Life as the son of a Child Molester: My story
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- This topic has 158 replies, 60 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 5 months ago by MiddlePath.
August 23, 2011 7:10 pm at 7:10 pm #598865
Neglected. Not cared for. Shunned.
And yet, I turned out alright. More than alright. Great. I know that I am great guy. I love helping people, I care for people, I am kind to people. I can get along with everyone. So how did I turn out so fine? I would love to say that G-d did it, but that would be taking away credit from myself. G-d helped ME do it. I didn’t want to become the people that abandoned me. The friends that ignored me. The shul members that shunned me. I wanted to show everyone how to REALLY be mature. How to REALLY act properly. How I don’t NEED their care and sympathy to become a wonderful person. I wanted to prove them wrong about me. I had an insatiable desire to succeed, become the best person I can, to show how I can rise above all the challenges thrown my way. And I feel that I’ve succeeded.
Of course, people still ignore me, still shun me, still don’t care for me. They don’t realize how good of a person I am. So did I fail? No! I don’t really need others to see what I have become without their help. I think G-d just wanted me to see for myself how I can overcome these things. It is just for me, to know that any challenge that I face, I can overcome it. So everything that happened was for my good. It helped make me a wonderful person. It boosted my self-esteem. It showed me I can rise above any challenge. So I am thankful to G-d for giving me my life, for I feel that without all these challenges, I would turn out mediocre. I wouldn’t possess the qualities that I have.
I still face many challenges that arise as a result of what happened, such as in dating. Many girls, and many parents of girls, would not consider me for a potential candidate because of my father, and I understand that. Is it fair? Well, it really doesn’t matter, because the girl I will marry will be able to look past all of these things and see me for the person I am. I think G-d is saving me time by cutting off all the non-compatible people before it even starts, so it might even be a good thing.
When I really think about my life, the conclusion that I come to is: I wouldn’t exchange it for anything.
To all who have read this, I hope you got inspiration from my story. I hope you will now face the challenges in your lives and realize that you can overcome them. That everything you have gone through was for your good, and your potential cannot be reached any other way. That you begin to look at things in a positive light, and know that G-d truly loves you, and knows what’s best for you, even if you sometimes don’t understand.
Thank you for reading this.August 23, 2011 8:32 pm at 8:32 pm #8196361st timerParticipant
Hatzlocha rabah in all your endeavors. Stay positive and may HAshem continue to help you.August 23, 2011 8:50 pm at 8:50 pm #819637
beautiful piece. I have lots of thoughts running around in my head but need time to formulate it. I think you have a lot going for you in life, keep that up. you are never done working on yourself. The point is nto that people shoulnt know who are you and what your family story is – ull never be able to run away from who you are and where you come from and then when ppl ask you it reminds you and depress you. just try to move on and prove yourself to others and yourself that you can be YOu and nothing more.
lots more coming….August 23, 2011 8:59 pm at 8:59 pm #819638happy faceMember
You’re story truly touched my heart! You are really strong!! I am sure this story will give alot of pple. chizuk!! Middlepath, you have chosen the right “path”!!! i think your story should be published somewhere where more pple. can read it! You delivered such a powerful message!!August 23, 2011 9:02 pm at 9:02 pm #819639TheGoqParticipant
MP u are all those things u say you are and so much more, you have endured and you have survived no matter what lays ahead u will be prepared for anything may only blessings come your way thank you so much for sharing that it means a lot.August 23, 2011 9:12 pm at 9:12 pm #819640littleappleMember
Wonderful! Col Hacavod. Your attitude about your shidduch is exactly what helped my wife and myself in facing difficulties(due to a different issue) with a match for one of our children. The rejections are beneficial, time and effort saving and for the best. Hatzlochah ! May you find a shidduch hagon b’karov!August 23, 2011 9:57 pm at 9:57 pm #819641Putting my two cents inMember
You are a brave and courageous soul to share your personal, heartwrenching story so that someone can take a page out of your book and learn from it.
You were a victim of circumstance and with Hashem’s help, YOU rose above it. You worked very hard on yourself to allow your inner beauty and your sterling middos to shine so that people know the essence of who you are.
Your day will come when you will find the special woman who will complement you, and together, you and she will soar to even greater heights as a couple building a bayis ne’eman b’yisroel against all odds.
Hatzlocha in all your endeavors…. Keep smiling and continue showing the world what a special person you are.August 23, 2011 10:20 pm at 10:20 pm #819643deiyezoogerMember
You have no idea how much I respect you for having the currage to write your story in public. It’s so importent for people to understand that while child molesters need to be delt with, going on a witch hunt hurt the people who were hurt the most to begin with. If even one innocent kid suffers less because of you writing your story that will be a huge zchus for yourself.August 23, 2011 10:23 pm at 10:23 pm #819644bptParticipant
Wow. MP.. what a burden to bear. Still, its not your fault, and not something you should to be held accounatble for.
But you have the right attitude. Move on and make a new name for yourself / your family.
I (like many people) have skeletons in the closet. Be a mentch and things will iron themselves outAugust 23, 2011 10:27 pm at 10:27 pm #819645oyveykidsthesedaysMember
Kol Hakavod!August 23, 2011 10:34 pm at 10:34 pm #819646
aries2756: MiddlePath has previously made clear the Rabbonim dealt with this situation correctly and appropriately. Please do not continue to look for excuses to bash Rabbonim, something you seem to take sport in.August 23, 2011 10:48 pm at 10:48 pm #819647Queen BeeMember
G-d will send your wife to you at the right time. Stay strong.August 23, 2011 10:50 pm at 10:50 pm #819648mexipalParticipant
mp thank you for your post. i found this very inspiring. may Hashem help you find the right shidduch and build a bayis ne’eman bi’yisroelAugust 23, 2011 11:17 pm at 11:17 pm #819649kol daveedMember
Your emunah and bitachon is beautiful. I do not hesitate to say that you are a source of chizuk for me and all others who read your post. As we know, Hashem placed us into this world and crafted our very existence to the nth degree. Know that everything you go through – joy and sorrow, triumph and tragedy, success and failure – all of it was and is orchestrated by HaKadosh Baruch Hu for your sake so that you may attain your potential. I pray that Hashem should lead you on the path that is meant for you according to His Will and that you have the strength to accept His chesed and din b’laiv shalaim.August 23, 2011 11:22 pm at 11:22 pm #819650bombmaniacParticipant
I know what you mean. I’ve had problems too, as I’ve shared on this forum before, and all through it, no matter how dark life got, there were always the good times that filtered through. I don’t think I would trade my life for another’s. My life has made me who I am.
Hatzlacha in everything, MP.August 23, 2011 11:42 pm at 11:42 pm #819651The last RebelMember
All I can say is WoW I would love to meet you in personAugust 24, 2011 12:33 am at 12:33 am #819652mikehall12382Member
May HAshem continue to give you courgage and strengthAugust 24, 2011 12:39 am at 12:39 am #819653UnderstandMember
Wow. What a well written, inspiring post. You are who you are because of your past. Keep looking forward, and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The right girl will come along, the girl who sees how strong you are because of all the things that went on in your life, and will appreciate you for who YOU are.
Good Luck.August 24, 2011 4:08 am at 4:08 am #819657ObaminatorMember
Baruch Hashem for the Rabbonim shlit”a who helped MiddlePath out in his situation. We really need our Rabbonim.August 24, 2011 4:27 am at 4:27 am #819658ronrsrMember
I am sorry for your pain, but I am grateful that you could talk to all of us publicly to help US to understand. I admire you.August 24, 2011 12:29 pm at 12:29 pm #819659bombmaniacParticipant
to those of you having a little subchat here about whether rabbonim as a whole are evil dictators or not…make another thread. this isnt the place to push agendas.August 24, 2011 2:22 pm at 2:22 pm #819660
MP already said that the rabbonim dealt with the situation very well. lets move on.
MP- good job again!!!!!!!!!August 24, 2011 3:09 pm at 3:09 pm #819661HaLeiViParticipant
Your story is horrifying and amazing. Thank you for having the courage to write it. It is a real testament to the ability to get past all situational boundaries.August 24, 2011 3:53 pm at 3:53 pm #819662
Well said. I also come from a troubled home. Most people don’t know exactly what went on, so they sometimes say things around me without knowing to be sensitive. One attitude that I noticed is quite common is that of, “These people have to change themselves. They cannot blame their parents–they need to take responsibility for themselves.” However, they also say, “My son/daughter/sister/brother will absolutely not go out with him/her,” because family is important, when you marry someone you marry their family etc.
I found this to be a catch 22: They want “us” to change, yet they won’t allow “us” to prove ourselves. 🙁
P.S. Do i know you?? Your details sound familiar…August 24, 2011 4:23 pm at 4:23 pm #819663
P.S. Do i know you?? Your details sound familiar…
How is he supposed to answer that? Think of everyone he knows with the initials rfs?August 24, 2011 4:50 pm at 4:50 pm #819664a maminParticipant
Middle Path: I found this thread to be truly an inspiration, one of the most beautiful threads I ever read in the CR.(Except for some chat btwn….) Wishing you inner peace , tranquility and most of all GOOD MAZEL!!August 24, 2011 4:57 pm at 4:57 pm #819665
How many people do you know with the initials rfs? And I wasn’t expecting an answer, really. Just thought I’d try 🙂 If he knows me, he knows me.August 24, 2011 5:04 pm at 5:04 pm #819666
I find it interesting that he did not check in again. so not his typeAugust 24, 2011 5:08 pm at 5:08 pm #819667
He may know you. But he would have no way of knowing that based on your posts here.August 24, 2011 5:17 pm at 5:17 pm #819668yummy cupcakeMember
i know everyone has told you this already but: wow wow wow! you really sound like an amazing person. you really make one realize that you have no right to judge people based on their situation, because you never know the whole situation, and you don’t know how much the person grew from his/her situation. may H-Shem give you the strength to keep going and to become the best person you could be, bringing more kedusha and bracha into this world.August 24, 2011 5:25 pm at 5:25 pm #819669
Thank you for your concern. =)August 24, 2011 5:36 pm at 5:36 pm #819670Queen BeeMember
I also noticed MiddlePath hasn’t been back. Posting such a personal story must have been really difficult. I’m sure he read the comments, he just needs some time.August 24, 2011 8:07 pm at 8:07 pm #819671bb9650Participant
Or maybe he’s on a date with photogenic 😉August 24, 2011 8:09 pm at 8:09 pm #819672
Just wanted to thank everyone for your support and responses. I don’t have time right now to post further, but hopefully tonight I will. Thanks so much.August 24, 2011 8:31 pm at 8:31 pm #819673RedNails19Participant
MiddlePath- WOW!! I am struck with such awe, amazement, inspiration, and a tremendouse amount of respect for you!! I am SO SO proud of how far you’ve come, and you did all by yourself- With the help of Hashem- and the fact you aknowlage that as well!! I am really blown away by your story!! You give so many people who are/were unfortunatly in your position- hope and chizuk!
I am so thasnkful you shared your story and again, Im so impressed and so proud of what you made yourself and how you faught the many injustices you were consistantly faced with.
You show a tremendous amount of gevura, emuna, bitachon, middos, anava, endurance, intelligence and simcha!
The girl that b’eh has the great fortune to marry you- will see that, and see how truly lucky she is to have found such a beautiful neshama like you!
Again, I thank you so much for sharing your story- it really touched me.August 25, 2011 3:43 am at 3:43 am #819674bein_hasdorimParticipant
You take after our Founding Father Avraham Avinu A”H
He chose another path not following in his fathers footsteps.
He left his homeland set his own path following HB”H and showing people the light. He fought the world. Almost everyone was against him. He prevailed and he succeeded. His children are still a light upon the nations. Special, unique and holy. Keep on doing what’s right.
Ignore those who judge children for their parents sins,
for HB”H does the opposite. He judges people for who they are.
The reward is astoundingly more for one who has left an ancestors bad ways and has tread their own path in the light of day.
Hatzlacha!August 25, 2011 5:10 am at 5:10 am #819675ronrsrMember
Let me just bring up a side note. Many relatives of criminals get branded for things their criminal relatives have done. They can sometime be shunned or branded. That’s not fair. Many of the relatives are decent people. Witness the moving story we have heard above.
I am also thinking of the family of a recent murderer in Brooklyn. I have heard that people are seeking to exact revenge on his family, or at least shunning them. They are ignoring the fact that they are innocent victims, too, and had nothing to do with the murder in any way. They are in pain and may need our understanding, support and solace, too, as any innocent victim deserves.August 25, 2011 6:51 am at 6:51 am #819676
Ok, I have now read all your posts more carefully, and the first thing I did after reading them was smile! I am so happy my story has inspired many of you, and I really want to humbly thank everyone for your wonderful brachos! I truly don’t think I deserve even half of the compliments given, but I will continue to work on myself, and hopefully someday I will be on the level to deserve such compliments.
I wasn’t sure if I should post my story, but seeing how it really did inspire many people, I am so happy I did. It also feels good to talk about it, since I barely discussed these things with anyone, so this was the perfect way to bring it out.
I also see that aries’ post here was deleted for whatever reason, and I’m a little sad about that. Aries, if possible, I would love to see what you have written, since so much of what you say gives me better understanding of things and really connects with me.
And just to be clear about the Rabbis that handled this issue, I feel that they handled my father very well. I said nothing about how they handled the rest of my family, since I didn’t really want to discuss it, but you can probably guess that all from my story. I hope this resolves any issue of “Rabbi bashing” or “Rabbi glorifying” in the future in reference to my personal story.
The main point of my story here was simply to show people what I’ve gone through, and to inspire people that can learn from it. And since I did that, I am very happy. Thank you all so much!!!
With respect and admiration,
MiddlePathAugust 25, 2011 8:06 am at 8:06 am #819677kb248Member
wow!! your truly a amazing person! after hearing what you went through and how you dealt with it and became the person that you are, they are no such a thing as excuses anymore. i wish i could be as strong as you!August 25, 2011 4:05 pm at 4:05 pm #819678
you can really use your story and life lessons to help others who are going through things similar to yours.August 25, 2011 4:20 pm at 4:20 pm #819679amichaiParticipant
middlepath; wishing you all the best and much hatzlocha in the future.August 25, 2011 6:11 pm at 6:11 pm #819680
rfs, I may know you, you may know me, but so what? I have nothing to hide.
adorable, yes, I can use it to help others, but I don’t know how I would really get it out there, and I don’t know if any Jewish magazine would publish such a story. Also, I don’t know if I want to have my story out there like that.August 25, 2011 6:34 pm at 6:34 pm #819681mustangriderMember
middle, after reading your story the only thing i can say is:
Have you ever considered working with kids at risk? if anyone had a reason or excuse to turn to drugs etc. it is someone who had a childhood like yours. but YOU didn’t! you rose above and faced your challenges head on! i think there are many kids out there you can help because you went through either the same challenges or similar ones as they have. you can probably understand them and where they are coming from better than most, and those kids will probably listen to you more than to a rabbi or someone who they feel has no idea what its like to be them.
one more thing – be proud of who you are!August 25, 2011 9:22 pm at 9:22 pm #819682
Thanks, mustang. I actually have helped out kids that were struggling with many issues before, but I’ve never thought about doing it on a “professional” level. Maybe I should…Thanks for your advice!August 26, 2011 12:21 am at 12:21 am #819683Sister BearMember
MiddlePath – you truly are an outstanding person!!! I’m sure all the people who know you in real life must be blessed to have such a great person amongst them!!!! You are an example of how people should live, if only others were like you!!!!
And may you find someone who truly realizes how great you are to be your wife….soon!!!!! May you continue to inspire others!!!!! (in real life and in this coffee room)August 26, 2011 4:02 am at 4:02 am #819684amesParticipant
MiddlePath, wow, you have truly inspired me with your story. I’m feeling speechless, but I just have to say something. Wow. Thank you and I’m sorry that we, as a community, did not take care of you. I hope we will start rectifying that soon.August 26, 2011 5:24 pm at 5:24 pm #819686
600, I appreciate you looking out for me, but changing my surname is something I really would not want to do. And I am hoping to move to somewhere else once I’m married. I don’t know about Israel, but definitely to another city.
Again, thank you all for your wonderful brachos!August 26, 2011 6:07 pm at 6:07 pm #819687WIYMember
What you have written here is a powerful and moving piece. I am very impressed with your resilience and your faith in Hashem. What you have overcome and continue to face is a staggering challenge that many people would not be able to handle.
Thank you for the inspiration!
Hashem should continue to give you the strength to overcome every challenge you face.
P.s. You should submit this to some frum magazines and news papers.August 26, 2011 6:12 pm at 6:12 pm #819688mexipalParticipant
600 kilo do you know the Brooklyn murderers familly to declare them all responsible.Because a child had an accident that may cause mental problems the parents should assume that the kid is a cold blooded killer?!August 28, 2011 5:43 am at 5:43 am #819690
Thank you WIY. I don’t know if I would be comfortable submitting this to a magazine or newspaper.
mexipal, I agree that it would be unfair to accuse the family of the murderer for being irresponsible, because we can’t assume they knew he was capable of such an act.
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