As a mother of a talented young girl, I’m compelled to speak out about the seminary application process that’s causing immense stress and heartache for countless families. The current system prioritizes academics and wealth over individual potential, leaving many deserving girls without a spot.
The pressure is palpable: secure a place in a prestigious seminary or risk being left behind. But what about those who don’t fit the mold? Girls who excel in non-academic areas, those from less affluent backgrounds, or those who simply need a different path? They’re often left with limited options, forced to settle for less, or worse, feel inadequate.
The financial burden is staggering, with some seminaries costing upwards of $30,000. Is this really about providing a spiritual experience, or is it a business? And what’s the message we’re sending our girls? That their worth is tied to their acceptance into an elite program?
But here’s the thing: schools are encouraging girls to apply, touting the life-changing experience of seminary in Israel, without ensuring they’ll actually get in. It’s a bait-and-switch, leaving girls and families crushed when rejection letters roll in. Schools need to assure and provide support to allow each girl to get into a seminary of their choice before pushing them down this path. Don’t create a one-size-fits-all expectation and then not deliver.
We need change. It’s time for seminaries to rethink their approach, prioritize inclusivity, and provide opportunities for every girl to thrive. Local seminaries, flexible programs, and merit-based aid could be a start. Let’s give our girls the chance to shine, not break under the pressure.
To all the girls who’ve been rejected, your worth isn’t defined by a seminary. You are enough, and your path is unique. Keep pushing forward; your time to shine will come.
Let’s work together to create a system that values each girl’s potential, not just their grades or bank account.
Signed,
A broken mother for all girls going through this
The views expressed in this letter are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of YWN. Have an opinion you would like to share? Send it to us for review.
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21 Responses
Seminary needs to stop..
When my daughter is 18 shes not going. Within the next 12 years, it gotta stop.
I think it’s enough Seminary articles we’re all aware of what a rip off it is and how materialism ends up winning the battle over spirituality when it comes to this complete waste of time Pursuit that does much more harm than good for the average girl
You and many others have been burned by the seminary system, hoping your daughter has a spot in the seminary she would like to attend only to find that there isn’t even a spot in the seminary she had little interest in attending. The seminaries are a business, end of conversation. They have no obligation to accept anyone they don’t feel like accepting. BTW, You’re around $10,000 short on your cost estimate based on today’s exchange rates and haven’t factored in the thousands in non tuition cost that will be needed. I also find it ironic that there is no shortage of people complaining that seminary is too expensive and shouldn’t even be a mainstream thing. Then they complain that there aren’t enough placements for their daughters to attend.
Girls should go to local seminaries.
Really, what is needed most is for the highschools to empower the girls that they dont neeeeeed to go to seminary. It would really help if some of our gedolim could speak about this, and publicly “give permission” for girls not to go. A couple of weeks in E”Y, maybe on a group tour, would suffice.
All seminaries need to be shut down, period. What does it mean when you call it a “prestigious” seminary? The whole thing is one of the greatest scams being perpetrated on the frum community. Of course it is a business. You question that?! Yes; the menaheles, mechaneches etc may be fully in this lsheim shamayim, but the actual seminary is one big business. The ones who have the power to stop this insanity are the high school principals but noone has the guts to do so. I have sent girls to seminary. They do gain from it but they can do the same, or more, right here in the USA. They spend HOURS roaming the streets of Yerushalayim, they know each and every store in the city. I wouldn’t mind someone paying for my 10 months of browsing the city of Yerushalayim. Of course; I will plan to “grow” too, in more than one way.
I don’t see anything wrong with prioritizing academics (among other things). It’s definitely part of the girl’s “potential”? I agree with you regarding wealth. But academics is a great indicator of the girl’s capabilities, intelligence, commitment and problem-solving skills.
I don’t think the solution is to DEI the seminary system. There’s got to be a better solution.
Sorry to hear your personal experiences. Have you heard of Machon Lemalah? It could possibly be just what you are advocating for
Enough with seminary. When girls graduate high school after 12+ years of learning they should go get a job!! Thats the way chasidim do it. Great system! Lets end this seminary saga
UncleMo
Woah…Roaming the streets of Yerushalaim ir hakodesh, even store to store is a bigger mitzvah then being in sem in a spiritual desert of united states of narishkeit! I wish you one day to experience the holiness of EY.
UncleMo
Woah…Roaming the streets of Yerushalaim ir hakodesh, even store to store is a bigger mitzvah then being in sem in a spiritual desert of united states of narishkeit! I wish you one day to experience the holiness of EY.
Another point to consider is that Seminary girls are terrible for all American yeshiva bochrim learning and shteiging in Eretz Yisroel. They should not be allowed to come. All money earned from Seminaries is trief gelt taking bochrim away from learning.
“The pressure is palpable: secure a place in a prestigious seminary or risk being left behind.”
There’s your problem right there. Putting girls through the selection wringer, then spending insane amounts of money, just to keep up with the neighbours’ expectations.
Don’t buy in to this scam. I did not.
My older daughter went to seminary but all the others are not going. I think the chassidim are smartest. Get the girls married young and there are ways to save your money. Financial times will be getting much harder this year. So save thirty thousand dollars per girl and make a takanah wedding and you can put a down payment on a house in New Jersey area as so many chassidim are doing leaving New York.
People don’t realize the following key points:
Many straight alef students with perfect behavior/middos didn’t get into local seminaries that charge the same price as the Israel ones do.
So it’s not only about the grades, and local seminaries are beyond capacity, and you don’t save money by going to the local options.
Do your research and educate yourself please before making assumptions and meaningless recommendations.
My experience has been the exact opposite of the other commenters. My daughter’s experiences in seminary was life altering and worth every penny. One went to an established “prestigious” school and one went to a newer school. Both were great. There are many seminaries. Everyone should find the one that fits and it’s also fine if none of them fit. Each girl has her own path.
Israeli seminaries are scams being perpetrated by the yeshivish Olam. Parents are being compelled to pay upwards of $35000 for what? So the daughters can have a year long vacation? There is no chiyuv Talmud Torah for females and no chiyuv for parents to go into debt over this sham. High school principals pressuring girls to attend Israeli seminaries is in violation of many rules of mentschlichkeit. And what gives a principal the right to tell the father how to spend his money. Ignore these saleswomen. I did.
Perhaps they should split the seminary year in half like they do for sleep away camps – first half and second half, that way more girls will have the chance to get in and tuition will be half price. The girls can work the other half and save up. The current system and amount of girls accepted per year is based in previous years census. BH Klal Yisroel is growing and the seminary numbers need to be adjusted accordingly. Just like they open more schools and parallel classes for elementary and high schools, the same needs to be done for the seminaries. If not, the popularity will go down in the next few years and seminary will go out of style once and for all.
I sent three daughters to Seminary in EY. My oldest went to a very shtark BY. They assigned her a top bunk in the dorm. She was afraid to sleep there and told he dorm parents. They said she had nothing to worry about. She fell down, hit her head, and had a concussion. The Menahel (a highly respected mechanech) made a very wise decision regarding her injury. They put a mattress on the floor so if she fell, she would land on something soft. Brilliant! I regret every penny I paid to send her.
I decided to send my next two daughters to more “modern” seminaries. Guess what? The Chessed they did was real, not just cleaning houses for friends of the Hanhala. Better yet, every Shabbos, they allowed the girls to stay in, provided meals, and had a member of the Hanhala present to ensure the Ruach of Shabbos was not compromised. They even took care of the girls on Succos and Pesach. What a different experience.
This is precisely the cause of the entire shidduch crisis! The girls are all told they’ll grow in E”Y, and oh boy do they grow! Between all the bake shops and cafes…