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July 26, 2017 10:41 am at 10:41 am in reply to: Out Of The Mailbag: (Flatbush Kiddush: Tznius & Drinking Out Of Control) #1325568
Taking this same theme to the (somewhat) newer fad of BBQ events for a wide variety of good causes, it seems to be spiraling out of control. Scotch and whiskey tasting, hand rolled cigars, multiple varieties of smoked meats etc. readily available for those who want to support any one of a number of good causes.
I have been to exactly one such event and while the cause was a worthwhile one, the behavior and atmosphere is not one I can agree with.
I guess this is where we are headed. The slope is very steep and long.
As i said I think the word “derech” must have a pretty wide definition.”
Meaning that there is room for definition. You stated “There are plenty of kids who aren’t the slightest bit OTD and are in trouble with drugs and dangerous things”. I contend that can’t make sense…as that drugs are off the derech.
If i were to make the word Derch very narrow, yes we are all off, including myself (missing minyan….OTD?).
Some would argue drinking (excessively), smoking and things like that are also OFF the derech….Very Muddled.
I didn’t realize that we can pick and choose what the D in OTD is. And i guess by my own definition, i am also OTD in some way (we aren’t all perfect). I think the word “derech” must have a pretty wide definition.
Point being that we can’t judge these children. We need to keep loving them and guide them best we can.
RebYid…..Kids in trouble with drugs and dangerous things ARE OTD.
What are you judging on?
And i agree with Zahvasdad…..do what you can to keep them out of trouble….better to have some meaning in their life.
As much as it pains to see my son who isn’t on the derech i chose, i see him being respectful, productive and as a father and a husband he is doing right by his wife and child. Keep loving them. I believe and pray that eventually they will find their way back.
As a parent of 3 boys…now all in their 20’s… let me put my 2 cents in.
They all lived in the same home and went through the same 8 years of elementary school yet they are all very different in almost every way. One at each extreme and one somewhere in the middle. I cant explain it other than they all reacted/interpreted things differently. Meaning, as an example, one loved a certain Rebbe and one was turned off by the same Rebbe….the Rebbe wasn’t different the child was. Not blaming the Rebbe or Yeshiva. At home they all saw the same lifestyle we live…..again different strokes for different folks.
So now all we can do is continue to love them for who they are, the religiosity not withstanding and hope that by showing support for who each one is as an individual each will continue to move closer to the derech they should be on.
LOL….I remember our first date very well….first few hours we barley talked…..drove into city to a comedy club for a show (this was 30 years ago, times and I were a little different) and the silence in the car was DEAFENING. Afterwards i asked if she wanted to get some pizza, she still doesn’t know why she agreed but once we sat down to eat, conversation came easy. BH 30 years later we have plenty to talk about.
If you don’t keep two days Yom Tov than what is the big deal. I assume that the pilots don’t keep 2 days Yom Tov….and flying/landing in America isn’t a chilul Yom Tov for either you or them.
I see no reason why you had to cancel and certainly no reason for El Al to change it for you at no charge.
Drinking on the whole is completely out of hand. It isn’t just for Purim anymore.
Drinking and getting drunk has become the norm at just about every simcha. I have personally seen boys as young as 13 hugging a toilet bowl while they vomit. Roshei Yeshiva need to come out and put their collective foot down and put a stop to it.
As far as Purim itself, I believe one in their own home at their own seuda should drink enough to get tipsy. They should not be giving any out to those that come into their home for whatever reason.
The insanity needs to stop!
Most wont become frum from this….correct. However, one guest i had last year still come 75% of shabbossim to my home. And for the few hours she is there she is eating Kosher and NOT being a chillul Shabbos.
All we can do is plant seeds….
1.To reserve, call 732-TEA-SING.
2. Last year i invited a chofetz chaim guy…this year ill go Lubavitch
Is there a difference?
3.lol invite a hippy, a democrat, a republican, a MO, a hareidi and some kids for energy. Add some spices and you got quite a salad. oy lol
4.I invited a tziyoni last year for the Shabbos Project. Today he is Neteuri Karta.
All this comes across as sarcasm…..If i am wrong than please be mochel…..
I rarely post my comments but i feel here i have to.
I am repulsed by what i read as making fun of the intention of The Shabbos Project. If you aren’t interested in having those who are less fortunate than you or less frum than you at your table, than by all means live in your own world. Don’t invite anyone.
There are many that don’t need a “Shabbos Project” to be inspired to invite strangers into their house for a shabbos meal and perhaps build a relationship that will plant seeds that will last several lifetimes.
The idea to promote kiruv worldwide is admirable. It gives many people the chance to get involved in something that, IMHO will hasten the coming of Moshiach. If you not interested stay out of the way of those that are.
So no one should play sports….there is always a loser. (sorry OBBL)
Schools shouldn’t have spelling bees…there is only one winner.
I was in camps for 15+ years….sometimes I won color war and sometimes I lost. It was fun being part of a team. Winning and losing color war (or a league game, or any other contest/event) means a lot less than learning team work. It has to be put into the proper perspective.
Now as an adult, whether at work or recreationaly, i know the concept of “team player”.
What craziness. Speaking as a 50+ with married kids, let me give you (my) perspective.
Any of the circumstances described above (poverty, overweight etc.) can be changed. And the reverse is true to (Rich, thin, etc). We all have the ability to change and Hashem can change things in a flash.
From my experience, what is truly deep down (hashkafa, midos, etc.) are more likely to stay and be refined with a good partner.All this outside stuff is noise meant to distract us from what is important.
Assuming the U-Turn was illegal than the first driver has a right to the spot.
There is a lot if that going on in Flatbush…illegal u-turns to grab a spot. It is dangerous and a chillul hashem. If the spot is n the other side of the street than it wasn’t meant to be your spot. I
Reb Moshe Meir Weiss in his Parshas Vayeshev shiur mentioned several Gedolim that made sure to do something special on their birthday. There isn’t anything wrong with wanting to make the day special.
How un beliveable this is…..the question “How would you react?”. The simplest way to have handle it was to tell her that the seat was your daugthers, once she became stubborn, you should have offered to switc seats and have your daughter face the wall.
This was a great opportunity to teach your daughter that there are times that even though we are in the “right’, the right thing to do is show derech eretz to others. What you have shown your daughter is simply that when I am right, I am right and nothing is more important than that! Our generation (I am in my 40’s with enough chiildren to observe this) is becoming the ME FIRST generation. What I need, How I feel, I come first etc. is becoming the norm.
The woman was in her 60’s….for goodness sake coudlnt you just give her the seat??? And to the poster that insists that you were simply standing up for your rights is probably the same guy that makes a U-Turn in middle of traffic on Avenue J because he saw a spot on the other side of the street.