After two years working in a busy, multi-practitioner medical office that serves more than 240 regular patients, I’ve noticed patterns in patient behavior that I feel are important to address. Roughly one-third of our patients are Orthodox Jews, with the remainder coming from diverse non-religious or non-Jewish backgrounds.
One difference is striking: non-Jewish and non-religious patients generally show a high level of respect for the doctor’s time and expertise. They remain attentive, avoid distractions such as phone use, and stay fully engaged during their brief appointments. This focused approach helps ensure that all patients receive timely, quality care.
By contrast, some members of our own community have exhibited behaviors that create challenges for both the medical staff and the overall environment. Examples include repeatedly leaving and re-entering exam rooms; allowing children to create messes or excessive noise that require staff intervention; expressing impatience or frustration in ways that disrupt the atmosphere.
These actions not only slow the flow of care but can also lead to a chillul Hashem.
A particularly sensitive issue involves interactions with female medical staff. While we fully respect religious values, the manner in which some concerns are expressed can come across as dismissive or even degrading. For example, statements such as “We can’t have any females in the room” reduce skilled professionals to their gender, ignoring their training and contributions. Likewise, comments like “Is it really necessary for you to do this exam? Can we just have a doctor examine us?” imply that an assistant’s role is unimportant, which is both inaccurate and disrespectful.
It is important to understand that our staff—male and female alike—are already sensitive to these concerns. Female team members often ask before touching a boy patient, and will sometimes place items down instead of handing them directly to a patient. These adjustments are made out of respect for your values, but they require mutual respect in return.
Our female staff are highly trained professionals here to help you. If you feel unable to interact with them respectfully, it may be best to seek care in a setting better aligned with your preferences. Our office strives to accommodate all patients’ needs, but mutual respect is essential.
This is not about compromising religious principles—it is about expressing them in ways that reflect kindness, dignity, and awareness of the situation. Sending a teenage boy into an exam room alone, without guidance or context, often makes these interactions more challenging, not less.
Respecting the doctor’s time, the staff’s professionalism, and the dignity of everyone present—regardless of background—reflects the true strength of our community. Let us work together to ensure that our conduct in the medical setting consistently embodies the respect and compassion our values promote.
Signed,
M.R.
The views expressed in this letter are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of YWN. Have an opinion you would like to share? Send it to us for review.
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17 Responses
Go learn the definition of chilul hashem first…
I believe in 2025 when we are so careful not to offend any culture, I think it’s time to be sensitive to the Hasidic Jewish culture, they are people of great intellect to question everything, they just follow blind there is a good reason we end up getting to the top Dr’s.
We are value family-based people, and we respect our kids give them the space to express their emotions and do not suppress our kids just because of the looks of others.
I can go on 😉
Perhaps teenage boys (or even grown men) need to be properly educated as to what is actually prohibited in a professional medical setting and not just assume everything is assur.
Having worked emergency medicine for over 30 in a hospital that sees very few Jewish patients, I can say that what you describe is a societal problem not necessarily an Orthodox Jewish one. And it has gotten a lot worse over the years.
Everything u said is emes, but u need to make a decision which segment of the frum population u want to serve.. definitely if your practice is in far rock or Kew gardens or passaic u wouldn’t have these issues
Or u choose wholesale, bulk united health care ….and u are treated like chazaray!!!!
While our Hisnahagus can use a תיקון, you almost make it sound like appointments are based off having seamless service, most of the time you can wait in the waiting room for over an hour just to be seen by your child’s pediatrician for 90 seconds, even with an appointment, and yes, sometimes the parent and child wait in a room for another 10-15 minutes and children do get jumpy. So I guess we all have work to do.
Refuah Shelema to all.
1. This is only a small subset of your Orthodox patients.
2. They have much more children than your non Jewish and irreligious patients.
3. They are busier than your non Jewish and irreligious patients.
4. You are stereotyping a behavior based on a certain groups Jewish ethnicity. This is otherwise known as racism.
Good Morning AMERICA !!!!!!!
How about behavior in shul.
When is the last time you saw someone holding the door for others and they never say Thank You.
When is the last time someone passes you on Shabbos and said Gut Shabbos?
When did you see your child get up from his chair when you walk into your house?
And the list goes on and did so
The writer of this letter clearly does not understand that Frumme Yidden are cut from a different cloth.
To us a doctor is a service provider much like a plumber or electrician.
Many of us feel like we are treated like garbage when we go to the doctor’s office, more often than not we are made to wait for extended periods of times well beyond our appointment time (but don’t you dare come late to your appointment), to us patients it feels like the medical field thinks our time is of no value.
Furthermore the author seems surprised that frum families have rowdy kids, this is a much longer discussion, but suffice it to say that our kids are in fact of a higher energy, this is because we raise larger families in a more traditional sense, we (generally speaking) don’t overload their dopamine receptors with screens & digital entertainment. Our kids also have loftier neshamos which contributes to their high energy levels, creativity & self initiative.
My beracha to all your frum patients is that they should never need your services in the future.
If the practice is not named, how can people know which practice to avoid – so they can seek care in a setting better aligned with their preferences?
Unfortunately we experience the same behavior in our medical practice and we see it the hospitals (even worse). This sense of entitlement is excused by “being nervous”. Very sad! Being nervous is a total lack of Emunah and exposes a Chinuch that lacks Yiras Shamyim and focuses on mundane cultural man made frum matters that have nothing with our beautiful Devrei Chazal! Very very sad! For years we have tried to no vail guide our frum patients to cause Kiddush Hashem by working on two midos: Kavod Haberios, and Hakaras Hatov. Sadly, it has not worked. Zero interest in both. That includes both Litvaks and Chassidim! We have tried to get the Rabonim involved. Sadly, it made it worse. I speak to numerous other frum doctors. They all have similar experiences. The worst of the worst is when all of us give them medical advice, just to be second guessed by the “Rabbi” or the referral/advocate organization (they keep on popping up more and more). In the name of second opinion on the simplest matters, they cause more anxiety and unnecessary running around. Recently, the famous Rabbi Steinberg at the chemed conference stated that the biggest problem with the Askanim and the “Rabbanim”(specializing in medicine, in some cases people call them doctors!) is that they give medical advise to people and mislead people that they know better than their doctors. He quoted A SH in YD (337) that clearly rules that ONLY the doctors with a medical lisc MUST give advise to people (Only doctors have the Reshoos from Shomayiom to be the Shaliach and execute the mitzvah of Verapo Yerapeh. Those so called askanim, referral/advocate organizations ( with big campaigns and fundraisers), and Rabanim are over the issur of the lefnei Ever and directly encourage this described behavior by intervening between doctor patient relationship.
The other day, I noticed a patient was advised to take a simple CT scan done. The patient and his family then contacted one of the medical referral places. They were told that his medical records needed to be faxed to them for their review. It then took them over a day to get back to him with an answer. I wanted to hide behind the walls when I heard the non-Jewish doctors and nurses making comments like “did the Rabbi go to medical school?” In the meantime, there was an unnecessary delay in their care, a tremendous amount of Chilul Hashem, Frum people looking odd (no one gets engaged in such bizarre activities), and taking the very much needed hospital resources away from other people who need them. I know many many good doctors who refuse taking care of our patients and I don’t blame them. Only the new doctors or the ones that are in need of patients because they are out of network are willing to put up with all this. Guess what! None of these doctors that we get referred to are good. Unfortunately only the referral/advocate org and the low quality doctor will benefit financially from this!
I acknowledge & agree with most of the sentiments that M.R. expressed in the letter. However, the apparent lack of good manners & consideration for the medical staff by some members of the Orthodox/Chassidic Jewish community does not reflect an attitude meanness or disrespect. It is rather rooted in an approach of closeness & informality. In addition to a lack of early education & civilized interaction with the outside world.
Wow! There is so much to say on this topic that a whole book is required, not just a letter and comment. I’ve practiced medicine both in the US and Israel and although there are exceptions to the rule, there is no question that the letter writer scored a bullseye. I will only say what I heard years ago from another frum yid. He said moving out of town was the best thing he ever did. I questioned him why. He replied that his kids’ midos improved tremendously when they moved out of town.
Wait, ahava, we should all be sheep and fall in line.
Cute.
Did anyone tell you, you work for the pharmicurtical companies that make tons and tons of money off every test.
How much does the hospital make off every test.
No wonder they want us to fallow blindly. Their pockets are being lined with the sickness and death of the people
Doctor. You aren’t G-d and someone with actual experience can trump your brainwashed portfolio in less time then yours.
Diabetes.
Cancer.
Doesn’t seem like any of you can cure anything. Only prescribe pills
Oh so sorry we want a second opinion
Ye cat scans is unncecisary _radiation_ and prob can _cause_ cancer.
If you don’t let your clients or patients make decisions for themsleves
Your just trying to control the narrative.
This whole letter is a reflection of your practice’s failing to know its place and responsibility.
I think you said it best when you wrote “If you feel unable to interact with them respectfully, it may be best to seek care in a setting better aligned with your preferences.”.
So, this is obviously just a misunderstanding on who you want to serve. Perhaps save yourself the headache and post a sign “We don’t serve Jews!”.
Otherwise, like a plumber, don’t demand respect just do your job. Everyone respects plumbers as much as doctors, just not on the job!
Please let us know your medical practice’s name.
Wait none02: I am sorry. I will not scoop down to the level that you talk. I do not own pham companies, labs, nor have any financial interest in them. Please do not accuse me of having Gaivah, because you simple do not know me. Chas Veshalom. No one is G-d. We are ONLY Shaliach Hashem that are obligated to be Osek in Refuah Beduka as commended to us by the MB. Please forgive me, but this is how liberals act. If they are challenged, rather than using logic and following the rules, they start insulting (what happened to kavod Haberios?). Yes, we blindly follow Halacha. OUR LIFE IS HALACHA. Facts: 1) Halcha says (SA 337) that is ASUR for non-physicians to give medical advise to people. You dont like it, dont accuse people. 2) CT Scan has minimal radition with no harm. He ended it doing it. But in the process, he embolded a non-physician to be over the issur in no 1. 3) look at Poskim like Tiz Eliezer. The reason it says Verapu Yerapeh is that the ONLY time a second opinion is permitted is when the first Rufeh tells the patient that he is not sure whats going on. Please go ahead and get a second opinion. I encourage your to allow your thoughts be guided by Halacha, rather than liberal emotions.
Reading these comments I can say the following. Some of you said that other people behave the same and we are different because we have more children and various other excuses! My dear fellow Yiden. You want Moshiach? Start treating Galus as Galus! We have no rights here. We are not entitled to anything! We are just a guest in this land. History has proven over and over again that a liberal or any other group CAN deviate from social norms, act in a spoiled fashion, and make demand, but a Jew can never do that! We have to accept it as a Jewish community. Simply put: That is the way that the Eibeshter gives us a little slap in the wrist so that we are not comfortable in the Galus, start Davening better, and START DOING TESHUVA. Any other attitude leads to Chillul Hashem. That is all the author is trying to say. My Brocha to all the frum patients is that they should always be Gezunt and they should all feel like slaves in the land that is not theirs. Only this attitude will lead to teshuva and will speed the building of the beis Hamikdash!