONE TO PRESIDENT OBAMA
WOW!!! This person should run for President!! She is right on the
money, and she’s not afraid to take credit for it either!! she left
her name and phone number at the end!
This letter you are about to read was written by a 4th grade teacher
this past week. She even gave the world her telephone and fax numbers.
We are in dire need of more true American citizens who are proud of
OUR United States of America . WAKE UP AMERICA . . . please . . .
before it is too late!
April 27, 2009
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington , DC 20500
I have had it with you and your administration, sir. Your conduct on your recent trip overseas has convinced me that you are not an adequate representative of the United States of America collectively or of me personally.
You are so obsessed with appeasing the Europeans and the Muslim world that you have abdicated the responsibilities of the President of the United States of America . You are responsible to the citizens of the United States . You are not responsible to the peoples of any other country on earth. I personally resent that you go around the world apologizing
for the United States telling Europeans that we are arrogant and do not care about their status in the world. Sir, what do you think the First World War and the Second World War were all about if not the consideration of the peoples of Europe ? Are you brain dead ? What do you think the Marshall Plan was all about?
Do you not understand or know the history of the 20th century? Where do you get off telling a Muslim country that the United States does not consider itself a Christian country? Have you not read the Declaration of Independence or the Constitution of the United States ?
This country was founded on Judeo-Christian ethics and the principles governing this country, at least until you came along, come directly from this heritage. Do you not understand this?
Your bowing to the king of Saudi Arabia is an affront to all Americans. Our President does not bow down to anyone, let alone the king of Saudi Arabia . You don’t show Great Britain , our best and one of our oldest allies, the respect they deserve yet you bow down to the king of Saudi Arabia . How dare you, sir! How dare you!
You can’t find the time to visit the graves of our greatest generation because you don’t want to offend the Germans but make time to visit a mosque in Turkey . You offended our dead and every veteran when you
give the Germans more respect than the people who saved the German people from themselves. What’s the matter with you?
I am convinced that you and the members of your administration have the historical and intellectual depth of a mud puddle and should be ashamed of yourselves, all of you. You are so self-righteously offended by the big bankers and the American automobile manufacturers yet do nothing about the real thieves in this situation, Mr. Dodd, Mr.
Frank, Franklin Raines, Jamie Gorelic, the Fannie Mae bonuses, and the Freddie Mac bonuses. What do you intend to do about them? Anything? I seriously doubt it.
What about the U.S. House members passing out $9.1 million in bonuses to their staff members – on top of the $2.5 million in automatic pay raises that lawmakers gave themselves? I understand the average House aide got a 17% bonus. I took a 5% cut in my pay to save jobs with my employer. You haven’t said anything about that. Who authorized that? I surely didn’t! Executives at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac will be receiving $210 million in bonuses over an eighteen-month period, that’s $45 million more than the AIG bonuses. In fact, Fannie and Freddie executives have already been awarded $51 million – not a bad take. Who authorized that and why haven’t you expressed your outrage at this
group who are largely responsible for the economic mess we have right now.
I resent that you take me and my fellow citizens as brain-dead and not caring about what you idiots do. We are watching what you are doing and we are getting increasingly fed up with all of you. I also want you to know that I personally find just about everything you do and say to be offensive to every one of my sensibilities. I promise
you that I wil l work tirelessly to see that you do not get a chance to spend two terms destroying my beautiful country.June 23, 2009 4:48 pm at 4:48 pm #1059367
That was fun! Great! I dont have to see my eye doctor either for another year!June 23, 2009 4:53 pm at 4:53 pm #1059368
that was for believer.June 23, 2009 5:09 pm at 5:09 pm #1059369anon for thisParticipant
In the letter above, Ms. Lyday writes, “Where do you get off telling a Muslim country that the United States does not consider itself a Christian country?”
President Obama was not the first US president to make that statement. This distinction would go to John Adams, who signed the Treaty of Tripoli in 1797. Article 11 of this treaty states, “the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion”.June 23, 2009 7:16 pm at 7:16 pm #1059370d aMember
to mepal and believer, by the way, I don’t have very good eyesight AND I am not wearing my contact lenses right now, but with a little squinting I was able to find the C, 6 and N in just a few seconds. ENJOY!!!June 23, 2009 7:21 pm at 7:21 pm #1059371
Wow! We’re so impressed with your brilliance and not-so-terrible eyesight!June 23, 2009 7:38 pm at 7:38 pm #1059372d aMember
Belive me, I DONT HAVE GOOD EYESIGHT!!!June 23, 2009 8:10 pm at 8:10 pm #1059373
mod, is the letter authentic? Was it sent to the prez?
I went to an urban myth busting website and they claim the letter is authentic, just not penned by the person in some of the email forwards. YW, the Editor and the Moderators make no claim as to the validity of the letter.June 24, 2009 3:48 pm at 3:48 pm #1059374jewishfeminist02Member
Snopes.com says this is legitimate, though the added note at the end is a subjective test and therefore not as useful as the first three. Also, time is clearly of paramount importance, but no surgeon can offer an ironclad guarantee of total recovery even if the patient is taken to the hospital within 3 hours.
My friend sent this to me and encouraged me to post it and spread the word. I agree. If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks. Seriously… Please read:
During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall – she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food – while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid’s husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital – (at 6:00pm, Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don’t die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.
It only takes a minute to read this…
A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke…totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.
RECOGNIZING A STROKE
Thank God for the sense to remember the “3” steps, STR . Read and Learn!
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
S * Ask the individual to SMILE.
T * Ask the person to TALK to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE(Coherently) (i.e. It is sunny out today)
R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.
NOTE: Another ‘sign’ of a stroke is this: Ask the person to ‘stick’ out their
tongue. If the tongue is ‘crooked’, if it goes to one side or the other
that is also an indication of a stroke. If he or she has trouble with
ANY ONE of these tasks, call 911 immediately!! And describe the
symptoms to the dispatcher.
A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to
10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.June 24, 2009 4:10 pm at 4:10 pm #1059375shaatraMember
Nameless: HAS is been sent to obamas office? Or better yet, his blackberry?? (Ha, right)June 24, 2009 4:29 pm at 4:29 pm #1059376namelessMember
Presented before you are two letters between an employee and his boss.
Dear Bo$$, A$ all of u$ have red from the new$paper$, the $ingapore economy ha$ come out of the rece$$ion. In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company. I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOw a days, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world’s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
ManagerJuly 2, 2009 6:08 pm at 6:08 pm #1059382
A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from
>hiding place in the closet.
>She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three
>times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for
>Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap,
>slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall’s Drug
>with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.
>She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention but
>was too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing
>noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound
>could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and
>it on the glass counter. That did it!
>”And what do you want?” the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of
>I’m talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven’t seen in ages,”
>said without waiting for a reply to his question.
>”Well, I want to talk to you about my brother,” Tess
>answered back in the same annoyed tone. “He’s really, really sick…
>want to buy a miracle.”
>” I beg your pardon?” said the pharmacist.
>” His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head
>my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a
>”We don’t sell miracles here, little girl. I’m sorry but I can’t help
>the pharmacist said, softening a little.
>”Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn’t enough, I will
>rest. Just tell me how much it costs.”
>The pharmacist’s brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and
>little girl, “What kind of a miracle does your brother need?”
>” I don’t know,” Tess replied with her eyes welling up. I just know
>really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can’t
>for it, so I want to use my money.”
>” How much do you have?” asked the man from Chicago.
>”One dollar and eleven cents,” Tess answered barely audibly.
>”And it’s all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.”
>”Well, what a coincidence,” smiled the man. “A dollar and eleven
>cents—the exact price of a miracle for little brothers. “
>He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her
>and said “Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and
>your parents. Let’s see if I have the miracle you need.”
>That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon,
>neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it
>long until Andrew was home again and doing well.
>Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had
>them to this place.
>That surgery,” her Mom whispered. “was a real miracle. I wonder how
>would have cost?”
>Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost…one dollar and
>eleven cents …. plus the faith of a little child..July 2, 2009 8:57 pm at 8:57 pm #1059383yossi z.Member
jf2: in regards to raising both arms i learned in my cpr class that you are supposed to have them do it with their eyes closed (this way they can’t “trip” the system by focusing to lift both their hands equally) and just a suggestion, why don’t we have the mods forward your post to all member’s e-mail and then we (the members) can forward it from there?July 2, 2009 9:06 pm at 9:06 pm #1059384
Don’t you think it’s a bit odd that the only hits that come up on this “famous neurosurgeon” is for this story? No office or hospital in Chicago (or any other city) employs this man’s talents. Must’ve been Eliyahu Hanavi – who else could become a skilled neurosurgeon on a whim? I wonder who his brother, the pharmacist was…..
And what type of chinuch did the parents give their daughter? To get a miracle, you go to….. the pharmacy? Must have been before the Bais Yaacov movement. Either that, or as the Mikkelsons suggest, perhaps the family religion was Pharmaceuticalian.July 2, 2009 9:06 pm at 9:06 pm #1059385yossi z.Member
sniff…sniff… wow mepal that was a tearjerker wherja get that?July 2, 2009 9:17 pm at 9:17 pm #1059386
yossi, you can select the post and copy it on a new email and pass it around!
Oh, and someone sent me that email today.July 2, 2009 9:38 pm at 9:38 pm #1059388ambushParticipant
wow! Mepal that was really nice!
Thanks for that!July 2, 2009 9:42 pm at 9:42 pm #1059389ambushParticipant
nameless: good one! Witty!July 29, 2009 2:22 pm at 2:22 pm #1059390
A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to
choose a successor to take over the business.
Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided
to do something different.
He gathered the young executives in his company. He said, “It is time
for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to
choose one of you. “
The executives were shocked. The boss continued “I am going to give
each one of you a SEED today – one special SEED. I want you to plant
it, water it, and come back one year from today with what you have
grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the
plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO.”
One man, Jim, went home and excitedly told his wife the story. She got
a pot, soil and helped plant the seed. Everyday, he’d water it and
watch to see if it had grown.
After a few weeks, the executives began to talk about their seeds and
the plants that were beginning to grow.
Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew.
Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing.
By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn’t have a
plant and he felt like a failure.
Six months went by – nothing. Jim knew he killed his seed. Everyone
had plants and trees…he had nothing.
Jim didn’t say anything to his colleagues, however. He just kept
watering and fertilizing the soil – He so wanted the seed to grow.
A year went by and all the executives brought their plants to the
CEO for inspection. Jim told his wife that he wasn’t going to take an
empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim
felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most
embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right.
He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was
amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They
were beautiful — in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on
the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for
When the CEO arrived, he greeted his executives.
Jim tried to hide in the back. “My, what great plants, trees, and
flowers you have grown,” said the CEO.
“Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!”
All of a sudden, the CEO saw Jim at the back of the room with his
empty pot and ordered Jim to come forward.
Jim was terrified. He thought, “The CEO knows I’m a failure! Maybe he
will have me fired!”
When Jim got to the front, the CEO announced, “Behold your next
Chief Executive Officer! His name is Jim!”
Jim couldn’t believe it. Jim couldn’t even grow his
“How could he be the new CEO?” the others said.
Then the CEO said, “One year ago today, I gave everyone in this
room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and
bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they
were dead – it was not possible for them to grow.
All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers.
When you realized that the seed would not grow, you substituted
another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the
courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore,
he is the one who will be the new CEO!”
* If you plant honesty, you will reap trust
* If you plant goodness, you will reap friends
* If you plant humility, you will reap greatness
* If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment
* If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective
* If you plant hard work, you will reap success
* If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation
* If you plant faith in Hashem , you will reap a harvest
So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will
HaZor’im B’Dim’ah…B’Reena Yikzoru.July 29, 2009 3:41 pm at 3:41 pm #1059392DebbyMember
wow wow wow that was great “noitllmr”July 29, 2009 3:42 pm at 3:42 pm #1059393Be HappyParticipant
To all chocolate lovers:
Chocolate is a Vegetable
Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.
Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.
The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite, and you’ll eat less.
If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
(We’re testing this with other snack foods as well.)
If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don’t they actually counteract each other?
Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.
Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn’t that handy?
If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you?
If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can’t let that happen, can you?July 29, 2009 8:50 pm at 8:50 pm #1059394
noitallmr: Hi! wow i loved that one, so powerful!July 29, 2009 10:33 pm at 10:33 pm #1059395
Hey Jax- happy to hear just doing my job! Yeah it’s powerful- leaves you to wonder what you would have don in that situation! (No need to reply 😉July 29, 2009 11:03 pm at 11:03 pm #1059396
noitallmr: but i wanna reply! 😉 have an easy fast! i guess your fast already started in the good ‘ol U.K. buddy!July 30, 2009 1:10 pm at 1:10 pm #1059397
Jax- It sure had- Fast well and may this be the last…August 4, 2009 1:36 pm at 1:36 pm #1059400
noitallmr, amazing!August 4, 2009 1:36 pm at 1:36 pm #1059401
What if our boss suddenly reminded us that our yearly performance evaluation is scheduled next month? Our boss will be reviewing our achievements and mistakes, our attitude about doing the work, the times we were focused and times we could have done better. There will be several consequences of this evaluation; whether we get to keep our job for another year, if we will be getting a raise, and how our responsibilities will change. If we are smart, in the next few weeks we will work harder, be more productive, and do our best to remind our employer that we really are committed, positive-attitude employees. We may not appreciate our job every day, and may wish we could just stay home and not worry about meetings and schedules. Most people go to work anyway, knowing the long-term benefits of a paycheck, health insurance and a feeling of being productive are also important.
Next month, on Sept 19, Rosh Hashanah, we are all scheduled for our yearly 10-day spiritual performance evaluation. Our boss, our Father in Heaven, will be reviewing how we did spiritually this year. Did we try to pray, did we try to focus, and did we remember that G-d is always with us? Did we give charity, was it 10% of our income, did we give it willingly? How did we act towards other people, especially when they seemed a little annoying to us? Did we try to observe Shabbat just a little bit better, or keep kosher just a little bit more? Did we struggle and win the battle to get to services on time?
Our Rabbis teach us that any little improvement in any area is a big deal and pleasing to G-d. Next month, when our spiritual review comes up, recent improvements and changes can minimize a year of mistakes. During our review, our Father in Heaven will make decisions about our experiences during the next year. Our health and finances will be decided. Will we stay healthy, get sick and recover, get a promotion or lose our jobs? The books of our fate will all be open on Rosh Hashanah. In the next month, we have a chance to refocus, grow and change, and show G-d that we are interested in pleasing Him. We are interested in being written in the books of tests and challenges that help our souls to shine in a joyful way. We are interested in remaining alive to continue to have the opportunity to serve G-d. We would like to remain on His payroll in this life, so that when we get to the next world, our bank account of mitzvahs will be overflowing. Let us hope and pray that we can take advantage of this month before Rosh Hashanah to do more mitzvahs with better quality and to please our Creator. For ideas in areas to improve, we can always connect to Aish.com or consult with our local Rabbi.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.