President Donald Trump’s annual turkey pardon on Tuesday delivered more zingers than stuffing, turning the White House’s Thanksgiving ritual into something closer to a roast than a ceremony.

Looking over two plump presidential guests, Trump joked that the turkeys could be shipped off to a notorious prison in El Salvador, then mused that they should’ve been named after Democrats Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi — though, he assured everyone, “I would never pardon those people.” Somewhere, Gobble shifted nervously.

He also took a shot at last year’s pardons, accusing President Joe Biden of outsourcing the signature to an autopen. “Where’s Hunter?” Trump asked, as though the missing turkey, Waddle, might be hiding him under a wing.

Before the birds could argue, Trump moved on to Illinois Gov. J.B. Pritzker, teasing that he could insult the governor’s weight… and then immediately insisting that he definitely wasn’t doing that. The audience, bundled against drizzle in the Rose Garden, offered a mix of awkward chuckles and confused applause — much like Congress most days.

Eventually, it was turkey time. One problem: Only Gobble showed up. Waddle, last seen in the briefing room, had apparently ghosted the president. Trump didn’t wait. With a game-show flourish, he declared Gobble “unconditionally pardoned” and ran his hand through the turkey’s feathers. “Who would want to harm this beautiful bird?” Trump asked, ignoring Waddle’s suspicious disappearance.

Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt later coaxed a gobble out of Waddle in the briefing room — a response she praised as “very on message,” suggesting the turkey has a bright future in communications if this White House thing doesn’t work out.

Trump took a victory lap, insisting that Thanksgiving dinner would be cheaper this year (though economists politely disagree).

Meanwhile, the White House is gearing up for holiday tours — but with a twist. Thanks to Trump’s decision to bulldoze the East Wing to build a giant ballroom, the mansion is part winter wonderland, part hard-hat zone.

Gobble is safe, Waddle is missing, and the president’s home looks like the North Pole collided with a construction site.

(YWN World Headquarters – NYC)