Good Forwards (Emails)

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    i don’t know if this was posted yet- i have not been able to go through all the previuos posts yet.



















    Be Happy

    A few months before I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small Tennessee town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family.

    The stranger was quickly accepted and was around to welcome me into the world a few months later.

    As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me the word of G-d, and Dad taught me to obey it. But the stranger He was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.

    If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry.

    The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn’t seem to mind. Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to her room and read her books (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

    Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honour them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home… not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our long time visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my

    ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush.

    My Dad was a teetotaller who didn’t permit alcohol in the home, not even for cooking. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished.

    He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.

    I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked… and NEVER asked to leave.

    More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you were to walk into my parent’s den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to

    him talk and watch him draw his pictures.

    His name?…. We just call him, “TV.”

    He has a younger sister now. We call “Computer”


    Beautiful story which appeared in Nshei Newsletter a while back… Back in the mid nineties a Jewish advertising executive in New York came up with an idea. What if the New York Times – considered the world’s most prestigious newspaper – listed the weekly Shabbat candle lighting time each week. Sure someone would have to pay for the space. But imagine the Jewish awareness and pride that might result from such a prominent mention of the Jewish Shabbat each week.He got in touch with a Jewish philanthropist and sold him on the idea. It cost almost two thousand dollars a week. But he did it. And for the next five years, each Friday, Jews around the world would see ‘Jewish Women: Shabbat candle lighting time this Friday is .’. Eventually the philanthropist had to cut back on a number of his projects. And in June 1999, the little Shabbat notice and stopped appearing in the Friday Times. and from that week on it never appeared again.Except once.On January 1, 2000, the NY Times ran a Millennium edition. It was a special issue that featured three front pages. One had the news from January 1, 1900. The second was the actual news ofthe day, January 1, 2000. And then they had a third front page. Projecting future events of January 1, 2100. This fictional page included things like a welcome to the fifty-first state: Cuba . As well as a discussion as to whether robots should be allowed to vote. And so on. And in addition to the fascinating articles, there was one more thing. Down on the bottom of the Year 2100 front page, was the candle lighting time in New York for January 1, 2100. Nobody paid for it. It was just put in by the Times. The production manager of the New York Times – an Irish Catholic – was asked about it.His answer was right on the mark.And it speaks to the eternity of our people.And to the power of Jewish ritual.”We don’t know what will happen in the year 2100. It is impossible to predict the future. But of one thing you can be certain – That in the year 2100 Jewish women will be lighting Shabbos candles.


    A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.

    His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

    As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

    I love it,’ he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

    Mr. Jones, you haven’t seen the room; just wait.’

    ‘That doesn’t have anything to do with it,’ he replied.

    Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time.

    Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged’s how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it.

    ‘It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice;

    I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do..

    Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I’ve stored away…










    Be Happy

    Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody

    This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

    Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realised Everybody wouldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done!!


    Very inspiring stories.


    Several years ago in New York, a Frum guy was looking for a job.

    As he glanced through the job adverts, a non Jewish company was looking for someone with requirements which suited him perfectly.

    This required an interview on a specific date in late July, which happened to have fallen out in the nine days.

    Being an observant Jew, he had two inquires to make on that matter.

    First, was he allowed to apply for a job in the nine days. Lastly, what about shaving? He didnt want to present himself to Goyim looking like a mess.

    After asking a very well known prominet Posek of that period, he was told that the first question is not a problem at all. The shaving was absolutley prohibited.

    Well, as the time of the interview started to get closer, he became very nervous and uncomfotable about the psak. He kept on worrying on what impression he will make.

    He needed the job very badly and didnt want to forfeit his chance. He tried to pospone the interview for after T’B’av, but it wasnt possible.

    The day of the interview arrived. He got up that morning and approached the mirror several times. He couldn’t bear the ghastly image. After tormenting himself for about an hour, his yetzer hora go the better of him. He shaved his spikey beard!

    He arrived at the Company , and the big boss, an upper class Gentile started friendly conversation .

    As the interview came to a close, the boss pasued and said the following;

    ‘I am not Jewish, but I’ve lived in New York all my life. I see Jewish men everyday and interact with them. I know a lot of their customs and laws.

    I especially know, that at this time of year, Jews are in mourning and the men do not shave!’

    The frum guy became very edgy and before he wanted to explain, the boss interupted again and said, ‘But you shaved.You were not loyal to YOUR religion, and in that case, you won’t be loyal to our Company. I’m sorry, I can’t hire you’


    nameless, though the intent of this apocryphal story is clear, and teaches a TRULY nice piece of mussar, I doubt such a thing ever happened. First of all, it is probably illegal to even MENTION religion in a job interview (in the context in which it was stated, and possibly illegal to even ask someone if he is Jewish), and no intelligent CEO would refuse to hire a competent person because he was not “loyal” to his religion. If that same boss wanted him to work on Shabbos, he would get very upset when the employee started to explain why he couldn’t do so. And a boss who would extrapolate from the desire to appear neat for a job interview, that a person’s future loyalty to a company would be questionable, is just ridiculous and should not be in a position of authority. More important – is one even allowed to arrange for an interview of this type during the Nine Days?



    It’s a pity I didn’t name the Posek who was involved here. You would never have question the facts.

    In any case, as I appreciate the points you made. We all know Hashem rules the world though, and stranger things have happened…..

    Be Happy

    The whole of Yerushalayim was in an uproar!

    A well-known man, a Belzer Chasid , and his wife had just given birth to their first child – a boy – after being childless for twenty-eight years! The sholom zachor that Friday night was the event of the year. Well over a thousand people came by to wish Mazel Tov to the proud and exhausted father. The food supply ran out in short order as did the drinks, but no one seemed to mind. At the height of the celebration, the crowd quieted down as the father indicated that he would like to say a few words.

    ” Moreh V’Rabbosai ,” he began in a loud voice, “thank you all for coming and sharing in the simcha. Although I have no more food to offer, let me at least tell over a story which I’m sure you’ll appreciate.”

    The ecstatic new father composed himself and continued. “When I was a bochur learning in the Belzer Yeshiva , there was a cleaning lady who would come by every day to tidy up and scrub the Beis Medrash and adjoining rooms. She was a fixture in the yeshiva and devoted her life to maintaining the yeshiva building. She was, however, not a wealthy person by any stretch and as her own family grew, she was at a loss of options as far as taking care of her children. She decided to bring her kids with her to work, and as she cleaned and mopped in one area of the building, the young children would run amuck, screaming, crying and generally causing quite a commotion, in the rest of the yeshiva. At first, we put up with it, we even thought it was cute for a time. But after a while, the kids really began to ‘shter’ us in our learning and davening. Try as we might to control them, they wouldn’t listen and continued on in their childish games and noise. A number of younger bochurim asked me, as one of the oldest in the chaburah , to ask her not to bring her children anymore to the yeshiva.

    “I agreed to talk to her and I brazenly walked up to her and told her that her kids were disturbing everyone in yeshiva and she should find some sort of alternative method of child-care for them. I’ll never forget how she looked at me with tired eyes and said, ‘Bochur , you should never have??? ??? ????

    (the pain and anguish that one goes through when raising children.) The crowd gasped.

    “As many of you know,” continued the father, “my wife and I have been to countless doctors who’ve recommended every sort of treatment. We moved abroad for awhile to be near an ‘expert’ which proved to be fruitless. One last, extreme treatment was offered and after trying that, it too, turned out to be just a fantasy; we felt doomed to a life without the pleasure of raising a yiddishe family.

    “After that last attempt, as we walked back into the apartment that we lived in for the past twenty-eight years, our entire sad situation hit us full force, like a ton of bricks. Together, we broke down crying and ask for forgiveness. I spent hours on the phone until I came up with an address, which I ran over to immediately. She did not recognize me obviously, but when I told her over the story, a spark flickered in her eyes. I tearfully apologized for my harsh words and she graciously forgave me with her whole heart.”

    Beaming from ear to ear, the father announced, ” Rabbosai , that took place exactly nine months ago!”

    checkmate 27

    estherh that a was a moving story

    YW Moderator-42

    This just in from a small town in England: A couple went to job placement agency to find a “domestic assistant” (aka maid). The placed and ad looking for a reliable person. The agency refused to run the ad because it discriminated against unreliable people.

    Be Happy

    I Know Something Good About You

    By Louis C. Shimon

    Wouldn’t this old world be better

    If the folks we meet would say –

    “I know something good about you!”

    And treat us just that way?

    Wouldn’t it be fine and dandy

    If each handclasp, fond and true,

    Carried with it this assurance –

    “I know something good about you!”

    Wouldn’t life be lots more happy

    If the good that’s in us all

    Were the only thing about us

    That folks bothered to recall?

    Wouldn’t life be lots more happy

    If we praised the good we see?

    For there’s such a lot of goodness

    In the worst of you and me!

    Wouldn’t it be nice to practice

    That fine way of thinking, too?

    You know something good about me;

    I know something good about you.


    Five (5) lessons about the way we treat people..

    1 – First Important Lesson – Cleaning Lady.

    During my second month of college, our professor

    gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student

    and had breezed through the questions until I read

    the last one:

    “What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?”

    Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the

    cleaning woman several times. She was tall,

    dark-haired and in her 50’s, but how would I know her name?

    I handed in my paper, leaving the last question

    blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if

    the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

    “Absolutely, ” said the professor. “In your careers,

    you will meet many people. All are significant. They

    deserve your attention and care, even if all you do

    is smile and say “hello.”

    I’ve never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her

    name was Dorothy.

    2. – Second Important Lesson – Pickup in the Rain

    One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American

    woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway

    trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had

    broken down and she desperately needed a ride.

    Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

    A young white man stopped to help her, generally

    unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960’s. The man

    took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

    She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his

    address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a

    knock came on the man’s door. To his surprise, a

    giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A

    special note was attached.

    It read:

    “Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway

    the other night. The rain drenched not only my

    clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.

    Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying

    husband’s bedside just before he passed away… God

    bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving



    Mrs. Nat King Cole.

    3 – Third Important Lesson – Always remember those

    who serve.

    In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,

    a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and

    sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in

    front of him.

    “How much is an ice cream sundae?” he asked.

    “Fifty cents,” replied the waitress.

    The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and

    studied the coins in it.

    “Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?” he inquired.

    By now more people were waiting for a table and the

    waitress was growing impatient.

    ” Thirty-five cents,” she brusquely replied.

    The little boy again counted his coins.

    “I’ll have the plain ice cream,” he said.

    The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on

    the table and walked away The boy finished the ice

    cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress

    came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the

    table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,

    were two nickels and five pennies..

    You see, he couldn’t have the sundae, because he had

    to have enough left to leave her a tip.

    4 – Fourth Important Lesson. – The obstacle in Our Path..

    In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a

    roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if

    anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the

    king’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by

    and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the

    King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did

    anything about getting the stone out of the way.

    Then a peasant came along carrying a load of

    vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the

    peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the

    stone to the side of the road. After much pushing

    and straining, he finally succeeded. After the

    peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed

    a purse lying in the road where the boulder had

    been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note

    from the King indicating that the gold was for the

    person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The

    peasant learned what many of us never understand!

    Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve

    our condition.

    5 – Fifth Important Lesson – Giving When it Counts…

    Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a

    hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who

    was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only

    chance of recovery appeared to be a blood

    transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had

    miraculously survived the same disease and had

    developed the antibodies needed to combat the

    illness. The doctor explained the situation to her

    little brother, and asked the little boy if he would

    be willing to give his blood to his sister.

    I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a

    deep breath and saying, “Yes I’ll do it if it will save

    her.” As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed

    next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing

    the color returning to her cheek. Then his face

    grew pale and his smile faded.

    He looked up at the doctor and asked with a

    trembling voice, “Will I start to die right away”.

    Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the

    doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his

    sister all of his blood in order to save her.

    Most importantly……………… “Work like you

    don’t need the money, love like you’ve never been

    hurt, and dance like you do when nobody’s watching.”


    One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.

    He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when the woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, “How much do I owe you?” “You don’t owe me anything,” she replied. “Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness.” He said….. “Then I thank you from my heart.”

    As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.

    Year’s later that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly ! was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to room. Dressed in his doctor’s gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to the case. After a long struggle, the battle was won.

    Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words….. “Paid in full with one glass of milk”

    Signed Dr. Howard Kelly. Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: “Thank You, God, that Your love has spread abroad through human hearts and hands.”

    The above is a true story!!!


    “Signed Dr. Howard Kelly. Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: “Thank You, God, that Your love has spread abroad through human hearts and hands.”

    The above is a true story!!! “

    I generally really DO hate to be a spoilsport, but if you go to and type in the search engine “Dr. Howard Kelly and the glass of milk” you will find that although the substance of the story is true, it has been GROSSLY, GROSSLY exaggerated to be more dramatic. He was not an impoverished kid with his last dime – quite the opposite, came from a very weall-to-do family that was putting him through school. He was not ready to give up and quit anything, and he was not starving and selling goods from door to door. He had been on a hiking trip and stopped by a farm because he became thirsty. The girl (not woman) who answered the door and gave him a drink, was not deathly ill with a baffling illness, she was merely one of his patients 75% of whom he never charged a dime, because they could not afford him. That alone is sufficient to make a hero of him, in my book, without the need to embellish his story with untruths that “sound” good for the story. whenever I read an e-mail that sounds like this, however sweet and poignant the story might be, if it purports to eb true, I always go to to see if there is a report on it. 99% of the time the story is false (like the girl with leukemia, and the American Cancer Society donating money for every e-mail forwarded – they RECEIVE donations, they do not MAKE them).

    If all we are interested in is the essence of the message of the story, then it matters little whether or not it really happened. But if we are printing something as fact, we should be certain that it is indeed fact. Sorry to burst anyone’s bubble.


    I know a similar story that is true.

    After a fire had destroyed their store, Mr. & Mrs. B. had decided to retire. They took the insurance money and fulfilled their dream of retiring in Yerushalayim.

    One day when Mrs. B. had a dental problem her dentist was unavailable (out-of-town, I think). Luckily a dentist had opened an office just next door, and he was able to see her.

    Her problem was not a simple drill-and-fill, but required a few visits. At the last visit she took out her checkbook to pay and the dentist told her she had already paid. She knew she hadn’t, but the dentist told her the following story:

    Once there was a young boy whose father sent him on an errand. His father gave him 15 cents and sent him out to buy toilet paper. Clutching the money in his hand, he dutifully went off to perform his assigned task. When he came home, his father asked him where the toilet paper was.

    The boy had stopped on the way home to tie his shoe. He had put down the toilet paper and forgotten about it. He went back to look for it. It was no longer there.

    Thinking that maybe somebody found it and returned it, he went back to the store and asked. “I’m sorry,” the woman in the store said. “Nobody turned in any toilet paper.” And with that, he began to cry.

    The woman asked why he was crying and he explained the situation, and that his father would be very angry with him.

    The lady handed him another package of toilet paper and told him to take that home and he needn’t tell his father.

    “So you see,” the dentist continued, “you paid for this dental work when you gave me that package of toilet paper.”

    I didn’t always live in Haifa. I used to live in Yerushalayim and I worked for that dentist. That’s how I know the story.

    Be Happy


    Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly

    I prefer that students (especially boys!) begin at an earlier age, which I explained to Robby. But Robby said that it had always been his mother’s dream to hear him play the piano. So I took him as a student. Well, Robby began with his piano lessons and from the beginning I thought it was a hopeless endeavour. As much as Robby tried, he lacked the sense of tone and basic rhythm needed to excel. But he dutifully reviewed his scales and some elementary pieces that I require all my students to learn.

    Over the months he tried and tried while I listened and cringed and tried to encourage him. At the end of each weekly lesson he’d always say, “My mom’s going to hear me play some day.” But it seemed hopeless. He just did not have any inborn ability. I only knew his mother from a distance as she dropped Robby off or waited in her aged car to pick him up. She always waved and smiled but never stopped in. Then one day Robby stopped coming to our lessons. I thought about calling him but assumed, because of his lack of ability, that he had decided to pursue something else. I also was glad that he stopped coming. He was a bad advertisement for my teaching!

    Several weeks later I mailed to the student’s homes a flyer on the upcoming recital. To my surprise Robby (who received a flyer) asked me if he could be in the recital. I told him that the recital was for current pupils and because he had dropped out he really did not qualify.

    He said that his mom had been sick and unable to take him to piano lessons but he was still practicing. “Miss Hondorf…I’ve just got to play!” he insisted. I don’t know what led me to allow him to play in the recital.

    Maybe it was his persistence or maybe it was something inside of me saying that it would be alright.

    The night for the recital came. The high school gymnasium was packed with parents, friends and relatives. I put Robby up last in the program before I was to come up and thank all the students and play a finishing piece. I thought that any damage he would do would come at the end of the program and I could always salvage his poor performance through my “curtain closer.”

    Well the recital went off without a hitch. The students had been practicing and it showed. Then Robby came up on stage. His clothes were wrinkled and his hair looked like he’ run an egg-beater through it.

    “Why didn’t he dress up like the other students?” I thought. “Why didn’t his mother at least make him comb his hair for this special night?”

    Robby pulled out the piano bench and he began. I was surprised when he announced that he had chosen Mozart’s Concerto #21 in C Major. I was not prepared for what I heard next. His fingers were light on the keys, they even danced nimbly on the ivories. He went from pianissimo to fortissimo…from allegro to virtuoso. His suspended chords that Mozart demands were magnificent! Never had I heard Mozart played so well by people his age After six and a half minutes he ended in a grand crescendo and everyone was on their feet in wild applause. Overcome and in tears I ran up on stage and put my arms around Robby in joy. “I’ve never heard you play like that Robby!

    How’d you do it?” Through the microphone Robby explained: “Well Miss Hondorf…remember I told you my mom was sick? Well actually she had cancer and passed away this morning. And, well….she was born deaf so tonight was the first time she ever heard me play. I wanted to make it special.” There wasn’t a dry eye in the house that evening.


    reminds me of the deaf man in the shteeble!


    That Robby story is beautiful. However, as a musician (and piano teacher) I was a bit skeptical, especially when a kid who could barely play, suddenly was able to play a concerto. And while I have heard students play their part of a concerto at a recital, it isn’t usually done without accompaniment. Further, a piano in the Murrah building? Not impossible, but not likely.

    Finally, checked it out with Sorry, this is also false.


    It did not happen. This story is a variant on a few (including the deaf man in the shteeble by Country Yossi). ALWAYS ALWAYS check with Snopes. Nice story though.


    haifagirl, nice story. there are some sweet people in the world, after all. Nice you could verify it, as well.


    Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

    When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. “I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, but in just a few months or maybe a year, my father will die, and I’ll inherit $200 million.”

    Impressed, the woman obtained his business card – and two months later, she became his stepmother.

    jewish grl

    Geee. the things people do nowadays…

    They called me

    to get my phone


    They spent 20 minutes looking at the orange

    juice carton because it said ‘concentrate.’

    They tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.

    They sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

    They tried to drown a fish.

    They thought a quarterback

    was a refund.

    They got locked in a grocery store and

    starved to death.

    They tripped over a cordless phone.

    They too k a ruler to bed to see how

    long she slept.

    They asked for a price check at the

    Dollar Store.

    They studied for a blood test.

    They thought Meow Mix was a CD for


    When They heard that 90% of

    all crimes occur around the

    home, she moved.

    When They missed the 44 bus, she took the

    22 bus twice instead.

    When they took you to the airport and saw a sign that

    said ‘Airport Left’ she turned around and went home


    Disorder in American courts

    These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word,

    taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were

    actually taking place .

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

    WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ .


    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

    WITNESS: Yes .

    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

    WITNESS: None .

    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

    WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney Can I get a new attorney?


    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

    WITNESS: By death .

    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

    WITNESS: Take a guess


    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work .


    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

    WITNESS: Oral .


    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

    ATTORNEY: And Mr . Denton was dead at the time?

    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished .


    And the best for last:

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

    WITNESS: No .

    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

    WITNESS: No .

    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?


    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

    WITNESS: No .

    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar

    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

    Be Happy

    A little boy came up to his mother in the kitchen one evening while she was fixing supper, and handed her a piece of paper that he had been writing on. After his Mom dried her hands on an apron, she read it, and this is what it said:

    For cutting the grass: $5.00

    For cleaning up my room this week: $1.00

    For going to the store for you: $.50

    Baby-sitting my kid brother while you went shopping: $.25

    Taking out the garbage: $1.00

    For getting a good report card: $5.00

    For cleaning up and raking the yard: $2.00

    Total owed: $14.75

    Well, his mother looked at him standing there, and the boy could see the memories flashing through her mind. She picked up the pen, turned over the paper he’d written on, and this is what she wrote:

    For the nine months I carried you while you were growing inside me:

    No Charge

    For all the nights that I’ve sat up with you, doctored and prayed for you:

    No Charge

    For all the trying times, and all the tears that you’ve caused through the years:

    No Charge

    For all the nights that were filled with dread, and for the worries I knew were ahead:

    No Charge

    For the toys, food, clothes, and even wiping your nose:

    No Charge

    Son, when you add it up, the cost of my love is:

    No Charge.

    When the boy finished reading what his mother had written, there were big tears in his eyes, and he looked straight at his mother and said, “Mom, I sure do love you.” And then he took the pen and in great big letters he wrote: “PAID IN FULL”.

    Be Happy

    Have you heard the story about the man ?

    Have you heard the story about the man who brought peanut butter sandwiches to work everyday? He was always complaining. He hated peanut butter sandwiches he would tell his co-workers.

    “I’m so tired of peanut butter sandwiches. And the white bread is always too soft.”

    “Oh, no! Here it is again, another peanut butter sandwich,” he would say as he opened his lunch box.

    His co-workers pitied him and assumed that his wife or someone where he lived always prepared the same sandwich, day after day.

    One day, one of the men said, “Why don’t you ask your wife to make a different kind of sandwich?”

    To which the man replied, “My wife? I don’t have a wife. I make my own lunches.”

    The morale of this story is that so often we, ourselves, are repeating in our lives what is unpleasant and distasteful. Oftentimes habits have set in and we don’t even realize anymore that something unpleasant has been set in motion, not by a stranger, but by ourselves. For example, I was uncomfortable sitting at my computer in my home. Why? Simply because the chair was not the right height for me. It would catch my knees at a bad angle and they would ache a lot after working at the


    One day, I realized that I had the power to sit at the computer with a different chair. Of course, on some level I knew that all along. But habitual patterns had set in and so I never thought about replacing it. It was probably even less on my mind, as my husband was perfectly content with the old chair.

    Once I took back my power it took me less than a week to break my habit and buy a really comfortable office chair at a discount office supply house. I love my new chair. The seat can go up and down, even forward and backwards and my knees really thank me.

    Take a look around your world and see how many peanut butter sandwiches you are eating!


    This is really interesting,

    Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.


    I’m not aellotlsuby ciacevond that hshopyites is clletmopey rablanseoe.

    depends to some extent on how you order the letters.


    80 – The frist and lsat ltetres need to be in the rghit pclae.


    And if the vgbaerie is emeeltxry ecsievsxe and ofcsabuetd?


    This is just a theory, but I wonder if its partially that when you read something, you’re already thinking of what the next word can be. When you’re reading it, you already know the word, so you just unscramble it, and you can read it without a problem. Just a thought.



    Just out of curiosity, what is the point of checking with snopes? If its a nice stroy, and brings out a point, does anyone really care if its true? I wouldnt.



    99- They are in the right place

    77- I can’t get the first word.




    And? Just kidding.


    And it took me a minute to get “hypothesis.”


    This is not an April Fool’s prank. Your job is to find out why this ordinary-looking paragraph is so unusual. At first, it looks fairly common and unimportant. It’s just a plain insignificant paragraph right? No – not at all. Don’t think that this has a ‘trick’ solution, but don’t think you will find an instant solution. No luck on your first try? Try again. In fact, you could look at this for a third, fourth or fifth try and probably still not hit upon what it is that puts this paragraph in a class all its own (or almost). Only a small handful of paragraphs (if that) can lay claim to this paragraph’s particular curious trait. You could look at this again and again and still not know how unusual it is.


    “And if the vgbaerie is emeeltxry ecsievsxe and ofcsabuetd?”

    This sentence took me quite a while to figure out, and I still can’t figure out the last word. Any help? And in terms of the hypothesis, I think it needs to be pretty common words that people will automatically recognize rather than very hard words like these.


    oomis1105, I verified the story with, and while it said that the email contained an exaggerated version, the basic idea was true, so I didn’t bother removing the exaggerated parts. Anyway, the important part is the message, not the details.


    potpie – no “e”?


    This sentence took me quite a while to figure out, and I still can’t figure out the last word. Any help? And in terms of the hypothesis, I think it needs to be pretty common words that people will automatically recognize rather than very hard words like these.

    The last word was obfuscated.

    As to your comment about it needing to be pretty common words, the “study” cited did not say common words (cleaned up):

    I’m sorry you don’t think hypothesis or obfuscated are common words. I guess we hang out in different circles.

    And further, I can’t believe somebody at Cambridge University would use what when the proper word is which!


    “I think it needs to be pretty common words that people will automatically recognize rather than very hard words like these”

    amuboolite is a pretty common word.


    amuboolite is a pretty common word.

    I used to have one of those! I gave it up. I’m much happier without it. I love Egged!


    First of all, I figured out the word hypothesis. It was mod-77 who couldn’t. Second of all, while I may know what obfuscated means, it’s not a word I use in everyday conversation, and neither do most people. Maybe I shouldn’t have said common words but rather easy,short words, one that a first grader would know and most people would easily recognize. Also, what’s an amuboolite?


    Following that first paragraph’s unusual quality, this solution too will carry on (up to a point) without utilizing a common trait that is found in a vast majority of writing. And just what is this limitation? What is prohibiting both paragraphs from having just an ordinary status? If you could not find a solution by now, you should quit and go on to that third paragraph.

    The letter ‘E’ is not used in either of those paragraphs !! It is the most common letter in the English language ! It is so common that the letter ‘E’ was used 14 times just in the previous 2 sentences ! Yes it is quite difficult to write anything intelligible for any length of time without using an ‘E’. The letter ‘E’ appears in very common words – ‘the’ ‘there’ ‘he’ ‘she’ ‘we’ and so on. How about trying to express anything in the past tense? Just about everything in the past tense ends in ‘ed’.

    As an interesting bit of trivia, the American author, Ernest Vincent Wright, wrote a novel entitled “Gadsby”. In that entire novel of about 50,000 words, the letter ‘E’ does not appear at all!

    Congratulations to Laer who figured it out!




    Yes, it works well with short easy words or with words that are not completely mixed up.


    Oh. I didn’t realize that you had mixed up the letters so I just took the word at face value and couldn’t figure out what it the world it was.


    Mod-77: And it took me a minute to get “hypothesis.”

    potpie: First of all, I figured out the word hypothesis. It was mod-77 who couldn’t. Second of all, while I may know what obfuscated means, it’s not a word I use in everyday conversation, and neither do most people.

    First of all, taking a minute is hardly the same as not getting it.

    Second of all, I think haifagirl and I hang out in the same circles. I use, and hear, obfuscated quite a bit. Certainly more often than I use, or hear, automobile.

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