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and I lost my other random writing thread so this’ll go here.
not so good…changes focus a lot but whatever I was able to write rightnow.
Hallow, empty,
in an ice cold world,
darkness, gloom,
my thoughts twirled.
confusion settles,
lights flashing all around,
this way, no that way,
no contentness can be found.
I stare into the mirror,
my gaze upon my abs,
big, fat, flabby,
feels like some sharp stabs.
cuts in my gentel heart,
slices in my sensitive soul,
delicate, defenseless,
with a huge and giant hole.
I know this writing isn’t so good but too bad 🙁
super depressed right now. feeling really empty and fat.
Thanks guys for the encouragement! I will never forget the 1st time I posted I was sure I was the worst writer on this thread!
A group of chatty girls,
passed by on my way,
blissfully unaware,
that they ruined my day.
I was crushed once more,
at the sight I’d just seen,
I was feeling inferior
not calm and serene.
They entered the shop,
each coated with fashion,
adorned with the latest,
they each showed their pashion.
So shallow in their minds,
all they care for is looks,
and A+s on tests,
teachers and books.
But deep in my heart,
something was tugging,
a string was unlatched,
up a mountain chugging.
in the middle of progressing,
coming close up,
why did they shove me down?
in this endless deep cup.
I observed them so carefree,
I stared, was in awe,
their innocent, naivety,
that’s what I just saw.
you can break a heart,
in just a moment,
but can’t put it together,
unjust atonement.
Can cause lasting trauma,
in a second’s event,
a smooth surface,
a permanent dent.
you can tear apart,
knots of thick rope,
takes year to replace,
lost of all hope.
you can destroy a life,
in an unmindful word,
but the once clear vision,
forever now blurred.
you can shatter the glass,
of a crystal clear window,
can’t glue it together,
forever a shadow.
you can tear a paper,
shred it all through,
can’t piece it together,
it was done by you.
my friend watch your words,
more powerful than you think,
you can change someone’s world,
in less than a blink.
The little girl is crying,
over her poor doll that’s lost,
adults think its a joke,
oh how much does it cost?!
But to the wailing little girl,
it means the world to her and more,
she was a carefree happy child,
life was great before.
The tears are trickling down,
her piercing cries are intense,
she’s desperate for her baby,
to others makes no sense.
to me it seems so petty,
balling over a silly doll,
but really its something more,
for attention that’s her call.
The pitiful girl feels hopeless,
pointless and ignored,
abandoned and alone,
friendless, lost and bored.
There’s an underlying cause,
to her abundant tears,
she feels the pain of an adult,
although so young in years.
Parents, what have you done?
your children are in distress,
you think they don’t understand things,
and their needs you constantly suppress.
They’re smarter than you think,
their cognition is much higher,
wake up, pay attention to their needs,
some care they do require.
The aroma of freshly baked goods,
the look of heaven scented chocolate,
rolls of scrumptious croissants and danishes,
its all sick.
the fat that results,
the rolls of goo,
not worth it.
i briskly walk down the street,
pass a salon,
the heaven scent of perfume,
manicures,
lotions,
that appeals,
that begs for my attention.
I want to be pretty,
I want to be skinny
Don’t really know if this makes any sense. Don’t know what kind of writing it is!
I gaze at the glistening water,
the sun shining down upon it,
the serene atmosphere amidst,
the fresh scent of the beach,
the crashing of the waves,
the breeze flying by,
the smiles around.
everyone’s relaxed,
everyone’s at peace.
if only,
if only i can sit,
spend more time there,
instead of this foreboding building i enter every day,
its white shiny walls loaded with GO decorations,
wicked teachers and blissfully unaware students,
judging,
evaluating,
the cruelty of that place.
Yet i enter my home,
the red brick walls that greet me on my walk home,
not much more welcoming,
I enter a warzone,
I go from fire to burning,
I go from worst to 2nd worst.
I heard of a few creepy stories of boys saying that and it WAS a problem. Just ask your LOR if anything does happen!
Thanks people!
Not really poetry…just writing (which is why I started the other thread which nobody was interested in):
I watch the young boy of maybe 3 run out to his mother. His tear-stained cheeks is all it takes to see he is very upset. He wails and wails as he falls into his mother’s arms. She embraces him with a comforting word and a smile. Hugging him tightly, she reassures him that everything is fine. I watch in utter disgust. I stare, I cringe, and a tear drips from my eye. Why can’t I have that? Why can’t I have the mother to turn to when I’m in distress. Instead, I walk down the street, struggling to appear normal. Yet, inside, my wounds are burried deep within me in the crevices of my soul. My broken heart is hidden from the world. And I can’t run to mommy in the street. Nobody’s there to embrace me. Nobody’s there to offer me comfort. That is why I’m crying.
Not really a poem but just some “writing”
My therapist:
She carried me through,
fumbled along this treatorous journey,
pulled and chugged,
all along the bumpy rode.
She held my hand when I was in pain,
put her arm on my shoulder when I needed.
She was there through thick and thin,
always guiding me in the right direction,
putting my life in focus. She saved my life.
Not once, not twice, but too many to count.
She is priceless. She is the world’s gift,
the one I can count on when nobody else cares.
The one who will never abandon me.
The only one in this whole wide, dark world who can actually
UNDERSTAND my depression.
I will forever owe thanks to you,
my name 🙂
My world is twirling,
fluttering in the wind,
flying,
scattering,
shattered all over.
Its over,
my world,
is completely over.
finished,
its done.
and there’s no putting it back
into its position
cuz it all fell
toppled from the sky
shattered to the ground.
my life is over.
WOW! You’ve got talent…:)
My Computer Addiction:
I flee from my pain,
run in every direction,
looking for some comfort,
searching for protection.
Protection from the pain,
protection from the sadness,
protection from my emotions,
protection from the world’s badness.
I’m escaping all these feelings,
as I hide in my cocoon,
so warm and so loving,
sensitive and attuned.
I spend days and many hours,
surfing the computer,
looking for some hapiness,
instead find an intruder.
I haven’t found my peace,
I haven’t found my life,
I haven’t found what I’m searching for,
to stop the pain and strife.
OP can you please give the mods your email or something so I can give you some information worth hearing that I don’t feel comfortable sharing with the whole cr? I’d be glad to help out!
Gumball-you can do my homework for me 🙂
Of course its positive! 🙂
Saysme-all I can say is WOAAAA! 🙂
saysme-Wow, good to know I’M not alone!!
Anorexia,
I gasp,
staring,
gazing at myself in the mirror.
I keep looking,
amazed at what I see.
I see a stomach,
so giant and round,
popping out of me,
I see my arms,
fat dripping,
hanging over,
I see my legs,
the size of elephants,
I see my chin,
quadrupeled,
my cheeks
fluffy and bloated.
And I see fat.
Fat,
obese,
I see me.
Yet they tell me again,
again and again,
they tell me millions of times,
that its distorted,
but how can I
believe their false lies?
how can I
believe their false flattery?
does the scale lie?
does the mirror lie?
Yes, my anorexia lies.
Thanks so much mods! Sorry to drive you nuts!
I’m seriously ready to call it quits. I’ve had enough! I can’t survive this world any longer. I don’t even believe in Hashem anymore…so why can’t I commit suicide? What will happen if I do? Where will I go? To sleep forever? YUM!!!! 🙁 🙁 🙁 SOmeone help
Shattered,
battered,
torn,
inside,
cold and alone,
isolated,
miserable,
a hopeless case,
resigned for life,
I give up.
Observanteen-can’t get more on the mark than that! That’s EXACTLY how I feel!!!
I just want to mention that not ONLY breslovers go.
Well, I’m obsessed with boruch levine’s new cd…
But the second I saw the title of this thread I knew it had to be you 🙂
I don’t even know how much I’m going to shul tomorrow…probably I’ll go tonight because people will ask me where I was
What if you don’t fast tomorrow? Is it still a mitzvah to eat? And get fat?!
A little voice,
deep within me,
speak,
yells,
screams,
it wants to be heard,
has an argument,
for my rational self.
It tells me i’m fat,
ugly,
OBESE,
I ate too much.
My rational self yells,
and attempts to argue,
it says the scale doesn’t lie,
but for some reason,
my ED screams back,
doesn’t remain silent,
must win the war,
it says the number’s too high.
I peer at myself,
deep into the mirror,
my gaze falls on my stomach,
popping,
sticking out,
ginormous!
It must flatten
I hear ED.
he tells me I’m hopeless,
pointless,
and big fat PIG
and I can’t help it,
so I believe him
My brain remains still,
My mind is stubborn,
My mouth gets stuck,
The anxiety sticks,
NOTHING works.
And I now learned
that force
no longer works,
for change
is what we strive for.
“a heart of gold” is to all of YOU! You are incredible!
the support I get here is priceless. Thank you all so much!
Thanks for your encouragement.Just really having it hard with major suicidal urges.
A heart of gold,
giving and warm,
generous and wide,
can calm a raging storm.
listening and sweet,
a glow in the dark,
a reason to live,
a life, a spark.
a broken heart,
cracked along the middle,
torn on the inside,
scratched on its border,
bashed on the surface,
a battered soul,
in pieces it remains,
bleeding,
weeping,
sobbing in pain,
yearning for a kind person,
to hug it,
to love it,
to care,
to give it warmth,
encouragement,
hope,
life,
yes, it wants life,
its cold and and wet,
in a dark rainy world,
it wants warmth and comfort.
Thank you mod. I just did that and am waiting for a response.