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  • in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167643
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    Participant

    My essence,

    engraved in my soul,

    imprinted in my heart.

    my personality,

    ingrained in my mind,

    nature to my body.

    yet its been covered,

    by layers upon layers,

    of moist, brown, slimy dirt,

    stones and pebbles,

    sharp rocks,

    filth.

    and now I must clean it.

    Therapy,

    removing it layer by layer.

    reexperiencing pain,

    entering confusion,

    getting dirty again,

    falling back,

    plunging forward,

    and every step with effort.

    changing thought patterns,

    changing habits,

    second nature,

    becoming last,

    first nature

    becoming a new person.

    revealing the engraved lettering upon my hidden soul.

    soul,

    what soul?

    I have a soul?

    what kind of soul?

    who’s soul?

    how can that be-me?!

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167642
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    Participant

    At the end of a hard day,

    my heart flows,

    its blood becomes ink,

    black ink,

    on this white and gray comforting screen,

    its familiar layout,

    its supportive posters.

    You mean the world to me.

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167640
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    Participant

    Middlepath-these days I don’t know how much I believe in that stuff…I try though. Its just so so hard sometimes!

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167633
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    Participant

    Imprisoned,

    behind iron bars,

    locked gates,

    barbed wire,

    tall fences,

    steal chains,

    guards surrounding,

    no way out,

    desperate for air,

    choking,

    NO WAY OUT!

    stuck,

    in this awful rut.

    In a sea,

    a powerful current,

    raging waves,

    furry of a storm,

    mist of the foamy water,

    overtaking me,

    down and under,

    up and down,

    floundering,

    drowning.

    in the wind,

    whisking away,

    the powerful gust,

    blowing me,

    sweeping me in its forceful path,

    and I succumb.

    gulping,

    gasping for a breath,

    but unable to.

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167631
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    Participant

    Astonished,

    amazed,

    bewildered,

    at what these girls are all about.

    shocked,

    at how shallow they are,

    confused,

    how they can be so immature.

    Girls,

    my age,

    my school,

    my class,

    yet they’re so different.

    when will they serious out?

    do they even know what life is?!

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167629
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    Participant

    The pain was overwhelming. Tears were choking me. My eyes were a river. My yells were hoarse and hallow. I thought I’d die. But i didn’t. Unfortunately.

    Depression means to me:

    being locked into a black closed tunnel, or one that goes on forever.

    being trapped in a blazing building, with absolutely no way out.

    being submerged 1000 feet bellow the surface of the water, with heavy rocks weighing you down and you can’t swim.

    People think they understand what I go through. People think they get it. But they don’t. They can’t. They never will. If I told you my life story, I think you’d die. Its horrible. Yes, its horrific. I’ve been going through so much. I can’t describe it. Its a vast emptiness within me that I’m struggling to fill. With food. But that’s the wrong thing. It needs love and support.

    Strength,

    its what people claim I have,

    yet I’m falling apart.

    strength for what?

    for where? for when?

    how?

    I tell myself I’m finished.

    I tell myself I’m going to die.

    I write the words die and suicide on my hand with a knife.

    i write it on my stomach,

    in the hope that it’ll penetrate and kill me.

    I keep the largest knife in my house under my pillow,

    in case I have the courage to do it,

    in the hope that my life will end.

    but they say I’m wrong,

    that once I die, I’ll only go to hell.

    I say I’ve been through hell on earth,

    I better not go through earth in hell.

    Cuz that just equals double hell.

    How can I be punished by God?

    for committing suicide if I’m going through so much?

    If I do kill myself,

    they say I’ll only suffer more.

    Is there any way out?

    I tell my therapist I’m surrounded by misery.

    I stay downstairs its bad,

    I go upstairs its bad.

    Where should I go?

    she says this worlds a mix of good and bad.

    I don’t believe her.

    why should I?

    she says I haven’t seen good yet. She says I don’t know what it is. And I think I agree. I agree that my life’s been all bad. And its only getting worse. I told someone about my misfortune. They said “what? after all you’re going through also that?!” I said yes. Ask God that. Is he there? I’m confused. Forlorn. Lost. Scared. Broken hearted.

    Right now, I feel the world is some foreign thing. I’m detached and depressed. I’m sorry if they’re not good at all. Its just horrible right now 🙁 🙁 🙁

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167628
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    Participant

    Just as I thought I was drowning,

    a life boat came to the rescue.

    just as I thought I’d fall off the cliff,

    a thick, heavy rope was thrust around me.

    just as I thought I’d fail,

    an extra zero was added to the end of the number.

    Just as I thought I’d crash,

    my car suddenly died.

    Just as I thought I’d dream a sweet dream,

    I was awoken.

    Just as I thought I’d finally ace,

    I failed my test.

    Just as I thought I’d loose some weight,

    I binged.

    Just as I thought I’d be getting better,

    I turned around.

    Good, bad, I don’t know this world is so confusing.

    in reply to: Is every other Woman on Zoloft? #837946
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    Participant

    Cinderella-No problem, I just wanted to make sure everyone understood depression. People tend to “make light” of it and call people on meds retarded and things. They just don’t realize the truth of what it is.

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167617
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    Participant

    I just wanted to mention middlepath that you inspired me to tell my therapist an essential part of my past which helped my healing. If not to you and one other poster here’s credit, I would not be half as far as I am.

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167612
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    Participant

    Thanks guys! unfortunately, its very true (as I have seen from people I know :()

    in reply to: Anyone know of any frum police officers? #846564
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    Participant

    I’ll only help you if you don’t give me a ticket 😉

    in reply to: Is every other Woman on Zoloft? #837931
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    Participant

    WOA you guys have it ALL wrong!!! As a girl in HS suffering from severe depression, anorexia, anxiety and ocd, I can tell you depression is not something to make light of. I wasn’t on medication until I went for 3 months of therapy and was STILL depressed. Medication helped me ENORMOUSLY! And another to add to the list would be Prozac. Depression is something built up over years of trauma, neglect, or whatever it is. It is NOT overused, it is unfortunately more common these days. In todays day, with so many people who don’t know how to treat others, many people end up suffering for years and years. I’m sorry to say cinderella, I was kind of hurt by your post. Please don’t make light of such a pressing issue. If any of you want to find out the slightest bit about depression you can read the poetry thread.

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167608
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    Participant

    And the child is…

    Rabbi’s child off the derech,

    psychologists kid depressed,

    teacher’s daughter can’t study,

    she’s failing every test.

    nutritionist’s daughter anorexic,

    personal trainer’s kid so fat,

    accountant’s going bankrupt,

    vet can’t save his rat.

    Chinuch experts kid,

    seems to be rebelling,

    was abused emotionally and physically,

    her marks are sadly telling.

    Writer’s son’s a “d” in English,

    in a subject so “genetic”,

    each loosing in their expertise,

    this world is so pathetic.

    Who can we still trust?

    there’s nobody who’s through,

    practice what they preach,

    live their life all true.

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167607
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    Participant

    Puppy-Although I only know you a tiny bit from here, I’d be devastated if you’d ch”v die! Please don’t think that! I’ll always be there for you!!! ((((((((hugs))))))))))

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167603
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    Participant

    I’m burring myself,

    digging my grave,

    throwing myself,

    into deep trenches,

    beneath the earth’s surface,

    engulfing myself in flames,

    licking my surface,

    scorching my soul,

    blazing, raging fire.

    in the battlefront,

    of a war,

    with guns,

    grenades,

    bombs,

    under my tender feet,

    in the softest sand,

    ready to explode,

    sweep me into its smoke,

    kill me.

    the tsunami is raging,

    its fierce waters,

    rushing,

    dashing,

    streaming,

    pouring in over me,

    engrossing me in its salt.

    the knife,

    slicing,

    piercing through me,

    etching marks in my heart,

    engraving the word “depression”.

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167602
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    Participant

    Sitting alone,

    feeling down and sad,

    moping in silence,

    this world is just bad.

    confused and unknown,

    struggling to remain,

    trying to be normal,

    in a world gone insane.

    I’ve hit a dead end,

    I’m dizzy and spinning,

    can’t figure out who I am,

    this battle not winning.

    in a violent whirlpool,

    I’m fighting this wave,

    but I think I’m exhausting,

    crawling into my grave.

    forever and ever,

    I want to retire,

    to sit back and “chill”,

    I want to expire.

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167593
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    Participant

    Puppy-How are you doing? That’s an awesome poem!!! 😉

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167579
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    Participant

    Teary eyed,

    I’m incapable,

    I can’t cope,

    no longer,

    can this facade,

    go on,

    continue

    in school,

    appear,

    do homework,

    take tests,

    no longer,

    i’m collapsing,

    my world is over,

    i want to escape it all! 🙁

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167578
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    Participant

    I’m torn and tattered,

    I’m lost and battered,

    I’m broken and shattered,

    if only it hadn’t mattered.

    Outta control, my bounds are torn,

    I’m obese and so fat, my cloths outworn,

    I’m sad and lonely, I sit and moarn,

    Why am I weird? looked at with scorn?

    In pain, I feel the ache,

    I’m burning, I seem to bake,

    I’m trembling, in anxiety shake,

    I wish it was all a fake.

    I feel I’ve just recieved a kick,

    the wound lasts, I keeps to stick,

    I wish I could avoid that lick,

    I wish I can lift of that brick.

    In terror I scream for assistance,

    I just wish to cease my existence,

    I can’t understand my extreme resistance,

    If only I had just some persistance.

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167576
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    Participant

    Saysme-in an ideal world that would be the case. However, I don’t think my parents fall into that category but thanks!

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167569
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    Participant

    Thanks ICOT! Glad someone can relate observanteen!

    Saysme-I guess I’m grammarless 🙂 c’mmon!!!!

    And think first, always a compliment to boost confidence 🙂

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167556
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    Participant

    I’m drowning,

    floundering,

    waving my arms in desperation,

    waiting for my rescue,

    to reach out their hand,

    lift me above the wild waves,

    keep my head on top of water,

    i’m sinking,

    lower,

    lower,

    keep going,

    till I’m totally GONE!

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167555
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    Participant

    trapped behind bars,

    it yearns to come out,

    my pain is exploding,

    I want to just shout.

    To ball it away,

    to let the tears just flow,

    to release all the agony,

    I’ve been given a harsh blow.

    I can’t seem to handle,

    all these things on my plate,

    too much at once,

    why is this my fate?

    Shouldn’t I be,

    an innocent teen?

    with friends and family,

    a life so scerene.

    I want to burst the bubble,

    that encircles me around,

    I want to escape the chains,

    I want to be unbound.

    I want to escape the flames,

    dancing all around me,

    threatening to engulf me,

    WHY WAS I THIS DESIGNEE?!?!

    I’ve had enough,

    it all seems so hopeless,

    I don’t even know how to continue,

    I’m climbing a mountain that’s ropeless.

    HELP! 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 I really can’t. I want to commit suicide so badly now. I’m balling my head off!

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167554
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    Participant

    I yearn,

    I wish,

    for a tear,

    a soft drop,

    to trickle down,

    to pour,

    to flow like a river,

    to stream in in tons,

    to release all its power.

    I haven’t cried in ages,

    haven’t shed a tear in months,

    I just want to breath,

    to rest my head on someone’s shoulders,

    to have a sponge to soak it all up,

    someone to listen,

    someone to ball to,

    someone to cry my heart out to.

    I’m dieing to cry it out now 🙁 But I’ve got nobody to listen to an emotional wreck.

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167552
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    Participant

    OMG that was an AWESOME one! That really blew me away!!!!!!!!

    in reply to: Post Here – So We Know You’re In The CR #906200
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    Participant

    real israeli-me too!

    I’m here…sometimes 🙂

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167550
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    Participant

    Thanx to all of you! I get it kapusta…sorry about that.

    Sometimes I feel,

    I am just lazy,

    Sometimes I think,

    this world is just crazy,

    sometimes I realize,

    my life’s gone insane,

    sometimes it appears,

    my cries are in vane.

    sometimes I see,

    these carefree happy people,

    sometimes I feel,

    I’m peaking out of a peephole.

    sometimes it seems,

    my world is so despairing,

    sometimes i think,

    nobody is caring.

    I try to challenge my thoughts…

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167543
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    Participant

    I’m sorry saysme 🙂 its just so hard cuz sometimes i feel like I can’t stop eating. Its all just to squash my real feelings. My nutritionist suggested I write here instead of eating! Thanks guys for your support! really I would not be alive without you! when I was suicidal I was thinking what would e/1 here think if I did!

    Kapusta-i don’t get that-am I just slow?! 🙁

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167538
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    Participant

    Each and every day,

    I gaze at the white and gray screen,

    the time underneath,

    the new hypes,

    the adds on the side.

    I click on coffee room,

    each day,

    just to see,

    the latest on poems,

    reactions,

    uplift,

    raise my spirits,

    enhance my soul.

    I’ve gained confidence on HERE!!!

    I’ve had enough,

    of pain,

    anguish,

    binging,

    food,

    calories, weighing and counting.

    enough of being fat,

    enough of exercise,

    enough of lieing,

    of faking,

    arguing,

    begging,

    controlling,

    faking.

    I’ve had enough of this miserable life. Help me get skinny NOW!

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167536
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    Participant

    Thanx guys! and good to see you here kapusta! you should know that when I write poems and don’t post and have feedback they don’t make me feel nearly as relieved as the times they are on! you guys keep me going! I’m not nearly good enough for any contest or carriers though!!! I’m still failing school…maybe english not FAILING but pretty close 🙁

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167531
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    Participant

    This is sorta really random and meaningless (don’t go too deep into it!) but i was in the mood so i did it.

    He’s lively and fun,

    vavacious and alive,

    enthusiastic w/ his stuff,

    invites friends to contrive,

    so says the man w/ the red hat.

    Skin silky and smooth,

    hair shined and so neat,

    pretty nails and makeup,

    she’s beautiful and complete,

    so says the man w/ the pink hat.

    order, organization,

    responsibility and files,

    everything’s in compartments,

    all neatly in piles.

    so says the man w/ the brown hat.

    check out this one,

    you’ll be drooling forever,

    you’ll want to binge and just eat,

    you can’t beat it, never!

    so says the man w/ the orange hat.

    Quick and smart,

    keen and so rich,

    always on the ball,

    will never want to switch.

    so says the man w/ the gold hat.

    happy and enthusiastic,

    laughing with joy,

    energetic and fun,

    nothing can annoy.

    so says the man w/ the yellow hat.

    lush green grash,

    gardens of eden,

    heaven scented flowers,

    not quite like sweden.

    so says the man w/ the green hat.

    peace and serenity,

    contemptness, completion,

    sincerity and calmness,

    generosity, accretion.

    so says the man w/ the blue hat.

    a magical mystery,

    much royalty and wealth,

    your highness, honored,

    bless us w/ health.

    so says the man w/ the purple hat.

    deep contemplation,

    thoughtfulness, meditation,

    pondering some questions,

    depressed, hesitation.

    so says the man w/ the indigo hat.

    cleanliness, purity,

    sparkling and new,

    fresh and so ready,

    a crystal clear view.

    so says the man w/ the white hat.

    Formal and hidden,

    death and unknown,

    courteous yet foreboding,

    it changes in tone.

    so says the man w/ the black hat.

    no emotion and warmth,

    no confidence,no maturity,

    but a sense of stability,

    mostly security.

    so says the man w/ the grey hat.

    BTW I don’t want random people using my poems. Do I copywrite them?

    in reply to: Favorite Perfume?? #830855
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    Participant

    Lancome came out with a new night something I forgot but its really awesome!

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167528
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    Participant

    Little does she know…

    how that stung me,

    sliced my heart,

    pierced my essence,

    tore my being,

    shattered my existence,

    Little does she know

    of my sensitive soul,

    the intricacies of my life,

    trauma of my childhood,

    bullying,

    verbal abuse,

    has this been done to her?

    why’s she oblivious

    to the pain she’s inflicted on me,

    to the tars she’s brought down my cheek,

    my life’s already upside down,

    feelings crushed,

    to the depth of my soul

    my once achieved confidence,

    thrust down bellow her dirty feet,

    trampled on,

    that hurt so badly,

    that was my teacher.

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167527
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    Participant

    9/11 a nice day?!

    I gaze out the window,

    the bus speeds by,

    the beautiful scenery,

    in relaxation I sigh.

    my eyes wonder about,

    the mountains catch my glimpse,

    rolling hills, lush green grass,

    in the air sailing some blimps.

    the breeze flies past,

    birds soaring in the sky,

    clear crisp blue sunny day,

    today I’m on a high.

    The atmosphere is peaceful,

    calm and so contempt,

    no reason to be mad,

    no reason to resent.

    The day suddenly shattered,

    on this crystal clear morning,

    switching from happiness,

    to gloom and lots of moarning.

    The plane slices the building,

    splits so many lives,

    killing oh so many,

    widowing innocent wives.

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167526
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    Participant

    a very short one from a long time ago:

    lost and uncertain,

    isolated, I moan,

    friendless and scraped,

    I’m feeling so alone.

    My cries pierce the air,

    my bellows oh so loud,

    I feel like I’m stuck

    in a giant gloomy cloud.

    in reply to: Why are they making us into boys? #829815
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    Participant

    Glad to know I’m not the only one who thinks today’s schooling system is insane! My principal was asked this question once and they said that “all BYs teach it” so that’s why they do too! Excuse-its part of the BY curriculum. That’s the most insane answer I’ve heard! For all those who said its to prepare us for work…that’s a discussion in itself why boys who are supposed to be the earners are learning and girls are suffering quadrupel what they’re supposed to. Girls are meant to be ther mother and men are meant to go out to work. In today’s unfortunate yeshivish society (not stereotyping, just saying many people) the girls are expected to: be the mommy, be a good wife, have 3 meals always ready, greet husband with a smile, keep cool, work full time, be skinny, be pretty, what else….lets add…its not enough?! :0

    in reply to: Why are they making us into boys? #829791
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    Participant

    Homework and posting every so often cuz I need a break.

    Believe me if it was my choice I wouldn’t be up late.

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167522
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    Participant

    Thank you saysme 🙂

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167520
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    Participant

    GUYS! You totally make my day! Don’t ever think I’m not reading your replies to my poems! I read them every single time just sometimes I don’t know what to say or I’m super busy so don’t log in alltogether! But for observanteen-the way you responded shows you sorta understand it and sorta don’t. Life’s not easy but when it comes to escaping your problems after dealing with them all day, all that appeals to you is the internet and the junk. Yes, I know it wears out your concentration which is why I’m currently struggling in school as well. Last night when I had to go off the internet I became suicidal cuz I had to face my problems. Its very very tricky and tough but thanks for your reply! Thanks to saysme as well as all responses to all my poems! After a horrible day, all I want is to come to the cr and see this thread!

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167513
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    Participant

    I live my life,

    aspiring,

    striving to be,

    to achieve,

    what others have done.

    but,

    I focus on the wrong ones,

    zoom in on them,

    examine every minute detail,

    peer at their faces,

    check their status,

    I’m on a treadmill that doesn’t end,

    goes on and on,

    I’m chasing and chasing,

    huffing,

    puffing,

    trying to keep up with the johnses,

    trying to catch up with the stars,

    celebrities,

    singers.

    Yes, these are the wrong people to chase.

    But I’m jealous,

    so envious,

    of their popularity,

    romance,

    adventure.

    I’ve lost my emunah,

    begged hashem to save it,

    he seemed just not to care,

    my request he did omit.

    I wanted to believe,

    to love and to connect,

    but it seems to have been lost,

    my relationship a reflect.

    I pleaded with Him daily,

    to keep the emotion going,

    of emunah and of closeness,

    but the feelings just stopped flowing.

    I did my share,

    I did my part,

    I did all I could,

    to keep Him in my heart.

    The rest is HIS.

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167512
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    Participant

    Observanteen-agree 100%! That’s why I barely post on other threads. I’ve gotten bashed too many times, and honestly, I find many of the posters to be very shallow.

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167509
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    Participant

    The computer’s like a vaccume,

    its got this magic thing,

    yanks me in its grip,

    to sit and watch stars sing.

    To hear their nutty music,

    to see their horrid moves,

    it isn’t exactly assur,

    but I’m sure no one approves.

    I feel so very trashy,

    dirty and unpure,

    contaminated by this junk,

    how to end it I’m not sure.

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167507
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    Participant

    My secret life,

    that nobody knows of,

    how I spend my time,

    what I love.

    They think I’m a BY girl,

    so naive and sweet,

    but my doulbe life unknown,

    I keep it discreet.

    Of my addiction to the web,

    of my surfing of these pages,

    sucking me up more,

    advancing in some stages.

    My obsession with celebrities,

    the hollywood the stars,

    I wish the computer was locked away,

    far away behind bars.

    I’m naucious and sickened by how much of these stars I’ve seen. I’ve spent barely any time studying. I’m addicted to the stupid internet and the addiction’s getting worse by the day. Every day a new celebrity. HELP! I can’t take it! I wish I can stop.

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167506
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    Participant

    Very stressed out about school…and much better about everything else cuz I saw my therapist today. Thanks for asking. I don’t know what I’d do without the cr and poetry thread!

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167503
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    Participant

    Thanks princess and observanteen-that poem was INCREDIBLE! Hit the nail on the head EXACTLY!!! Thanks so much!

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167493
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    Participant

    My fantasy:

    to live a life,

    in a green giant house,

    walls constructed of smooth green paper,

    round circles in the center of each brick,

    with a tiny number on the corner of each,

    stating its value,

    lush green lawns with presidents on them,

    pathways with millions,

    pillows of hundreds,

    blankets of the highest number ever,

    a life where I’m carefree,

    the concept of money foreign,

    I have what I need,

    I have what I want,

    I’m happy.

    I’m drowning in a sea of debt,

    guilt creeps up on me,

    for therapy,

    for nutritionists,

    for psychiatrists,

    for medication,

    for life.

    Wouldn’t it be cheaper,

    If I wasn’t HERE?!

    So why don’t they just let me die,

    in my green grave,

    under piles of ones, tens, hundreds and thousands.

    HEEEEEEEEEELP! This is not very good but its too bad. Whatever.

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167492
    blabla
    Participant

    I don’t want to say the problems cuz I’m scared someone will blow my identity. If not for the fact that I’ve written my lifestory in this thread, I’d totally say. I tried to get free tutoring online, etc. untill I decided tonight that if a boy doesn’t marry me cuz I failed math in school, I don’t want him! And yes, I only excell in school so that I can find a shidduch. That’s what today’s corrupt society along with much else says!

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167488
    blabla
    Participant

    I feel like a failure,

    I want to surrender,

    I just can’t go on alone,

    I’ve got no defender.

    No matter what I’ve tried,

    no matter how hard it’s been,

    my brain is just too slow,

    it doesn’t sink in.

    I peer at the textbook,

    for the hundreth time today,

    I try the problem over again,

    I’ve attempted every way.

    Yet somehow it doesn’t work,

    it just makes no sense,

    but the teachers somehow manage,

    to me this stuff’s immense!

    I just feel like a failure,

    every aspect of my life,

    I’ve been attacked from every angle,

    slaughtering me like a knife.

    Socially I’m zeroed,

    there’s no hope for me at all,

    I thought maybe academically,

    Hashem just hear my call! HELP! 🙁

    The only solution to my plight is DEATH, if it only worked! 🙁 🙁

    in reply to: ATT POETRY PEOPLE #1167486
    blabla
    Participant

    Sometimes I feel…

    That the heaviest load’s been placed upon me.

    the burden of an old man,

    who’s been through wars and famines,

    who’s frail and delicate,

    his pain and suffering,

    piled on me,

    at once,

    short and sharp,

    long and forever,

    the piercing cries are those of deep anguish,

    of longing for freedom,

    yet the old man is closer,

    closer to what I dream of,

    he’s closer to death,

    what I long for,

    what i’ve tried,

    What hasn’t worked for me.

    Nothing works for me,

    yet I continue in this world.

    I feel I have the pain,

    of someone so old,

    more pain than that of my teachers,

    more pain that that of those much older than me.

    in reply to: Why People Go Off The Derech #826471
    blabla
    Participant

    Having been OTD once, came back and now struggling a second time, there are lots of reasons why a person would stray from the right path. 1st of all, people don’t go off for no reason. They go off because they are in pain and are struggling with some deep issues. I went off when I was depressed and didn’t know how to express it. I wasn’t clinically depressed but deep down I was crumbling part by part. When I thought I was strong and came back, it was more like a sudden yearning for inspiration and connection and then it dissipated. Now I’m struggling with facts-such as if Hashem exists altogether and how frum I truly want to be. It is not someone who’s never experienced the pain of it’s place to judge those who did.

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