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Person3: Thanks. Sorry, just saw your comment now while looking for an old thread. Welcome to the CR! (are you new? Seems to be an awful lot of new posters lately.) Hope to see you around more often!
I’m not really good at it but here’s a few…
My eyes tearing,
My mouth whispering
My nose running
Tears are dripping.
My heart erupting,
My being disrupting.
What am I worth?
Shall I live or shall I die?
Does it really pay to stay
All my life to cry?
When it will stop?
When will it end?
I am so alone,
Nobody to defend.
I look up to you Hashem,
I daven every day
Oh how much longer can I stay?!
I cannot handle anymore,
I am totally numb
Everyone thinks im a freak
And totally dumb
I am normal like You
I was once born too
I have a neshama
That Hashem blew.
So why do you snob me?
Tear me apart,
Do you realize the impact
Of your words on my heart?
My day is tearful,
I wake up fearful
Is the school also mine?
G.O. president,
Miss popular and all
Your pretty and skinny
And just a bit tall
Shadchanim and parents
Are all so shallow
When will they realize
That their view is so narrow?
Girls are suffering
Because of you
Do you want it on your chesbon
That too?
My world is falling apart
With nobody here to stand by me,
My hopeless broken heart,
When will someone set me free?
I stand here all alone
Isolated and enclosed
To others I am a stone
Standing still and posed
Suffering so intensely
Would appreciate so immensely,
With no escape route in sight
As I stand paralyzed with freight.
…and I never finished it…
The world has turned against me,
my face is unknown
forgotten in the hussle,
I’m all alone.
drowning in misery,
I daven every day,
seemingly unanswered,
causes my emunah to sway.
I want to hide so badly,
bury myself under covers,
even then I can’t escape,
around me sadness hovers.
The pain is so intense,
the wounds are oh so deep,
I can’t even recover,
that mountain’s way too steep.
When I’m finally noticed,
I’m treated like dust,
everyone betrays me,
I have nobody to trust.
I sit here at my desk,
no friends at my side,
this part is the most painful,
I have no friends though I’ve tried.
So the next time you walk by me,
and act just like a snob,
I’m not stupid in the least bit,
though of my dignity you rob.
I’m suffering so greatly,
its called clinical depression,
everyone else’s lives are blissful,
the complain when there’s slight tension.
with flames all engulfing me,
my only escape to die,
I know that at my funeral,
there won’t be a teary eye.
each and every day,
is just such a struggle,
choosing between death
or being thrown into trouble.
why is there a stigma,
on those who are in pain?
Hashem please don’t allow,
our tears and tfillos be in vain.
I’ve got no talent for writing,
i just want you all to know,
I’m 100% normal,
although I’m everybody’s foe.
so ywn please allow me
to express some of my sorrow,
I may get treated differently,
I’ll find out tomorrow.
blabla: Looks like you’re going through a lot. Your writing is beautiful and sad. One sentence bothered me though: “I’ve got no talent for writing”. Totally untrue. Why do you view yourself as somebody who’s got no talent when you jut proved you do! Also, please try writing some cheerful poems. It might help you ease your pain. I hope things get better for you soon. Good Shabbos!
blabla: Your words are speaking pain, it hurts to read! i sincerely hope (n pray) it will get easier for you.. not nec. because you’ve put this on ywn but because people (AND YOURSELF!!) will see and appreciate the “real” you and the good you truly are. Hold on tight, don’t let go! Just a bit tighter… a bit longer… May g-d show you the light very quickly..
Sorry but I’m no shell silverstien
Thanx to both of you. My problem is that I don’t trust myself 🙁
I find that writing poems as a diary really, really helps. The problem is that I never can give anyone the piece of my mind that I want to but now I can so thanks for this thread!
Blabla,
I am reading the pain in your words above
Know that the readers here are sending much love
I know that you’re feeling much pain right now
But know that in due time this will pass somehow
You write your post so eloquently
You exhibit good qualities so poignantly
For despite the deep pain that you feel
And even though you feel like a fifth wheel
You look up for guidance from the One Above
Who no doubt looks at His child with abounding love
He wants the absolute best for you
And growing pains is what you describe & need to go through
Just know that at the end of this whole process
You will know WHO YOU ARE and achieve personal success
In the meantime, you write that you feel all alone
Try then to pick up a tehillim or get to the phone
Just be careful of your negative self-talk that you do
It is something that can depress & paralyze you
Just as you wouldn’t put a treif item to your lips
Don’t allow negative, destructive thoughts, even in drips
When you feel yourself putting yourself down
Know it’s a treif thought that causes a sad frown
Don’t allow a morsel of tarfus into your mind
You will then not feel so undermined.
Catch yourself doing something nice
Write what you’re grateful for, not once, but twice
Keep paper nearby to catch every word
And you’ll soon see-you’re not anyone’s nerd!
Keep seeing the glass as half full
Retrain your brain to see what’s plentiful
With flying colors you’ll surely pass this test
We’re rooting for you, & we wish you all the best!
I didn’t see this poem until now but I posted on your other thread.
blabla – your poem brought tears to my eyes. I can really feel your pain. I have been where you are now and there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that you have someone that you can confide in and that you are under the care of at least, your family doctor. If you want to write to me personally (or talk on the phone) just notify the Mods that they can give you my email address and from there we can trade phone numbers. I know that I am decades older than you but a friend is a friend and perhaps you can benefit from my experience. I would love to hear from you. Just remember, like “Annie” said: “The sun will come out tomorrow – you can bet your bottom dollar on that.”
brokenhearted, lost
in a world of insanity
I’m craving a break,
some peace and serenity.
I just wish I can burst
my bubble full of tears
and release all the tension
the pain and the fears.
I’m stuck in my own world,
so detached from the rest,
I’m detached from Hashem
although I know its just a test.
I didnt daven properly
and I feel just so disgusting,
I didnt acknowledge him at all,
my tiny heart is busting.
My emotions are pent up
my shoulders and back are aching
the pain is building up again
but to everyone around I’m faking.
I feel like I can’t carry on
I really can’t take it
I’ve been strangled from all sides
I don’t think I will make it.
I’m holding on to a thin thin strand
a string to attach me to a base
its slipping out, out of my grip
as I race after it in a chase.
Its slipping, I’m holding,
clinging for dear life,
I almost lost it from my grasp
I can’t land in pain and strife.
When will Hashem send me help,
give me a break from all this pain,
I have no more strength to daven every day,
I feel like its all in vain.
Help, I cry out to him in my bed,
I can take absolutely no more,
I’m all worn out, I’m done forever,
Every muscle on me is sore.
I’ve crumbled slowly piece by piece
until I cease to exhist
The urge to kill myself is taking me over
I just can’t seem to resist.
I’m tugged and tugged,
I see the weapon in which i can kill silly me,
and then i think everyone will able
to finally giggle with glee.
no more me to be a burden
no more me to cost the money
then their life will be blissful and great
it will be so bright and sunny.
I dunno I’m so depressed right now
I don’t know what to do,
I’m so stressed out yet I can’t stop,
the teacher’s have no sympathy for you!
Don’t they also have a life,
something besides stupid school?
do they have any challenges to have sensitivity?
why on earth do think we’re just objects
and torturing us is cool?!
Just my vent 🙁 I know its not as good as the others…too bad.
Blabla,
I wish I had a magic wand
To take away the pain & despond
You are Hashem’s child, He loves you a lot
And you are the only Blabla He’s got
For there’s no one else like you in the universe
Who’s spiritual & caring & puts feeling to verse
How amazing, when you feel so down & criticize yourself
You still daven, taking your siddur from the shelf
It’s your relationship with YOURSELF that needs to improve
GIVE YOURSELF Ahavas Chinam as your first move
Quieten those critical comments that you constantly give
SO that you can have a more POSITIVE space to live
Put on some music, write 5 things for which you’re GRATEFUL
Take vitamins, do exercise, eat blueberries by the crateful!
Expand your support group, know that this one day shall pass
At which time you will be in the top of your class!
wooaaaa you’re really good ayc thanx for the encouragement.
btw this is totally my diary-thats why its anonymous LOL
Am yisroel, your poem reads so naturally that it’s easy to miss the fact that it’s a poem.
I don’t often right poems, and definitely not emotional ones. But for the sake of introducing another attitude I’ll dedicate one to the cause:
Was I really smooth and round
Not this scraggly shriveled thing
Was I at all more profound
Like the kind of thing that make poets sing
It’s so hard to face the present
With that glamorous past
Like a squire becoming a peasant
And yet it all happened so fast
So dark and damp, at times muddy
There’s a lad stepping above here
I’m sure he can’t see me, now could he
Not in this shape even if he’s near
In case you haven’t figured it out
I was placed on soft top soil
I’m waiting my turn to sprout
That would be worth all my toil
Now the sun has come out to shine
The day after a pleasant rain
It sure is a pleasure of mine
It all was to my benefit and gain
First a seed will decay and rot
When it seems like it all disappeared
Only then bursts forth the full shot
Assisted by the One who had cared
blabla-i’m so sorry that you’re going through that. there’s something that you said, totally not the main point, but i wanted to comment on it.
G.O. president,
Miss popular and all
Your pretty and skinny
And just a bit tall
(disclaimer: for those who know me, i am not talking about myself, nor anybody in chicago!!!!!!)
my friend is GO pres, and she’s all the above, except one thing-she’s anorexic/bulimic and she cuts. so though it might seem like you’re all alone, there are a lot of people like you, they’re just hiding. i hope i didn’t just put my foot in mouth. i don’t mean to be offensive or callous, and if i came out that way i apologize.
Smile E. Face: I got the chills while reading your post. May she have a refuah sheleima soon.
blabla: I find that if I have too much time for myself, I think wayy too much which makes me antsy and anxious. Perhaps you can busy yourself with doing housework, chessed (help out a neighbor,cousin with little kids etc.), cleaning, baking etc.
Smile E. Face-I’m anorexic too lol. Yeah, they can have their challenges but for some its harder to conceal them which makes high school a living nightmare.
observanteen-yeah, I try but since I’m really antisocial I don’t like leaving my house and every time I go out I compare myself to others and get more depressed. I’m waiting for summer vacation….counting down. Then, there’ll be no more poison called STRESS! lol
blabla: Why are you anti social? I mean, you don’t have to love everyone, but hate them? Is it because you don’t trust them? Personally, I’ve had many people who betrayed me and for a while I didn’t trust anyone. That in itself was depressing! Once I got to open my eyes and take a true look at humanity, I realized that most people are nice, pleasant and enjoyable. Miraculously, once I joined in social company, my anxiety slowly faded and eventually disappeared! I think you should try going out and break your social fear.
Anyway, I think we should continue our conversation on another thread cuz I’m afraid dancinggirl isn’t too thrilled to have us discuss this here:)
I want to just tell u guys to stay strong, even if it’s hard. Hashem is there, I promise.
Ive watched so many people I love have eating disorders and it’s a serious thing. Just know that there are so many people out there that love you and wanna support you. Check out imaoneandonly.com its a website for Jewish girls I created abt this kinda thing. Hatzlacha!
Like the threatening clouds that are starting to form
And the darkness and tension of today’s thunderstorm
I feel trapped in the heat and so ready to burst
Like I’m falling from the sky, and falling head-first.
Can I catch myself now? Before it’s too late?
Before I spew words of anger, of bitterness and hate?
Will I be the one to erupt in a flood?
That will drench, perhaps drown everyone that i could?
Or will I conquer my own self with a strong-sounding boom
Like the thunder that seems to be shaking my room
Or will I light up the world with a moment-long streak
And with my pain, go and heal others feeling bleak
There are so many ways to take hardship and strain
Without pounding it heavily on everyone’s window pane
And the strength that it takes to overcome one’s own being
So yes, sometimes that silver lining has but nothing to do
With whether your situation has all but improved
That light’s just a reflection of what you carry within
YOUR strength and the way that YOU fight and YOU win.
Wow. That was so so so amazing. Ur very talented.
A flame,
one tiny flame
a light
in the darkness
a spark away
from hopelessness
a source
of some calmness
A wave,
smashing,
the shores
its crashing,
in the water
thrashing
in the sun
its splashing.
Identity
belonging,
in the crowds
they’re thronging,
for relief
was longing
everyone
was wronging.
Anger,
its burning,
of grief,
moarning,
ferocity,
churning,
for relief
yourning.
Anxiety,
overtaking,
the thoughts,
breaking
violence
i’m shaking
to overcome it
painstaking.
Alone,
stranded
the tools
weren’t handed
unstability
haven’t landed
for control
demanded.
Uncertainty,
the unknown
remaining
alone,
not a single
steppingstone,
for the sins
can’t atone.
Really bad but just my current feelings…I need to release it.
Alone in the dark,
with no one at my side,
no place to seek shelter,
i’ve got no place to hide.
nobody understands
not a soul can comprehend
that’s why on the surface
to be happy i pretend.
my plate remains empty,
I’m just too scared to eat,
food is now my enemy,
which every day i meet.
PTSD, depression,
anorexia, anxiety
why is it a stigma
in this corrupt society?
We’re crying and suffering,
yet we must remain under cover,
we’re afraid someone will see through,
and the truth they’ll discover.
Scared and frightened,
unsure of what to do
rooted to my hiding place,
stay out of everyone’s view.
To act normal and to go on
of us is expected,
otherwise there won’t be shidduchim
we’ll be considered defected.
HELP I cry in pain,
I wish someone would hear,
if so would they come rescue?
do they even care?
Can somebody listen?
w/ someone my pain to share?
or I’m not allowed to talk,
if I even dare…
A more positive one:
A small blue bird,
sits peacefully on the tree,
it sings some songs to heaven,
w/ happiness it does agree.
the melody he sings,
its sweet and its steady,
it sings shira to hashem,
to give of itself its ready.
the breeze goes on,
w/ relaxation it does sigh,
the bird takes off in flight,
soaring up up high.
new heights it does reach,
new views it can see,
it now sees the picture perfect
and it can smile down with glee.
it returns to its nest,
content and very calm,
there’s somebody holding them,
he’s right there in their palm
looking at his baby birds,
with serenity it smiles,
it starts counting the good things,
lists of brachos he compiles.
Hashem is watching over him,
He’s there holding his hand,
everything’s for the good,
he now can understand.
blabla, amazing!!! You are SOOO talented:)))
blabla you write such moving stuff… keep it up!! may g-d give you the strength and the light and finally make it easier!! It’s difficult and it’s sometimes difficult that it is so difficult.. lets try to rem. that g-d is in control and he can make it easier!!!!!! He knows how hard it is for us!!!!!!!
Thanks for the encouragement. It gives me a sense of relief that I can let the pain out a little. I never thought I can write-I still don’t know if they’re that good. Yes, I know Hashem’s in control yet I’m still struggling with my emunah. working at it!
Confused and uncertain,
not knowing what to do,
bewildered and distraught,
with no one to turn to.
Exploding in pain,
unable to withstand,
its so unbearable,
but hashem’s holding my hand.
Everyone has advice,
everyone’s two cents,
yet nobody seems to understand,
how the agony’s so intense.
I’m craving some space,
I’m dieing for relief,
of my privacy I’m robbed,
by one nasty mean theif.
Abandoned, left alone,
lonely and unstable,
I need a listening ear,
yet nobody seems available.
Just wish my bubble would open,
just want it all to burst,
I want to let the tears out,
for those I have a thirst.
You’re probably sick of my nasty poems….I’ll stop…okay sorry.
a few things…
1)they’re not nasty
2)we’re not sick of them
3)don’t stop
4)”okay sorry”, nope not ok- don’t you DARE be sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:0)
KKKK… i won’t “dare” be sorry LOL. I just feel like everything is negative and I’m making this thread really depressing…:( I’ll try to do more positive ones-they’re a bit harder for me.
totally random, you might want to read/post on frumteens. it sounds like it might be beneficial for you. idk!
good! i’m glad you’re not sorry! and you can write whatever makes you happy! i give you full rishus! :0) and you’re not making it depressing,so don’t worry.
I tried a million times to sign up w/ frumteens.com and didn’t work-dunno what’s wrong with it or my computer but anyways it barely gets updated (I read it) so whatever but thanx anyways!
K another depressing one (I got permission LOL)
I wish…
I wish i can die
I wish I can live
I wish I can take
I wish I can give.
I wish I can be happy,
I wish i can cry
I wish I wouldn’t live
my entire life to die.
I count down the days
until the time I won’t be here
I just wish it would come faster,
I wish it was near.
Ashamed, embarrassed,
I can’t face the world,
I’m confused, I’m lost
my thoughts are so twirled.
I wish I can end it
to cease to exhist,
these thoughts penetrate,
they seem to persist.
I can’t hold on anymore,
I’m killing myself now,
I have just one problem,
without getting caught I don’t know how.
As you can tell I haven’t been doing very well…hopefully soon I’ll have more positive ones. 🙁
mischeif- if you’re having probs signing up, try emailing the mod. and it gets update approx every 7 days :0)
blabla- glad you accepted my permission! :0)
I will try emailing the mod then but yeah its a great site if it would work 🙂
The giant waves crash,
the blue water glistens,
the tide moves along,
everyone’s relaxed and listens.
The sun is shining down,
upon us are its rays,
it gives a feeling of peace,
positive messages it relays.
The calm winds fly by,
the cool air rushes,
my hair blows along with it,
against my face it brushes.
The eagles flap their wings,
up high in flight they soar,
they seem so free and blissful,
their beauty I adore.
The doubled footprints down below,
show someone else is on this sand,
who is it truely I think I know,
it’s hashem who’s holding my hand.
Despite the pain I’ve lived through,
the torture I’ve endured,
one day I’ll look back and see
that my illness Hashem cured.
UMM…MODS CAN YOU PLEASE GET ME IN TOUCH WITH MINYAN GAL?!
I blindly hold
Onto Your hand
As You steadily
Lead the way
I tightly grasp
Your solid palm
Stumbling along
Arm in arm
You lead me through
With steps so strong.
Following along
Sometimes I stumble
Sometimes I trip
And Your hand
Raises me high
Wipes off my wounds
With lessons learned.
As the road
Meanders along
Sometimes I feel
The path is wrong
Or upside down
But yet
You continue
Plowing along
Ignoring
My tormented cries.
But sometimes
When we reach
The top of a hill
You grant me
A moment
To rest
And peer down
At the rocky
Bumpy
Terrain
That brought us
This high.
And then
I understand
Why I needed
All the
Scratches
And bruises
Bumps
And scuffles
And even
Breaks
And sprains
And then
For the stability
Of Your
Guiding hand.
And so
Right now
When the sun
Is down
The moon
Is low
The stars
Flicker out
When jagged
Rocks
Pierce
Deep
Within
My eyes
And squeeze
Them shut
And focus
On the warmth
And strength
Of Your guiding hand
With mine.
By the drive to OD
I’m overtaken,
to deprive myself of food,
a call to awaken
I want to be noticed
i was to be recognized
if anyone cares for me
I’d be surprised.
I feel so dead,
I feel so down,
i struggle to remain alive
in the agony i drown
My eating is insane,
i binge and I purge,
to end all the misery
i have such a strong urge.
the suffering the pain
a life of insanity
I must be skinny in a world,
that’s so obsessed with vanity
I don’t know anything
I’m lost and confused,
I feel beaten, torn,
tortured and used.
blabla
I read your poem with much pain in my heart
I’ve got so much to say, don’t know where to start
Be prepared to be surprised, for we all care about you
Regardless if you’re a skinny or overweight Jew
It’s the essence of you that we care about
Your sensitivity and caring, of that please have no doubt
I wish you could see the YOU that we all see
Your resilience shines through in all your poetry
Is it possible for you to accept yourself as you are
Your creative talent surpasses others by far
You’re important just as you are, for you house Hashem’s neshama
Your ??? is the ???? for this special neshama kedosha
Beautify this holy temple as best as you can
Vitamins and minerals are essential to every man
You are noticed and you’re receiving honorable recognition
In your struggle to obtain the “beauty that is you” appreciation
wooaaa Your talent is way and beyond!!! Thanks for the encouragement. Now it’s just been really, really hard. I almost lost it and killed myself…barely escaped.
“wooaaa Your talent is way and beyond!!!”
Back at you, blabla! Can you see that you are a supremely talented individual yourself? It seems that it’s so easy for you to see it in others…May you see it in YOURSELF ????? ?????? ??? ???!
To be quite honest, the first time I posted on this thread I was embarassed because I didn’t think what I wrote was even half decent. Really, thank you ayc!!
blabla you words are so hurt felt!! Ayc your response beautiful. Blabla, speaking from experience, i understand how you feel and i only hope that the dark days will be over very quickly.. Hold on!! Be strong!!
Lost and confused,
my life’s out of control,
Nobody understands me
I’m a lonely soul.
I want to punish myself
starve myself till I’m dead,
the thoughts are overwhelming
I want to chop off my head.
I wish i can stop
all the voices inside me,
relax and calm down,
a chance to just be.
I’m confused and lonely,
lost and so scared,
to kill myself right now,
I think I’m prepared.
Can anyone identify?
Anyone can relate?
The intense feelings
of anger, pain, and hate
Isolated, segragated,
secluded and disconnected,
I’ve been thrown away,
abandoned and neglected.
Void, empty,
hollow inside
My dreams have fled,
my hopes have died
Existence seems
to simply lack reason
Life’s just passing
along with each season
For me there’s no life,
no hope, no good fate
All is gone,
never will I celebrate
The hurt is so much
no one should ever bear
What’s to life,
why should I care?
I weep all night, for death I long
I want to be free, to burst out in song.
My eyes well tears for a future that’s lost
I’ll mourn until my emotions exhaust
But each and every day
I ask Hashem to give me hope
to strengthen me enough
so that I can cope
Give me the wisdom
to help me see
The good that one day
I just might be.
I’m so suicidal lately 🙁
AGAIN, MODS CAN YOU PLEASE GET ME IN TOUCH WITH MINYAN GAL?!
mods, can you please honor Blabla’s request?
It sounds like pikuach nefesh.
MG has offered to speak to her for quite awhile
TYIA
Blabla
You have no idea how much you have helped others suffering from what you describe. You have an amazing outlet of writing poetically that many other sufferers don’t have. In fact, some say they have no outlet at all. They are connecting with you on a level that you REALLY understand what they are going through. It’s amazing how at a low point of your life, you are still helping so many.
Wishing you tons of hatzlacha & siyata d’shmaya.
Really? This can help others? I feel like I just need to sometimes release it and when I get into the “mood” of writing it really helps. I never thought I can write and definitely not poems but its very helpful to release the pain.
If feels good to know that someone’s on my side-one person cares! Thanks a ton for the encouragement!
I throw my hands up in the air,
I’ve had enough, I’m done,
Hashem please come and save me,
insanely life has spun.
I have no control,
it’s up to you to manage,
I’ll leave it only in your hands,
its all to my advantage.
I’ve felt like this countless times,
when will it just stop?
Please just take my life away,
the pain’s over the top
I look up to the heavens,
I turn to You to pray,
how much more can I handle?
my rescue don’t delay!
Depression is like
being thrown
into a giant sea
where you can’t swim,
Depression is like
being thrust
into a never ending pit
with scorpions and snakes all around
Depression is like
being pushed
into a lion’s den
with no way out.
Depression is like
being enclosed in a cage
that’s locked from the outside.
Depression is like
being in a deep nightmare
that’s never ending
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