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Ha! True Oomis! That would be very unguy like 🙂
C’mon people, I think chaimt meant it sincerely.
Does the guy goes to pick up the girl?
Most of the time yes. Sometimes in Israel, or if the girl lives out of town, the couple agrees to meet at a hotel or coffee shop. In Israel this sometimes can be pretty funny when there is more than one couple who agree to meet at a certain time. In US there aren’t many guys in full suits and cowboy hats or girls wearing too much makeup in middle of the daytime anyway, so its not hard to spot each other 🙂
Does he go in?
If she lives at home, yes. If she dorms, call and she will come out (make sure to have the car door open for her so she does not feel like she is being picked up in a taxi).
How long do the parents talk to him for?
3-15 minutes, usually about learning/college/job.
How should he act during the date?
Be kind and chivalrous. Ask questions that don’t have yes/no answers, and when she asks you a question, ask her a question of a similar vein back. My tip is RASA – Receive (listen to her), Appreciate (respond as she is speaking with facial expressions or expressions like “wow,” “hmmm'” “ahhh,” “I hear,” “oh my!”….), Summarize (retell her story back, adding in your impression), Ask (ask her something about her story, it might be something simple, or will help you understand her). If you really don’t care… You are NORMAL. Pretend you are hired to write a book about the person you are dating. And you want to know all about their life. As the dates progress you move deeper into their world, and they delve in yours and you build a relationship.
Oh, DY… You can look at it both ways. Why a critical eye?
I’d speculate that the rules came first and then then intricacies. The same way when children make up a ball game and add rules as the game goes along so that the game is more fair to all parties, doesn’t end too quickly, or last too long. The game we know today is likely different than the original way chess was played. Changing rules might make it more likely to have a stalemate game.
It says more about our society that about the quality of the individual “offered.”
Makes me sad.
My friend is engaged! Mazal Tov!
Other ppl might not know what you doing…. I would stay away and use the sink.
Dinner for a first date is not nessacary, most people just go for drinks at a lounge or park… I
If you do decide to do dinner, make sure to let your date know because she may not be expecting it and will eat beforehand.February 17, 2015 7:49 pm at 7:49 pm in reply to: Do you still get childish impulses to do silly things? #1060104
I have always wanted to do this in an elevator –
Wait until there is only one more person, and then start circling them and poking at the walls, etc. Act like you’re trying not to make noise.
Then, stand in front of them and stick your face close to theirs then continue the former.
When they ask you what they’re doing or make it obvious that they know you’re there, look surprised and say “YOU CAN SEE ME???”February 16, 2015 5:02 am at 5:02 am in reply to: How and why should I respect a parent that doesn't deserve respect? #1061090
If you google ” honoring abusive parents” you should get an article on hakira by Mark Dratch (YU)
If you google “honoring parents who are abusive” you should get an article by Dr. Benzion Sorotzkin.
It just happened on Thursday – he did look a little young to date (maybe 21), but if he is from the yeshiva in town, that would be funny 🙂
Women are more likely to have an appearance grow on them (we focus more on personality, how they make us feel, gevura, honesty, sincerity) and less on looks than men do. My mentor said that for a man, if he doesn’t find a girl attractive (does not enjoy to look at her) by date 3, then he might never and there is no reason to continue. Often for a girl, if does not find her date attractive at date 3, should continue a few more times, because his looks might grow on her if she enjoys his personality, tone, strength etc.
I haven’t been here that long, and I am not a man, so I only can speak from what here from ‘”older and wisers”
My friend was waiting outside for me to pick me up and I open the car door to put my stuff in the back seat with a loud ‘halllow’.’ I look up to a black hatted bucher who is not my friend (or my date). B”H I did not know him, but It was funny 🙂
Thank you Sara – that was insightful.
Thanks for the suggestions MS Shadchan and Charlie Hall… Do you know anyone in similar situations? What else did they do?
It’s actually a poem that there are many versions of. Some people might have the chords for it (Sternberg turned it into a song, so chances are you wont find the music online).
Is anybody happier because you passed his way?
Does anyone remember now that you spoke to him today?
The day is almost over, and its toiling time is through.
Is there anyone to utter now a kindly word of you?
Can you say today is passing and tomorrow slips so fast
That you helped a single brother of the many that you passed?
Is a single heart rejoicing over what you did or said?
Does a man whose hopes were failing now with promise look ahead?
Did you waste the day or use it? Was it well or sorely spent?
Did you leave a trail of kindness, or a scar of discontent?
As you close your eyes in slumber, do you think Hashem will sayNovember 6, 2014 3:40 am at 3:40 am in reply to: How does the legend of Icarus resonate in the Torah? #1039933
Apashut and randomex – thank you for the connections!
Randomex – I understand that everything orginates from the Torah (even warped Greek myths) – and was looking for a root.
This reminds me of
-Nadav and Avinu who were too consumed by fire.
-cognitive man, halakhic man, and homo religious (R’ Soloveitchik)
-A little bit of Adam Harishon and the original chet.November 5, 2014 4:33 pm at 4:33 pm in reply to: How does the legend of Icarus resonate in the Torah? #1039918
Damoshe – So cool! I did not think of that one!
Randomex – I misrepresented – I meant to focus on the manner in which we relate.
1. To exhibit or produce resonance or resonant effects.
2. To evoke a feeling of shared emotion or belief
3. To correspond closely or harmoniously: “Symbolism matters, especially if the symbols resonate with the larger message” (William Greider).November 5, 2014 4:02 am at 4:02 am in reply to: How does the legend of Icarus resonate in the Torah? #1039909
Oomis – interesting connection
I think the goal was different for Bavel than Icarus
The fact that Icarus flew too close to the sun so his wings melted and then he fell to the sea and drowned reminds of the danger of flipping out in yeshiva.
Writersoul – funny quote!
Bp – rebyidd was speaking from the child’s point of view…November 4, 2014 3:14 am at 3:14 am in reply to: How does the legend of Icarus resonate in the Torah? #1039904
🙂November 4, 2014 12:50 am at 12:50 am in reply to: How does the legend of Icarus resonate in the Torah? #1039902
There does not need to – it’s just a cool concept.
bp – I agree that parenting used to be less complicated (not that I’ve been there done that… Just speculating)
What do you disagree with about?
PAA – great point – A great defense against hitting children.
RebYid and BP – True dat! Not simple…
The asker wants to know how one should respond, not whether or not potching is a valid parenting method.
I agree, that potching can be degrading and may seem hypocritical at times. The point being, I think this same question applies to whenever a parent punishes a child – Isn’t it true that 2 wrongs don’t make a right? Why can a person of authority cause harm to someone else?
Don’t we wear hats for the same reason we wear dark pants and white shirts?
Mashalim can work well… Not sure if a three year old brain can make the transfer though.
I haven’t finished thinking this one through so it’s pretty rough.
” Imagine if you were building a block tower with your best friend Moshe in playgroup. It’s already three stories high, and there is a moat with alligators, 2 pointy towers, with windows… And you are putting on the last tower and another boy is being silly and running around and he runs straight into your block tower and knocks it down! So your morah has the boy sit in time out. Then another boy comes and gives the morah a potch! Is that OK?”
Something along those lines… I am not a parent – so please let me know if this will backfire 🙂
Ha 🙂 reminds me of – “always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn.”
Also, what about ???? ???? ????? ????? – does that mean our purpose for serving Hashem should be our of fear/awe?
I’m not sure if this changes the question, but it’s an interesting idea.
The Rambam says that pras is a gratuity bestowed upon a person to whom nothing is owed; it is given out of sheer generosity, as an act of kindness and grace.
The Rambam says this is the difference between sachar ??? and pras – sachar is payment, and is deserved, and pras is a reward, a gratuity.
So note, pirkie avos is not saying there is anything wrong with serving Hashem for schar (according to the Rambam)
Just to clarify, you are asking why we should serve Hashem?… If so you are questioning why we exist – Right?