Thinking allowed

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  • in reply to: Wedding Veils: Charedi vs Hassidic vs … 👰 #1270257
    Thinking allowed

    LOL, Mrs. Plony. I got sucked into a different topic, and I wasted a lot of time doing that!!!
    I’m done. There’s no point anyway. Obviously, some people don’t understand what I wrote, and don’t really want to!
    Back to veils it is!

    in reply to: Question about the new format #1270133
    Thinking allowed

    Is there still no way to completely edit or cancel a post to a thread? we used to have like 25 minutes.
    Sometimes, I just need to see that my markups came out correct, and I can’t check that in my PC’s word processor. *

    Also, I have posted replies to the wrong comment, but once I hit send, there was
    a. no way to edit what I wrote, and
    b. no way to tell what comment I had replied to. Some of my posts don’t really make sense.*

    I know it looks like I never really posted before this week. (That is a different issue that came up when I tried to login to YWN a few weeks ago, and accidentally gave an email address associated with an old user name, and I didn’t realize until I started posting).*

    Lastly, is there a way to re-order the posts temporarily, just on my screen, so I can see new posts to older comments on the thread? I think that’s a good idea! *

    Also, not sure where to write this:
    How to ask a question to the coffeeroom mods – whomever is currently modding – but not for posting publicly. *

    There is not presently a way to edit the posts after pressing send but we are hoping this will be restored.

    a. See above   b. If you quote a part of the post you are replying to or mention the poster by name it helps with continuity

    We would be happy to get you in to your old account if you would like your original name back, let us know

    Totally not in the cards.

    Start off your post with something like, “PLEASE DO NOT POST” or “For Mods only”. We will read it and delete it. Including account info or to delete a mistaken post.



    in reply to: Wedding Veils: Charedi vs Hassidic vs … 👰 #1270093
    Thinking allowed

    Yes it is possible that they are being polite. But not in my experience:

    In one instance, it was people who I knew for a long time. It came up in a class with Jewish and non-Jewish students. Somehow I had become the voice of Torah Judaism. A female frum classmate came in one day wearing a snood or something, and I was asked why she suddenly did! I told them that they have actually never seen her hair!! Her sheitel was the type that looked obvious to a frum person. They really were incredulous! The next time they saw her, they wanted her to show them that it’s a wig, which of course she couldn’t do in mixed company! I don’t remember exactly how we convinced them: perhaps she showed a female classmate in private…

    It also came up once while I was speaking to a police officer upstate, who has seen scores of Orthodox Jewish women, and asked me why “Hasidic” women cover their hair. We were discussing what he perceived as Orthodox women being treated unequally or oppressively in terms of [tznius]. He had no idea that most Orthodox, Torah observant women cover their hair – Hasidic or not! This conversation took place about 21 years ago… Frum women were not wearing custom, long, loose wigs.

    in reply to: Wedding Veils: Charedi vs Hassidic vs … 👰 #1270086
    Thinking allowed

    I once thought it was the First time that they meet, because it says “Nohagim LirOs Hakalla lifnei Hachasuna”. But if the skver minhag is as you say, a mamin, thank you for the information. It’s best that information I post is accurate. The girl I knew was in fact a Skvere ainikel.

    in reply to: Wedding Veils: Charedi vs Hassidic vs … 👰 #1270082
    Thinking allowed

    erroneous post: replied to wrong comment!

    Can someone direct me to advice on how to edit a post, if I realize I Replied to the wrong comment. Or how to edit in general

    in reply to: Wedding Veils: Charedi vs Hassidic vs … 👰 #1270026
    Thinking allowed

    TY Daas Yochid for your use of that question. I never found a use for it until now!!!

    in reply to: Wedding Veils: Charedi vs Hassidic vs … 👰 #1269650
    Thinking allowed

    I did not do a comprehensive analysis of Piskei halacha, shailos and teshuvos. But the information that I posted above refers to the Rema, Rav Moshe Feinstein, and the Mishna Berura, who were speaking about a Peah Nochris, which as I explained, is a human hair wig, and they do not qualify their statements with “but it has to be obvious that it is a wig”. Ironically, it is from an article that discusses using one’s OWN hair for a wig. I think it’s kind of obvious that that is going to look real.

    It is difficult to prove a negative.
    Show me a single recognizable posek who allows women to wear green dresses on Tuesdays.

    Everybody knows that one can be machmir, to enhance their yiras shomayim, if that is where they are holding. I am just stating that “assur l’chol hadeios” is not true, regarding the wig looking like human hair.

    There are wigs that are rather tame, and look very “fake” to Frum Jews who are accustomed to wigs, but non-Jews are flabbergasted when told that what they are seeing is a wig!
    At the other end, there are hairstyles that are provocative, whether attached to the head, or attached to a wig.
    Provocative is a different issue. And I assume is “assur l’chol hadeios”, but not because of erva.

    in reply to: Wedding Veils: Charedi vs Hassidic vs … 👰 #1269523
    Thinking allowed

    No it is not “assur l’chol hadeios”, Joseph.
    You are making an absolute statement. And it simply is not so.
    There are Rabbanim who hold they are assur. And there are many, equally qualified, who do not.

    I think our comments were both awaiting moderation overnight. If so, you may want to look through my long comment here, for a tiny bit of relevant sources.
    Or not.

    in reply to: Just testing the various “allowed markup”s ☑️❎🆙 #1269528
    Thinking allowed

    Testing again, are quotes necessary inside <a href= >

    (Does color really work if done this way?)

    in reply to: Just testing the various “allowed markup”s ☑️❎🆙 #1269489
    Thinking allowed

    Testing links:
    how do you do this?

    in reply to: Wedding Veils: Charedi vs Hassidic vs … 👰 #1269486
    Thinking allowed

    Falling for troll comment:
    Pretty is not provocative.
    Facial expressions, or overdone make-up can be.

    in reply to: Wedding Veils: Charedi vs Hassidic vs … 👰 #1268921
    Thinking allowed

    There are differing opinions regarding this topic. Before you heap ugly “blessings” on women who cover their hair with human hair sheitels:

    First of all, there are two topics.

    1. a woman’s requirement to cover her hair, because sa’ar b’isha erva, and
    2. peripherally related the issue of tznius in general.

    Regarding the first issue:
    Some (significant poskim) are of the opinion that as long as the woman’s OWN hair is fully covered, it does not matter with what it is covered. It can be a hat with full coverage, an inverted garbage can, or a wig – even of human hair. Obviously there are those that disagree. There are many teshuvos that deal with this issue.

    The following information is taken from an article I read, written by Rabbi Yair Hoffman:
    Based on a Rashi in Bechoros, wearing hair that comes from another woman is referred to as “Peah Nochris”, and in other places, Rashi and Meiri clearly explain a gemora on this topic, stating that the wig was worn for reasons of beauty: so she would appear to have more hair.
    The Rema permits saying the shema in front of a woman wearing a human hair wig, and the Mishna Berura explains that it is because a wig is not s’ar b’isha erva. Most Ashkenazic poskim follow this opinion, (Igros Moshe Even HaEzer Vol. II #12.)
    Although Rav Ovadia Yosef (Yabia Omer V EH 5:4), and Rav Chaim Palaji (Ruach Chaim EH 21) follow a stringent view, forbidding the wearing of wigs for Sefardic women, the Kaf haChaim (OC 75:19), Mishpetai Uziel (EH Mahadurah Tanina #74), and Yaskil Avdi (Vol. VII EH #16), all prominent Sefardi Poskim also permit the wig.
    There is further discussion among poskim regarding the use of a woman’s own hair for a wig! (permitted by some noteworthy poskim).
    Therefore your statement that if the sheitel is so lifelike…… it [is] like the wife is not even covering her hair, is not necessarily true, and instead of inspiring people to increase their level of yiras shomayim, it can Chas V’sholom cause them to develop negativity and resistance to keeping mitzvos.

    Regarding the second issue;
    A woman of virtue is one who conducts herself with Tznius. That means she limits her outer appearance, in order to enhance her essence, which is the Real self. Another factor that must be taken in to consideration, is that a man has many restrictions on deliberately looking at a woman who is not his wife. There are specific parts of the body which are called erva, and a man may not see those parts of a woman if they are uncovered.
    Furthermore, a Jewish man may not deliberately “gaze” at a woman, and this is a severe mandate. A woman must be conscious and respectful of this, and has a responsibility to assist men in this area, due to the concept of “lifnei iver lo siten michshol”. Do not put a stumbling block in front of one who is blind. Therefore clothing or behavior of any type, that is alluring, attention getting, or otherwise provocative is indeed forbidden, despite what is covered. If a woman walks or talks in a provocative way, she is held accountable, regardless of what is covered. If a wig is PROVOCATIVE, it is assur, despite what it is made of!

    Even among communities that follow the poskim who allow sheitels that look like hair; different communities do have different standards of what is considered acceptable:
    A wig that which is fine in one community, is considered long in another. Regardless, most women know, or can easily be made aware, of what is considered pretty vs. what is provocative.. Provocation is NEVER acceptable.

    There is a difference between attractive vs. attracting.

    in reply to: Wedding Veils: Charedi vs Hassidic vs … 👰 #1268808
    Thinking allowed

    I am part of a very learned, Yeshiva educated family, including some men who have spent their entire lives learning Torah for most of the day, and finished Shas numerous times. I would say we are Chareidi, but since this word did not exist in the U.S. previous to 10 or 15 years ago, I do not know an accurate definition of that word. You might call us Yeshivish, but even that definition seems to have morphed over the years.
    Let’s just say we are quite familiar with and serious about Torah, halacha, and minhagim, and proper practice of all three!! We are by no means people who skirt halacha, or try to modernize Torah in any way!

    We are not chassidish, so I can not speak for their hanhagos.

    We definitely do not hold that the “dek tich” (fabric veil with which the chassan covers the kallahs face at the “badeken” before the chuppah) needs to be thick. As a matter of fact, if any covering DID obscure the Kallah’s face completely at one of our family weddings, the Mesader Kiddushin had the kallah (or her mother) lift the veil during certain parts of the Chuppah. The Chassan must see who he is marrying, and (if I’m correct) possibly the Eidim must also see!

    I do not know the reason for the veil, although it is obviously the minhag at a Jewish wedding, that the Chassan comes in and covers the Kallah’s face in some way. It is my understanding that her face only needs to be partially hidden, which is accomplished even by a moderately sheer, or lacy fabric covering, through which she can definitely see where she is going, but her facial features are not clearly defined by an onlooker.
    Apparently, there is a minhag for the Kallah’s face to be less than visible at this time.

    I am wondering if this is part of the well known minhag that for a period the Chassan and Kallah do not see each other before their wedding. I really don’t know. In current times, most Ashkenazim apply this to the entire week before the Chasuna. I may be completely off here – I’m just thinking out loud!

    There are Rebbeshe Chasunas, where there is some sort of event the night before the Chasuna, where the Chassan and Kallah definitely see each other. And of course by some Sefardim, there is often a ceremony the night before the Chasuna. In those cases, not seeing each other for the entire week before the Chasuna is obviously not the accepted practice.

    Perhaps there is merit to the idea that other men should not look at the Kallah. I believe that there is a gemara that suggests that when the men are being misamayach the Kallah – which is a mitzvah, (kaytzad merakdim lifnei haKallah) the men are supposed to look at the Kallah’s “crown” or other headpiece, in order to avoid gazing straight at the Kallah’s face.

    In some circumstances, and at many weddings that I attended in Eretz Yisroel, the Chassan was escorted straight from the “badeken” (covering procedure), directly to the chuppah, with the Kallah following shortly behind. Often the Chuppah took place right outside the wedding location, and there was no aisle for anyone to walk down. There were no stops at a restroom, at the Kallah’s preparation room, or any place else. It is quite clear to everyone assembled, that the young woman who was seen and “covered” by the Chassan, is the one who followed him out to the Chuppah.
    I suspect that that is how it is supposed to be.

    However, at MOST very frum weddings that I have attended here in the U.S., the Kallah definitely goes back to a private place to “straighten herself up” a bit for the Chuppah. Additionally, there is a period between the badeken and the Chuppah, where all the guests have to go from the room where the badeken was, to the room where the Chuppah will take place. It can be quite a few minutes before all the guests are SEATED, and the Chassan begins to walk to the Chupah. The Chassan – and the Kallah – have to wait somewhere. If the purpose of the badeken is to insure that the Chassan identifies his Kallah, confirming that the he knows exactly who he is marrying, that goal is then undone, because there is much opportunity for the Kallah to be exchanged during that time!!

    Perhaps that is why the Litvish Roshei Yeshiva who were Mesader at the weddings in my family were makpid that the veil be lifted, if the Chassan or the Eidim could not really identify the kallah. Regardless, it was a lot less traumatic for the kallah to be able to see where she was going. And it was not in the slightest bit considered a minimizing of any sort of tznius or anything of the like.

    Oif Simchos!

    in reply to: Unexpected Yichud – humor #1267575
    Thinking allowed

    About 12 years ago, my Rav said to me that if there had been internet in the time of Chazal, they would have instituted a gezeira or something of that sort, that would make it yichud for a man to be alone with a PC that is connected to the web. At the time I was considering a business to look up things for people in my area (medical, repairs, warrantee info, directions, whatever they needed), who did not have access to the web. I had many acquaintances who were always asking me to print out stuff for them, or would call me for directions because they were lost. I don’t think it was his opinion alone. It sounded like the concept had been discussed among other Rabbonim.

    In some communities, long before TAG was born, it was a given that if someone had internet access in their home it should only be located in a central location. And there are families where the password on their internet filter – or maybe the password for the master user account is made up of two parts. The husband knows one half, and the wife knows one half. They set up their computer that only a master account can access the web. That is the way they protect each other from using the computer clandestinely, or changing any protective settings. They both have to be present, and informed when either one of them is going online.

    Obviously this only works when the couple are true yirei shamayim, who, as a team are trying to make sure they don’t fall into a bottomless pit of “trouble” when using the internet.

Viewing 14 posts - 1 through 14 (of 14 total)