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    Person3: Thanks. Sorry, just saw your comment now while looking for an old thread. Welcome to the CR! (are you new? Seems to be an awful lot of new posters lately.) Hope to see you around more often!


    I’m not really good at it but here’s a few…

    My eyes tearing,

    My mouth whispering

    My nose running

    Tears are dripping.

    My heart erupting,

    My being disrupting.

    What am I worth?

    Shall I live or shall I die?

    Does it really pay to stay

    All my life to cry?

    When it will stop?

    When will it end?

    I am so alone,

    Nobody to defend.

    I look up to you Hashem,

    I daven every day

    Oh how much longer can I stay?!

    I cannot handle anymore,

    I am totally numb

    Everyone thinks im a freak

    And totally dumb

    I am normal like You

    I was once born too

    I have a neshama

    That Hashem blew.

    So why do you snob me?

    Tear me apart,

    Do you realize the impact

    Of your words on my heart?

    My day is tearful,

    I wake up fearful

    Is the school also mine?

    G.O. president,

    Miss popular and all

    Your pretty and skinny

    And just a bit tall

    Shadchanim and parents

    Are all so shallow

    When will they realize

    That their view is so narrow?

    Girls are suffering

    Because of you

    Do you want it on your chesbon

    That too?

    My world is falling apart

    With nobody here to stand by me,

    My hopeless broken heart,

    When will someone set me free?

    I stand here all alone

    Isolated and enclosed

    To others I am a stone

    Standing still and posed

    Suffering so intensely

    Would appreciate so immensely,

    With no escape route in sight

    As I stand paralyzed with freight.

    …and I never finished it…

    The world has turned against me,

    my face is unknown

    forgotten in the hussle,

    I’m all alone.

    drowning in misery,

    I daven every day,

    seemingly unanswered,

    causes my emunah to sway.

    I want to hide so badly,

    bury myself under covers,

    even then I can’t escape,

    around me sadness hovers.

    The pain is so intense,

    the wounds are oh so deep,

    I can’t even recover,

    that mountain’s way too steep.

    When I’m finally noticed,

    I’m treated like dust,

    everyone betrays me,

    I have nobody to trust.

    I sit here at my desk,

    no friends at my side,

    this part is the most painful,

    I have no friends though I’ve tried.

    So the next time you walk by me,

    and act just like a snob,

    I’m not stupid in the least bit,

    though of my dignity you rob.

    I’m suffering so greatly,

    its called clinical depression,

    everyone else’s lives are blissful,

    the complain when there’s slight tension.

    with flames all engulfing me,

    my only escape to die,

    I know that at my funeral,

    there won’t be a teary eye.

    each and every day,

    is just such a struggle,

    choosing between death

    or being thrown into trouble.

    why is there a stigma,

    on those who are in pain?

    Hashem please don’t allow,

    our tears and tfillos be in vain.

    I’ve got no talent for writing,

    i just want you all to know,

    I’m 100% normal,

    although I’m everybody’s foe.

    so ywn please allow me

    to express some of my sorrow,

    I may get treated differently,

    I’ll find out tomorrow.


    blabla: Looks like you’re going through a lot. Your writing is beautiful and sad. One sentence bothered me though: “I’ve got no talent for writing”. Totally untrue. Why do you view yourself as somebody who’s got no talent when you jut proved you do! Also, please try writing some cheerful poems. It might help you ease your pain. I hope things get better for you soon. Good Shabbos!


    blabla: Your words are speaking pain, it hurts to read! i sincerely hope (n pray) it will get easier for you.. not nec. because you’ve put this on ywn but because people (AND YOURSELF!!) will see and appreciate the “real” you and the good you truly are. Hold on tight, don’t let go! Just a bit tighter… a bit longer… May g-d show you the light very quickly..


    Sorry but I’m no shell silverstien


    Thanx to both of you. My problem is that I don’t trust myself 🙁

    I find that writing poems as a diary really, really helps. The problem is that I never can give anyone the piece of my mind that I want to but now I can so thanks for this thread!

    am yisrael chai


    I am reading the pain in your words above

    Know that the readers here are sending much love

    I know that you’re feeling much pain right now

    But know that in due time this will pass somehow

    You write your post so eloquently

    You exhibit good qualities so poignantly

    For despite the deep pain that you feel

    And even though you feel like a fifth wheel

    You look up for guidance from the One Above

    Who no doubt looks at His child with abounding love

    He wants the absolute best for you

    And growing pains is what you describe & need to go through

    Just know that at the end of this whole process

    You will know WHO YOU ARE and achieve personal success

    In the meantime, you write that you feel all alone

    Try then to pick up a tehillim or get to the phone

    Just be careful of your negative self-talk that you do

    It is something that can depress & paralyze you

    Just as you wouldn’t put a treif item to your lips

    Don’t allow negative, destructive thoughts, even in drips

    When you feel yourself putting yourself down

    Know it’s a treif thought that causes a sad frown

    Don’t allow a morsel of tarfus into your mind

    You will then not feel so undermined.

    Catch yourself doing something nice

    Write what you’re grateful for, not once, but twice

    Keep paper nearby to catch every word

    And you’ll soon see-you’re not anyone’s nerd!

    Keep seeing the glass as half full

    Retrain your brain to see what’s plentiful

    With flying colors you’ll surely pass this test

    We’re rooting for you, & we wish you all the best!


    I didn’t see this poem until now but I posted on your other thread.

    minyan gal

    blabla – your poem brought tears to my eyes. I can really feel your pain. I have been where you are now and there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that you have someone that you can confide in and that you are under the care of at least, your family doctor. If you want to write to me personally (or talk on the phone) just notify the Mods that they can give you my email address and from there we can trade phone numbers. I know that I am decades older than you but a friend is a friend and perhaps you can benefit from my experience. I would love to hear from you. Just remember, like “Annie” said: “The sun will come out tomorrow – you can bet your bottom dollar on that.”


    brokenhearted, lost

    in a world of insanity

    I’m craving a break,

    some peace and serenity.

    I just wish I can burst

    my bubble full of tears

    and release all the tension

    the pain and the fears.

    I’m stuck in my own world,

    so detached from the rest,

    I’m detached from Hashem

    although I know its just a test.

    I didnt daven properly

    and I feel just so disgusting,

    I didnt acknowledge him at all,

    my tiny heart is busting.

    My emotions are pent up

    my shoulders and back are aching

    the pain is building up again

    but to everyone around I’m faking.

    I feel like I can’t carry on

    I really can’t take it

    I’ve been strangled from all sides

    I don’t think I will make it.

    I’m holding on to a thin thin strand

    a string to attach me to a base

    its slipping out, out of my grip

    as I race after it in a chase.

    Its slipping, I’m holding,

    clinging for dear life,

    I almost lost it from my grasp

    I can’t land in pain and strife.

    When will Hashem send me help,

    give me a break from all this pain,

    I have no more strength to daven every day,

    I feel like its all in vain.

    Help, I cry out to him in my bed,

    I can take absolutely no more,

    I’m all worn out, I’m done forever,

    Every muscle on me is sore.

    I’ve crumbled slowly piece by piece

    until I cease to exhist

    The urge to kill myself is taking me over

    I just can’t seem to resist.

    I’m tugged and tugged,

    I see the weapon in which i can kill silly me,

    and then i think everyone will able

    to finally giggle with glee.

    no more me to be a burden

    no more me to cost the money

    then their life will be blissful and great

    it will be so bright and sunny.

    I dunno I’m so depressed right now

    I don’t know what to do,

    I’m so stressed out yet I can’t stop,

    the teacher’s have no sympathy for you!

    Don’t they also have a life,

    something besides stupid school?

    do they have any challenges to have sensitivity?

    why on earth do think we’re just objects

    and torturing us is cool?!

    Just my vent 🙁 I know its not as good as the others…too bad.

    am yisrael chai


    I wish I had a magic wand

    To take away the pain & despond

    You are Hashem’s child, He loves you a lot

    And you are the only Blabla He’s got

    For there’s no one else like you in the universe

    Who’s spiritual & caring & puts feeling to verse

    How amazing, when you feel so down & criticize yourself

    You still daven, taking your siddur from the shelf

    It’s your relationship with YOURSELF that needs to improve

    GIVE YOURSELF Ahavas Chinam as your first move

    Quieten those critical comments that you constantly give

    SO that you can have a more POSITIVE space to live

    Put on some music, write 5 things for which you’re GRATEFUL

    Take vitamins, do exercise, eat blueberries by the crateful!

    Expand your support group, know that this one day shall pass

    At which time you will be in the top of your class!


    wooaaaa you’re really good ayc thanx for the encouragement.

    btw this is totally my diary-thats why its anonymous LOL


    Am yisroel, your poem reads so naturally that it’s easy to miss the fact that it’s a poem.

    I don’t often right poems, and definitely not emotional ones. But for the sake of introducing another attitude I’ll dedicate one to the cause:

    Was I really smooth and round

       Not this scraggly shriveled thing

    Was I at all more profound

       Like the kind of thing that make poets sing

    It’s so hard to face the present

       With that glamorous past

    Like a squire becoming a peasant

       And yet it all happened so fast

    So dark and damp, at times muddy

       There’s a lad stepping above here

    I’m sure he can’t see me, now could he

       Not in this shape even if he’s near

    In case you haven’t figured it out

       I was placed on soft top soil

    I’m waiting my turn to sprout

       That would be worth all my toil

    Now the sun has come out to shine

       The day after a pleasant rain

    It sure is a pleasure of mine

       It all was to my benefit and gain

    First a seed will decay and rot

       When it seems like it all disappeared

    Only then bursts forth the full shot

       Assisted by the One who had cared


    blabla-i’m so sorry that you’re going through that. there’s something that you said, totally not the main point, but i wanted to comment on it.

    G.O. president,

    Miss popular and all

    Your pretty and skinny

    And just a bit tall

    (disclaimer: for those who know me, i am not talking about myself, nor anybody in chicago!!!!!!)

    my friend is GO pres, and she’s all the above, except one thing-she’s anorexic/bulimic and she cuts. so though it might seem like you’re all alone, there are a lot of people like you, they’re just hiding. i hope i didn’t just put my foot in mouth. i don’t mean to be offensive or callous, and if i came out that way i apologize.


    Smile E. Face: I got the chills while reading your post. May she have a refuah sheleima soon.

    blabla: I find that if I have too much time for myself, I think wayy too much which makes me antsy and anxious. Perhaps you can busy yourself with doing housework, chessed (help out a neighbor,cousin with little kids etc.), cleaning, baking etc.


    Smile E. Face-I’m anorexic too lol. Yeah, they can have their challenges but for some its harder to conceal them which makes high school a living nightmare.

    observanteen-yeah, I try but since I’m really antisocial I don’t like leaving my house and every time I go out I compare myself to others and get more depressed. I’m waiting for summer vacation….counting down. Then, there’ll be no more poison called STRESS! lol


    this is so nice!


    blabla: Why are you anti social? I mean, you don’t have to love everyone, but hate them? Is it because you don’t trust them? Personally, I’ve had many people who betrayed me and for a while I didn’t trust anyone. That in itself was depressing! Once I got to open my eyes and take a true look at humanity, I realized that most people are nice, pleasant and enjoyable. Miraculously, once I joined in social company, my anxiety slowly faded and eventually disappeared! I think you should try going out and break your social fear.

    Anyway, I think we should continue our conversation on another thread cuz I’m afraid dancinggirl isn’t too thrilled to have us discuss this here:)


    I want to just tell u guys to stay strong, even if it’s hard. Hashem is there, I promise.

    Ive watched so many people I love have eating disorders and it’s a serious thing. Just know that there are so many people out there that love you and wanna support you. Check out its a website for Jewish girls I created abt this kinda thing. Hatzlacha!

    Still looking

    Like the threatening clouds that are starting to form

    And the darkness and tension of today’s thunderstorm

    I feel trapped in the heat and so ready to burst

    Like I’m falling from the sky, and falling head-first.

    Can I catch myself now? Before it’s too late?

    Before I spew words of anger, of bitterness and hate?

    Will I be the one to erupt in a flood?

    That will drench, perhaps drown everyone that i could?

    Or will I conquer my own self with a strong-sounding boom

    Like the thunder that seems to be shaking my room

    Or will I light up the world with a moment-long streak

    And with my pain, go and heal others feeling bleak

    There are so many ways to take hardship and strain

    Without pounding it heavily on everyone’s window pane

    And the strength that it takes to overcome one’s own being

    So yes, sometimes that silver lining has but nothing to do

    With whether your situation has all but improved

    That light’s just a reflection of what you carry within

    YOUR strength and the way that YOU fight and YOU win.


    Wow. That was so so so amazing. Ur very talented.


    A flame,

    one tiny flame

    a light

    in the darkness

    a spark away

    from hopelessness

    a source

    of some calmness

    A wave,


    the shores

    its crashing,

    in the water


    in the sun

    its splashing.



    in the crowds

    they’re thronging,

    for relief

    was longing


    was wronging.


    its burning,

    of grief,




    for relief




    the thoughts,



    i’m shaking

    to overcome it




    the tools

    weren’t handed


    haven’t landed

    for control



    the unknown



    not a single


    for the sins

    can’t atone.

    Really bad but just my current feelings…I need to release it.


    Alone in the dark,

    with no one at my side,

    no place to seek shelter,

    i’ve got no place to hide.

    nobody understands

    not a soul can comprehend

    that’s why on the surface

    to be happy i pretend.

    my plate remains empty,

    I’m just too scared to eat,

    food is now my enemy,

    which every day i meet.

    PTSD, depression,

    anorexia, anxiety

    why is it a stigma

    in this corrupt society?

    We’re crying and suffering,

    yet we must remain under cover,

    we’re afraid someone will see through,

    and the truth they’ll discover.

    Scared and frightened,

    unsure of what to do

    rooted to my hiding place,

    stay out of everyone’s view.

    To act normal and to go on

    of us is expected,

    otherwise there won’t be shidduchim

    we’ll be considered defected.

    HELP I cry in pain,

    I wish someone would hear,

    if so would they come rescue?

    do they even care?

    Can somebody listen?

    w/ someone my pain to share?

    or I’m not allowed to talk,

    if I even dare…


    A more positive one:

    A small blue bird,

    sits peacefully on the tree,

    it sings some songs to heaven,

    w/ happiness it does agree.

    the melody he sings,

    its sweet and its steady,

    it sings shira to hashem,

    to give of itself its ready.

    the breeze goes on,

    w/ relaxation it does sigh,

    the bird takes off in flight,

    soaring up up high.

    new heights it does reach,

    new views it can see,

    it now sees the picture perfect

    and it can smile down with glee.

    it returns to its nest,

    content and very calm,

    there’s somebody holding them,

    he’s right there in their palm

    looking at his baby birds,

    with serenity it smiles,

    it starts counting the good things,

    lists of brachos he compiles.

    Hashem is watching over him,

    He’s there holding his hand,

    everything’s for the good,

    he now can understand.


    blabla, amazing!!! You are SOOO talented:)))


    blabla you write such moving stuff… keep it up!! may g-d give you the strength and the light and finally make it easier!! It’s difficult and it’s sometimes difficult that it is so difficult.. lets try to rem. that g-d is in control and he can make it easier!!!!!! He knows how hard it is for us!!!!!!!


    Thanks for the encouragement. It gives me a sense of relief that I can let the pain out a little. I never thought I can write-I still don’t know if they’re that good. Yes, I know Hashem’s in control yet I’m still struggling with my emunah. working at it!


    Confused and uncertain,

    not knowing what to do,

    bewildered and distraught,

    with no one to turn to.

    Exploding in pain,

    unable to withstand,

    its so unbearable,

    but hashem’s holding my hand.

    Everyone has advice,

    everyone’s two cents,

    yet nobody seems to understand,

    how the agony’s so intense.

    I’m craving some space,

    I’m dieing for relief,

    of my privacy I’m robbed,

    by one nasty mean theif.

    Abandoned, left alone,

    lonely and unstable,

    I need a listening ear,

    yet nobody seems available.

    Just wish my bubble would open,

    just want it all to burst,

    I want to let the tears out,

    for those I have a thirst.

    You’re probably sick of my nasty poems….I’ll stop…okay sorry.


    a few things…

    1)they’re not nasty

    2)we’re not sick of them

    3)don’t stop

    4)”okay sorry”, nope not ok- don’t you DARE be sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    KKKK… i won’t “dare” be sorry LOL. I just feel like everything is negative and I’m making this thread really depressing…:( I’ll try to do more positive ones-they’re a bit harder for me.


    totally random, you might want to read/post on frumteens. it sounds like it might be beneficial for you. idk!

    good! i’m glad you’re not sorry! and you can write whatever makes you happy! i give you full rishus! :0) and you’re not making it depressing,so don’t worry.


    I tried a million times to sign up w/ and didn’t work-dunno what’s wrong with it or my computer but anyways it barely gets updated (I read it) so whatever but thanx anyways!


    K another depressing one (I got permission LOL)

    I wish…

    I wish i can die

    I wish I can live

    I wish I can take

    I wish I can give.

    I wish I can be happy,

    I wish i can cry

    I wish I wouldn’t live

    my entire life to die.

    I count down the days

    until the time I won’t be here

    I just wish it would come faster,

    I wish it was near.

    Ashamed, embarrassed,

    I can’t face the world,

    I’m confused, I’m lost

    my thoughts are so twirled.

    I wish I can end it

    to cease to exhist,

    these thoughts penetrate,

    they seem to persist.

    I can’t hold on anymore,

    I’m killing myself now,

    I have just one problem,

    without getting caught I don’t know how.

    As you can tell I haven’t been doing very well…hopefully soon I’ll have more positive ones. 🙁


    mischeif- if you’re having probs signing up, try emailing the mod. and it gets update approx every 7 days :0)

    blabla- glad you accepted my permission! :0)


    I will try emailing the mod then but yeah its a great site if it would work 🙂


    The giant waves crash,

    the blue water glistens,

    the tide moves along,

    everyone’s relaxed and listens.

    The sun is shining down,

    upon us are its rays,

    it gives a feeling of peace,

    positive messages it relays.

    The calm winds fly by,

    the cool air rushes,

    my hair blows along with it,

    against my face it brushes.

    The eagles flap their wings,

    up high in flight they soar,

    they seem so free and blissful,

    their beauty I adore.

    The doubled footprints down below,

    show someone else is on this sand,

    who is it truely I think I know,

    it’s hashem who’s holding my hand.

    Despite the pain I’ve lived through,

    the torture I’ve endured,

    one day I’ll look back and see

    that my illness Hashem cured.



    I blindly hold

    Onto Your hand

    As You steadily

    Lead the way

    I tightly grasp

    Your solid palm

    Stumbling along

    Arm in arm

    You lead me through

    With steps so strong.

    Following along

    Sometimes I stumble

    Sometimes I trip

    And Your hand

    Raises me high

    Wipes off my wounds

    With lessons learned.

    As the road

    Meanders along

    Sometimes I feel

    The path is wrong

    Or upside down

    But yet

    You continue

    Plowing along


    My tormented cries.

    But sometimes

    When we reach

    The top of a hill

    You grant me

    A moment

    To rest

    And peer down

    At the rocky



    That brought us

    This high.

    And then

    I understand

    Why I needed

    All the


    And bruises


    And scuffles

    And even


    And sprains

    And then

    For the stability

    Of Your

    Guiding hand.

    And so

    Right now

    When the sun

    Is down

    The moon

    Is low

    The stars

    Flicker out

    When jagged





    My eyes

    And squeeze

    Them shut

    And focus

    On the warmth

    And strength

    Of Your guiding hand

    With mine.


    By the drive to OD

    I’m overtaken,

    to deprive myself of food,

    a call to awaken

    I want to be noticed

    i was to be recognized

    if anyone cares for me

    I’d be surprised.

    I feel so dead,

    I feel so down,

    i struggle to remain alive

    in the agony i drown

    My eating is insane,

    i binge and I purge,

    to end all the misery

    i have such a strong urge.

    the suffering the pain

    a life of insanity

    I must be skinny in a world,

    that’s so obsessed with vanity

    I don’t know anything

    I’m lost and confused,

    I feel beaten, torn,

    tortured and used.

    am yisrael chai


    I read your poem with much pain in my heart

    I’ve got so much to say, don’t know where to start

    Be prepared to be surprised, for we all care about you

    Regardless if you’re a skinny or overweight Jew

    It’s the essence of you that we care about

    Your sensitivity and caring, of that please have no doubt

    I wish you could see the YOU that we all see

    Your resilience shines through in all your poetry

    Is it possible for you to accept yourself as you are

    Your creative talent surpasses others by far

    You’re important just as you are, for you house Hashem’s neshama

    Your ??? is the ???? for this special neshama kedosha

    Beautify this holy temple as best as you can

    Vitamins and minerals are essential to every man

    You are noticed and you’re receiving honorable recognition

    In your struggle to obtain the “beauty that is you” appreciation


    wooaaa Your talent is way and beyond!!! Thanks for the encouragement. Now it’s just been really, really hard. I almost lost it and killed myself…barely escaped.

    am yisrael chai

    “wooaaa Your talent is way and beyond!!!”

    Back at you, blabla! Can you see that you are a supremely talented individual yourself? It seems that it’s so easy for you to see it in others…May you see it in YOURSELF ????? ?????? ??? ???!


    To be quite honest, the first time I posted on this thread I was embarassed because I didn’t think what I wrote was even half decent. Really, thank you ayc!!


    blabla you words are so hurt felt!! Ayc your response beautiful. Blabla, speaking from experience, i understand how you feel and i only hope that the dark days will be over very quickly.. Hold on!! Be strong!!


    Lost and confused,

    my life’s out of control,

    Nobody understands me

    I’m a lonely soul.

    I want to punish myself

    starve myself till I’m dead,

    the thoughts are overwhelming

    I want to chop off my head.

    I wish i can stop

    all the voices inside me,

    relax and calm down,

    a chance to just be.

    I’m confused and lonely,

    lost and so scared,

    to kill myself right now,

    I think I’m prepared.

    Can anyone identify?

    Anyone can relate?

    The intense feelings

    of anger, pain, and hate

    Isolated, segragated,

    secluded and disconnected,

    I’ve been thrown away,

    abandoned and neglected.


    Void, empty,

    hollow inside

    My dreams have fled,

    my hopes have died

    Existence seems

    to simply lack reason

    Life’s just passing

    along with each season

    For me there’s no life,

    no hope, no good fate

    All is gone,

    never will I celebrate

    The hurt is so much

    no one should ever bear

    What’s to life,

    why should I care?

    I weep all night, for death I long

    I want to be free, to burst out in song.

    My eyes well tears for a future that’s lost

    I’ll mourn until my emotions exhaust

    But each and every day

    I ask Hashem to give me hope

    to strengthen me enough

    so that I can cope

    Give me the wisdom

    to help me see

    The good that one day

    I just might be.

    I’m so suicidal lately 🙁


    am yisrael chai

    mods, can you please honor Blabla’s request?

    It sounds like pikuach nefesh.

    MG has offered to speak to her for quite awhile


    am yisrael chai


    You have no idea how much you have helped others suffering from what you describe. You have an amazing outlet of writing poetically that many other sufferers don’t have. In fact, some say they have no outlet at all. They are connecting with you on a level that you REALLY understand what they are going through. It’s amazing how at a low point of your life, you are still helping so many.

    Wishing you tons of hatzlacha & siyata d’shmaya.


    Really? This can help others? I feel like I just need to sometimes release it and when I get into the “mood” of writing it really helps. I never thought I can write and definitely not poems but its very helpful to release the pain.

    If feels good to know that someone’s on my side-one person cares! Thanks a ton for the encouragement!


    I throw my hands up in the air,

    I’ve had enough, I’m done,

    Hashem please come and save me,

    insanely life has spun.

    I have no control,

    it’s up to you to manage,

    I’ll leave it only in your hands,

    its all to my advantage.

    I’ve felt like this countless times,

    when will it just stop?

    Please just take my life away,

    the pain’s over the top

    I look up to the heavens,

    I turn to You to pray,

    how much more can I handle?

    my rescue don’t delay!


    Depression is like

    being thrown

    into a giant sea

    where you can’t swim,

    Depression is like

    being thrust

    into a never ending pit

    with scorpions and snakes all around

    Depression is like

    being pushed

    into a lion’s den

    with no way out.

    Depression is like

    being enclosed in a cage

    that’s locked from the outside.

    Depression is like

    being in a deep nightmare

    that’s never ending

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