(By Rabbi Yair Hoffman for 5TJT.com)

They watch our children while we go out to a wedding, or to a restaurant to eat. They will often agree to come on a moment�s notice.�� And yet, at times, we will violate Torah commandments in how we treat them financially.

�Sorry, I did not get a chance to go to the bank.� Can I get you next time?�

�Oh no!� It seems that I don�t have change for a hundred.� Do you mind coming by tomorrow and I will pay you then?�

Often the ninth or tenth grade young lady who is baby-sitting will just answer, �Sure, no problem.�� Deep down, however, she is not too pleased about not being paid when it was expected.

It is a Torah prohibition not to pay a worker on time � or on the day in which the service was performed.

Making a blessing on the Lulav and Esrog on Sukkos from day two and onward is a Rabbinic Mitzvah.� But paying a baby-sitter or other worker on time is actually a Torah commandment. In fact, there are no less than five commandments that are violated.� These laws are found in Choshain Mishpat section of Shluchan Aruch (339:1).

So what are these five prohibitions?� 1] Lo sigzol � do not steal 2] lo saashok s�char sachir � do not oppress the wages of a worker 3] lo saashok es rayacha � do not oppress your peer 4] lo salin pe�ulas sachir do not leave over the wages of a worker and 5] lo savoh alav hashemesh � do not let the sun pass over him.

The Shulchan Aruch adds the words, �it is as if he has taken his soul.�� This is based on the Gemorah in Bava Metziah 111a. It is quite a serious statement.

EVEN WHEN MINORS

Even when the employees are minors � the prohibitions are still violated (See Ahavas Chessed 9:5 written by the Chofetz Chaim).� The prohibition is violated whether or not the employee is Jewish (See CM 359:1, 9 and Shach 359:3).� In contemporary times this applies quite appropriately to young baby-sitters.

OTHER ASPECTS

• Accuracy about when it ends. Sometimes, the end time of when the baby-sitting job is over is underestimated by the parents. There are some parents that are consistently late coming home.� One father was actually overheard saying, �If I don�t say 11:00 PM-ish – the baby-sitter would never agree to come in the first place.�� Purposefully misrepresenting the timing is a violation of midvar sheker tirchak � distancing oneself from a false matter. �There are horror stories about lateness too.� One baby-sitter was told that the parents would return by 10 PM.� When this didn�t happen, she texted the parents at midnight.� The parents said that it would be a while longer.� At 2:00 AM she texted again. �Clearly, it is always very important to communicate or make another arrangement when one sees that they will be late.�� It could be that the babysitter had plans to do homework together with a friend or something else to do.� It is also true the other way as well.� One junior high school baby-sitter complained, �It is annoying when they first tell you that they will be three hours and they come back after 45 minutes.� They pay you for an hour but you actually changed your plans and wanted to get paid for three hours.� Of course, you�re not going to say anything.�
• Lack of Full Disclosure � �When the child that the babysitter is watching has some psycho-social issues, the parent should really warn the babysitter about it. One child was actually pulling out clumps of his own hair.� The baby-sitter was traumatized.� That is really not fair.�
• LAST MINUTE SWITCHES � �One time I was supposed to babt-sit a two year old. When I got there the mother said, �You know what?� You watch the newborn and I will take the two year old.� She didn�t give me a choice!� I had never even held a newborn baby.� She left and the baby woke up.� I so did not know what to do.� I called my mother and she texted me pictures about how to hold a newborn baby.�
• There was also a case in Brooklyn where the parent told the baby-sitter, �Well, don�t you have chessed hours? Why don�t we call it even then.� This is out and out genaivah � theft.
• �One parent actually paid me with food and not money. What was I supposed to say?�� This may actually be a form of gezel � theft.� �The reason is that although we do say �shaveh kesef k�kesef � the value of money is like money� when it comes to betrothing a bride � the same is not said regarding paying someone.� The value of the food is not readily marketable.� Simply because the baby-sitter acquiesced is not an indication that they are �okay� with it.

THE AHAVTAH L�RAYACHA KAMOCHA COMPONENT

There is another section of baby-sitting and how we treat them that involves the Mitzvah of v�ahavta l�rayacha kamocha � loving your neighbor as yourself.� Some of us may not be aware of how things look like from the perspective of the baby-sitter.� Below is a list of pet peeves culled from the experiences of a number of baby-sitters.

• Feeling awkward. Sometimes the parents are unaware of feelings of awkwardness that the baby-sitter may be feeling.� One baby-sitter remarked, �It is annoying when you come on time and then they take a long while to leave.� It is very awkward to hang around the parents.�� If possible, we should be sensitive to ensuring that people do not feel out of place.
• A younger baby-sitter remarked, �When you are little they don�t treat you like an adult and they just give you an amount of money that they just made up� and you expected and wanted much more.� If it is less than the going rate that may be a halachic problem as well.� On the other hand, there may be different rates for different ages.
• And then there is the fact that a number of parents rush out with no pre-written instructions. The babysitter must often find the wipies and diapers herself � but there is more.� �They tell you that you can take any food � but they don�t tell you where the cups are.� Then you open up every cabinet and then you notice that there is a nanny-cam in the kitchen that you didn�t even know about.�� One might have thought that not telling about a nanny-cam may be a form of hezek riya � intrusive damage.� Poskim consulted for this article thus far have ruled that although it is allowed � one should, out of mentchlechkeit tell the baby-sitter that they are there.

Other pet peeves expressed by the baby-sitters are:

• �When they say that the baby will be sleeping and the baby is not sleeping. You should get paid more for daytime hours � when the kids are up.�
• �Dirty diapers should be paid more.� One babysitter makes the parents come home if there is a dirty diaper (but only if they are the neighborhood).
• �Once I was asked to give the kids supper and also to do baths.�
• �After 12 midnight a baby-sitter should be paid more.�
• �I hate it when the homes do not have house phones. What if there is an emergency and for some reason my phone isn�t charged or stops working?� Also, some of the baby-sitters share a phone with a sister, or don�t even have their own phones.� What are they supposed to do?
• I hate it when they don�t have wifi or they don�t give you the code.�
• �I hate it when they pay you by check � �So annoying. A kid like me � wants cash.�
• �I dislike it when a parent is cheap and tries teaching you a lesson when you are late. One parent took off a dollar because I was two minutes late.� And they didn�t leave until much later!�
• �One they had me babysit for a whole weekend and I had to stay there. At the end, they only gave $100 for 48 hours � when they took me for a whole Shabbos.�
• �Once the parents didn�t tell me how to work the light and it was a complicated lighting situation � so I sat in the dark � for hours!�
• �Another parent instructed us that we don�t have to hide the wrappers of the snacks that we would eat. We had actually done so on a previous occasion when they had told us that we could eat whatever we wanted. We felt a little bad that we had SO MANY wrappers.� So the last time we hid them in the garbage can. There were two of us.� But the fact that he had brought it up was very embarrassing.�
• �We should get leeway on the bedtime. Sometimes the kid just doesn�t listen and I end up feeling so guilty when he stays up later.�
• �I didn�t know what to say when the kid tried to call her mother from my phone. �When are you coming home, mommy?�
• One mother said to me, �Oh, she�s an easy baby.� Well maybe for the mother � but not for a stranger.� She was crying the whole time.� I asked another babysitter and she said the same thing happened.�
• �One time, the grandmother walked down and gave me dirty looks when I was looking in the fridge and snack drawer.�
• �It is also very awkward when the fathers drive you back. You don�t know here to sit � in the back or not.� Once I thought that the father was not such a yeshivesh person and then he said that I should sit in the back.� I felt really awkward and then I saw that he just likes to put his arm on the seat thing.�
• �I hate it when they don�t tell you that they have pets. It can be scary.�
• �I baby-sat at one home had a secret staircase. The father kept going one way and then appearing from a completely other direction.� This was all happening when they were getting ready to leave.�
• �One family leaves all the medications on the window sill. The kids would eat it.� Once, I got up the gumption to tell the father that he shouldn�t leave it there.�� That was very awkward.�

Many of these situations could be minimized if we apply the idea of v�ahavta l�rayacha kamocha with a little more thought.� ���NEXT WEEK: BABY-SITTING – THE PARENTS VIEW

The author can be reached at [email protected].� Please feel free to submit any thoughts or content.