Forum Replies Created
tzippi- I just don’t use eggs so much in my cooking for health reasons.
It’s really not so hard to to control cellphone use. If you don’t pay for internet and texting and your kids use them, it shows up on the bill; if they overuse their allotted minutes (and by the way, you as the parent can choose to pay for a limited number of those minutes)it shows up on the bill. Like credit card and bank statements, simply reading every item on the bill can alert you to misuse, and you can take the necessary action, such as taking away the phone. Our rule at home: when a child is old enough to travel around without an adult, they may have a phone; no texting, no internet, and limited minutes; phone is turned off and put away when at home.
Also, here in E”Y, terrorism is r”l a constant worry (and I hear that it ought to be more of a worry in the U.S. than it is). I want to be able to get in touch with my children in the event of an attack ch”v, without having to try and get through to a Yeshiva or B.Y’s phone system that is crashing from the volume of the calls.
When it comes to food, shopping smart can really cut costs. ALWAYS make a list before you go, and stick to it- this cuts your chances of buying extra items. When making your list, do it by going through your fridge and pantry first, checking up on what is finished or almost finished (if you have 2 eggs left, add eggs to your list; if you have 9, maybe not). Also, stock up on non-perishables, especially if the prices of those items tend to fluctuate, like flour and sugar. Go shopping only once a week, and make sure you get everything you will need for the coming week- running out to buy something you forgot several times a week can add up, as the more time you spend in the store, the more likely you are to buy stuff simply because you saw it on the shelf and thought you needed it. Also, consider eating only milchigs during the week, saving fleishigs for Shabbos. Most importantly, keep last week’s shopping receipt, so that you can look it over this week and see where your money went and if you can trim further. Hope this helps.
mariner has it spot on. Of course, parents know more, and understand about marriage, but they are no more objective than their children. Unfortunately, many parents conflate “best for my child” with “my own unfulfilled dreams”. True, if a parent sees certain red flags that the child is blind to, they must step in and prevent disaster. But the girl’s dress size, or the boy’s only-average learning capabilities are not red flags requiring such intervention. If you don’t think your child is capable of making a mature decision about who to marry, then they are not ready for shidduchim, period.
Nothing wrong with following sports- so long as it doesn’t interfere with his obligations or take over his life. I myself am a big baseball fan, and I still follow a the team of my hometown despite having lived in E”Y for about 17 years (I endure quite a bit of teasing from my kids, and even my husband :-))
Other thing is, like cantoresq brought up, be careful he doesn’t conflate the game with the personal lives of the players. Also, I heard that soccer games in the U.K. can get a bit rowdy, so if your son wants to actually go to a game, consult your LOR.
A short answer- certain things like the age of the universe do not have to contradict the Torah, as oomis1105 pointed out. Also, the order in which certain things evolved fits in very nicely with Bereishis (e.g. science has discovered that the earth was at one point entirely covered by oceans, and then they receded to reveal land. This is exactly what happens from day 2 to day 3. Also, scientists say fish and birds came before land animals. Look at day 5 and then day 6…)
Other things, however, do contradict. The theory than man “evolved” from bacteria and monkeys is fallacious and nothing more than an attempt to make it seem as though people are nothing more than sophisticated apes. At the end of the day, Torah is emes; if the science fits, great, if it doesn’t, then you must fight the yetzer hara and follow the Torah.
There are definitely limits. My in-laws treated me very badly from the start, to the point where my husband had to take a stand. He told them that I came first, and that if they ever wanted to be a Bubbe and Zaidy to our children, they would have to change their behavior. That was that, both halachikally and hashkafikally; the spouse comes first, even if it means having to stand up to the parents and tell them they are wrong.
SJSinNYC- There is no source per se that real-looking sheitels are assur. But it is still a lack of tznius in the spirit of things.
I was born in the U.S. but moved to E”Y shortly after getting married. We love it- you can literally feel the kedusha permeating every aspect of your life; we were just privileged to fulfill the mitzvah of shmittah by leaving our garden hefker and untended (also by buying produce that was imported from Europe and the States). The school system is far from perfect, but our children are way less materialistic and spoiled than my husband and I were growing up in the States. Yes, the medina gives us many tzoros. But without them, we would not be able to live here, or visit all the holy sites whenever we please. It’s a difficult life here- between parnossa, Arab terrorism, and the secularism that the gov keeps trying to force on us, but l’fum tzara agra. We would not trade the closeness we have achieved with Hashem by living here for anything. It’s a real shame that too many frum Jews conflate Medinat Yisrael with Eretz Yisrael…
While it is hard to see how a real-looking sheitel could possibly be erva l’maiseh (it DOES cover the hair after all), I don’t see why it is so hard to accept that these types of sheitels lacking in tznius. Yes, tznius allows for, and encourages being attractive, but when you are so attractive that you begin attracting improper attentions, that is not ok. There is a line (and we can open a new forum to debate what that line is…)
As someone said before, the yetzer hara really has brainwashed us with regard to sheitel, r”l. While the ideas behind head-covering after marriage are complex and kabbalistically rooted, there is still an over-riding aspect of tznius- a married woman has to be even more careful about tznius than a single woman!
Also, why does everyone think tichels and snoods equal ugliness? I have a great collection of tichels and snoods, and my friends always compliment me on them, and I feel good about how I dress. Anyway, sheitels are horribly uncomfortable.
We take too many shortcuts in tznius- shortcuts that we wouldn’t dare to take in any other area of our observance. Tznius is not specifically written out in the Torah, because the Torah lives and breathes tznius in every word, and because it is a spirit more than a cut-and-dried set of rules. We should live our lives that way too, and dress in the spirit even when we can find the loopholes. We should be zocheh to bring about the geula through careful observance of tznius.
Here’s the good: This is part of HKB”H’s plan; Moshiach is now closer than ever; We have gotten comfortable the last few decades, and this is a wake up call, telling us that “Ein od Milvado”; He wants our tefillos. Let’s not pass up this opportunity.November 4, 2008 2:34 am at 2:34 am in reply to: Should we start a Forum about Urban Jewish Legends? #624152
We need more than a forum; we need a Jewish equivalent to Snopes.com. For Rebbi stories, Moshiach stories, 9/11 hashgacha stories, for stories alleging anti-semitism etc.November 3, 2008 1:54 pm at 1:54 pm in reply to: Hidden Audio: Obama Tells SF Chronicle He Will Bankrupt Coal Industry #623445
Actually, I find it way more frightening that the LA Times refuses to release a video of Obama attending and speaking at a dinner honoring the well-known Palestinian terrorist-academic Rasheed Khalidi, where many anti-semitic diatribes were yelled from the podium by various other Palestinian sympathizing academics with ties to Hamas, Hezbollah, and the PLO. McCain is demanding that this tape be released, but of course, the LA Times is fully aware of the damage that this would cause Obama, so rather than inform the public, as is their supposed duty, they continue to hoodwink and misinform in order to manipulate a major election.
Number One: If you need to have internet in your home, get KosherNet or some other filtering program, a serious one that is not so easy for the to get around.
Number Two: If you have a study in your home to do your work, and the kids don’t enter that room, then keep the computer there; if you don’t have a study, keep the computer in a public area of the house where every can see what you’re doing, and set rules that the children cannot log on without adult supervision.
Has anyone noticed that potential shidduchim are getting checked deeper and deeper, and yet this has done nothing to alleviate the growing number of older singles and divorced couples?
Yes, things need to be checked, questions asked. But to what point? I know of a wonderful boy who shoplifted ONE pack of gum ONCE when he was FOURTEEN. At 23, he is still having trouble, because of this ONE indiscretion as young teenager. It’s one thing if there was a shoplifting problem spanning several years, but doing something stupid once as a teenager consigns him to everlasting bachelorhood? I know of a wonderful tzniusdik girl who made ONE poor choice ONE night of the summer at FIFTEEN, by getting drunk and acting up. Now, at 22- problems finding a shidduch. Again- a drinking problem, I understand; but ONE bad decision at a phase of life when most people do stupid things, and she loses er right to ever be an Eim B’Yisrael?
Not only do people change, but if we try to make sure every detail is perfect before the shidduch even happens, then we send our children the message that it is possible to marry a perfect person and thereby have a perfect marriage. The day they figure out that their spouse has FLAWS, and that marriage is NOT perfect, it is a most terrible shock. And we wonder why so many young couples divorce, R”L!
I don’t cook with exact numbers, but here’s what I put in:
potatoes (1 per person who will be at our shabbos table)
onion, cut into rings
lots of pieces of chuck beef
a few eggs (as the cholent cooks they get hard boiled)
paprika, garlic powder, onion soup mix, pepper, and a tiny pinch of salt (in general, I don’t use so much salt when cooking anything fleishig since kosher meat already contains loads of salt, and besides, there is always salt on the table, so one who prefers more salt can add it to their own serving)
I keep the crock pot on high until just before Shabbos, then I switch it to low (make sure you do not forget to do this! Set an alarm as a reminder!)
I can tell you from experience that you don’t want to go too fast or bite off more than you can chew at any one time. Some people prefer to try doing all the mitzvos at once but on a smaller scale, while others prefer to master one mitzvah before moving onto the next. But whichever you prefer, you need to go at a comfortable pace.If keeping Shabbos is too difficult on the first try, then try for a few weeks to keep it properly only on Friday night, and when you find you can do that, move onto Saturday morning etc till you can do it the whole day. The same principle applies to keeping Kosher, the laws of modesty, family purity (if you are married), or the laws of inter-gender contact if you are single, and pretty much everything else. Some useful websites include aish.com and torah.org. I don’t know as much about books, but Artscroll publications has wonderful translations and commentaries on prayer books and the Tanach (bible). Most importantly, keep learning and asking questions! Your Rabbi is good for much more than just questions of Jewish law. Also, since you are a woman, I would recommend that you build a relationship with the Rabbi’s wife as well. It would also be nice if you could find the time to learn about things from women in your community who are willing to teach. I hope this helps. Wishing you much success on your journey home to your true roots!
Modernlakewoodguy makes an excellent point. Although sheitls have certain advantages- such as staying more securely on the head, easier to cover all hair, looks nice, etc, this is only acceptable when it is a modest sheitl. The poskim all agree that a sheitl that is so well-made that you can’t even tell without doing a double-take is absolutely assur and defeats the purpose of covering hair. It is absolutely preferable to wear a snood or a tichel that covers all the hair than to wear these kinds of sheitls. I myself have been wearing only snoods and tichels since my sheitl wore out because it is so difficult to find a modest sheitl these days. When my daughter got married, she went the same way. I find it ridiculous that sometimes I hear a girl got engaged and I see her walking around 2 months later and cannot be sure whether I should ask her how wedding plans are going or whether I should ask her how she’s enjoying married life. Just as it is wrong and not tzanua to wear tightly fitting clothes even though they cover everything, so too, one must not wear an expensive, hair-like sheitl, even though it covers all the hair. Either get a proper, modest sheitl, or stick with snoods and tichels (making sure of course that the tichel is large enough to cover everything). And as for Shabbosdik? The snood that you wear around the house may not be so nice, but there are nice snoods out there, as well as nice silk tichels which fall under the category of Shabbosdik. Modernlakewoodguy- tell your wife not to lose heart. She should continue in her modest ways, be an example to the children, and inspire others to adopt such wonderful standards of tznius.
One of the problems is that people look for kulas in this area. Chalila that we should ever be mekil on our kashrus, but when it comes to tznius, we look for the easy way out; it covers the knee sometimes, but if you move this way it doesn’t, or it covers everything, but is really too tight, or the sheital covers every hair, but no one can even tell that it’s not real hair… Tznius is a mitzvah like any other and must be treated as such. We cannot play games looking for ways to push the boundaries of the spirit of the law while remaining true to the letter. A few simple rules that Rabbonim (as well as parents) should set forth: if it doesn’t work in every physical position you may find yourself in, don’t wear it; if you will have to keep an eye on it all day, don’t wear it; if it is the bare minimum of muttar, avoid it; regarding sheitals, if people have to do a double take, don’t wear it! Either get a sheital that looks like a proper sheital or stick with teichals and snoods! By the way, men, tznius applies to you too, and the fault is not entirely with women. Men need to behave in a tzanua manner, and make sure not to draw unnecessary attention to themselves either.