Loud and obnoxious neighbors
- This topic has 152 replies, 44 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 2 months ago by shlishi.
February 16, 2011 3:47 pm at 3:47 pm #595063
I have these neighbors that live upstairs from me and anytime we have asked them to keep the noise down he tells us that his Rav allows him to make noise(what Rav would allow that is beyond me?!?). Well the last time we went up to them and we were calm and nice, etc. he got in my face(almost punched me) and called me a stalker! We’ve had it where she started running on treadmill at 11 PM. Well this morning at 815 she started on the treadmill AGAIN! It woke me up. I thought this to be very rude, especially since we cant go to sleep till they go to sleep(because again they are making tons of noise at night). My husband who has to be up by like 6 AM cant get up on time because with the noise they make he cant fall asleep. Any advice? (I already did one thing which I wont mention, but they need to get it thru their head that they cant mess with me!)February 16, 2011 4:14 pm at 4:14 pm #754376mamashtakahMember
Are they renters? If so, complain to their landlord.
If that doesn’t work, call the police. It’s sad, but sometimes it has to be done.February 16, 2011 4:29 pm at 4:29 pm #754377I can only tryMember
It’s a shame you and your neighbor are having these issues.
Here are a few quick thoughts:
1) Is it possible for you to meet with your neighbor’s rov together and work things out?
2) 11:00PM is awfully late for treadmill noise. 9:00 or 10:00 is more reasonable, earlier if you have young kids. Can they move their treadmill to a room that isn’t over your bedroom(s)?
3) 8:15AM isn’t an unreasonably early time to make noise. As a chessed they may hold off, but it’s really not early.
Hatzlocha raba.February 16, 2011 4:32 pm at 4:32 pm #754378
Are these actually Frum people behaving like beheimas? I agree first complain to the landlord and let the landlord know that you are coming to him first after asking them on more than one occasion to be considerate. If they don’t listen to the landlord you have no other choice but to call the cops.February 16, 2011 5:20 pm at 5:20 pm #754379seeallsidesParticipant
Sounds sad-I can understand that when you want to treadmill, you sometimes can only get time to do it when it is inconvenient to your downstairs neighbor- i searched ‘silencing a treadmill’ and this is what i found- ‘one thing that would help would to get the treadmill up onto vibration isolation pads, especially if the mill is on a hardwood floor. You would place a vibration pad on each foot of the machine, or if it does not have feet, you will want to place the pads at the 4 corners of the mill.
Another remedy would be to underlay the mill with a material called SSP floormat. This would roll out under the treadmill, and then your would place the mill atop of this floormat and onto the vibration pads as well. This would be effective at reducing the noise levels transmitted to the floors below’ Alternatively maybe they can put a piece of carpet under the treadmill. There should be a resolution to this problem that doesn’t have to make a machlokes. Good luck in finding it!February 16, 2011 5:45 pm at 5:45 pm #754380shev143Member
You cannot call the cops for someone running on their treadmill in their own home, no matter what hour of day or night.
I don’t think you will take this advice well but have you tried using ear plugs at night.February 16, 2011 5:49 pm at 5:49 pm #754381☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
call the cops
Call your posek first and ask if you’re allowed to. And ask if it’s a wise thing to do.February 16, 2011 5:55 pm at 5:55 pm #754382
this is a keg of dynamite ready to explode, chas v’ shalom.
you may be in the right.
nevertheless i would extremely strongly advise you to drop the matter, swallow your pride, learn to live with it, even smile and be friendly and do not mention it again.
if you do this for the sake of peace between Jews, for the sake of avoiding machlokes, for the sake of Hashem, even though you are being wronged your reward will be inestimable. just as you overlook the wrongs committed to you, so will Hashem overlook the wrongs you have committed to Him. The Reward will be inestimable, great beyond comprehension, real, and forever.
you will have to overcome your pride however, very very difficult. speak to a wise Talmid Chochum if you can find one, preferably with a long, grey beard. learn the Mesillas Yesharim on prideFebruary 16, 2011 6:07 pm at 6:07 pm #754383the.nurseMember
This may sound like weird advice, but sometimes being really friendly & nice can make someone change their outlook.. if they’re frum, like giving them a nice shalach manos for purim, baking extra cookies for shabbos & giving them some, inviting them for a shabbos meal.. smiling at them and saying good morning every day.. don’t know if you would be able to do things like that, obviously it would be extremely difficult, but you never know what might work.February 16, 2011 6:09 pm at 6:09 pm #754384workingbubbyMember
There is not much the landlord can do. If you are all frum people try to negotiate thru a Rav. Other than that, I recommend you start looking for another apartment. Take it from someone in the field.
The police can’t really do anything about it either and they are certainly not going to bother.February 16, 2011 9:33 pm at 9:33 pm #754385guy-ochoMember
11:30 PM in Israel now. I’m in middle of blaring YWN Radio (it actually works again), and my son is practicing his drumming.
Oh wait catch you later got an angry neighbor at the door.
OK I’m back
Seriously If only I had neighbors who woke me up at 8:15 AM, I wouldn’t miss Shachris as often. I would actually pay them to do it.February 16, 2011 9:33 pm at 9:33 pm #754386nishtdayngesheftParticipant
How would your neighbor describe you?February 16, 2011 9:52 pm at 9:52 pm #754387apushatayidParticipant
Let me guess. The neighbor upstairs is the landlord.February 16, 2011 10:00 pm at 10:00 pm #754388
OK rather than indiviually answer you all I was generalize it and find what pertains to you:
1. not calling the cops.
2. i called the landlord he says nothing he can do. he says hes not a dorm counselor(doesnt sound like he wants to say anything anyways) and i said either somehting needs to be done or im out. for health reason i am not allowed to be under stress or get myself worked up so now i got it bec i gotta move. whatever
3. i was so nice. i asked her to come for a shabbos meal(more than once) and finally she says we dont eat out and later that week we saw them going out for the meal.
4. i use ear plugs but with a treadmill it doesnt work. my husband cant otherwise he wont hear his alarm.
5. i invited them to come down to listen to the noise and they said “i dont need to hear it because i dont care!”
Besides all that why should we have to suffer like this.
I am searching now for an apartment. But you know what they say what gors around comes around. But I did get them and well see how long it takes for them to realize what I did.February 16, 2011 10:07 pm at 10:07 pm #754389
APY-no they are not.
guy-not funny. also people dont rly know what goes on behind close doors and why i need to do what i have to do and why i need some quiet.
When I was growing up I lived in an apartment building. we lived on the top floor and I was told from day 1, YOU DO NOT BOUNCE A BALL IN THE HOUSE bec ppl live underneath you. Yet, they let their child do it. If I was caught bouncing it, it was taken away from me. I was also not allowed to jump or run around in my apt bec ppl were living underneath me. That’s called commonsene and having consideration for others. I guess they were raised like animals but thats wha happens when you grow up in …
Nishtday-they told me they can hear some things too, so I made sure to keep it down! but you know what to heck with them!February 16, 2011 11:50 pm at 11:50 pm #754390
Offer them a quarter for every time they make noise. For three weeks. Then stop.February 17, 2011 4:51 am at 4:51 am #754391
Get a dog! Or get a tape of a dog barking. Do they have kids? Do you? Do you belong to the same shul? The same yeshiva? You might ask the Rav to talk to them.
As far as the landlord is concerned it doesn’t seem as if he cares much about you nor does it seem like he cares if you move out. Ask your neighbors if they know of any other apartments in the area. If they ask you why you are moving simply say the neighbors upstairs are not very considerate about running their machinery late at night and early in the morning. You just can’t handle the noise any more.February 17, 2011 8:40 am at 8:40 am #754392kapustaParticipant
If its so important, ask if they would be willing to put down a rug or carpet (the expense either split between you or even if you need to cover the cost alone) in the whole apartment or at least in the room on top of yours. As far as the earplugs and not hearing the alarm clock, I think they sell something that shakes instead of making noise, maybe something like that would work…? Is it as bad in the summer (with air conditioning)? If that works, maybe a sound machine would help. It might mean investing a few dollars, but its probably worth it to maintain Shalom.
Hatzlacha!February 17, 2011 9:22 am at 9:22 am #754393mamashtakahMember
Tell her when you move out that you’ll leave your new address and phone number, so when Elul comes she can contact you and ask you to mochel her.February 17, 2011 2:12 pm at 2:12 pm #754394HaLeiViParticipant
Did you try running a fan or getting a white noise machine? You can, for one night, install a mega woofer speaker in your ceiling and explain to them what it means to be disturbed by noise.February 17, 2011 2:56 pm at 2:56 pm #754395canineMember
Yoogiboo – you wrote you did something to get revenge at them. What kind of nekama did you do?February 17, 2011 3:04 pm at 3:04 pm #754396
My problem is different i live in a large apt building and many of my young frum neighbors think the hallway is their rec room
they let the kids play out there all day none of my gentile neighbors with families allow their kids to do this.
How would they feel if i strolled the hallway with a boombox when they are putting their kids to bed well guess what my sleep is important too.February 17, 2011 3:15 pm at 3:15 pm #754397☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
they let the kids play out there all day … well guess what my sleep is important too.
I don’t understand your complaint. If they play during the day, that seems reasonable to me because most people sleep at night.February 17, 2011 3:23 pm at 3:23 pm #754398February 17, 2011 3:43 pm at 3:43 pm #754399
sometime i like to take a nap on shabbos dont i deserve a rest????February 17, 2011 3:45 pm at 3:45 pm #754400
yes sometimes frum people behave badly and they need to be told about their disruptive behaviour and how it affects othersFebruary 17, 2011 3:55 pm at 3:55 pm #754401
Zeeskite, anyone who runs a treadmill after 10:00pm when noise is supposed to come to a halt knowing that the people downstairs have already asked you to stop, and run the washing machine before 9:00am, knowing that your downstairs neighbors also asked that you don’t, are not considerate people. No matter how nice you are to them, they are “selfish” and only do what is convenient and important to themselves.
If you want to dan l’kaf zchus i would say if she can’t do her treadmill before 11:00 which does not seem likely, then compromise and go down to listen what it sounds like, and do whatever is necessary to muffle the sound. But she refused to do that as well. So the OP tried to do the right thing but has no one to work with.February 17, 2011 3:57 pm at 3:57 pm #754402
They do have carpeting. They were not home last night B”H and when they did come home at 2 AM guess who woke up from it???? ME! thats right!
That is correct, the landlord did not care.
I sent the girl upstairs a text that said that once it comes time for her child to go to sleep…i wrote GOOD LUCK!
you really wanna know what i did??? i have acsess to all the boilers in my apartment so i turned theirs down to low. But then before I went to sleep I turned it back right. yes i know im bad but they had to reealize..dont mess with me!February 17, 2011 4:00 pm at 4:00 pm #754403
dont you see where this is heading, chas v shalom?February 17, 2011 4:01 pm at 4:01 pm #754404February 17, 2011 4:01 pm at 4:01 pm #754405canineMember
Goq, asking neighboring children to be quiet in the AFTERNOON is unreasonable.February 17, 2011 4:04 pm at 4:04 pm #754406
im not talking about in THEIR APARTMENT im talking about in the hallway outside thier apartment it is to be used just to get from your apartment to the lobby it is not a social hall or a playroomFebruary 17, 2011 4:06 pm at 4:06 pm #754407
yes moderator it is heading to the realization of certain people that the world does not revolve around them that there are other people in the worldFebruary 17, 2011 4:07 pm at 4:07 pm #754408
Are people really that bad and intrinsically mean? Tails? Horns?February 17, 2011 4:12 pm at 4:12 pm #754410QuestionForYouParticipant
“My problem is different. I live in a large apt building, and many of my young Frum neighbors think the hallway is their rec room.
They let the kids play out there all day.”
The Goq is correct. A hallway is just that; a hallway. It’s not a playground, where children can run around and make noise.
If the children want to play; then let them play in their own homes, or else let them go to a playground.February 17, 2011 4:17 pm at 4:17 pm #754411
you are right goq and they are wrong, true
so how are you going to serve Hashem with this difficult nisoyin?
turn down their heat like yogi did?
flatten their tires?
shoot them? that happens all the time in neighbor disputes among the goyim.
what are you going to do?February 17, 2011 4:21 pm at 4:21 pm #754412
I opt to send Moderator down to moderate a solution. Location?February 17, 2011 4:24 pm at 4:24 pm #754413
It is not unreasonable to be respectful of Shabbos Menucha. But Goq, you should invest in a noise machine, it will drown out the noise from outside and give you a good rest. It will help you keep the peace and enjoy your neighbor’s kids. They are kids and the neighbors are more concerned about their own Shabbos menucha.February 17, 2011 4:33 pm at 4:33 pm #754414QuestionForYouParticipant
The Goq, I sympathize with your situation. Children should not be playing in a hallway and making noise at any time, even when it’s not Shabbos.
Have you tried speaking to the children’s parents, in a nice way?February 17, 2011 4:38 pm at 4:38 pm #754415
i am not investing in nothing THEY ARE IN THE WRONG!!February 17, 2011 4:41 pm at 4:41 pm #754416
so mod 80 what should i do say nothing and let them do whatever they want??? turn the other cheek?? no no no the are acting improperly and against the rules if it continues i will absolutly report them to the building manager and do so without a trace of guilt.February 17, 2011 4:42 pm at 4:42 pm #754417
ty question i have brought it up but i have been ignored they have a sense of entitlement and feel that the rules do not apply to themFebruary 17, 2011 4:46 pm at 4:46 pm #754418TumsMember
So you’d rather stand on principle and lose your sleep?February 17, 2011 4:54 pm at 4:54 pm #754419
Here is a question for you Goq and it is very, very, important so give it some thought. Would you rather be RIGHT or would you rather be HAPPY? Sometimes you can’t have both and you have to choose. Don’t let your need to be right get in the way of your right to be happy and successful.February 17, 2011 4:57 pm at 4:57 pm #754420
so mod 80 what should i do?
you should be selfish
you should think about yourself and your Neshamah, and not worry about them, worry about yourself.
you should remove the power you have given them to control your thoughts and emotions
you should realize it is a test
you should be overly nice and not critical of them and talk to them in this manner seeing if they can help you
if this fails you should continue to realize it is all in the hands of Hashem
you should calmy think about what steps you should take as Hishtadlus
you sould getthe advice and counsel of a Talmid Chochom
you should not lose your temper but calmly listen to his advice even if it doesnt seem fair to you
you should speak to the building manager if you have to
you should still continue to be friendly with your neighbor and make it clear that you see their side but hopefully they can see your side as well
you should keep smiling when talking to them
you should not give others the power to push your buttons
you should learn the mussar of hatred and revenge
YOU SHOULD STUDY AND THINK DEEPLY INTO THE WONDERFUL WONDERFUL GIFT HASHEM BESTOWS ON THOSE THAT OVERLOOK THE WRONGS DONE TO THEM, EVEN WHEN THEY ARE RIGHT!
you should think about the bigger picture
you should remember that this world is only a fleeting preparation for the real world
you should learn the mussar of controlling your anger
you should daven to Hashem to guide you in how you should handle this situation
you should daven to Hashem to help you acquire true Emunah and BitochanFebruary 17, 2011 4:57 pm at 4:57 pm #754421s2021Member
earplugs!! My dad is allergic to noise so he blasts the AC the whole year shabbos afternoon. (my poor mother suffers)February 17, 2011 5:04 pm at 5:04 pm #754422
and what dear mod80 should they the WRONG party do????? nothing i suppose ???February 17, 2011 5:04 pm at 5:04 pm #754423hadassaParticipant
stop paying your rent if you are a tenant. let the landlord take you to court at which time you tell the court that you don’t have
“quiet enjoyment” to which you are entitled.
By withholding the rent, you are forcing landlord (which might be
the upstairs person) to get involved and solve the problem. Otherwise, it will cost financially.February 17, 2011 5:08 pm at 5:08 pm #754424
go ahead mod 80 keep putting the onus on me i am cosiderate of others always i never think i am above the law but go ahead blame the victimFebruary 17, 2011 5:18 pm at 5:18 pm #754425
See? I said to get Mod to Moderate! They got into their position for a reason! I tried thinking along those lines too. (you got too many lines)
I remember a shiur by Rabbi Miller – where he says something to the effect that Lavan was Yaakov’s Rosh Yeshiva – he constantly drove him on to perfection. One can utilize any and every encounter for Shleimus.
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