Rafi Bar

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  • in reply to: Recent chilul HaShem #1590374

    Rafi Bar
    Participant

    Joseph, the rate is low relative to high birthrate. What do you call these Chareidi hooligans who sit all night in the parks of Beit Shemesh 3 playing loud Electric ‘dance music’ and picking fights with passerby i have seen this many times. You consider them to be ‘frum’? because they wear a Yarmulke.

    in reply to: Some thoughts about the internet #1584029

    Rafi Bar
    Participant

    We use the internet because it is addicting. There is an enjoyment in making snarky witty posts, and pushing and shoving if you will. It’s like camp color war.
    this is as far as postings.
    But it’s an addiction, no one can stop completely. the only way would be to treat it like a drug addict who has recovered, means going to meetings etc. treating it like the gambler who lost all his money etc. no one will do it because we dont see the price, we dont see the loss of the home of the gambler or the drug addict. maybe its more like a food addiction, you have to eat.

    in reply to: OTD Child #1584023

    Rafi Bar
    Participant

    The outfrum is possible. but in what context. you can never win. If you go to 2 Shiurim a week, they ask you to go to a third, a fourth. Or some people they are always in the Beis Medrash. U cannot measure what you did against what happened bec in my case 3 are actually more frum then they were brought up. We went for example to the beach as a family, a mixed beach. is that bad? but they dont go to such a beach.
    I think it’s impossible to predict this its all causation does not = whatever that phrase is. My question is simply that I want he should marry someone Jewish so that some day he might return. It is very hard to just do nothing. I have to make an big effort. If he’s home on Shabbis when it’s Mincha, do I ask him if he wants to join me? He is coming for RH and will be in the house the whole time. Some of his peers dont do that much.

    in reply to: OTD Child #1583264

    Rafi Bar
    Participant

    The issue was not chumros. We never had money for that haha. We had a leibedig house. it’s not only the not keeping Shabbos that bothers me but I was expecting him to be married by this age. It’s not that I want more grandchildren but I genuinely believe in this way of life, rather than him rooming with his work manager whose wife lives in another city etc. It is for his losses, what he is giving up both Ruchniyus and Gashmius that hurts me.

    I also on some level feel as I failed despite what I hear that it happens alot. I guess no one expects this. I find it hard to joke about, is it supposed to be joked about ? does that make it sort of not to take it too hard I guess.

    in reply to: Some thoughts about the internet #1583280

    Rafi Bar
    Participant

    I question this whole way that we have conversations, these forums. I am in it I know. But I have stopped before.
    I would say this is like a drug. You dont have to have real relationships, just this clever witty posts.
    At least we have a Shabbos and Shule to talk to a real person.
    But why is this mode so preferred. I am guilty as the next one. If not here, I am on twitter, same thing.
    I want to stop it but I am so addicted I cannot.
    The instant Shabbos is over i am on these forums or twitter or the other one. I stopped fb but i always get suckered back in. I hate fb with a passion but still i go on it, just a little.
    To stop you have to make a very concious effort and rid of the smart phone. I know i am saying the most obvious things and i am not doing them.
    I can give up fb except there are some people that is the only way to communicate with them.
    IOW, I want my old old life back when I wasn’t busy in the posting business.

    in reply to: OTD Child #1582488

    Rafi Bar
    Participant

    I have been involved in going to Shiurim for many years and have been a Baal Koreh over 10 years sometimes i walk one hour each way.I visited EY once a year before I had kids there. He saw a deep passion for Yiddishkeit from me. Listened to Jewish music in the house, many books, seforim. I think he got into this from one friend orginially, but ultimately he lacked the passion imo. I did not see this coming, He wanted a second year in EY and he got it, before that he would learn with his favorite High school Rebbe. I think maybe he wants to change something in himself?

    in reply to: OTD Child #1582486

    Rafi Bar
    Participant

    We allowed him to go to work on Shabbos. At the time I was afraid of him using hard drugs. He has used some Marijuana but not on a regular basis, it’s situational if a friend has some. He uses more tobbacco now and wants to stop that. I am sorry i did not know at the time of a frum company that has similar sales work to what he is now doing but it’s too late, he is rising a little in that company.
    I believe he left bec all his life he was not doing well in learning, he would sit in Shiurim but was not getting it or enjoying it. He has a hard job but he is doing ok but its really too many hours so he has no time for anything. Now he has moved to another state about 4 hours away.
    Thanks for the comments so far. Some people in the family thought he should be dating, i thought of finding him a shidduch, a female version of this. But others think it’s not a good idea.
    THe problem is me, i feel i failed him completely. WHy do I feel this way when the 3 other children are all very frum and give us so much Nachas? It just does. It seems i cannot do anything but sit and wait.

    in reply to: Going to Uman for the Hock #1580302

    Rafi Bar
    Participant

    Perhaps it is possible that you give a shiur or facillitate learning in your shule. Let’s say after Musaf or where there is a few minutes you would learn Mishnayos Rosh Hashanah together, this is just an example, the point is you would not have time to complain about the same old same old you would be too busy with actually uplifting others and yourself. I do this by being a Baal Koreh, the same concept.

    in reply to: Going to Uman for the Hock #1580303

    Rafi Bar
    Participant

    I must say I love the music video’s that are posted, especially the minute Yuntiv is over I am watching the video’s from the evening. But I would never go there unless I can go with my family. I don’t think I could gain a good experience by going there at all except I would love the music parts.

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