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Posts
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Jax: anytime!
I’ve been noticing the CR constantly correcting other people’s spelling errors, I figured you’d enjoy an e-mail I received about spelling…. but there are no errors in it.
Here goes:
Spell Check Poem
(Reportedly nominated for a Pullet Surprise)
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea,
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight for it two say,
Weather eye and wring oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long,
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should bee proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaw’s are knot aloud.
Eye have run this poem threw it
Your sure reel glad two no,
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,
after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and
walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.
The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.
Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.
He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs
and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn’t the same elephant.
This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming balony stories.
I laughed so hard, I dropped my coffee!
that was GOOD!
oomis, what a mess!
~a~
I need a good forward anybody have one
Thanks for the rerun, editor
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/a-humorous-item/page/22#post-49800
I got this email on Friday:
My wife typed “Hatzolah” in Microsoft Outlook. It flagged the word as misspelled, and helpfully offered an alternative- Hezbollah!
chofetzchaiM: that’s a great one!
I’m with you Editor Key Master ;
A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside
“Your son is here,” she said to the old man.
She had to repeat the words several times before the patient’s eyes
opened.
Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw
the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man’s limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.
The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed.
All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lighted
ward, holding the old man’s hand and offering him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.
He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was
oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital – the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.
Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.
Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now
lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she
did what she had to do, he waited.
Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the
Marine interrupted her.
“Who was that man?” he asked. The nurse was startled, “He was your
father,” she answered. “No, he wasn’t,” the Marine replied. “I never saw
him before in my life.”
“Then why didn’t you say something when I took you to him?”
“I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he needed
his son, and his son just wasn’t here. When I realized that he was too
sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed.”
The next time someone needs you … don’t just be there. Stay.
WE ARE NOT HUMAN BEINGS GOING THROUGH A
TEMPORARY SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE.
WE ARE SPIRITUAL BEINGS GOING THROUGH A TEMPORARY
HUMAN EXPERIENCE.
Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
mepal: wow now that was a great one! 😉
Sad News
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else that may be having a crumby day and kneads it.
In South Los Angeles , a fire destroyed a four floor apartment building.
A Nigerian family of con artists lived on the first floor, and all six died in
the fire.
An Islamic group of seven Kenyan welfare cheats – all illegal – lived on the
second floor They too, all perished in the fire.
Six Hispanic Gang Banger ex-cons lived on the 3rd floor – dead also.
One white couple living on the top floor survived the fire.
Jesse Jackson, John Burris and Al Sharpton were furious. They flew into LA and
quickly demanded a meeting with the fire chief.
On camera, they loudly demanded to know why the Blacks, Black Muslims and
Hispanics all died in the fire and only the white couple lived.
The fire chief quietly replied, “They were at work”.
areivim!!oh how cute!!so true! i loved this one!
A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when
> suddenly his room
> filled with light and G-d appeared. Hashem told
> the man He
> had work for him to do and showed him a large
> rock in front of
> his cabin.
>
> G-d explained that the man was to push against
> the rock
> with all his might. So, this the man did, day
> after day.
> For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down,
> his shoulders
> set squarely against the cold, massive surface of
> the unmoving
> rock, pushing with all of his might.
>
> Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and
> worn out,
> feeling that his whole day had been spent in
> vain.
>
> Since the man was showing discouragement, the
> Adversary (Satan),
> decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts
> into the weary
> mind:
>
> “You have been pushing against that rock for a
> long time, and it
> hasn’t moved.”
>
> Thus, he gave the man the impression that the
> task was
> impossible and that he was a failure. These
> thoughts
> discouraged and disheartened the man.
>
> Satan said, “Why kill yourself over this? Just
> put in your
> time, giving just the minimum effort, and that
> will be good
> enough. That’s what the weary man planned to do,
> but decided to
> make it a matter of prayer and to take his
> troubled thoughts to
> the L-rd.
>
> “Hashem” he said, “I have labored long and hard
> in your service,
> putting all my strength to do that which you have
> asked.
> Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged
> that rock by
> half a millimeter.
>
> What is wrong?
>
> Why am I failing?”
>
> Hashem responded compassionately, “My friend,
> when I asked you
> to serve Me and you accepted, I told you that
> your task was to
> push against the rock with all of your strength,
> which you have
> done.
>
> Never once did I mention to you that I expected
> you to move it.
>
> Your task was to push.
>
> And now you come to Me with your strength spent,
> thinking that you have failed.
>
> Is that really so?
>
> Look at yourself.
>
> Your arms are strong and muscled,
> your back sinewy and brown;
> your hands are callused from constant pressure,
> your legs have become massive and hard.
> Through opposition you have grown much,
> and your abilities now surpass that which you
> used to have.
>
> True, you haven’t moved the rock. But your
> calling was to be
> obedient and to push and to exercise your faith
> and trust in My
> wisdom. That you have done.
>
> Now I, my friend, will move the rock.”
>
> At times, when we hear a word from G-d, we tend
> to use our own
> intellect to decipher what He wants, when
> actually what G-d
> wants is just a simple obedience and faith in
> Him.
>
> By all means, exercise the faith that moves
> mountains,
> but know that it is still Hasehm who moves
> mountains.
>
> When everything seems to go wrong…just
>
> P.U.S.H.!
>
> When the job gets you down… just P.U.S.H.!
>
> When people don’t react the way you think
> they should… just P.U.S.H.
>
> When your money is “gone” and the bills are
> due… just P.U.S.H!
>
> When people just don’t understand you… just
> P.U.S.H.
>
> P= Pray
> U= Until
> S= Something
> H= Happens
>
areivim: that was an awesome one! i just saw it now! reminds me of the text on election day that was going around in the afternoon time! it said, early polls see obama in the lead, but give the whites a chance to vote, before jumping the gun! something like that! yada yada obama did win….!
nice mepal! 😉
I wanna be a bear
>
> If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do
> nothing but sleep for six
> months. I could deal with that.
>
> Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat
> as much as you can possibly hold. I could deal
> with that, too.
>
> If you’re a bear, you birth your children (who are
> the size of walnuts)
> while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown,
> cute cuddly cubs. I could
> definitely deal with that.
>
> If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean
> business. You swat anyone who
> bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you
> swat them too. I could
> deal with that.
>
>
> Yup….. I wanna be a bear.
I bought a bird feeder. I hung
It on my back porch and filled
It with seed. What a beauty of
A bird feeder it was, as I filled it
Lovingly with seed. Within a
Week we had hundreds of birds
Taking advantage of the
Continuous flow of free and
Easily accessible food.
But then the birds started
Building nests in the boards
Of the patio, above the table,
And next to the barbecue.
Then came the wastes. It was
Everywhere: on the patio tile,
The chairs, the table ..
Everywhere!
Then some of the birds
Turned mean. They would
Dive bomb me and try to
Peck me even though I had
Fed them out of my own
Pocket.
And other birds were
Boisterous and loud. They
Sat on the feeder and
Squawked and screamed at
All hours of the day and night
And demanded that I fill it
When it got low on food.
After a while, I couldn’t even
Sit on my own back porch
Anymore. So I took down the
Bird feeder and in three days
The birds were gone. I cleaned
Up their mess and took down
The many nests they had built
All over the patio.
Soon, the back yard was like
It used to be …. Quiet, serene….
And no one demanding their
Rights to a free meal.
Now let’s see.
Our government gives out
Free food, subsidized housing,
Free medical care and free
Education, and allows anyone
Born here to be an automatic
Citizen.
Then the illegals came by the
Tens of thousands. Suddenly
Our taxes went up to pay for
Free services; small apartments
Are housing 5 families; you
Have to wait 6 hours to be seen
By an emergency room doctor;
Your child’s second grade class is
Behind other schools because
Over half the class doesn’t speak
English.
Corn Flakes now come in a
Bilingual box; I have to
‘press one’ to hear my bank
Talk to me in English, and
People waving flags other
Than ‘Old Glory’ are
Squawking and screaming
In the streets, demanding
More rights and free liberties.
Just my opinion, but maybe
it’s time for the government
To take down the bird feeder.
If you agree, pass it on; if not,
Continue cleaning up the wastes.
After digging to a depth of 100 metres last year,
> Russian
> scientists found traces of copper wire dating back
> 1000 years,
> and came to ! the conclusion that their ancestors
> already had a
> telephone network one thousand years ago.
>
> So, not to be outdone,in the weeks that followed,
> American
> scientists dug 200 metres and headlines in the US
> papers read:
> “US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old
> optical
> fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors
> already had
> advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years
> earlier than
> the Russians.”
>
> One week later,the Israeli newspapers reported the
> following:
> “! After digging as deep as 5000 metres, Israeli
> scientists have
> found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that
> 5000 years
> ago, their ancestors were already using wireless
> technology
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the
> town’s annual 4th of July
> picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.
>
> “This baked ham is really delicious,” the priest
> teased the rabbi. “You
> really ought try it. I know it’s against your
> religion, but I can’t
> understand why such a wonderful dish should be
> forbidden! You don’t know
> what you’re missing. You just haven’t lived until
> you’ve tried Mrs. Hall’s
> prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are
> you going to break down
> and try it?”
>
> The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and
> said, “At your wedding.”
Ha Ha Ha mepal…you literally made my night.
Brilliant ones…please please keep em coming!
kapusta: that was a great one! thanx i enjoyed reading it!
p.s. why you so quiet now?!
kapusta: yikes! hope tomorrow’s a better day & good yom tov!
kapusta: SMILE! (for me) 🙂
BSD
There was a couple who used to go England to shop in a beautiful antique store.
>This trip was to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. They both liked antiques and pottery, and especially teacups.
>
>Spotting an exceptional cup, they asked, “May we see that? We’ve never
>seen a
>cup quite so
>beautiful.”
>
>As the lady handed it to them, the tea cup spoke.
>
>”You don’t understand,” it said, “I have not always been a tea cup.
>There was a
>time when I was just a lump of red clay. My master took me and rolled me
>pounded and patted me over and over and I yelled out, ‘Don’t do that. I
>don’t
>like it! Let me alone,’ but he only smiled, and gently said, ‘Not yet!’
>
>”Then. WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun
>around
>and around and around. ‘Stop it! I’m getting so dizzy! I’m going to be
>sick!’, I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, quietly, ‘Not
>yet.’
>
>”He spun me and poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit
>himself and
>then….then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat.. I yelled and
>knocked and pounded at the door. ‘Help! Get me out of here!’ I could
>see him
>through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his headfrom
>side to
>side, ‘Not yet.’
>
>”When I thought I couldn’t bear it another minute, the door opened. He
>carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. ‘Oh,
>that
>felt so good! Ah, this is much better,’ I thought. But, after I cooled
>he
>picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were
>horrible.
>I thought I would gag. ‘Oh, please; stop it, stop it!!’ I cried. He
>only shook
>his head and said. ‘Not yet!’
>
>”Then suddenly he put me back in to the oven. Only it was not like the
>first
>one. This was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate. I begged.
> I
>pleaded. I screamed. I cried. I was convinced I would never make it.
>I was
>ready to give up.
>
>”Just then the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the
>shelf,
>where I cooled and waited and waited, wondering, What’s he g oing to do to
>me
>next? An hour later he handed me a mirror and said ‘Look at yourself.’
>And I
>did .
>
>”I said, ‘That’s not me; that couldn’t be me. It’s beautiful. I’m
>beautiful!’
>
>”Quietly he spoke: ‘I want you to remember, then,’ he said, ‘I know it
>hurt to
>be rolled and pounded and patted, but had I just left you alone, you’d
>have
>dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I
>had
>stopped, you would have crumbled. I know it hurt and it was hot and
>disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn’t put you there, you would have
>cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all
>over, but
>if I hadn’t done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have
>had
>any color in your life. If I hadn’t put you back in that second oven, you
>wouldn’t have survived for long because the hardness would not have held.
> Now
>you are a finished product.. Now you are what I had in mind when I first
>began
>with you.'”
>
>God knows what He’s doing in each of us. He is the potter, and we are His
>clay. He will mold us and make us, and expose us to just enough
>pressures of
>just the right kinds that we may be made into a flawless piece of work to
>fulfill His good, pleasing and perfect will.
>
>So when lif e seems hard, and you are being pounded and patted and pushed
>almost
>beyond endurance; when your world seems to be spinning out of control;
>when you
>feel like you are in a fiery furnace of trials; when life seems to
>”stink”, try
>this:
>
>Brew a cup of your favorite tea in your prettiest tea cup, sit down, and
>have a
>little talk with the Potter.–
Each yid has a place in the heart of Hashem. Help him find it !
Nice article…
The most destructive habit….Worry
The greatest joy….Giving
The greates loss….Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work….Helping others
The ugliest personality trait….Selfishness
The most endangered species….Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource…. Our youth
The greatest
shot in the arm….EncouragementThe greatest problem to overcome….Fear
The most effective sleeping pill…Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease….Excuses
The most powerful for in life….Love
The most dangerous pariah….A gossiper
The world`s most incredible computer….The brain
The worst thing to be without….Hope
The deadliest weapon….The tongue
The two most power-filled words….
I canThe greatest asset….Faith
The most worthless emotion….Self-pity
The most beautiful attire….SMILE!
The most prized possession….Integrity
The most powerful communication channel….Prayer
The most contagious spirit….Enthusiasm
To the World, you may be one person; but to one person you may be the world….
niiiice, areivim! Good to see you ’round!
Come on everyone???
Coming noitallmr! hope to have some more posted later on today. Hold on to your kishkes!
whoops, not such good ones after all, (I’m not even trying with my ‘good ones’. They’ll never hit the big board. Previous experiences have taught me otherwise…) but enjoy these nontheless!
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon
> returning to her car,
> found four males in the act of leaving with her
> vehicle. She dropped her
> shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to
> scream at the top of her
> voice, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get
> out of the car!”
>
> The four men didn’t wait for a second invitation.
> They got out and ran like
> mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to
> load her shopping bags
> into the back of the car and got into driver’s seat.
> She was so shaken that
> she could not get her key into the ignition. She
> tried and tried, and then
> it dawned on her why.
>
> A few minutes later, she found her own car parked
> four or five spaces
> farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and
> drove to the police
> station. The sergeant to whom she told the story
> couldn’t stop laughing.
>
> He pointed to the other end of the counter, where
> four pale men were
> reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman
> described as white, less
> than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and
> carrying a large
> handgun. No charges were filed.
>
> If you’re going to have a Senior Moment, make it a
> memorable one!
>
They claim this originates from Chaim Walders book. Who knows. Who cares. Nice to read anyways!
Yeah beautiful story- it comes from Walder’s “Behind the Mask”
A must read…and no, I am not paid for advertising!
noitallmr, at least I quenched your thirst for good forwards!
mepal- my thirst for good forwards it never satisfied!!!
Keep ’em coming…thanx pal
Sure thing [big bow towards Mr. Know It All]!
I just would’nt know which ones were posted yet so in case I do post something that was posted already AND a mod lets it through, then you let me know! K?
I voted Democrat because
I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are
obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.
I voted Democrat because
I believe the government will do a better job of
Spending the money I earn than I would.
I voted Democrat because
Freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
I voted Democrat because
When we pull out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys will stop what
they are doing because they now think we are good people.
I voted Democrat because
I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local
police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.
I voted Democrat because
I believe that people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday
can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if
I don’t start driving a Prius.
I voted Democrat because
I’m not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies so long
as we keep all death row inmates alive.
I voted Democrat because
I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care,
Education, and Social Security benefits.
I voted Democrat because
I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for
themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the
government for redistribution as the democrats see fit.
I voted Democrat because
I believe liberal judges need to rewrite The Constitution every few
days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas
past the voters.
<disclaimer: I never tried any of these>
Very Interesting……… This is what Oxi-clean is…. did you know
that????
3% peroxide
This was written by Becky Ransey of Indiana
‘I would like to tell you of the benefits of that plain little old
bottle of 3% peroxide you can get for under $1.00 at any drug store. My
husband has been in the medical field for over 36 years, and most
doctors don’t tell you about peroxide, or they would lose thousands of
dollars.’
1. Take one capful (the little white cap that comes with the bottle)
and hold in your mouth for 10 minutes daily, then spit it out. (I do it
when I bathe )
No more canker sores and your teeth will be whiter without expensive
pastes. Use it instead of mouthwash. (Small print says mouth wash a
nd
gargle right on the bottle)
2. Let your toothbrushes soak in a cup of ‘Peroxide’ to keep them free
of germs.
3. Clean your counters, table tops with peroxide to kill germs and
leave a fresh smell. Simply put a little on your dishrag when you wipe,
or spray it on the counters.
4. After rinsing off your wooden cutting board, pour peroxide on it to
kill salmonella and other bacteria.
5. I had fungus on my feet for years – until I sprayed a 50/50 mixture
of peroxide and water on them (especially the toes) every night and let
dry.
6. Soak any infections or cut s in 3% peroxide for five to ten minutes
several times a day. My husband has seen gangrene that would not heal
with any medicine, but was healed by soaking in peroxide.
7. Fill a spray bottle with a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water and
keep it in every bathroom to disinfect without harming your septic
system like bleach or most other disinfectants will.
8. Tilt your head back and spray into nostrils with your 50/50 mixture
whenever you have a cold, or plugged sinuses. It will bubble and help
to kill the bacteria. Hold for a few minutes then blow your nose into a
tissue.
9. If you have a terrible toothache and cannot get to a dentist right
away, put a capful of 3% peroxide into your mouth and hold it for ten
minutes several times a day. The pain will lessen greatly.
10. And of c
ourse, if you like a natural look to your hair, spray the
50/50 solution o n your wet hair after a shower and comb it through.
You will no t have the peroxide burnt blonde hair like the hair dye
packages, but more natural highlights if your hair is a light brown,
reddish, or dirty blonde. It also lightens gradually so it’s not a
drastic change.
11. Put half a bottle of peroxide in your bath to help rid boils,
fungus, or other skin infections.
12. You can also add a cup of peroxide instead of bleach to a load of
whites in your laundry to whiten them. If there is blood on clothing,
pour directly on the soiled spot. Let it sit for a minute, then rub it
and rinse with cold water. Repeat if necessary.
13. I use peroxide to clean my mirrors with, and there is no smearing
which is why I love it so much for this.
I could go on and on. It is a little brown bottle no home should be
without! With prices of most necessities rising, I’m glad there’s a way
to save tons of money in such a simple, healthy manner.
you’re missing the rest of it, mepal. aren’t there 19 of them?
dont try these at home!!!!beware! we dont want anyone suing CR for posting harmful advice….knowing the crazies in the world- i can believe that someone will try them!!
moish, that’s how i got the email. Would you like to share the rest of the tips?
havesomeseichel, reread first line of my previous post!
When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our
neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The
shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the
telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.
Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an
amazing person. Her name was “Information Please” and there was nothing she
did not know. Information Please could supply anyone’s number and the
correct time.
My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my
mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the
basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but
there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give
sympathy.
I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at
the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor
and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the
parlor and held it to my ear. “Information, please” I said into the
mouthpiece just above my head.
A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.
“Information.”
“I hurt my finger…” I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily
enough now that I had an audience.
“Isn’t your mother home?” came the question.
“Nobody’s home but me,” I blubbered.
“Are you bleeding?” the voice asked.
“No,” I replied. “I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts.”
“Can you open the icebox?” she asked.
I said I could.
“Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger,” said the
voice.
After that, I called “Information Please” for everything. I asked
her for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She
helped me with my math. She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in
the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.
Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called,
Information Please,” and told her the sad story. She listened, and then
said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I
asked her, “Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy
to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a
cage?”
She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, “Wayne always
remember that there are other worlds to sing in.”
Somehow I felt better.
Another day I was on the telephone, “Information Please.”
“Information,” said in the now familiar voice. “How do I spell fix?” I
asked.
All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. When I was
nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend
very much. “Information Please” belonged in that old wooden box back home
and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the
table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood
conversations never really left me.
Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense
of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and
kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.
A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle.
I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on
the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I
was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, “Information Please.”
Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.
“Information.”
I hadn’t planned this, but I heard myself saying,
“Could you please tell me how to spell fix?”
There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer,
“I guess your finger must have healed by now.”
I laughed, “So it’s really you,” I said.
“I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?”
I wonder,” she said, “if you know how much your call meant to me.
I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls.”
I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I
could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.
“Please do”, she said. “Just ask for Sally.”
Three months later I was back in Seattle.
A different voice answered, “Information.”
I asked for Sally.
“Are you a friend?” she said.
“Yes, a very old friend,” I answered.
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this,” she said. “Sally had been working
part-time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks
ago.”
Before I could hang up she said,
“Wait a minute, did you say your name was Wayne?”
“Yes.” I answered.
“Well, Sally left a message for you.
She wrote it down in case you called.
Let me read it to you.” The note said,
“Tell him there are other worlds to sing in.
He’ll know what I mean.”
I thanked her and hung up.
I knew what Sally meant.
mepal- Wow! Wayne’s parents must’ve gone bankrupt with all those calls…
But nice story anyway!
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