President Donald Trump�s annual turkey pardon on Tuesday delivered more zingers than stuffing, turning the White House�s Thanksgiving ritual into something closer to a roast than a ceremony.

Looking over two plump presidential guests, Trump joked that the turkeys could be shipped off to a notorious prison in El Salvador, then mused that they should�ve been named after Democrats Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi � though, he assured everyone, �I would never pardon those people.� Somewhere, Gobble shifted nervously.

He also took a shot at last year�s pardons, accusing President Joe Biden of outsourcing the signature to an autopen. �Where�s Hunter?� Trump asked, as though the missing turkey, Waddle, might be hiding him under a wing.

Before the birds could argue, Trump moved on to Illinois Gov. J.B. Pritzker, teasing that he could insult the governor�s weight� and then immediately insisting that he definitely wasn�t doing that. The audience, bundled against drizzle in the Rose Garden, offered a mix of awkward chuckles and confused applause � much like Congress most days.

Eventually, it was turkey time. One problem: Only Gobble showed up. Waddle, last seen in the briefing room, had apparently ghosted the president. Trump didn�t wait. With a game-show flourish, he declared Gobble �unconditionally pardoned� and ran his hand through the turkey�s feathers. �Who would want to harm this beautiful bird?� Trump asked, ignoring Waddle�s suspicious disappearance.

Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt later coaxed a gobble out of Waddle in the briefing room � a response she praised as �very on message,� suggesting the turkey has a bright future in communications if this White House thing doesn�t work out.

Trump took a victory lap, insisting that Thanksgiving dinner would be cheaper this year (though economists politely disagree).

Meanwhile, the White House is gearing up for holiday tours � but with a twist. Thanks to Trump�s decision to bulldoze the East Wing to build a giant ballroom, the mansion is part winter wonderland, part hard-hat zone.

Gobble is safe, Waddle is missing, and the president�s home looks like the North Pole collided with a construction site.

(YWN World Headquarters – NYC)