Home Forums Humor & Entertainment Limericks!


Viewing 50 posts - 251 through 300 (of 810 total)
  • Author
  • #1221320

    I walked a few miles today

    I hope some weight went away

    Wouldn’t it be neat

    To just press DELETE

    And NEXT and then OK?

    (Select number of pounds you wish to DELETE PERMANENTLY)


    I like that one eclipse, here is a similiar one with a computer theme

    When you INSERT your food please don’t race,

    You do not have to stuff your face,

    You need self CONTROL,

    Not to have another bowl,

    Because you can’t just press BACKSPACE!


    I’m gonna start a Fat Gemach

    You’re welcome to drop in

    Take all the “pounds”

    Weighing me down

    So I can just be thin!

    P.S. Is exaggerating for a limerick muttar?


    Blinky- that limerick is amazing! Luv it!


    blinky,I agree!

    Shticky Guy

    Those computer ones were great. Here’s a fantastic math one. Get out your calculators and try it!

    A dozen, a gross and a score,

    Plus three times the square root of four,

    Divided by seven,

    Plus five times eleven,

    Equals nine square plus zero, no more!


    Shaitel Exposes -cleaning much Faster

    Solutions for the Shidduch Disaster

    A sort of accurate psak Halacha

    Tips for the biggest Hanacha


    My favorite thread is credited to Shticky

    Although I confess my tastes are not Picky

    But when the choice is between

    News, Gossip or Daily Routine


    I missed the eclipse that was lunar

    I wish I’d awakened much sooner.

    But I was so tired

    That in sleep I was mired,

    And didn’t get up until noon-er.


    Minyan gal im really blue,

    For limericks you would always do,

    But your gone awhile,

    And I miss your style,

    Please come back we need you!

    Shticky Guy

    It is a matter of great pride

    That to all limerickers I confide

    I have found a good place

    In the thread thats most ace

    I no longer just look from outside

    The posters in this Limerick race

    Show a really advanced knowledge base

    So I’m happy it to promote

    Though the last ones I wrote

    Were just after my school relay race!

    Its now like a proper affliction

    And I hope this wont cause family friction

    Cos I cant get enough

    Like tobacco or snuff

    I’ve developed a real addiction

    I have stopped all my work philanthropic

    And started to seach microscopic

    For limericks that click

    Like a conjuring trick

    Keeping this the top discussion topic!

    I do exaggerate just a bit

    Cos it doesnt take long to submit

    A few short words of verse

    In which I can disperse

    A few lines of rhyme complete with wit!



    Im not the one to complain,

    But this is totally insane,

    I can’t seem to end,

    This limerick trend,

    It keeps busy my brain.

    Any one else feel the same???

    Smartcookie- forgot to thank you:) I like it too!

    Shticky- its so nice to see a male with a poetic flair. Yikes! i better get out of here fast….


    Wow! such great news.

    To oomis and her crews.

    Lots of hatzlacha.

    On this beautiful bracha.

    A wonderful addition to the Jews.

    Not quite a limerick, but a nice sentiment.

    Shticky Guy

    Yippee for the weather forecast

    Dont look at me so aghast

    I wont bat an eyelid

    If you call me a kid

    But I tell you I’m having a blast

    From my yard’s edge to hedge

    I’m gonna make you a pledge

    I will have the best fun

    As I try to outrun

    All my neighbours on my daughters sledge

    For all of you who have a fear

    Dont worry I know how to steer

    I will be in a trance

    Cos this is the last chance

    Of me playing with some snow this year

    Shticky Guy

    In the unfortunate absence of Minyan Gal, (where are you?), Minyan Guy will have to step in so here goes:

    In the sedras of ???? and ????

    The jews had a ????? ?????

    ??? went to the nile

    And ???? he did rile

    When he asked to be let out ?????

    In this weeks sedra called Bo

    He again asked “Let my people go”

    Cos if you dont then takker

    You’ll receive another makka

    But the stubbon king just said “NO!”

    So H’ sent in swarms of locust

    that covered th ground like dust

    They came with a gale

    Eating what remained from the hail

    ???? said Please remove them, you must

    So ??? davenned and they went

    and ???? he tried to repent

    But he could play no more part

    cos H’ hardened his heart

    So to free the Jews he could not consent

    Next came darkness – no sun’s rays

    And beleive me it was more than a haze

    The dark they could feel

    It was such a big deal

    That no Mitzri could move for 3 days

    FInally ??? did warn

    Of the killing of every 1st born

    Bloody doorposts showed whose

    Were the homes of the Jews

    Every Mitzri, even ????, did mourn

    ???? ran out in his night dress

    But couldnt find ???’s address

    SO the kids they did play

    Sending ???? astray

    They had fun with his Royal Highness

    Suddenely ??? he found

    But when he said GO NOW, ??? frowned

    They went only next morning

    ???? chased without warning

    And into the Yam Suf they drowned

    The lesson from all this is clear

    At my limerick dont sneer but cheer

    Writing this is gr8 fun

    SO come on everyone

    But please dont put it off till next year!


    Wow shticky guy- that was some some limerick!

    It’s definitely the one I’d pick

    You have a talent that shows

    From your head to your toes

    You really are a guy that’s shtick!


    Wow, those ones were great! You really have talent shticky

    Smartcookie- you stole the limerick right out my mouth! (jk)

    Heres one (make believe its 3 days earlier…)

    January 1st is today’s date,

    The ball was just dropped in NY state,

    But the Jewish first day,

    Is on Aleph Tishrei,

    And Rosh Hashana we do celebrate!

    Shticky Guy

    Thank you both for your kind words

    They were among the nicest I’ve heard

    But dont you even dare

    To just leave it there

    Pls send in again and seconds and thirds!


    When Coffee Room posters don’t click

    And I get kind of tired and sick

    I run helter-skelter

    Looking for shelter

    In this lovely thread, with a limerick!

    Ken Zayn

    A wonderful sight met my eyes

    It was a fantastic suprise

    Its been so quiet for a while

    But limericks are now back in style

    And the best ones for sure are Shticky Guy’s

    To his poetry i was humming

    And couldnt stop my feet drumming

    You have a great gift

    So dont cut us adrift

    Shticky Guy please keep them coming!


    The reason for quiet, is clear

    Our people are nervous, I fear.

    New topics are needed

    And caveats heeded,

    To not critique posts that appear.


    In Chodesh Shevat the trees we treat

    For their foods that we eat

    On the day of “Tu”

    We say Shehechiyanu,

    Before eating their fruits so sweet!

    A gutten Rosh chodesh Shevat!

    P.S. Maybe someone can spiff it up. It doesn’t have that limerick rythmn but i wanted to write one in honor of rosh chodesh shevat….Any limerickers out there?

    Shticky Guy

    Did you go to the concert of Hasc

    I couldnt so I want to ask

    Did it compare

    With a previous year

    Did Lippa behave or make a trask

    Were the majority of songs fast or slow

    Were they new or from a long time ago

    Did they have a cantor

    Or maybe an enchantor

    Or was there a different style of show

    Is your best singer Shwekey

    Or do you prefer YBC

    its a matter of opinion

    But for me there’s no dimyan

    The king has to be MBD


    Sticky, that was great, as usual!!

    When I saw Hasc’s ad, I said IM GOING

    Didn’t care if it was raining or snowing

    But I remembered too late

    No more tickets under the $500 rate

    I was all upset and blowing 🙁


    “Wow! such great news.

    To oomis and her crews.

    Lots of hatzlacha.

    On this beautiful bracha.

    A wonderful addition to the Jews.

    Not quite a limerick, but a nice sentiment. “

    So nice of you. THANKS!


    the month of adar is fast approaching

    and the topic of drinking is broaching


    is a chiyuv that the rabbis say

    so tell ur parents u dont need coaching


    Drinking too much is no good

    Though on Purim some hold that you should

    but please be wise

    on this day of disguise

    and don’t drink more than you could


    Everyone says don’t drink and drive

    If you want to stay alive

    But this needs ink:

    Don’t drive to drink!!

    And sober you will home arrive.

    Shticky Guy

    A warm welcome to ticheled pink

    You wrote a gr8 limerick i think

    Some people are too shy

    I cannot understand why

    Treating limericks like a slippery ice rink

    You need just to utilise your kop

    To come up with stuff that is top

    Simply think for a while

    Then start writing with guile

    This will yield limericks that will not flop

    So come and write something specific

    And become another limericker prolific

    Just be a bit shrewd

    And you’ll be a cool dude

    Posting in lines that are just terrific


    to u drinking is not allowed

    bc of ur children u r proud

    but please u should really stop to think

    it may be good for your kid to drink

    on the one day that its allowed

    Shticky Guy

    My dear Chayavinishlivisumay

    It sounds like to you Purim is THE day

    Drinking wine, whiskey or liquor

    Until absolutely shikker

    Its a chiyuv, its a mitzva, you say.

    But remember when you drink your l’chaim

    To behave as Yaakov asked Menashe and Efraim

    So go have a great time

    But remember this rhyme

    And your deeds should be sincerely l’shem shamayim!




    No need tobe wise

    Its what the rabbis advise

    Ur allowed to drink all u wish

    Till ur drunk as a fish

    So I won’t listen to ur cries


    You might faint of shame

    At the end of the game

    By whatever you did while shikur

    Since “nichnas yayin

    Yaytzay sod”–no lyin’!

    So go easy on the liquor!


    Wow! there are some great ones above!

    oomis- you are welcome, hows your little einikel?

    Mother slowly waves her arm,

    Welcoming in the Shabbos charm,

    The candles cast,

    A glow so vast,

    Protecting us from outside harm.

    Good Shabbos!


    let ur kid drink all day and night

    its not worth putting up a fight

    plastered, hammered or trashed he will get

    so u might as well let

    so to all u against drinking go fly a kite


    When times start to get tough

    He starts to take some puff(s)

    But it doesnt give him what it did

    When he started as a kid

    So he turns to hard stuff


    chayav what kind of messages are u sending

    bad hashgafas u are lending

    all u think abt is drink drink drink

    but maybe u shud stop to think

    cuz a lot of ppl you are offending


    chayav….you took that straight from the other limerick thread.Who wrote it?


    i wrote it in the other thread but it was closed because there is a limerick thred already so i copied it to here


    Chayav,why is MY thread “depressing”

    When drinking you are always stressing?

    “Candy is dandy

    But liquor is quicker”


    We can’t figure out who you are

    So I will go out on a limb pretty far

    To tell you:Not fine

    Are obsessions with wine

    I know many lives ruined by the bar…


    eclipse those rhymes were pretty witty

    but u i really pity

    cuz its a great fealin

    when you r way above the ceilin(G)

    in a whole different city

    thats what ints like when ur drunk

    cuz getting drunk means u have spunk

    its a feeling worth having

    cuz all day ull be laughing



    Thanks, eclipse. Here’s another one, dedicated to the CR posters:

    Let me put in my two cents

    I learned from you ladies and gents:

    The grass is not greener

    Nor the laundry cleaner

    On the other side of the old fence

    Shticky Guy

    I remember Purim in my Yeshiva days

    Nothing people said could us faze

    Cos we bochurim knew best

    So to hell with the rest

    We continued with our rowdy ways


    We felt that we bochurim were elite

    So we behaved as we wished in the street

    Purim was all about us

    So why did guys make a fuss

    If we were drunk and made children retreat


    All was muttar cos we were not boys but men

    But when we looked thru Purim pictures in our den

    We saw guys lying in vomit

    Like they’d come from another comet

    And we vowed that we’d never do it again


    As Hashem’s sons we hadnt behaved

    We had acted too wild and depraved

    To shout and to jeer

    To jump up and to snear

    It wasnt the result we had craved


    So in future Purims we acted

    In a way that was much less distracted

    We still always had a blast

    Our fun was still unsurpassed

    But from everyone else’s day we hadnt detracted


    “Time to find a shidduch”, said Bubby

    Who you will proudly call dear hubby

    I hope it’ll be great

    Your very first date

    Just assume its Marriott’s Lobby


    mods why do u allow cursing in the posts??????????????????

    Shticky Guy

    This is limerick number 297

    we’re almost in 7th heaven

    a very special number

    will appear so dont slumber

    if you do i’ll be very unforgivin(g)

    Shticky Guy

    We’re up to limerick 298

    you know something, I really cant wait

    we are now so near

    in the thread I hold dear

    I’m writing them out in a spate

    Shticky Guy

    Its limerick 299

    in this favorite ywn thread of mine

    I exclusively disclose

    as i do compose

    I tell you its really divine

    Shticky Guy

    “We’ve arrived! We’ve arrived!” I thundered

    so just in case you wondered

    please give a big cheer

    because now we are here


Viewing 50 posts - 251 through 300 (of 810 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.