BEAST FROM THE EAST: Putin Calls in Retired, Slobbering, Obese General to Lead Special Forces in Ukraine

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With dozens of high-level commanders and generals killed in his ongoing invasion of Ukraine, Russian President Vladimir Putin is calling up and sending a retired, 280-pound general to the front lines of war.

General Pavel, 67, had been living comfortably in retirement in the suburbs of Moscow, but will now lead Russian special forces in the region after the unit’s previous commander was severely wounded in a Ukrainian artillery strike.

According to reports, Pavel eats five meals a day and polishes them off with a liter of vodka, requiring the Russian military to custom-fit a new uniform for him, as well as provide him two sets of body armor so that his entire torso could be protected.

“Most of [Putin’s] best and battle-hardened senior commanders have been killed or injured fighting in Ukraine, so he is resorting to sending second-rate officers to the front who don’t last very long,” a senior intelligence source told the Daily Star regarding the news.

“Putin is like a mafia boss who no one can refuse to obey. If a retired general gets a message from Putin saying Mother Russia needs you to fight in Ukraine, there is not much you can do. There is no escape from Russia thanks to the sanctions,” the source said.

“Putin is now scraping the barrel,” the source noted.

Unfortunately for Putin, it appears that General Pavel has already scraped the barrel and eaten whatever he’s found.

(YWN World Headquarters – NYC)


36 COMMENTS

  1. Carrying that much excess weight I’m surprised the general made it to 67. He is certainly a very large target for the Ukrainians to hit.

  2. Please edit the title and tone of this. I don’t want to think at all in such a twisted way regarding anyone whom Hashem created. This may be the tone of the reports, but it mustn’t be the tone of a yeshivaworld report.

  3. Can you please explain to me how fat shaming is a Jewish value? Why do you encourage this Midah Ra’ah. Is that what the Yeshiva world endorses?

  4. It’s not nice to make fun of his weight. Rumor has it he tried Cholent once and has been addicted ever since, eating 3-4 bowls a day. He’ll be directing soldiers. It’s not like he’ll be crawling through barbed wire (G-d save him).

  5. Please take down this post there is no excuse to fatshame anyone even if it’s putin I know many people reading this will be feeling a sense of guilt and embarrassment,you cannot fat shame anyone!

  6. Please take down this post there is no excuse to fatshame anyone even if it’s putin I know many people reading this will be feeling a sense of guilt and embarrassment,

  7. This article is shameful. My father was over 300 pounds for my whole life. He was kind and intelligent. He was a lawyer with one of the sharpest minds around, and he lived to a ripe old age with, according to his doctors, “the heart of a 16-year-old” well into his elderly years. I just can’t believe that an en entire article was dedicated to fat-shaming a man, regardless of whose side he is on.

  8. Stupid commentary from someone who’s not smart enough to see past physical appearances!
    Does the fact that the man is fat detract from his ability to command!?!?
    You fools think that his girth and his vodka will prevent him from looking at maps and organizing troop movements?
    Russians drink vodka like Americas drink coffee! It wakes them up!

  9. To all those who complained that this post “fat shames” I’m not sure why you’re bothered.

    Where do we find an issue with making fun of someone’s weight?
    The main problem is onaas devarim, causing pain through speech (or writing).
    Besides the fact that this guy is (presumably) a goy, about whom there’s no problem of onaas devarim, it would seemingly be permissible for a couple other reasons:

    1) someone who consumes 5 meals and a liter of vodka daily presumably does not fall under the category of being “min hayishuv”, being a person with self- dignity, and therefore there would be no prohibition (see choshen mishpat 228 and commentaries there).

    2) for such a gluttonous person m, “fat-shaming” might be appropriate .
    We’re not discussing a person struggling with weight loss.
    This person has chosen to live an extremely unhealthy lifestyle.
    Why can’t we mock this person for such a poor decision?
    If I had a family member who made such horrible lifestyle decisions, I might decide that making fun of the person may motivate him to change more than supporting the bad habits might.

    I’m not sure why “fat-shaming” would be prohibited in this circumstance.

  10. Looking down at overweight is totally against daas torah. The gemara mentions many tanaim and describes them as very heavy (Rav Elazar bar Shimon, Rav Papa etc.). The heilige Vilna Gaon Zatza”l was famously heavy…(Rav Chaim Kanievsky Zatza”l was not known as being very thin…)
    This is coming straight out of the goyishe world that all they care about is their figure, and then blame it on health after they drench themselves in cologne etc, which is a lot unhealthier…

  11. @Gefilte Fish, Peninah also meant litovas Channah, but she was punished for it anyway. Shaming someone to motivate their improving themselves is not the Jewish way to go. On the other hand, this guy is (presumably) a goy. Still, a Yiddishe midah isn’t something you forgo just because it’s technically muttar. A midah should become a part of a person.

  12. Many of our people’s worst and most dangerous enemies over the millennia had bizarre body types and other unbecoming externalities. Didn’t stop them from doing massive damage. Underestimate your enemies at your own mortal peril.

  13. Sorry, but in this case, obesity IS very relevant to the story. One has to assume that any competent military leader worth a ruble wouldn’t be in this incredibly poor physical shape and yet Putin who prides himself on his physique (remember the photo of him bare chested on the horse a few years ago) is sending him out to lead the troops??

  14. @GefilteFish The Halacha of “Amitcha” is not as simple as you say, but that’s beside the point. Since barely anyone reading this article will pick up on the subtleties you’re raising, the basic message of this article remains: fat shaming is a Jewish value that we are proud of, and feel it’s important to role model for the public. Rachmana Litzlan!

  15. Gadolhadorah, he is not “leading the troops” (which require involve physical fitness), he is directing the troops, which requires intelligence and experience. He can be presumed to have both, because he is a general.

    But even if his obesity were relevant, the word “slobbering” is unprofessional and an unnecessary ridicule. By using words like that to describe his obesity, it by extension implies that all obese people are slobbering, including people reading this article, or their relatives, like my father. My father was about the size of this man, and he was a genius and a tzaddik, and he lived to a very old age. He walked about 4 miles a day for exercise, and he worked very hard as an attorney. He devoted countless hours to pro bono work. He was not lazy, as many people assume obese people are. And he certainly was not slobbering!

  16. Ordinary yid: Hashem did not create THAT, the same way he didnt create Reshoim.
    BTW most people who look like that make the daily conscious decision to give up self dignity
    In the face of their need to eat anything in sight.

  17. As long as yeshiva world doesn’t shame and ridicule a yid, I’m fine with that. More than fine with it! I had a good laugh!!!

  18. interesting that they make uniforms that size.

    I don’t care how many “Jabba the Hut” fatsos or skinny-bones Putin out of the woodwork, if he fights for this rotzeach, he deserves to be shamed, by any means.

  19. Gadolahora:
    Really?! You’ve never met anyone who excels in his field yet has a problem with overeating? (In his case, 16 problems with overeating).
    You could say the same thing about someone with a gambling or drug addiction. And your point would be equally invalid.

  20. This article brings YWFN to yet another low in journalism and yeshiva ethics. What type of journalist consciously sits down and devotes an entire article to the appearances and eating habits of some foreign general? All YWFN cares about is yet another click, not professionalism or any code of honor, Jewish or secular.
    To all the commenters who have no problem with this article, my deepest sympathies for your acquaintances and close family members.

  21. Although this article is very entertaining, the worst part was that all the large readers (and those with large family members) would be wincing the entire way through. We have to be sensitive the readers!

    Besides that, we Yidden are not nasty, and cruel people, we should not portray ourselves as such either.
    YWN is not writing articles, it’s just filtering the secular news outlets, so noone can really say that YWN has such opinions, but, reprinting is a level of endorsement, so they had better be careful.