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  • #1168359
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    SaysMe: Thanks. Not only did you not say anything wrong but you are very right. I tried to write a poem about my other source of pain but it didn’t work. It starts off in one rhythm and goes to another and ends as a narrative. I could NOT bring myself to feel my words so they are choppy. It is not even a sad topic and yet it leaves me so hurt. I am entering a new phase of having 5 teenagers in my house and my role has changed drastically. It is a transition of phases and it is FINE. But I am struggling with being THRILLED that my boys are growing, and being devastated that they don’t “need me” like they used to. I am printing it anyway cuz nobody here will laugh at me 🙂 Take the message, even though I cannot get it to come out right. It’s a topic I haven’t seen before and many of you can probably relate from the “other side”

    Holding them near while letting them go

    Totally dependent they start out their lives,

    Looking to you for their every need.

    Holding them in your arms for months as they learn to survive in the world around them.

    They toddle away, but never too far,

    Back to your arms when they tire or they thirst.

    They know they are safe and they know they are loved and they love to be close to your heart.

    They sit on your lap, they lay in your bed, they roam but they always come back.

    Spending year after year with a boy in my arms.

    Holding onto me tight as I went through my day.

    Then they grew tall and broad as they entered their teens

    Thank Gd I am no longer the center of their universe, the answer to their problems or their source of food.

    They have friends, they have the car, they have each other.

    They have me, too, when they need me.

    They call and they share and they listen and talk.

    They ask me questions and they share their dilemmas

    And when they are quiet and their sentences are short the rejection runs cold thru my veins.

    The maturing and independence that I davened for leaves me empty and sad.

    Though we remain very close, and they are baffled by my misperception of their distance

    I miss them. Though they are right here.

    Closer than they ever were. But my need to give, pulls me to want to be needed.

    My misconception that not being needed means not being loved.

    My poor self confidence wants them to want me, to depend on me.

    But they are here, and they are mine, and my struggles are not their thoughts.

    And I fight not to make it their burden, for they would not understand. I am their mother. And they love me. And one day, when they are men, and their babies are in their arms, they will hug me again. And I will wonder why I ever doubted them.

    #1168360
    Luna Lovegood
    Participant

    The familiar sounds of the waves

    Lapping against the shore

    Soothes my heart and soul

    Til my troubles are no more

    Basking in the sun

    As it washes time away

    It’s here,always here

    That my heart will stay

    Diving into the ocean

    And riding on the waves

    Wrestling in the water

    Playing the day away

    This is where I renew

    My body soul and mind

    It’ll cause my heart to break

    To leave this place behind

    #1168361
    SaysMe
    Member

    not only sad topics are painful. i’msurprised you havent heard this topic discussed though,because i have many times. i just read an article from aish last week called Raising Teenage Daughters- check it out.

    this is all going to be subjective, but its all the opinion i can have.

    “They call and they share and they listen and talk.

    They ask me questions and they share their dilemmas”- if you have this, you are lucky and your kids are luckier. Many teens, in their desire and need to learn independance, lose their relationship. Treasure what you have and try to hold on to that connection you have!

    its hard to want independance and yet fear it, want to let go of the apron strings and yet know the risks that come with it. its a difficult balance and very stressful and nervewracking, and hormones dont help. i dont think any teen enjoys the tension, the arguments, the ‘coldness’ and yet, i wonder if it may be neccesary to grow independant. the conflict of wanting your children to let go and yet come back is an internal conflict they also struggle with.

    their quiet and nonresponsiveness are often not rejection, but uncertainty. not knowing themselves, what they want, wanting to talk and not wanting the dependance of needing to. the blinding emotions that yell that you cant or dont understand. its a tough time. what they want most is your love and care, even when they say they dont. especially then.

    your feeling that not being needed means not being loved is one i can strongly relate to, because thats exactly what i was (and am) strugglign with my newly married friends. we both needed the other, but then… she doesnt need me anymore, tho i stil need her and even more, i want her to need me! too emotional right now to elaborate on that.

    you miss your children. and they miss you. they miss the relationship of past, but they strive in hopes of reaching a new higher plateau in your relationship, even if it means a hard, painful climb. and maybe keeping that plateau in your mind’s eye can help too? once they reach that, once they are past this stage of struggle, they will be able to look back and see what you endured, and then appreciate and need you even more, and their love for you will grow. and its why it is so important to try all you can to keep a warm, loving relationship open to them, so they always see and feel your love and care, not just know it. sorry, end rant.

    i absolutely love your last paragraph . it just shows that you get it all. knowing it doesnt make it any easier or less painful, but its the most important part. i wish there was a way to lessen the struggles and pain that are inevitable, but i have no answers. i dont think it’d be a bad idea to have an open, honest talk abt how you both feel, when you are both not on defense, and both open and willing. it’d bring clarity to both sides and can only help, no? wishing you an easy time through this difficult and painful time!

    luna- that was beautiful! the peace and calm radiate out of your words in a tangible way! thank you for sharing the calm! i am so happy you have a place to refresh and renew and i hope you are really there, recharging, and creating fresh memories to call up in harder times. its always hard to come back from a high, a happy calm, to ‘real life’ and its challenges, but i hope it will help you come back stronger and energized to face them with a new strength.

    #1168362
    MiddlePath
    Participant

    Thank you so much, SaysMe. And thanks for putting so much into this thread. Things are still the same for me in regard to that issue, but another opportunity just opened up for me, as I knew something would. I just had to be patient and put my faith in G-d. Hopefully the first issue will be resolved as well, but even if not, I know that G-d has a plan for me and I will move on with that in mind.

    Syag, I’m so glad you’re back in this thread, you offer so much here. Your poem about your boys growing up is beautifully written and portrays your emotions so well. Your fears and worries come from a good place and it is a testimony to just how wonderful of a mother you are to them. Every phase in a child’s life presents different challenges, and as long as we do what we can and have the faith that G-d will help us through it, that is exactly what’ll happen. Wishing you strength in these stages of life, as well as for your son’s bar mitzvah. If you need anything, you know what to do.

    Luna, beautiful! I agree with SaysMe, the image you created is one of palpable tranquility, and I hope that you can maintain that wonderful state of being for a long time coming, even through whatever challenges you may face along the way.

    kapusta, NOMTW, blabla, ICOT, hope you’re all ok.

    #1168363
    SaysMe
    Member

    oh right! palpable! thats the word i couldnt think of 🙂

    #1168364
    SaysMe
    Member

    sorry all for the too long posts that dont even have spaces between paragraphs to ease readability. and they’re not poems either :-/. ooops. have to get one of those up soon.

    MP- B”H! and i hope it all goes smoothly and well with both! keep up that attitude, as i know u will!

    #1168365
    MiddlePath
    Participant

    SaysMe, don’t be sorry, they were great to read! And thanks! I will try.

    #1168366
    blabla
    Participant

    I’m nervous, I’m scared,

    fear and trepidation,

    I just hope I survive,

    last through the duration.

    I’m off to camp alone,

    on nobody to depend,

    I must fend for myself,

    try not to apprehend.

    Will I be myself?

    Will I act tip top?

    will camp be a success?

    or chas veshalom flop?!

    Hashem I turn to you,

    I know you’ll come along,

    only then I’ll know I’m fine,

    Somewhere I’ll belong

    #1168367
    kapusta
    Participant

    Syag- That was very nicely done and so heartfelt. I love the way you close the poem on an uplifting note. One thing; you write “My poor self confidence wants them to want me, to depend on me”. I’m not so sure its a confidence thing. Everyone likes to be appreciated, and everyone wants to feel needed and I’m sure a parent feels it even more. Regardless of confidence level. Hatzlacha with everything.

    Luna- A mashal I once heard: Someone is walking in a thunderstorm and trying to find his way. Its completely dark as the storm had knocked out the power. Every time theres a flash of lightening, he uses it to see where he is and where hes going. The nimshal I heard was to use the “flashes” of inspiration to keep going in the right direction and keep growing but a second thing can be to use the light to make the darker parts easier. That said, I’m not suggesting going for walks in thunder and lightening. ? (Wow, that was deeeep!)

    SM, +1 🙂

    MP, I’m doing well B”H, thanks for asking.

    PE, you still around?

    *kapusta*

    #1168368
    MiddlePath
    Participant

    blabla, thanks for communicating your feelings to us in that lovely poem. Wishing you much happiness and success in camp, and I hope you have a wonderful time!

    kapusta, I’m glad to hear that.

    #1168369
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    kapusta – Thanks! I think the problem is less about wanting them to want me and more about wanting them to need me. They are really wonderful though and I have gotten LOTS of chizuk since that poem was written [each friend I show it to offers more :)]

    blabla – I wish I knew how to reach you, I’d send you a care package! Enjoy if you can, we’re rooting for you.

    #1168370
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    SaysMe (was rushing before so I left this out)- Your comments are so right. I can’t believe you are that same person who was flailing so badly not too long ago. You seem to have all the right words and understanding and that means that eventually you will learn to pull it out for yourself one day. I remember when my best, best friend got married and I felt like she really deserted me. I wrote a poem but can’t find it. I keep looking though cuz I wonder if it would give any chizuk to you. How is that relationship going? You really sound great. You young ‘uns are so impressive, if only I was as in touch at your age. I was 19 when my sister died (which was only a month from this friends wedding) and that’s when I really developed a close bond with Hashem. I know I was a deep thinker but can’t remember if it was productive or not.

    #1168371
    SaysMe
    Member

    Syag Lchochma- thanks so much for ur kind words! its really encouraging to hear that i sound like i’m getting somewhere! Esp since someone inreal life this week didnt think so :-/. i do feel like i’m getting places tho, with some parallel falls…

    that relationship is still going, but sad to see it dwindling more of late :(. we do speak maybe once a week or twice in 3 weeks? but she’s moving next week, and then???? then i guess we’ll see :(. not excited but thats life, no?

    wow, talk abt a double hit. i can’t even imagine standing through such pain :'(. You are obviously a very strong person with a real, deep kesher to Hashem. And i’m so so glad to have ‘met’ such an inspiring person and amazing mother too! You are clearly a really special woman, and one in touch with her real role in life. Yasher kochacha!

    And thanks for the compliment, i’m truly flattered. and undeserving! but i hope you are right abt pulling m/s out. not quite there yet! but i do think that struggles and pain clearly give a sensitivity to ppl.

    #1168372
    Too Cool
    Member

    TTO: Someday we will all be together

    they learnt in a bright frigid cardboard (box)

    together just 17 senior girls

    when in walked Mrs.


    and led one girl away

    the flame of seminary was lit on that day

    so many places, so many choices

    the decision has to be made so very fast

    so soon we start applying

    the pressure begins

    especially once they say “I am in”

    Chorus

    some day we will all be excepted

    some day we will all be in a sem dorm

    never will we have to be anxious or be scared

    for we will be our living up our sem year

    classmates and friends won’t be there to greet us

    only strangers and the staff will stand by and smile

    we will make some new friends there once again

    in Yerushalaim bezras Hashem

    we beg every day when we daven

    we ask Hashem to please get us in to sem

    He knows where to place us

    He always does, we learnt

    I have emuna and so should you

    that Hashem will place us, eventually

    it won’t take to much longer, you know why

    so together we are all gonna party, together we are all gonna sing

    we’re gonna say “thank you Hashem for rejecting me- oops I mean for everything”

    Chorus

    some day we will all be excepted

    some day we will all be in a sem dorm

    never will we have to be anxious or be scared

    for we will be our living up our sem year

    classmates and friends won’t be there to greet us

    only strangers and the staff will stand by and smile

    we will make some new friends there once again

    in Yerushalaim bezras Hashem

    #1168373
    SaysMe
    Member

    Hello all! time for a bump!

    Hope everyones doing well. its been quiet…. but i’m hoping no news is good news in this case!

    Syag Lchochma-back in hiding, so just a wave! i hope you’re doing ok and things are only getting easier. thinking of you!

    PE- its been a while so hoping u’ll pop in soon! hi!!!

    MP- hope those things and everything are going uphill

    luna- hoping that beautiful scene is still with you!

    NOMTW, kapusta, blabla- (wave!)

    how is everyone doing??

    #1168374
    Think first
    Member

    Hello says me, bump is right I miss the days when I was posting here I really enjoyed it. Well I hope youre doing alright,

    MP- keep the music coming along, I listened to some more of your music on souncloud you’ve for nice stuff

    Pe- I guess you busy in the real world like I’ve been, good luck

    I hope to be able to post some poems again soon

    #1168375
    SaysMe
    Member

    i knew i was gonna miss names. Sorry think first! hope you’re doign well!!

    #1168376
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    Gosh you sound great! Much of my silence (though I DO strive for silence sometimes) at this time is due to being off of work for the summer which means a) I don’t have an open computer throughout my day b) my kids are home and I try not to be online even if I can, and c) since the kids having nothing much to do all day, I don’t often find the computer free :}

    At this moment though, I am posting a lot because I am SUPPOSED to be writing a bar mitzvah speech and nothing gets me online faster than having something ELSE that’s much more important to do!!

    I don’t usually call out to anyone who isn’t posting, just incase they are working on abstaining, but I do think of you all and hope life is starting to look more transparent. If you keep focused I find that the smoke screen slowly disappears. I can even anticipate some of the hard knocks I get before they come because I know my weaknesses and when I see myself tripping over them I always expect a shove from behind just to up the ante. And if I pass . . . well I feel even prouder than ever!!!!

    It’s there for the asking – but I do NOT mean to imply it comes without blood, sweat and tears as they say. Just don’t forget to want it while yo are bleeding, sweating and crying 😉

    #1168377
    SaysMe
    Member

    Syag- sry, didnt mean to call u to post- thats y i just waved silently! thanks for sharing that message. veryyyy much appreciated, and has got me thinking. so glad you are coming out proud and victorious!

    #1168378
    SaysMe
    Member

    music is a pathway

    an entrance to my heart

    it holds a key to reach inside

    when i feel falling apart

    music holds the code

    to opening locked doors

    emotions flood out, eyes aglow

    awakened, spirit soars

    whether i’m filled with sadness

    or fears keep me awake

    the music calms me, warms my soul

    direction i can take

    and when i’m full of joy

    and smiles light my face

    the music helps to elevate

    with its upbeat pace

    the music touches deep

    its tune can touch my heart

    the tears that so long have been stemmed

    now break the walls apart

    the words, if you will listen

    can pierce you and hit hard

    and tefilla pours like waters forth

    as i let down my guard

    and whether its in thankfulness

    or begging ad mosai

    i know my words will rise up high

    Hashem will hear my cry

    so when i’m cold and broken

    or feeling numb and dulled

    i turn to hartzige music

    the void soon will be full

    i’ll focus on the lyrics

    let the melody inside

    let it connect me once again

    for i don’t want to hide

    and as i turn my face

    to my Father up above

    i feel assured He’s holding me

    I’m enveloped in His love

    #1168379
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    Great poem! I feel the same way about songs. That was why I stopped listening to secular music, I found myself very influenced by songs and their words/stories. For me, it wasn’t always a good thing 🙁 But I think it helped 🙂

    #1168380
    kapusta
    Participant

    A “good” day just got “better” after reading a horrible comment on a different thread. 🙁

    SM, the poem was great! 🙂

    Syag, I hope I’m not encouraging something you’re trying to stop but its nice to see you around.

    *kapusta*

    #1168381

    Hello? I can’t believe there hasnt been a post here for 1 whole week.

    I’ll post a poem I made up.

    I Lost My Dictionary

    by moskidoodle

    I lost my dictionary

    I don’t know where it did go

    The word vague is now vague to me

    The word know I do not know

    I lost my dictionary

    Now words I do not know

    Speaking of words’what does that word mean

    My words can no longer flow

    #1168382
    Song of Blessing
    Participant

    Hahahah off the top of my head… just for fun…

    I was sitting in the garden

    Drinking some tea

    When someone

    Came up to me

    “Hi” they said

    “Whats your name

    And why are you sitting

    Are you insane?

    There’s so much to do

    Before its too late

    How can you sit

    Watching the gate

    The clock is ticking

    The time is near

    Get up and work

    And have no fear!”

    I look up at them

    With my big green eyes

    And wonder why

    In great surprise

    Do they think that sitting

    In a garden is lazy

    I started to feel

    Kind of Shaky

    “Now look here you”

    I said pretty strongly

    “Dont tell me what to do

    You put it all wrongly

    I’m not just sitting

    And wasting time

    I’m making sure that I

    Will feel just fine

    I know there is

    So much to do

    But I’m not just sitting

    Staring at my shoe

    I’m relaxing you see

    And I think thats ok

    So maybe you should go

    And have a nice day”

    -SB 😀

    #1168383
    bygirl93
    Member

    I feel as though I’m drowning,

    lost in a pool of confusion,

    grasping the friendship,

    pulling it up,

    salvaging it,

    lost; left out; despair,

    every call I make,

    calling out,

    Help me! See me! Save me!

    #1168384
    bygirl93
    Member

    Friendship; connection,

    lost and found,

    strong as ever; never sever,

    a bond; forever,

    distance; makes it stronger,

    meet; as though no time has past,

    Time has come; Time has gone,

    Time to start anew,

    renew old; start afresh,

    bond together,

    our friendship will always stand!

    #1168385
    bygirl93
    Member

    Family is there through thick and thin,

    No matter what no matter when,

    I love you so much,

    More than you know,

    Sometimes we yell,

    sometimes we fight,

    the sorry resonates through my heart,

    the deep regret pounding as my heart thumps.

    Those 2 little words to be uttered,

    Beyond truth, beyond meaning

    Beyond right, beyond wrong,

    I AM SORRY!!!!!!!!!

    #1168386
    bygirl93
    Member

    This was written at least 4 years ago, just found it.

    A TRUE FRIEND:

    A friend is,

    Someone who care.

    A friend is,

    Someone who shares.

    A friend can be,

    Someone who knows.

    A friend can be,

    Someone who grows.

    A friend,

    Helps you with a rhyme.

    To your friends always be true.

    Because, TRUE FRIENDS are far and few.

    #1168387
    bygirl93
    Member

    Written in Junior High:

    A group of girls; all together as one,

    Oh great! Oh no! My life is done!

    One in the center with the rest all around,

    Who is that girl, they all surround?

    That is the most popular girl in school,

    She thinks she is very cool.

    She is the QUEEN; Bee, some might add,

    She starts and ends every fad.

    Out of their ponies a single hair does not fall.

    They are all too perfect; too superlative you might say,

    They were not created that way.

    Oh for goodness sake!

    These girls will never be your friend,

    Those ice cold stares,

    Those frosty glares.

    #1168388
    bygirl93
    Member

    It is a work in progress- it’s something new I’m trying out, please tell me what you think. All constructive criticism will be taken!!!:

    Reading,

    Calm;

    Serene,

    Relaxing.

    Book,

    New world;

    Unexplored.

    Waiting.

    Page turner,

    Fun;

    Adventurous,

    Suspenseful.

    Library,

    Home;

    Quiet,

    Safe haven.

    Thoughts,

    Escape;

    Spread,

    Lost.

    Mind,

    Concentration;

    Logic,

    Gears.

    Control,

    Order;

    Exact,

    Perfect.

    Head,

    Charge;

    Boss,

    Leader.

    Group,

    Together;

    Connected,

    Joined.

    Friends,

    Helpful;

    Care,

    There.

    Family,

    Sacrifice;

    Together,

    Strong.

    #1168389
    SaysMe
    Member

    wow, from ur first poems, its clear your friend is dear to you and that u really treasure it. Your family poem is beautiful :). You seem to have a really great and positive approach in your relationships and that will help them endure time, distance and challenge.

    i like your last one! i really like how the topic change flows from one to the other, related yet new, and heading to a new topic again!

    #1168390
    bygirl93
    Member

    Says me- thank you! That’s exactly wat I was trying for in the last poem- I kinda just started with the first word- and did the word association game to continue through it-

    #1168391
    MiddlePath
    Participant

    Faith:

    What a concept.

    One that keeps me alive

    Keeps me sane

    But

    Am I living in the real world?

    Loneliness

    Heartbreak

    Disappointment

    Self-destruction

    Faith hides them all.

    Keeps them restrained in a locked cage

    But what if the cage opens?

    If reality kicks in?

    I tell myself I’ll be fine

    I’ve gone through worse

    And I laugh

    But is it funny?

    No.

    It’s simply ironic

    Yet expected

    That something else unfortunate will happen.

    I smile

    At G-d’s sense of humor

    Because wow, does He have one.

    There’s no question

    That He is in control.

    Who else but Him can create

    Such a perfectly executed storm?

    Such a beautiful landscape of scorched earth?

    Such a high cliff to be thrown down?

    Such a huge waterfall to be dropped down?

    Inner Peace

    Is my salvation.

    It called also be spelled:

    Inner Piece

    Referring to that one piece

    Inside me

    That is a part of Him

    Which is indestructible

    And that piece IS me.

    What’s the proof of that?

    I’m still here

    Not destroyed.

    So who am I?

    I’m a part of G-d

    And G-d is a part of me.

    So I know

    That everything will be fine.

    Because the Creator of all things

    Is in me.

    That is faith.

    And that is indestructible.

    And that is reality.

    What is pain?

    Suffering?

    A facade.

    An illusion.

    A test intended to confuse us

    To try to pry us

    Away from our essence.

    It hasn’t worked on me.

    Pain?

    Suffering?

    I know them for what they really are.

    They are nothing.

    Faith?

    I know it for what it really is.

    It is everything.

    #1168392

    *Feebly waving*

    Hi. I know I’ve been MIA. I’ve been going through h*ll and have been laying low for a while. It’s nothing in particular. I thought once school let out for the summer things would brighten up, but I guess school was a ‘good’ distraction from life. Without that, everything became glaringly more obvious. I’ve been torturing myself with a question: How is it that a girl who has so much going for her (pretty, smart, good/balanced natured could have so little confidence in herself and her accomplishments.

    #1168393
    SaysMe
    Member

    mp- Having faith does not mean denying your feelings. It doesnt mean suppressing pain, hurt or upset. Its a life-long work, but to the point where it is instinct to realize your emotions may be misplaced.

    It is expected to hit bumps, and bigger ones as life goes on. That is the purpose of life. Life is about the hurdles and stumbles and challenges, and between them we are given breaks to rest, and recharge. Just like that miracle and rescue was so clearly designed and orchestrated just for you, that rock in the road that made you fall was shaped just so and placed just there just for you, but with the utmost love and care, so you can stand up and become stronger and more clearly see Him in retrospect. Like the mother may let her child ignore her call for supper so that he will learn for himself that supper is for his sake, to feed him, though it seemed a hindrance. Like the teacher steps back and lets the 2 kids argue it out themselves, so that they can learn problem-solving on their own. And she may even be the one to purposely pair those two up! The pain and suffering are not nothing but precisely what is drawing you higher up. Its those that will have the greatest reward. They are brochos in disguise.

    Nomtw- hey! Sadly gotta hafta nod and say I know what you’re saying with school…. Do you have a good friend who recognizes your uncertainty in yourself? Who can pump you up and point out your strengths, accomplishments, sensitivities, achievements? It can make a world of a difference if its coming from a sincere place. Its easy to be blinded to your own worth and good. Its a very easy trap for the yetzer hora to entangle us in. And a hard one to climb out of. If you feel you are making a difference, doing s/t for others, its the best thing you can do for yourself. Try to find yourself a feel-good job or volunteer program for the summer? Or help out in a chessed org? Wish I had the right words to open your eyes to all that you are….

    #1168394
    SaysMe
    Member

    oops. The danger of typing a reply in word then copying is you dont realize how long your reply really is. Sry!

    #1168395
    Luna Lovegood
    Participant

    Behind every person lies a story

    Do you wish to know mine

    Of the past I left behind

    My family

    My friends

    A very happy life

    Replaced by conflict

    Anger and strife

    But my story has yet to end

    And my life I have yet to mend

    I wish to see a light

    Glowing so very bright

    A light to chase away the night

    A light to give me strength and might

    To conquer the sadness and fears

    That has accumulated over the years

    So this is the story that I hide

    I hide it deep inside

    Away from the world

    That is very cruel and cold

    Where all they do is judge you

    #1168396
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    MP and NOMTW – please give me a chance to gather my thoughts, I have so much to say to both of you.

    SaysMe – Beautiful answer. You really sound great!

    #1168397
    SaysMe
    Member

    thx Syag. I can put up a pretty good facade some times 🙂

    #1168398
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    NOMTW – Okay, you first. It is very easy for someone wonderful to feel that way. Here is the secret. Your less Gdly side (your yetzer hora, if you will) wants to see if it can rob you of your simcha and menuchas nefesh. When you haven’t accomplished much or are socially inept, or if you have other failures, then putting yourself down is a piece of cake. You can be called a loser, a failure, a bum, you name it. But if you have accomplished a lot, and polished yourself up, and really done well with yourself, the button to push has to be internal. No sense arguing with reality, instead your core is doubted, attacked, belittled. All your motives and strengths are questioned. But it is ALL A SCAM!!!!!! This is a piece of you trying to drag yourself under and steal your glory. Just think how stupid it would be if your Y”H tried to tell you you were a failure, it wouldn’t work because you have diplomas to prove it. But if the Y”H decides to attack your insides, who will tell him what a fool he is? YOU must. Pull yourself up and say, “You know what? I’m not so bad. I have some great qualities and my depression/inner voice/y”h is just trying to unhinge me. I AM NOT FALLING FOR IT!”

    I read an awesome R’ Twerski story where he speaks to a girl who was using and cutting. He asked her how she could destroy her beautiful self. She laughed and said everyone thinks she was just garbage. He said, “You’re right, and that scar on your face is really ugly” to which she replied that she didn’t have a scar on her face. R, Twerski explained to her that his insult didn’t hurt her because she KNEW for a fact that she didn’t have a scar. If she KNEW FOR A FACT that she wasn’t garbage, she wouldn’t believe that insult either.

    You may have been told that you will never be good enough, or maybe you are expecting perfection, or maybe you are hoarding faults of yours that you (very) mistakenly think negate your richness. Well you need to just tell that little voice that it is full of baloney, and that you are awesome and have friends and can call yourself good things even if you are still a work in progress. Call its bluff.

    I always believe that people like me because they don’t know me. That when they find out who I REALLY am, they will not like me anymore. It always keeps me from feeling secure in anything, waiting for that day to come. But it isn’t real. I worked hard to find out where it came from, but that isn’t the point. The point is that it isn’t true, and you cannot give it credence.

    You will have to forgive me if I gave you the wrong shmuz, maybe this isn’t what you are about. But in my anonymity I was willing to take a chance 🙂

    #1168399
    SaysMe
    Member

    Syag- that was an amazing answer. and even if not perfect for nomtw, its beneficial for so many, myself included, to hear. Thanks so much for sharing, and with such clarity.

    #1168400
    MiddlePath
    Participant

    SaysMe, wow. Thank you so much for your post. You are definitely right. It’s funny, I usually do see it that way, until I’m dealing with something myself.. then my entire mentality changes, and I usually just try to hide the pain instead of using it to grow. Thanks again.

    I wish I had the strength now to respond to everyone the way I used to, but I don’t. I need to get back to neutral myself before I can do that.

    #1168401
    Luna Lovegood
    Participant

    People are like a box of crayons

    Each one is unique

    But when brought together the picture is complete

    The green becomes the grass

    The blue becomes the sky

    The white is the clouds drifting peacefully by

    The yellow becomes the sun shining so very bright

    The black and gray combine to draw a starry night

    Everyone is different

    Each person is unique

    Some are like a ray of sun while others are very bleak

    Some are shy

    And others cry

    Some are sad

    Others are always glad

    But when they stand together

    They can weather any weather

    #1168402
    SaysMe
    Member

    Luna- that was reallly nice! i really really liked it a lot! and hi again!

    slowly everyone’s coming outta hiding, i see….

    MP- we’re all wishing the best for you! Dont feel obligated to reply when you can’t. Focus on lifting your own spirits first, and the poets and posters here, we’ll try to help! Just keep heading up and looking forward!

    #1168403
    kapusta
    Participant

    MP, I think someone once posted a quote (from Rabbi Brody?) “Emunah checks in where logic checks out”. If/when it’s not logical, and when things don’t seem to go “right”, Emunah is the lifejacket. Hatzlacha. (btw, the inner peace/piece thing is amazing)

    NOMTW, sorry you’ve been having a hard time. I can’t give you much more than whats been said already but I do think the suggestion of a Chessed organization of some sort is a good one. It doesn’t have to be straight out, maybe visiting an elderly relative/neighbor? Hope things get easier soon.

    Luna, those were great poems. One thing i’ve learned more recently is to assume that everyone is hiding something. The second poem also has a great message, especially for the three weeks. Thanks!

    (Thanks, you know who you are :))

    *kapusta*

    #1168404
    SaysMe
    Member

    Luna- wanna apologize. i have no clue how, but i completely missed your first poem. i just realized now when i saw kapusta’s line “those were great poems”.

    Your story keeps on going, this chapters not yet even done. But life has surprises for us, and you may be approaching an unforeseen high part, and a place where you can heal very quickly and easily, bezras Hashem. I wish you will be given a clarity and internal strength and love to overcome those hurts and sadness…

    #1168405
    blabla
    Participant

    hey guys I’m back and survived camp! was kinda hard but survived!

    #1168406
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    welcome blabla! Glad you made it through!

    #1168407

    SaysMe: Thank you for your kind words. I do have a friend who I can confide in, the issue is that she is on the verge of getting engaged and aside from the obvious panic and fear of the ensuing loneliness; I also don’t want to bog her down with this…

    Syag, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your insightful and thoughtful words! Yes, it’s partly what I guess we can call the “yetzer hara”, and it’s partly the awful dating world that is getting me down. I am tall and have a healthy curvy (Not. Fat.) figure. I strongly feel that a girl needs 1 outstanding quality to get ‘noticed’. It can be money, looks, brains, etc. It can be all too easy to start self-deprecating.

    #1168408
    MiddlePath
    Participant

    Luna, your poem about the box of crayons is so beautiful, and so unbelievably true. In general, your poems are really amazing.

    Thanks so much for your encouragement, SaysMe, Syag, kapusta, NOMTW. I’m slowly getting back to normal, and I’m taking a few steps at a time toward using my struggles and difficulties to make myself a stronger, better person, and seeing things in a different light. Whether or not my appreciation shows right now, please know that you all are putting meaning in my life.

    blabla, it’s great to see you back. How are you?

    Think first, ICOT, hope you’re doing alright.

    bygirl93, really nice poems.

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