It’s wedding season once again. Baruch Hashem, simchos abound, and nearly every night brings another opportunity to be mesameiach a chosson and kallah. And yet, if we’re being honest, the experience often comes with a sense of tension and frustration.
We leave our homes early, brave traffic, search for parking, and make our way into yet another hall—only to find ourselves… waiting. Waiting through the extended picture session. Waiting for the first dance to begin. Waiting between courses. Waiting as the band sets up, resets, and pauses again.
Hours pass, and while we’re happy to take part in someone else’s simchah, there’s a gnawing feeling that our evening could have been more productive—more uplifting. We want to give, but not at the expense of our own spiritual rhythm.
Recently, however, I experienced a different kind of wedding—and it left me inspired.
At two separate weddings held at Marina del Rey, the baalei simchah did something simple but revolutionary: they arranged for Rav Aryeh Kerzner, a respected maggid shiur and popular speaker, to deliver a brief shiur between the chuppah and the first dance.
It was just fifteen or twenty minutes. But those few minutes transformed the night.
Instead of sitting around restlessly, guests were drawn into thoughtful Torah. We weren’t just filling time—we were filling ourselves. We danced afterward with more simchah because we felt we had gained. We gave kavod to Torah, brought ruchniyus into the simchah, and uplifted an otherwise passive part of the evening.
And it got me thinking: Why shouldn’t this become the norm?
Imagine if every wedding included a short, well-placed divrei Torah or shiur while the pictures are being taken. It need not be long. It need not delay anything. But it would offer tremendous benefit—giving purpose to the otherwise idle time and turning each wedding into a true night of aliyah for all involved.
We are a people who cherish Torah and seize every opportunity to grow. This small addition to the standard wedding schedule would solve a very real problem: the feeling that wedding-going drains time without spiritual return. With a little forethought, we could transform a frustrating part of our community experience into something uplifting and enriching.
Let this be the start of a new minhag Yisrael: Torah at our weddings—not just under the chuppah, but in the halls as well.
It’s time to raise the bar. Let’s not just attend weddings. Let’s gain from them.
Signed,
Yitzy Stern
The views expressed in this letter are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of YWN. Have an opinion you would like to share? Send it to us for review.
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17 Responses
Absolutely not. There’s no need to try to out-frum your friends and neighbors by adding something to a wedding that’s never been part of it.
great idea!
I am trying to follow the “logic” here.
The complaint: “Waiting through the extended picture session. Waiting for the first dance to begin. Waiting between courses. Waiting as the band sets up, resets, and pauses again.” Sounds like waiting forever!
The solution: “a brief shiur between the chuppah and the first dance. It was just fifteen or twenty minutes. But those few minutes transformed the night.”
So a 15-20 minute shiur solved your kvetching about hours of waiting!
Magic. But not very logical.
Are you simply trying to promote this speaker to get him hired for wedding gigs? Ah, that’s your point, right? Then say so!
Just write: “Rav Aryeh Kerzner, a respected maggid shiur and popular speaker, is looking for wedding gigs. He can’t sing but he can speak and fill in 15-20 minutes before the first dance!”
For those weddings where they cannot feasibly obtain a speaker to come deliver divrei Torah during that time, an alternative could be to do so via a live-video stream from a different location or, if that is not feasible, then to play a pre-recorded shiur (whether or not recorded specifically for the simcha), especially if the video playback equipment is already present.
BaisIsThePlace:
Waiting 30 minutes post-Chuppah due to the family taking pictures also was “never part of it”. Maybe the “absolutely not” should be directed in that direction, if you feel so strongly about not having a shiur then. Some photographers take the photos of each side so that the photo of the chosson or kallah (of the “other” side) can be inserted digitally into the photo later on, which would save at least some of that 30-minute down-time for post-chuppah pictures.
A letter writer who includes their name?!
Interesting!
It’s been a while.
Brave
Kudos on signing your name.
yeah lets reinvent the wheel! have you never heard of this minhag? it used to be pretty popular and people weren’t interested, but its a wonderful idea
Signing a name is no big deal. Donald Trump
How about having the chassan and kallah take all the pictures before the wedding so that they can enter the hall after 10 minutes in the yichud room. By that time, the salad/soup is done and dancing can begin. No wait. Everybody can go home an hour earlier.
A better idea would be to do what a lot of halls are already doing is to serve all the food after the chuppah so you at least give the people something to eat besides plain bread and coleslaw. And so you don’t starve your guests while your taking the pritzusdike chosson and kallah pictures that you’re babysitter will be looking through one day
The author complains, “wedding-going drains time without spiritual return”, it is “at the expense of our own spiritual rhythm”.
Maybe the author does not appreciate the mitzva of hachnosas kallah, being mesameach chosson v’kallah, that great Amiroim would dance before the kallah “at the expense” of their own spiritual learning.
This author reeks of self centered selfishness. The author seems to ask, what’s in it for me?
I am disappointed that the author is dissatisfied with doing chesed and gemilas chassodim. His giving my come with taking for himself.
He justifies the selfishness by covering it with so-called holiness: “spiritual rhythm”, “uplifting and enriching (himself)”.
Hey buddy, focuss on the task at hand! Get in the mood to dance and make merry, because that us what you are there for!
The author complains, “wedding-going drains time without spiritual return”, it is “at the expense of our own spiritual rhythm”.
Maybe the author does not appreciate the mitzva of hachnosas kallah, being mesameach chosson v’kallah, that great Amiroim would dance before the kallah “at the expense” of their own spiritual learning.
This author reeks of self centered selfishness. The author seems to ask, what’s in it for me?
I am disappointed that the author is dissatisfied with doing chesed and gemilas chassodim. His focus is on taking for himself.
He justifies the selfishness by covering it with so-called holiness: “spiritual rhythm”, “uplifting and enriching (himself)”.
Hey buddy, focuss on the task at hand! Get in the mood to dance and make merry, because that us what you are there for!
@Rebbitzen Goldenpickanicerscreenname: Please forgive me. But I have to be honest, I do not know the author. However, it appears to me that your inflammatory remarks are accusatory and fall in the category of Onnaat Devarim. We live at very very difficult times and we MUST promote Ahavas chinom amogst ourselves. @ YWN, please check with your posek if you are even allowed to publish such inflammatory remarks! You may be over the isur of Messayea Ledavar Averah on several counts. Mechila VeSelicha from all!
I have seen Magidei Shiur from a Shule give the daf Yomi after the Chuppah of a shule family memeber.
I also have seen hundreds of people go to the tables, eat what is served and then pull out seforim to learn at the table. In other instances people “spoke in learning” and shared divrei Torah or got nto a verbal debate about a sugya.
And I have seen hundreds of people waste the time and even get trapped into speaking non halachic talk….
Anything that can accomplish sur mayrah and asay Tov is welcome…
BTW- Rav Kirzner is a respected Rav and Talmid chochom, anav and Baal Midos……….. he is not looking for gigs or to be hired. Afra Lepumay to the one who writes such things.
Absolutely agree on the time wasted sitting around at weddings waiting for the next part of the wedding to move forward.
Reminds me of a big talmid chacham who brings to all weddings and events he goes to a mini Gemara in his pocket and has finished the entire shas many times over many years ALL FROM TIME SPENT LEARNING IN THE CHUPPAH ROOM while everyone else is sitting around doing nothing except waiting for the new couple.
You can do the same thing as this talmid chacham and bring any sefer and instead of wasting your time waiting for your wife so you can go home from the wedding, sit down and learn something in a quiet room until she’s ready to go home or the couple is ready for the first dance.
Great idea, but after 15-20 minutes there is still too much time left. I am not suggesting a long shiur, which guests would certainly not appreciate. An alternative, or more exactly an addition to that, should be handing out copies of Daf Hayomi, Halocho Yomi, Chumash rashi, “Gilyonos” found plenty in shul, why not at the wedding…