Funny Shidduch Stories

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  • #1226598

    kapusta
    Participant

    mayan big news here, but I’m not married 🙂

    #1226600

    Jax
    Member

    i read this one recently: it was written by a girl, so it’s got only her side !!

    guy & girl are on a date, they have absolutely nothing in common!!! the girl is 19 straight out of seminary & the guys just really not her type!!! they’re on their first date & for some reason he takes her out to a manhattan resturaunt!!! she orders some kind of chicken that came along with vegetables, he orders a salad!!! the food comes & they start eating!!! he notices that she’s not touching her veggies & says EAT your veggies!!! he said it real harshly, she says i hate string beans!!! he says EAT your veggies again!!! she repeats again, i hate string beans!!! he then responds we’re not leaving here till you eat your veggies!!! she’s terrified & just sits there quietly eating her string beans!!!

    the meals ends and they head to his car, she’s thrilled she’s going home!!! he starts driving, & she sees that their not heading towards home!!! then he says we’re going to the empire state building, she keeps quiet being a new dater-only 19!!! they get to the empire state building observatory & a photographer sees them and says he”ll take their photo-you can even buy it later!!! she ignores the photographer & looks in the other direction!!! he’s all excited & says lets take a picture, so we could show it to our kids!!!!! they take the photo & later he goes and buys her an 8×10 copy of the picture before leaving!!!

    they leave & head to his car, get inside, then he starts reclining his set all the way back & says he needs close his eyes for just 10min!!! he’s in shock, but says nothing!!! after 10min he gets up, puts keys in ignition & starts driving!!! they drive home in silence!!!

    he drops her home and she runs to her room crying!!!!!!

    no they did not get married(like i even had to say that??!!!)

    #1226601

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    Jax-

    That’s hilarious. I never forced any girl to finish their vegetables. I just refused to let them order dessert until they ate them. It always worked.

    #1226602

    bobthebuilder
    Participant
    #1226603

    I cannot imagine how young girls and boys go out to eat on a date. It’s a new thing, dating used to be a walk in the park, hotel lounge etc. It gets quite expensive for the boys considering many go out on average with 15-20 girls….

    #1226604

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    This happened to a friend of mine while on a date in Baltimore. I didn’t quite understand how he did this until I followed it on a map.

    This guy has a date in Baltimore so he drives down and stops by some friends in the yeshiva there to change and get ideas of places to go. One guy gives him an idea of a park at the end of I-70 and gives him directions there.

    “When you get to the highway (I-695) get off on the right. Look for I-70 and stay to the left. When you reach the end of I-70 there is a park there”. Sounds pretty easy right?

    The problem is that the girl was boarding by a family on the other side of the highway so when he came to the highway he was coming from the other direction. He took the entrance ramp on the right side anyway. I-695 circles the whole city so he did end up reaching I-70 but about 50 miles later instead of 5. When they reached I-70 he remembered to get off on the left side as the instructions said- the problem again being that he was coming from the wrong direction. So they are going and going down I-70 and he keeps thinking that the guy said that it should only be two minutes on I-70. She finally realizes that they are heading towards Denver and suggests that he turn around. So he turns around and they find the park.

    On the way home he managed to get onto I-695 in the right direction (getting on I-70 was a no brainer since it only goes in one direction from the park) but he got off the highway heading towards the yeshiva instead of her place of residence. She pointed out that he was heading in the wrong direction. He said, “I know, I know- my friends said that if it goes good I should bring you to the yeshiva and introduce you to them”.

    They did not marry each other.

    #1226605

    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    Jax- that is just too funny!!! Well, not for the girl I guess 😉

    #1226606

    Jax
    Member

    Dr. Pepper: wow that’s great that it worked!!! hee hee!!!

    #1226607

    moish01
    Member

    Jax, i can’t believe you would do such a thing to a girl. and why are you telling us all about your dates? you should be ashamed of yourself…

    seriously, did this guy EVER get married? what a control freak, anyway!

    #1226608

    Jax
    Member

    moish: 😉 too sweet buddy!!!

    #1226609

    anonymisss
    Participant

    ok, Dr. Pepper, WHERE do you get these stories from????

    ~a~

    #1226610

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    This one I heard from the guy himself. He was actually shocked that she took him seriously (that he wanted to introduce her to his friends) and that she said “no” because he wasn’t “frum enough”.

    #1226611

    anon for this
    Participant

    moish, that’s what I was thinking too.

    #1226614

    yoyo
    Member

    hey this is one of the best threads- try to keep this one going- thanks

    #1226615

    moish01
    Member

    A guy and a girl were walking in the city and her whole shoe got caught in the grate. When she tried getting it out her whole foot came out… minus the shoe. He had to get down and get it out for her while she was trying to balance herself on one foot. And i know the guy – he’s so not the type! (probably didn’t even know what heels were till that date)

    #1226617

    anonymisss
    Participant

    moish, LOL!! That is too funny!

    ~a~

    #1226618

    moish01
    Member

    oh, i forgot to say they are married. (and i think he knows more about clothing and shoes than any other guy in the world!)

    #1226620

    anonymisss
    Participant

    ames, OMG! How bad is that???

    ~a~

    #1226621

    Jax
    Member

    ames: wacky one there!

    #1226622

    kapusta
    Participant

    moish and ames, LOL!

    *kapusta*

    #1226623

    mepal
    Member

    ames: at least you know he had his eyes on the road. lol

    #1226624

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    Just happened to my sister. I’m embarrassed to say which person she was so let’s just call them A and B.

    So A and B are on a date. A is telling B about the recent wedding of a friend. B wants to know if A had a good time at the wedding. A admits to not dancing because “I was born with two left feet”. B is fascinated and says, “Wow, you must have a hard time buying shoes!”.

    #1226625

    anonymisss
    Participant

    Oh, stop it!! That is insane!!!

    ~a~

    #1226627

    aussieboy
    Participant

    Dr. Pepper: Haha, love that one. 😀

    #1226628

    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    oh man alive- these are outrageous! hahahaha

    ames- you mean you fall asleep on us too? 😉

    #1226629

    abcd2
    Participant

    A friend of mine took out a girl who was visiting NY. She was British and had arrived to NY only two days earlier. When my friend picked her up as they got out of the house she was staying by it was raining and the girl didnt have an umbrella and she decided to quickly run to the car so as not to mess up her makeup. My friend was quite surprised when the girl out of habit got into the car on the drivers side.(In england passenger side)After a few seconds of standing outside the car my friend politely asked if he could help her, the girl suddenly realized what she had done. they both laughed it off and had a fine date no they are not married. I subsequently found out from a British girl that it once almost happened to her but she stopped herself and quickly went around the car. In the same vain a friend of mine married a girl from england. When he went to visit for the first time he was mortified as he almost walked into oncoming traffic three times during his first week when out with the kalla’s family(BTW a high number of American tourists are injured/killed this way)

    #1226631

    Jax
    Member

    abcd2: welcome to the cr! head to the new members thread to get a proper welcome from everyone! that’s story’s really hilarious!

    #1226632

    btw i once tried out for dance for a play (bec i had to) and i warned the head first that i have two left feet, and she believed me

    #1226633

    kapusta
    Participant

    Dr. Pepper, thats awesome!

    *kapusta*

    any more?

    #1226634

    Jax
    Member

    this happened to my friend’s brother!

    the dates not going that well & he’s trying real hard to make conversation! the girl he’s dating happens to be a twin, so he asks her what’s it like to be a twin? she after hearing this question a million times & with date not going so well! says nothng exciting, ”what’s it like to be a single[as in not a twin]?! his response, ”well it’s really tough, i’m trying to except what hashem has givin me in life, i daven ever day that i’ll find my zivug in life!”

    she tries really hard not to burst out laughing, & says i was saying single as in not a twin!

    he turns bright colors!

    no they did not get married!

    no this did not happen to a member of my family! (though i found this extremly hilarious!!)

    #1226635

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    Jax- That’s hilarious.

    Something similar happened to me. I was going out with someone from Washington Heights and I told her that my friend, who was also dating someone from the Heights, gave me ideas where to go.

    Then she asked me “Is she single”?

    I was totally bewildered and said “I just assumed so and didn’t even think to ask”. She then explained that in Washington Heights the frum community is split between singles and the Kehila and she was just asking which community she was from.

    #1226636

    dogo
    Participant

    This one is true, a (so called) shadchan called my mother and offered a great boy for my sister, and after saying only praises about him the shadchan mentioned that he wants to put on a shtreimel after he gets married, after hearing that my mother tells her, well sorry she is not looking for that type… Then quickly says (with the accent) don’t worry he will only wear it once a week!!!

    #1226637

    mepal
    Member

    Oh gosh. Thats bad.

    #1226638

    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    dogo- sounds like a story my sister told me (from her friend, from a friend…). There was a girl in camp that was not very comfortable with herself and used to go around saying “We’re not really chassidish. My father only wears a streimel once a week.”. crazy

    #1226639

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    Heard this from a guy who was my roommate in yeshiva at the time. He told me this story right after the date but I think it’s greatly exaggerated.

    He couldn’t borrow a car for the date (this I know is true, I was there when he made the calls) so he had to use a car service. Right from the beginning he got annoyed that she was asking what he felt were dumb questions. Eventually he gave up on the date and decided to give dumber answers.

    So, um do you know how to drive?

    Well, I had to stop recently until I can get my sleep apnea under control.

    Yeah, so how was Purim? (The date was between Purim and Pesach.)

    Good

    Did you, like, get drunk?

    No, alcohol is horrible for my stomach ulcers.

    Aha, uh did you, ah ya know, smoke?

    Nah, the doctor told me to hold off until my collapsed lung is fully healed.

    How about dancing with your friends, did you do any of that?

    Oh no, none of that, not until I lose some weight and my knees stop buckling.

    So how is Pesach cleaning coming along?

    Oy, I started but I got an asthma attack from all the dust so I had to stop. I’ll leave it for my roommate (yeah right)…

    (No, they did not go out the next day, (he had to get his dentures fitted,) or the next (he had 47 ingrown toenails,) and no, they did not married.)

    #1226640

    outoftowner
    Member

    a friend of mine once got picked up by a guy in a car service…

    Oops, the service ran out of regular sedans, so he picked her up in a 15 seater…

    Not all of the seats were installed, just the back one, so she told me they were sliding all over the van…

    No, they did not get married.

    Another one…

    Once someone I know Went out with a guy in Eretz Yisroel who was very tall.

    When they were leaving the hotel lobby, he hailed a cab, and opened the door for her so she could get in behind the passenger seat. Since he was a good 6-7 inches taller than her (She is 5’9″) She began to slide over behind the driver’s seat (which is pushed farther back) so he would have some leg room (aww so considerate) She leaned over to move over, and her leg was a little bit out the door… He closed the door on her leg… He felt terrible! And apologized profusely… She very much in pain responded, “It’s ok, I still have another one…”

    They didn’t get married either..

    #1226641

    Jax
    Member

    Dr. pepper: ha those were great!

    #1226642

    AFTER THEY FINISHED THEIR DATE THE BOY GOT INTO THE CAR, AND SAT ON HIS HAT.

    #1226643

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    How did two guys, both chavrusas, get rejected for the same reason over the same weekend by two different girls?

    He had the knowledge to take care of the software programming involved and the basic design, but he needed someone with a math background to help calculate how the parallel resistors should be arranged properly as well as the fine motor skills and experience of using a soldering iron on small connections without leaking any solder. I had experience in the use of soldering irons from high school, as well as the math background and was also the proud owner of a TI-89, so when he asked me if I also wanted to be one of the coolest on campus I jumped at the opportunity.

    #1226644

    mepal
    Member

    These stories are great! Keep ’em coming!

    #1226645

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    ames-

    Most of us do but in our own way.

    #1226646

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    Heard this from a guy who was camping out in my room in yeshiva (using the yeshiva as a free hotel and restaurant for a couple of days at a time while he had dates in the neighborhood). I believed it at first but now I have my doubts.

    He’s on a date with a girl and offers her a drink a few times but she declines each time. Finally she says, “Can I have a drink now?”. He says, “Sure, can I get you a Sprite?”, but she wants a Coke so he gets her a Coke.

    Before she starts drinking she says a whole hinneni mechaven… that she’s not drinking the Coke for tayvos olam haze, but rather to give her koach to serve the Ribono Shel Olam even better. She then makes a Bracha and takes a drink.

    She then explains that it is assur to drink Sprite since it is tayvos olam haze, but Coke on the other had has caffeine to give her strength to serve Hashem, so it’s muttar.

    He’s sitting there totally bewildered not knowing what to do. Finally he says, “Are you having a good time here?” to which she answers, “Yes, why?”. “I’m going to leave now so if you’re having a good time you can stay but if you want a ride home you’re welcome to come with me.”

    The reason why I later doubted the facts of the story is that my sister told me the exact same story was a Purim play in her seminary (with the exception being that the girl in the play brought along a kizais book).

    He also told me another story (similar to Ms. Ex-vegetarians-ex http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/funny-shidduch-stories/page/11#post-57443 ) but I’ll have to post it later when I have more time.

    #1226647

    aussieboy
    Participant

    Dr. Pepper: Seriously. Where do you pck up these stories? lol

    #1226648

    oomis
    Participant

    OY oy oy!!!!!!!

    #1226649

    kapusta
    Participant

    He has a hotline to call and vent after your craziest date. 😉

    *kapusta*

    #1226650

    Jax
    Member

    Dr. Pepper: these stories are awesome! keep em coming!

    #1226651

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    He also told me another story (similar to Ms. Ex-vegetarians-ex http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/funny-shidduch-stories/page/11#post-57443 ) but I’ll have to post it later when I have more time.

    Here’s the story:

    Guy is form Florida, girl is from Montreal. The girl has a wedding in New York so they decide to go out from there. The Shadchan asks them both to commit to two dates because of the expense of the flights.

    Guy flies to New York, rents a car and goes to Flatbush to pick up the girl for the date. Here’s how the conversation starts:

    Guy- Nice to meet you how was your trip?

    Girl- Good, thanks, and by the way I need to be dropped of in Monsey after the date.

    Guy- Uh, that’s going to be a problem since I don’t know how to get there and I have to return the car in four or five hours.

    Girl- Well it’s the guys responsibility to drop off the girl where ever she wants to be dropped off.

    Guy- I’m going to disagree with you on that. I think that the guys responsibility is to drop the girl off where he picked her up unless there is a prior arrangement made that was agreed upon.

    Girl- Well, I really need to get to Monsey after the date and if you don’t take me I’ll have no way of getting there.

    Guy- If you get directions and someone to pick you up halfway I’ll be glad to take you there.

    So he spends the next hour or so in the car while she calls friends and relatives until she finds someone who is willing to pick her up from the gas station at the beginning of the Palisades, right off the George Washington Bridge. He drives her there, waits with her until her ride shows up and wishes her a good night.

    He then calls the Shadchan and tells her what happened. The Shadchan sided with the girl explaining that she had another date in Monsey right after him and that’s why she needed to be there so urgently. The guy asks the Shadchan to tell the girl that it’s over but she reminds him that he committed to two dates and he must take her out again.

    The whole next day he’s waiting to hear from the Shadchan when to take her out but the Shadchan hasn’t heard from the girl. After doing a little research he finds out that the wedding the girl was going to that night is at Terrace on the Park. Being that it’s on the way back to the airport he thought he’ll stop off there, find her, find out what the story is and change his flight if necessary. Otherwise he’ll just take a taxi to the airport.

    He comes to the wedding during the chupa looks around to find the girl and decides to approach her after the chupa.

    The chupa is over, the girl and her friends done walking the kallah to the yichud room, and he goes over to her and calls her name. She turns around, recognizes him, let’s out a scream and tries to run away. The only problem is that in Terrace on the Park there’s nowhere to run, you can’t run down the steps you have to wait until an elevator operator takes you down in an elevator.

    He meets up with her again by the elevator and asks to speak with her. She justifies her actions by saying that if she flew in from Montreal it’s understood that she is going to be dating more than one person. He disagrees with her again and says that if he flies from Florida, rents a car, and pays for the expenses on the date (while he is not simultaneously dating someone else) then he should not have to compete with another guy.

    He’s not in the mood of discussing this any further so he asks if he could please take a taxi to catch his flight. She readily agrees.

    The next day the Shadchan calls him and says that the reason why the girl didn’t want to keep her commitment for a second date was because he left her off by a gas station after the first date.

    #1226652

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Dr. Pepper – I don’t know if that’s funny or sad. Sheehs, what a catch of a girl 😛

    #1226653

    anonymisss
    Participant

    poor guy;( total abuse.

    ~a~

    #1226655

    squeak
    Participant

    Good point, fakeJoe

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