Forum Replies Created
If a graphic story like that was in the middle of a publication intended for children, then I completely agree that it’s inappropriate. And if the general society agrees (and cannot even choose whether to receive it!), then of course advertisers should not support it.
The point of the frum periodicals is to give news from a frum perspective – and there are a lot of people who *don’t* read the news online because of all the shmutz there – they depend on the their frum periodicals to report world news to them!
It sounds like you like the human-interest, family-friendly publications. And if you get your news online anyway, maybe don’t bring the “newsy” periodicals into your house.
I agree, of course, that frum publications should only have “appropriate” material. I’m just not convinced by your description that this particular article was inappropriate.
I’m in Yerushalayim!
Is your issue that the content was objectively inappropriate, even for frum adults? Or that it’s not appropriate for children?
I don’t know what specific details you’re talking about, but I have more sympathy for the first cause than the second. There are many frum publications that are meant for the frum ADULT population to read. Parents should not allow young children to read adult magazines, since they often, and IMO appropriately so, discuss sensitive topics not intended for children.
Let me start by saying that I don’t have yichus, am not married to someone with yichus, and don’t really think that yichus is very important.
From my understanding of the issue, however, people who think yichus is important do so because of the following reasons:
– They want to make sure that there is no p’gam in the ancestry which may have happened if there are ancestors who were not shomer Torah U’mitzvos
– In cases of close yichus, as in father, grandfather, and perhaps great-grandfather, one would hope that being raised in a family that is known for excelling in limud Torah, yiras shamayim, middos tovos, etc would have had an effect on the child in question and would produce a highly mechunach and refined ben torah. Of course, as a previous poster mentioned, if that proves not to be the case, this reason would not hold water.
– Zchus avos. There is a concept of the descendants of a great tzaddik having special shemirah and zechusim based on the merits of their ancestors, assuming that they themselves are a decent person.
I would be surprised if someone took a shidduch based on yichus “at the expense” of other crucial maalos – most people sould looking for yichus in addition to other wonderful things. And of course everyone has to prioritize all the things they’re looking for. Just like everything else on the list.
The first thing that someone would need to do is clarify exactly what the Gedolim think about this matter. The fact that there are signs all over Yerushalayim with names on the bottom doesn’t mean anything. There are kana’aim out there who will twist the Gedolims’ words for their own agenda. It could be that someone asked the Gedolim if it’s preferable to volunteer for a shomer-Torah emergency organization rather than MDA, and they answered yes …
If it is indeed true, I imagine that there’s a back story here … I also have trouble understanding how it could be really assur to volunteer for MDA.
To those members of the CR who have been in abusive situations – I’m curious if you see abusive patterns in the families of the abusers. What are the relationships of their parents like? Their siblings?
popa_bar_abba, I think your observation about tznius is spot-on.
mosherose, which are you? –
a) Single and completely clueless about the Torah hashkafa of marriage
b) Unhappily married
c) Getting a kick out of making false and inflammatory statements to get a rise out of other people
If it’s a or b, please seek out guidance. If c, it’s really not funny, and you may turn people away from a Torah-true lifestyle.
In the chorus in the first post, the missing line is
“The Torah says you shouldn’t shirk”
And in the chorus that eclipse quoted, I always thought the words were
“The Torah says that you should show
You’re happy to get up and go”
A relative of mine (Let’s call him Yechezkel) suggested a shidduch and acted as the go-between. The night before the couple was going to get engaged, there was a knock on Yechezkel’s door. It was the boy’s Rosh Yeshiva. He said that the boy had had a mental breakdown of sorts a couple of years ago and had been hospitalized for a few days. He said he knew that the boy’s side had not told the girl’s side about it and that it HAD to be told. He told Yechezkel to make sure the girl’s side found out about it – but to make sure that the information wasn’t traced back to the Rosh Yeshiva.
Yechezkel told the girl’s side about it, which resulted in them making calls to the boy’s parents and then doctors to make an informed decision. The whole time the boy’s side was poo-pooing it and saying that it was no big deal and not wanting to give information.
In the end, the girl’s side broke off the shidduch – NOT because of the mental health issue, but because the boy’s side had not been forthcoming about the issue and the girl’s side felt that the boy’s side could not be trusted.
There’s a big difference between giving information to a stranger before the couple has even met, and withholding vital information once the couple is far along (or engaged!).
As far as I understand the halachos of shmiras halashon in regard to shidduchim, Aries is correct in not giving sensitive information to a stranger on the phone – she has loyalty to the person that she knows, and you never know what loose-lipped person will let that information out to people who shouldn’t have it. I don’t think you’re allowed to lie, but you are allowed to avoid the questions. If you want to make sure that people are being completely candid with you, call people that *you* know, or have someone that knows both you and the reference make the call.
However, in Ofcourse’s case, the fact that people knew that a major issues hadn’t been disclosed and nobody said anything about it is a BIG problem. It *was* the chosson’s/parents’ responsibility to divulge the information, but if they didn’t, someone else should have alerted the kallah to the issues. Ofcourse, did you ask a shailah at that point?