September 30, 2012 5:32 pm at 5:32 pm #1168510
nas, jmh- twas my attempt at humor :). You two just seemed to be having a lotta fun outdoing each other! I’m not quite even close to your level of poetry. U both really are amazing. Your poems flow and rhyme so well!
Have a good yomtov all! Hope everyone feels the simcha!September 30, 2012 8:18 pm at 8:18 pm #1168511No One Mourns The WickedMember
I’m definitely making time for me don’t worry 🙂
Chag Sameach to all my cyberfriends in here!!October 1, 2012 9:01 pm at 9:01 pm #1168512Shopping613 🌠Participant
I feel tangled and trapped
Depressed and strapped
Wherever I turn
My cheeks begin to burn
But does anyone care?
Does anyone want a burden to share?
I just want to cry
understand and bring proof
But no one cares
no one wants a burden to share
Each girl knows a small part
and together they could read my heart
To Hashem I cry
If only they would care
This is how I feel right now…October 3, 2012 7:16 pm at 7:16 pm #1168513
SM – we do have fun, lots of it… We’ve been doing it since we were kids. Many thanks for the compliment!October 4, 2012 4:52 am at 4:52 am #1168514BYbychoiceMember
We never will
She walked up the path to her destination
Not able to take her yes off it
Standing so strong and giving a message to all
Never forget, never again
In the builiding stood a woman welcoming all who came in
The girl herself thinks weather its possible to enjoy being there where she will learn
Never forget. Never again
As the girl wonders the empty halls she wonders in her empty heart
Why did noo ne tell me? How could they ever keep it from me?
For now she saw the truth and it daunts her to this day
Never forget never again
A Million faces a billion stories
They all came from somewhere hoping to head to a place
And yet there they stood frozen in time before her
Never forget never again
She walks by a car but not just any
A cattle car is what it was ment for
And yet humans where shoved and killed inside
Never forget never again
Her heart skips a beat
The facts still making their way
Anger arises in her
Never forget never again
Getting ready to leave she thinks through her visit
And overall once message remains etched in her heart
So many lost so many taken from us
Surely there is something we can all do
Dazed as she was she kept thinking to herself
This has to be known
The world must know
Never forget never againOctober 7, 2012 4:50 am at 4:50 am #1168515
all the other adults
’round here seem to hate me
wish i’d up and marry
wish i’d change or leave
my acting only goes
so far til i come through
but they clearly detest it
from the faces i receive
the looks of disdain i get
the sneers and the scorn
burn deeply into my soul
break through to my heart
my armor thats erected
around my emotions
cant withstand the looks they give
the tears beg to depart
when theres a lack of compliments
a soul can become dull
no warmth to let the color shine
nor support to help it grow
but when replaced with insult
then i begin to fail
to shrivel up, and curl right in
nothing good to show
it hurts! It does! So very much!
What do u have against me?
What have i done to hurt you,
that venom will spill out?
I try so hard to be kind
and helpful to you
but my efforts seem in vain
no change do they bring about.
Sukkos, they say, be happy!
Its a chiyuv too, y’know
but when enduring put downs
its so hard to truly smile
i cannot do this any more
i retreat inside my shell
i will not offer you my help
not for the next short while
i will act civil and polite
like i always try
but will not go beyond that line
cant take the degradation
so enjoy your sukkos break
and i’ll suffer through mine
and i hope next year there will be change
and it’ll be a mutual celebration
yeah, i know it doesnt flow, or rhyme, or anything, and i’m not rereading it at all so it might not even make sense. Just had to get out the words i wish i could say….October 10, 2012 1:24 pm at 1:24 pm #1168516
We had some pretty awful weather here over sukkos, and a nice warm log fire would have been just the thing… So I decided to bring this out of deep-storage:
Smoke rises in lazy spirals; heat haze and mist maze.
Embers die; last glows spent fast, shadow of the recent past.
Flame fights to stay alight; seized the day then went astray,
So it kicks up and licks the air, but nothing sticks.
Hit and miss as the last soft hiss of stubborn fire as it fails
Flicks its forked tongues, cursed, worsted, now it ails
And sinks, a few more blinks before it drops, stops
And dies, and is no more.October 10, 2012 8:26 pm at 8:26 pm #1168517MiddlePathParticipant
Hello, everyone. Hoping that you all had an inspiring Chag.
notasheep, such great poems! The one about the dreamer is so true. Having lofty dreams that we truly believe we can reach is a great way to live with purpose, because, as you said, it cannot be easily broken. Your second poem was very imaginative! I enjoyed both.
SaysMe, I hope your Chag went alright.e Looking forward to hearing from you.
equeen, welcome! That poem from your friend contains many truths. We must do what we can to be honest with ourselves in our service of G-d and not let other motives get in the way of that. Thanks for posting.
puppy, thanks for coming back here to post your poem. Though I don’t know in detail what you are referring to, I wish you peace of mind and a positive outcome to whatever struggle you may be dealing with.
wanderingchana, yes, it’s definitely a great thing to have reached that number. But then again, this thread is really about the quality of its posts, not the quantity.
NOMTW, hope you’re doing well and that your classes are going ok.
shopping613, I’m sorry to see how much you’re hurting, but it’s great that you can express yourself so well in poetry. Hoping that things are looking up for you. Sometimes, when G-d seems to be hiding from us, He is really behind the scenes preparing plans for our deliverance from suffering and struggles into peace.
ym613, that’s a very beautifully written poem. Thanks for posting.
just my hapence, wow, that’s a really well written poem! Its imagery is so clear, and the word choice adds so much to it. Thanks for posting!October 12, 2012 1:30 am at 1:30 am #1168518puppyParticipant
saysme: that poem had me in tears. heres wishin you happiness.October 12, 2012 6:28 am at 6:28 am #1168519
mp-thanks, 2nd days were an improvement over first, b”h
puppy- amein! Thanks. How are you doing?October 12, 2012 8:07 am at 8:07 am #1168520
SM – really connected with your feelings in that last one, though I would never have had the guts to put something that personal online… I did write some stuff when I went through very similar experiences, but kept it very much to myself. All I can say, and I know this won’t help in the slightest, is to hang in there, keep on going because it will turn out well. Sometimes it takes time, and sometimes you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, or even that you’re in a tunnel at all. And then, all of a sudden, HKB’H flicks the light-switch. And you really can’t do much about other people’s perceptions except learn to ignore them. Here’s wishing you much simcha in the very near future!October 12, 2012 6:53 pm at 6:53 pm #1168521
jmh- :-/ I wish you wouldn’t be able to relate. But thanks for the encouragement. It is tough to ignore when a response is demanded. or a defense is a better choice of word… But i try!
btw, re personal or emotional posts, I’d guess you haven’t read through the old posts here :). This thread to me at least seems to have 2 aspects, which overlap many times. There’s the poetry part, and there’s the supportive, caring, encouraging part, where people are comf with sharing n venting pain or emotions. And the combo makes it my favorite thread ever!October 13, 2012 8:29 pm at 8:29 pm #1168522
SM – you’re right about the early posts, the high post-count made me skip to about page 20! As for relating, yeah it was a tough period of my life but B’H I am now very happily married to my wonderful wife who is a few of years younger than me and, looking back, it was well worth the wait…
And just to cheer you up, here’s something spectacularly silly:
Stuff and Nonsense
Look! Here come the polar bears,
Juggling tennis racquets
Or perhaps Stilton Cheese,
Which nine out of ten cats prefer,
Though the fridge door is open
I read War and Peace once, or so the table says,
Most people can spot a hill
Hope that made you smile!October 14, 2012 12:35 am at 12:35 am #1168523
jmh- as a matter of it did :). How DO you come up with such ‘stuff and nonsense’?? I should try an illogical poem like that one day…. Glad u’ve moved onto greener pastures. If you’re boed one day, it’s worth readin this thread fro, start to pg 20 🙂October 14, 2012 11:48 am at 11:48 am #1168524
SM – they come pretty much off the top of my head… It’s a very strange place there…October 15, 2012 8:18 pm at 8:18 pm #1168525
SM – I took your advice, and am up to page 10. I see what you mean about the emotional venting and, to be perfectly honest and a bit brutal, I can’t help noticing that it is more about the emotional content than the actual writing in those early pages. Yes, there are some good ones, but there’s an awful lot of what what I call ‘line-word epics’ (one or two words per line, no real structure or rhythm and loooooooooooooooooooooong) or ‘it rhymes so it’s a poem’ too. And there’s far too much deliberately poor syntax just so as to make things rhyme (‘I need to make it rhyme it’s true/so butchering of syntax I do…’) which I HATE (I know, strong language…). Whilst, yes, it is wonderful that people feel that they can let out suppressed feelings and that others are there to help and encourage and that writing is a medium that these people can use to express those emotions, I have a hard time equating that with writing talent. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to put people down or anything like that, seriously, but…. I don’t know how to put it… not everyone who enjoys writing poems is talented. I still don’t think I am, despite what people here say. I just know it is something that helps me. And, well, it just seemed to me as if everyone, regardless, was being hailed as a Tennyson in the making in those early pages. I suppose that’s why I don’t really comment on ability here, just whether or not I could relate to the message. Anyways, that’s my rant done for now… And I needed a rant coz I have an exam tomorrow morning and I haven’t the foggiest about the material… aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhh.
And so, to bed.October 15, 2012 10:15 pm at 10:15 pm #1168526
jmh-hmmm k, here i go!
So yes, it did quickly become more about the support, care n friendship. And actually it still is :). Then talented poets also add to the content. Its true not all (alot) of the poetry here is quality stuff, or grammatical, and often contains spelling errors and doesnt flow. But, and i am only speaking abt my own poetic ‘abilities’ which i publicly laugh at and recognize their amateur level, stimes its just the ability to express and portay emotions so clearly, when i can read s/o’s piece and laugh or cry, that is a different kind of talent i see here so often. The ability to express. Its not s/t everyone has. For me, i have a more than impossible time expressing m/s in person, even thoughts and debates, all the more so emotions, pain,and feeling. And on paper is the only way it comes out (or text, emailetc). And stimes only thru a poem attempt can i say what i’d never otherwise say, and i dont think abt the quality, flow, or even rhyme as long as it is flowing out of fingers. Its when i have a writing block that i’m down. So as the perfect eg, my last poem, which made even me wince when i reread now, was a horrible pc of poetry hands down. But it was an expression and that is always more than accepted on this thread, and answers more often than not come too,and let the poster know they are not alone, or are understood, or are acknowledged at least. No, its not about the poetic level, its about the care and accceptance of all pieces and posts, regardless of their quality or if they are even poetry or just writing.
Its 100% true that not eveeryone who enjoys writin poetry has talent. In fact, some ppl who dont enjoy it are very talented too. (i’m gonna join the leagues who say u are very talented tho 🙂 ). Myself, not quite there in the talent dept. And i cannot for the life of me figure out how to write a poem that flows no matter who is reading it. Mine lines tend to only share beat in ‘my’ head. Oh well! Yes, sometimes i am breaking my teeth to find a compliment or reply to poems i cant relate to at all, and dont think are quality-commendable, tho my exposure and thus expectations are much lower than yours considering personal talent n appreciation. But often i answer more cuz i know i’d want responses. To be kind and let them know someone read it and was glad they posted. To show i care. To show they matter. Or many other interconnected reasons outside of awe. But thats just me. Different strokes for different folks!
Btw, if you’re only at pg 10, you’re still at the beginning of the solidifying of the regulars and the sharing and caring that this thread brought out and brought about. And THAT is the poetic beauty i see 🙂
(posting from my phone, so i have no clue how long this post is, but apologies for its length and typos!)October 16, 2012 3:17 am at 3:17 am #1168527.db.Participant
Oh how I wish I could write I find myself thinking late at night when all I could see is darkness nary a light.oh how my heart aches to unload its troubled woes but what will that help won’t it be night again tomorrow? Will my heart stop to ache?October 16, 2012 4:26 pm at 4:26 pm #1168528
SM -I think, essentially, we agree. I may have been slightly forceful last night, what with the being stressed and stuff. But my problem is not encouragement or people posting poorly written poems, it’s people going “oooh, you’re soooooooooooooo talented” when clearly, they aren’t. I don’t mind people letting out their innermost feelings, in fact I think they’re very brave. I do mind people telling them that their writing is excellent when it’s not. I do try and reply to people who I think need encouragement, but I will only say that the poem as a poem is good if it actually is. I may have been, as Romney would say, a trifle indelicate, but you’ll have to excuse that. I was a little bit worried about an exam I had this morning (1st one in 8 years…) and seriously thought it would go like a dyslexic koi. So I had a rant. Sorry.October 17, 2012 9:57 am at 9:57 am #1168529
A peace offering… Just in case I hurt people here…
The Innocence of Youth
Their room was abuzz with lemon joy,
Their carpet whistled a purple tune,
And in the corner sat the dog
Who laughed at the cow which jumped the moon.
Their windows blazed with magic light,
Their curtains danced upon the rail,
And in the corner sat a chair
That grunted and read the Daily Mail.
Their wallpaper, a fragile thing,
Preferred to stand just to the side,
And by the wall sat a sofa
Made from real dragon-hide.
Their light-bulb hummed a secret code
To help the pirates navigate,
And on the wall sat a shelf
With a spaceship on, disguised as a plate.
Their table-car went everywhere,
Their cardboard plane ruled the skies,
And in the middle two boys sat
And saw a world beyond their eyes.October 18, 2012 5:29 pm at 5:29 pm #1168530
SM, I can vouch for JMH’s previous comment, since you are clearly not one of those writers he is talking about. there is no way I would call the level of your poetry amateur – your sukkos poem was beautiful and once I caught onto the rhythm it flowed wonderfully. it just doesn’t follow most convential A,B,A,B rhyming poems thats all.
and you have to understand, his head really is a strange place to be and I know that cause I have a very similar imagination!
Could we have the tomato stands alone please??October 18, 2012 9:17 pm at 9:17 pm #1168531
NAS – why not?! And here, in all it’s glory, it is…
The Tomato Stands Alone
When all is said, when all is done,
With nightfall, at the end of the day,
The tomato stands alone.
On platform three, with case in hand,
In ancient station of worn-out stone,
Perusing the newspaper stand,
The tomato stands alone.
Alone he stands, alone he stays,
Watching the pigeons test their flying bones.
And when the taxis have gone their separate ways,
The tomato stands alone.
As midnight passes, in walks a cow,
And glares at him with a tilt of the head,
Lifts up a lazy leg and POW!
Squashes the poor tomato dead.
Happy now?October 18, 2012 10:46 pm at 10:46 pm #1168532
jmh- not at all offended or thought you harsh. I understand what your saying, even better with your reply. I was just replying n sharing my opinion. Btw loved the visuality (is that a word??) of innocence of youth, and couldnt help but grin at the tomato’s demise :). Good choice notasheep. And thanks for the compliment, tho beautiful (coughcoughcough) might be a weeee bit of a stretch :). (well i guess i just admitted that undeserved compliments can irk me too! Oops :D)
Sorry for the late reply, i’m just bogged down with procrastinated work and tests, and am going through an awful week.
Have a good shabbos, one and all!October 19, 2012 2:01 pm at 2:01 pm #1168533
I don’t exaggerate when it comes to these things, SM. I tend not to mince my words since I am also very particular when it comes to use (or misuse) of the english language. If I think your poetry is good, that means it is good. (Coming from someone who reads pretty much only secular literature, having long ago despaired of anything decent to read from pretty much all frum authors… please let my comments boost you up instead of making you feel like they are not deserved.)
Thank you JMH! you know that one is my favourite… now how about Purple?October 19, 2012 3:22 pm at 3:22 pm #1168534
SM – I grew up with NAS’s complaining about poor writing’, so she means what she says…
And as for you, NAS, maybe another time. I think you may have used up your order quota, only one to-order poem at a time I think…October 19, 2012 3:44 pm at 3:44 pm #1168535
notasheep- then thank you very much and i’m glad someone could enjoy or appreciate it, even in its atypicality!
Hey, where is everyone else? MP, blabla, puppy, Syag Lchochma, kapusta, think first, luna, nomtw, shopping, and all the rest- hope you”re all ok, and have a good shabbosOctober 19, 2012 3:45 pm at 3:45 pm #1168536
nOctober 21, 2012 10:03 am at 10:03 am #1168537
As JMH knows, I love the sea. So here is one that I have tried to bring the rhythm of the waves into the flow of the poem:
The waves coming, crashing, against the shore
Steady, relentless, breaking on the sand
The smell of sea salt filling the air
The feel of cool water against my hand
The sound of gulls crying, far overhead
Steep ragged cliffs, towering tall
The light from a boat, far in the distance
And always, the waves that never stall
Soft white sand beneath my feet
Pieces of seashell scattered here and there
The endless beach, stretching before me
And the smell that lingers upon the air
The soothing, calming, neverending sound
The feeling of ultimate peace and calm
Blissful tranquility, wonderful solitude
Here by the seashore the world knows no harmOctober 21, 2012 10:05 am at 10:05 am #1168538
And as long as the syllable count in each line matches (or are close enough) a poem will flow – please tell that to the people who think poems have to rhyme and as long as they do it doesn’t make a difference how long each line is.October 21, 2012 2:39 pm at 2:39 pm #1168539
NAS – ssshhh! Don’t go giving away the secrets! People still think that what we do is difficult…October 22, 2012 2:20 pm at 2:20 pm #1168540
Coz everyone else seems to have gone on holiday, I think I’ll stick this up whilst no-one’s looking, coz it’s one I’m a bit unsure about…
As I go out I come in, seeking.
I have what I hold, I hold what I have.
I hold in my hand, I hold in my heart,
I hold in my mind, I hold in my soul.
I seek what I do not know
I do not know what I seek
As I come in I go out, still seeking.October 22, 2012 6:47 pm at 6:47 pm #1168541
sorry, holiday would be nice. I’m reading occasionally, but no head or time to think out a response or write the poem i want to. Having a very stressful and hard 2 wks, on top of 3 tests and a paper… Back thursday i hope…October 23, 2012 5:04 am at 5:04 am #1168542Think firstMember
Hi poetry friends I just wanted to stop by and express my appreciation for all of you. I’ll be getting married iyh soon and I was just looking back on some poems I wrote a few months back and how you all responded so encouragingly, thank you all. I feel like I have gained so much from all of you. You guys got me through some tough times.
I wanna shout out to some of the poets from my times here…
And anyone else that I may have missed…..
Hope you guys are doing alright, and I wish the best for you all.
I’ll have all of you in mind in my teffilos. ( Hashem knows you by your username too)October 23, 2012 12:03 pm at 12:03 pm #1168543
think first can I ask you to add another name?October 23, 2012 1:33 pm at 1:33 pm #1168544Think firstMember
Notasheep- sureOctober 23, 2012 6:27 pm at 6:27 pm #1168545
tirza tova bas sara malka for a shidduch. thanks so muchOctober 24, 2012 2:06 am at 2:06 am #1168546
Think first – I am so excited for you. And if your ability to write translates into an ability to communicate your feelings, then you are starting off your marriage ahead of many! Hatzlacha rabbah, you should have the strength and wisdom to build a bayis ne’eman b’yisroel.October 24, 2012 8:48 am at 8:48 am #1168547
NAS – how could you forget to ask for Malka Baila Bas Shoshana Chava, Avital Elka Bas Shoshana Chava and Eliezer Ben Shoshana Chava, all for shidduchim…October 24, 2012 5:57 pm at 5:57 pm #1168548
sorry JMH, I suppose this one is at the forefront of my mind at the moment. Not that I forgot about them, you understand. It’s a difficult situation… you know what I mean, I hope… b’ezras Hashem they should all find zivugim at the right time.October 24, 2012 9:41 pm at 9:41 pm #1168549
NAS – amen! And the same for all singles… Btw, I need your help with a poem I’m working on at the moment… I’ll email it to you, see what you can do with it…October 26, 2012 3:29 pm at 3:29 pm #1168550
think first -mazel tov!!! May we continue to ‘share’ in simchos!
Nas- i too love the beach, the waves, the quiet… Thank you for bringing a moment of calm and relaxation into my week.
Sorry for the dark tone here, but it’s been an awfully hard 2 weeks…
Looking for sweetness in this bitter bitter world
looking for care and an ear.
Searching for answers, a light in the dark
a way to erase all those fears.
Wanting to talk, to vent and to shmooze
wanting a listening face
Yearning for hugs or a pat on the back
yearning for a warm embrace
needing some structure and accomplishment
needing to be understood
desire to feel that a difference i make
and the choice to do so if i could
to have satisfaction from what i do
enjoyment from how i spend my day
to have an excitement to jump out of bed
not sleep just to waste time away
give me some space to breathe, to stretch out
to grow into my very own me
dont want to be put in a mold not my own
that pressure’s too much, can’t you see?
Let me follow my own way, create my own path
even if it doesnt match yours
let me follow my heart, help me dont hinder
you’ll see how my neshama can soar.October 27, 2012 10:25 pm at 10:25 pm #1168552
SaysMe – nice to see you back! Hope the next few weeks are a bit better…October 27, 2012 10:37 pm at 10:37 pm #1168553
SM – beautiful! I love the rhythmOctober 28, 2012 1:56 am at 1:56 am #1168554
SM – Bleh. Why are the people in your life so blind, dumb and ignorant? Or why do they present themselves that way? You are still in HS, right? will you be leaving the house for sem soon? Maybe that will be a good time to grow wings.October 28, 2012 3:21 am at 3:21 am #1168555
jmh, nas- thanks
syag- you know, i often wonder if they present themselves as such, or if its just me who’s blind, dumb, ignorant. Close-minded, narrow-minded, judgemental, sensitive. Cuz it seems to be mostly ;only?) me who feels this way abt some of those people. Well, nothing like a good age underestimation to balance the overestimation i got recently :)! No i’m not in hs. Sem was amaaaazing for me tho. The being surrounded by other girls also looking to grow grow grow, and the fresh start of friends, teachers, etc, did me worlds to my ruchniyus, bein adam lchaveiro, and to my self-esteem. Sadly, i feel like in the years since, i’ve fallen back :-/. I wish i cld do another sem year, but i’m passed that stage and age.October 28, 2012 3:26 am at 3:26 am #1168556
SaysMe – I didn’t think that you were young because of your writing, you actually sound very mature for a HS girl. I just remember a bunch of HS girls posting for a while there and for some reason couldn’t remember if you were one of them. Hmmm, so sem is out . . . how ’bout dorming for college? And I don’t advocate running away, but I do advocate getting space from situations that hinder development. Sorry if I sold you short.October 28, 2012 4:41 am at 4:41 am #1168557
np re age :), just found it amusing coming on the heels of an overestimation :). Re dorming. ehmmmmm, so thats not happening. (here’s still wishing this convo cld go private so i cld actually answer not in a public forum…)October 28, 2012 5:36 am at 5:36 am #1168558
Why? You don’t think it’s smart to post personal details of your private life online? I never really thought about that . . .October 28, 2012 6:41 am at 6:41 am #1168560
huh?? You never really thought about that? Or did i miss the sarcasm??October 28, 2012 3:10 pm at 3:10 pm #1168561
It wooshed right past you :}
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