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  • in reply to: Fun Words #923588


    Dear Mod80.

    You wrote “pass mustard” in the context of a sentence and yet you turn around and ask what it means?

    In an attempt to express my disturbing emotions with regards to your “mustard” question, I will set it forth by way of definitions; to wit:

    Baffled –

    Couldn’t figure out why he didn’t win the raffle

    Bewildered –

    Was much more wild

    Befuddled –

    What you become after you a be a fiddle

    Disturbed –

    Took off his turban

    Startled –

    A little start

    Discombobulated –

    The possibilities are endless…

    in reply to: Fun Words #923578

    ..and not to be outdone by Mod80, LeiderLeider hereby remits some more incredibly funny self-made definitions…

    Mepal: Support me here please!

    A portion of an article

    How Chuck Schumer was affectionately called as a little kid

    To baste your roast

    A special dance accompanied by an accordion

    The creases on the forehead of a lost tour guide

    in reply to: Fun Words #923571

    That’s not fair Mod80! You had a lifetime to think these things up!

    in reply to: Fun Words #923564

    Mod80: This one is for you…

    80 –

    Approximately eight

    – Leider

    in reply to: Fun Words #923563

    …80. You’re right!

    I stand corrected.

    in reply to: Fun Words #923562

    I barely know who I am myself, let alone explain it to others… (Oy, I’m reading too many Mussar Seforim) 😉

    Here are some definitions for your avid review, comment, and needless to say -compliments. I made them up myself and this is the first attempt, so be very very nice!

    Here goes…

    Blunder –

    The area underneath your blender

    Synergy –

    Using your energy for immoral behavior

    Reserve –

    What the waiter does after spilling the soup

    Napkin –

    A sibling of the guy asleep on the couch

    Hospitality –

    The Inpatient Bikur Cholim room

    Kleenex –

    My, what a clean freak she was!

    Decision –

    To cut once again

    That would be Recision

    How about: to sew up a cut


    in reply to: Fun Words #923560

    Thank you Mepal.

    I used to enjoy frequent poster status, but have since been relegated to the sidelines with an occasional visit. The rigors of life have kept me otherwise busy.

    Thank you for your warm welcome.


    in reply to: Fun Words #923558

    Hello all.

    I love this thread! Keep it coming!!

    Here are some medical terms which you may find entertaining. They are duly plagiarized from another source:

    Benign…………….What you be after you be eight.

    Artery…………….The study of paintings.

    Bacteria…………..Back door to cafeteria.

    Barium…………….What doctors do when patients die.

    Cesarean Section……A neighborhood in Rome.

    Cat scan…………..Searching for kitty.

    Colic……………..A sheep dog.

    Coma………………A punctuation mark.

    D & C……………..Where Washington is.

    Dilate…………….To live long.

    Fester…………….Quicker than someone else.

    Fibula…………….A small lie.

    G.I. Series………..World Series of military baseball.

    Hangnail…………..What you hang your coat on.

    Impotent…………..Distinguished, well known.

    Labor Pain…………Getting hurt at work.

    Medical Staff………A Doctor’s cane.

    Morbid…………….A higher offer than I bid.

    Nitrates…………..Cheaper than day rates.

    Node………………Was aware of

    Outpatient…. …….A person who has fainted.

    Post Operative……..A letter carrier.

    Recovery Room………Place to do upholstery.

    Secretion………….Hiding something.

    Seizure……………Roman emperor.

    Tablet…………….A small table.

    Terminal Illness……Getting sick at the Bus Station

    Urine……………..Opposite of you’re out.

    Varicose…………..Near by/close by.


    in reply to: Members Battle The Bulge #644200

    Thanks myshadow. I have a crunching thingie at home, but of course I never use it…

    in reply to: Members Battle The Bulge #644195

    Hello, fellow YWN members.

    I’m looking for tips on getting rid of my abs. I’m otherwise in good shape, but I’m carrying around a belly. What’s the best exercise to attain my goals?

    Additionally, if someone here is familiar with the exercise machines at Kosher Gym (now called Energyze, right?), perhaps you would be so kind and refer me to the specific machines which will best help me to trim my stomache?

    I’m a guy, by the way.

    Thanks in advance!

    in reply to: Default Setting for the Neshama #640653

    Thank you for your beautiful post.

    And now for the implementation…

    in reply to: Music – Musical Instruments #668349

    OK Professor squeak. I finally realize what’s bothering you.

    A “dash” symbol can be used as either a mathematical “minus” sign or simply as a “dash”. In this tile it was duly intended as a dash – not a minus sign (there goes my dash again!).

    Can we still be friends in spite of my mathematical shortcomings?

    in reply to: Music – Musical Instruments #668341

    squeak. I’m terribly offended 🙂

    What’s bothering you about the title?

    A capella indeed! As I wrote, I play the guitar accompanied by singing.

    Hurting…hurting…I may have to go grab my guitar and play some Shlomo’s to relax a bit. Maybe I’ll come to myself…

    in reply to: Music – Musical Instruments #668327

    qaws: At that price, I think Casio has nicer-sounding instruments than Yamaha. Check them out.

    Please don’t buy a keyboard unless you take the time to test it. Spend at least 15 minutes in the store. Particularly, test to see whether they have the proper rythms you’ll be playing to.

    in reply to: Music – Musical Instruments #668322

    Thank you ygirl2448.

    My strumming fingers are fine. In fact, I alternative between using my fingers or picks, depending on the type of song.

    My problem is with my left-hang fingertips. I’ve been playing for 2 years now and, although I have grown callous, it still hurts!

    But you know what; it’s all worth it!

    I play the acoustic guitar (metal strings). The nylon stringed classic guitar sounds a bit too muted and “dead”.

    in reply to: What to Do with My Etrog? #629009


    Correction to my previous post. Instead of “follow the strict psak of your Rav”, it should say “strictly follow the psak of your Rav”.


    in reply to: What to Do with My Etrog? #629008

    Be careful!

    Do NOT use it for besomim. You are not allowed to be “mekalkel” a fruit that has kedushat shviis. You’re supposed to let it rot or eat it (entirely – including the rind) before the “zman biur”. The zman biur in E”Y is different than the zman biur in the US. I belive that you would need to eat it prior to Tu B’Shvat, which I believe is past the Zman Biur.

    In any event, as our fellow members have suggested, this is a very complicated issue and you should follow the strict psak of your Rav. Please don’t delay asking him. Time may be of essence.

    in reply to: Ideas for Anniversary Present $15 or Less #628167

    Hi Intellegent.

    I don’t know why everyone (except for SJSinNYC) assumed you’re a guy. I seem to recall from previous posts that you are the lady in the house, and that you live in E”Y (Yerushalyim I think?).

    And now for my two cents…My wife will occasionaly get me a belt. When on sale, you can usually find a beautiful belt for $15.00 or less.

    Most importantly, splurge on the accompanying card. That’s what really counts.

    in reply to: Help With GPS #652557

    I recently bought a Magellan (forgot the particular model). Program says the street names.

    in reply to: Good Towns For Anglos #631280

    Joseph: Do you speak a fluent Yiddish?

    If so, Chassidishe Yiddish, Litvish Yiddish?

    in reply to: A Humorous Item #1171713

    A Jewish lady’s grandson is playing in the water at the beach when all of a sudden, a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly over the spot where the boy is wading.

    The water recedes and the boy is no longer there. He simply vanished.

    She holds her hands to the sky, screams and cries, “Hashem, how could you? Have I not been a wonderful mother and grandmother? Have I not given tzedokkah? Have I not davened? Have I not tried my very best to live a life that you would be proud of?”

    A few minutes later another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on the beach. As the water recedes, the boy is standing there, smiling, splashing around as if nothing had ever happened.

    A loud voice booms from the sky, “Okay, okay, I have returned your grandson. Are you satisfied?”

    She responds, “He had a hat!!”

    in reply to: A Humorous Item #1171712

    Subject: Eruv.

    Two guys have been learning together for 20 years. One of them is going to make a bar mitzvah so he says to the other one, “I am making a bar mitzvah and I would like you to come.”

    “I’m sorry, I can’t.”

    “But I really want you to come.”

    “You don’t understand. I just can’t come.”

    “But why can’t you come?”

    “I’m not Jewish.”

    “What do you mean? We have been learning together for 20 years.”

    “I enjoy the intellectual stimulation.”

    “But we learned that a goy that keeps Shabbos is ‘chayav mitvos.'”

    “I never kept Shabbos. Every time I was ready to leave my house, I put a key in my pocket.”

    “But we have an eruv here.”

    “I don’t hold from that eruv.”

    in reply to: Fighting Nausea #625566

    Intellegent. Long time no talk…

    Assuming you have identified the cause of your nausea and medically ascertained that it’s not due to a health problem, then I recommend the following:

    * Ginger (preferably in its original form. Nibble on raw ginger)

    * Green Apples

    I’ve had the (mis)fortune of being stuck on a cruise ship for several days in the midst of a hurricane. I was eating green apples like they were going out of style. It helped immensely.

    Good luck!

    in reply to: Music Lessons #667932

    Acoustic/classic guitar, or electric?

    in reply to: Physical Discipline in Yeshivos #622821

    cantoresq. Others are beginning to like the idea as well. The idea is picking up speed. After all, you initiated this concept. Afraid you’ll have to hide your children forever. Of course, if your children behave, you have nothing to worry about :-). We pray every day for the coming of Mashiach. Please note that Malkus will be the name of the game if we go astray.

    But on a serious note. I think we all agree that taxpayers funding of the vast jail system is absolutely inappropriate. Besides, it’s ineffective. There has to be some form of punishment, corporeal or otherwise, that’s cheaper, swifter, and much more effective. Perhaps rubber “stamping” is indeed a better idea.

    in reply to: Physical Discipline in Yeshivos #622818

    cantoresq: I may possibly agree with your comments on public flogging. It’ll save us an immense amount of taxpayer money. I do not understand why we, the taxpayer, have to foot the bill to cover offenders’ jail/hotel stay.

    A public flogging, or even better, your rubber-stamping idea, would accomplish much more for much cheaper.

    in reply to: Is 3 Cups of Coffee a Day Too Much? #803346

    I can only recommend what worked for me. I was an avid smoker (1-2 packs a day) for 11 years. I stopped smoking using this method. 6 years and going….wasn’t nearly as hard as I imagined it.

    in reply to: Shidduchim & Weight #625313

    I truly do not intend to be crass or unsympathetic about this subject, but I don’t think it’s unfair for a boy to wish to marry what he considers a good-looking girl. And yes, the slimmer, the better (if this is something important to him, and if that is what he considers a factor in looks).

    Does a girl have the moral right to decline to marry an otherwise perfect boy because he has an unsightly lump on his nose? The answer is a resounding yes! I think the boys are subject to the same moral equivalency. They have the moral right to turn down a girl who they deem too heavy for their liking.

    Now, you do raise a valid point as to why ehrliche bochurim would care about looks etc. (or why ehriche girls would care about looks as well, for that matter). However, as long as our boys and girls are not trained to ignore looks as a factor in marriage, it would be unfair to expect anyone to look away and ignore this. After all, heavy girls (and boys) are not as physically attractive as their thinner counterparts, and we would be living in denial if we think otherwise.

    in reply to: Is 3 Cups of Coffee a Day Too Much? #803343

    Gedalya. I wasn’t trying to undermine the difficulty of my proposition. I did it myself after all.

    I intended for it to be an official “method” of getting rid of the coffee addiction. Seriously.

    The method is basically not to think about it too much. Don’t “relish” your last coffee and don’t “schedule” your last coffee either.

    As you read this you may decide that you will no longer have coffee from hereon. You shouldn’t wait for later today, or tomorrow, or next week. In fact, you won’t even “quit”. You will simply “not continue” to have more coffee. It’s really, truly, that simple.

    Again, this method won’t take your headaches away, nor will it eliminate your cravings. But it’s the only effective method that works – for me. And hopefully for you too.

    Hatzolocho Raba

    in reply to: Maaser #628191

    SJS: hope you don’t mind if I latch on to your thread with a few additional questions of my own, to wit:

    What kind of Tzedakah qualifies as Maaser?

    What about tuition for boys? For girls?

    What happens when you “buy” an Aliya or a seat in Shul? Aren’t you technically paying for a service or a product?

    Is buying coffee, for example, for a shul considered tzedoka? If yes, why? You may be performing the mitzva of Gemilas Chasodim, but is it “tzedoka”?

    in reply to: Is it the correct thing to have takanos for weddings? #623109

    I don’t understand the question.

    This is not a Takona per-se. They offer the takonas as guidelines for their community. The Rabbis postulate that they will not attend a simcha that doesn’t meet their criteria. I don’t believe that they’re attempting to impose their criteria on anyone.

    Whether they break their own Takona’s is a different matter entirely, and is not the subject of this thread.

    in reply to: Is 3 Cups of Coffee a Day Too Much? #803338

    Yes Gedalya. I have a simple eitza. Just stop. Period. You will have a miserable month or two and then you’ll forget all about it.

    No Chesbonos. No “quitting”. No “weaning off”. No buzzwords. None of that. Just stop. Do not take another coffee. Ever.

    Take it from someone who smoked rather heavily for 11 years. Last cigarette was Erev Yom Kippur 6 years ago, 2 minutes before the zman. Threw out the rest of the (almost full) pack and never looked back. I didn’t plan it. I just decided right then and there that this was my last cigarette.

    Good luck.

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634390

    zalmy. Thank you for your enlightening comments. I attempted to assert the same in the post entitled “Do we really mean it” but I haven’t seen a very enthusiastic response to my query.

    in reply to: Can’t Get Out of Bed in The Morning… #683520

    Intellegent. Your problem may be with your “quality” of sleep, rather than “quantity”. Good healthy sleepers need very few hours as they reach the adequate level of REM during sleep.

    I am not a sleep expert, but I also have a tendency to wake up extremely tired and I developed some helpful techniques for myself which may help you as well.

    Here are some ideas:

    * Exercise for 15 minutes every day. Break out in a sweat. Anything less than that and you’re not really exercising. Do not exercise within 3 hours of going to sleep;

    * Do not eat anything sweet after dinner. No candies, no apples.

    * Make sure your bed is solid. No squeaking and banging against the wall. Otherwise, when you turn in the middle of your sleep, you wake up for a split moment from the ruckus you make;

    * Try very hard to keep to a rigid sleep schedule. Even on Shabbos and Sunday. Go to sleep and wake up at approximately the same time every day;

    * Do not take a nap Shabbos afternoon for longer than 1/2 hour – and never late in the afternoon. Be up and about by 2:00 – 2:30;

    * Room should be dark and cool. Your A/C should work 365 days a year. Put it on fan or low cool;

    * Soft white noise. A/C will accomplish this;

    * Do not listen to loud music before going to sleep;

    I hope that some or all of the above will help you too. Good luck.

    in reply to: Do we really mean it? #621833

    Yussel. I don’t have a cheshbon hanfesh. That’s the whole point! I am as guilty as the others!

    Yussel. I ask you. Please tell me. Are we, or are we not, guilty of this?

    In accordance with Halachah and in accordance with Daas Torah (as you appear to like the over-usage of Hebrew words), are we allowed to be conversing on the internet right now. Yes or no? If your answer is yes, I have many more questions to ask you, such as what about Daas Torah; what about Bitul Torah; etc. etc. If the answer is no, then I ask you, my dear friend Yussel, what in the world are we doing here being oiver an Aveira Beferhesya?!

    Yussel. Please don’t take this in a personal way. But you appear to be the only one contending my point.

    in reply to: Share Cholent Recipes? #1038101

    Lawman. Does your recipe come out “hot” or just a very slight zing? Your recipe sounds intriguing.

    in reply to: Bar-B-Que #670916

    Thank you all. Please keep the comments coming. I’m learning a thing or two here…

    in reply to: Limiting Others #621809

    SJSinNYC: you did not ramble. A thick book could be written on this subject.

    in reply to: Share Cholent Recipes? #1038095

    Squeak. You’re funny.

    I may just try it though.

    in reply to: Dan Lecaff Zechus! #621715

    I’m sorry for offending anyone, but it WAS “terribly rude”.

    I appreciate the “Kovod” this woman was bestowing her ailing mother, but at whose expense? At the expense of the speaker? What about at the expense of the people sitting aroung them? Did anyone think of that?

    She had absolutely no shred of a right to do this unless she received permission from the speaker first, as well as permission from the people in her srroundings.

    in reply to: Share Cholent Recipes? #1038093

    I haver another suggestion for Kugel. My sister makes it this way and it’s absolutely delicious!

    Very simple. Make your Kugel mixture in the usual fashion. Pour the whole mixture (as it is – raw) into a 1 or 2 gallon plastic bag. Tie it on top and place the whole bag as is into your Cholent. Make sure to poke some holes with a fork on the TOP PORTION of the bag to let heat escape, otherwise the bag might blow up.

    The kugel will not come out nice and flat. But it will be oh-so delicious!

    p.s. I’ve never tried in a regular pot. We use a crock-pot.

    in reply to: Do we really mean it? #621830

    Dear Yussel. I appreciate your admonition. Guilty as charged. Now that we have established this and I pled guilty, let’s get this out of the way.

    Now, why don’t we tackle the actual subject of my post?

    Let me ask you a question. Were you posting this while at work? Assuming you work for someone, would you be posting it while your boss is standing next to you? If not, is it not Geneivah?

    Oh, I almost forgot to ask; does you Rav or Rebbe condone the use of internet wherein you so eloquently reproved me? Assuming they have no concerns on the use of internet, what about Bittul Torah? Do you believe you will be able to justify, after 120, why you were writing to LeiderLeider, instead of learning Torah?

    I am not here to give Mussar. Believe me that I’m the very last person qualified to give Mussar. The purpose of my post was to cajole us into thinking. Real thinking – not superficial thinking.

    Again. I appreciate your comments, indeed I may be wrong, but you have not addressed the message of my post.

    in reply to: Share Cholent Recipes? #1038092

    Dear smh1. It goes underneath it in a lower rack. Temperature should be just hot enough to keep it nice and toasty. You’ll have to experiment with your oven.

    I would be curious to hear the results. Try it this Shabbos!

    in reply to: Do we really mean it? #621825

    Joseph: your first comment is exactly the type of hyped statement I was referring to in my “diatribe”. Your second comment is well taken. I could have been more tactful – but then I suspect that my post would’ve gone relatively unnoticed.

    Intellegent: I was not necessarily referring to your comments. Tact and class is always a good idea. The problem is with comments such as the one made by Joseph that I shouldn’t have written this post because I’m lacking in “Dan L’Kaf Zchus”! This is exactly what I meant! People will take nice Hebrew-sounding words; they’ll grab a Posuk here and a shtikel Gemara there; and manage to suppress any thought provoking statements in one fell swoop.

    Gavra: You’re 100% right. It’s better to live a Jewish-albeit phony-life, then to go off the derech. I was not proposing that anyone CH”V go off the derech. I was proposing the exact opposite! I suggest we stop for a moment and THINK. Let’s do some introspection! Let’s think in plain English, or Yiddish, or whatever language, and really speak to ourselves and to Hashem. Let’s truly face our fallacies and recognize them as such.

    Nameless: Even if one is sincere, there’s still an element of embarrassment to hang your dirty laundry in public. I think, under the disguise of pseudonyms, we can air our innermost thoughts with incurring suicide of reputation.

    So guys and gals. What do you think? Are we ready to face our own music, or do we wish to continue trudging along?

    in reply to: Are we a “DIRTY” nation #988920

    I actually just started a different post; a bit of a confusing one, but it should wake up the “Oilem” as they say. I hope. I don’t see it appearing yet. I presume the moderators are reviewing it to determine if it meets their ethical standards.

    Yes. I agree. We should have a post concerning proper use of English – or any other language for that matter.

    If you start the post, I shall back you up! I promise. Don’t worry about improper grammar or misspellings. The point is not that we all have to be perfect. The point is that we should at least TRY to attain some level of perfection.

    in reply to: Share Cholent Recipes? #1038090

    guys guys guys!!!OVERNIGHT KUGEL!!

    After you finish baking your kugel in you usual method, leave it in the baking pan and you wrap the potato kugel very well in silver paper. Place a different pan of water underneath it and keep it in the hot oven from Thursday night through Shabbos afternoon (and yes, you can cheat some on Friday afternoon and evening).

    You shall bless me for this. I promise.

    in reply to: Dan Lecaff Zechus! #621712

    oomis1105. Bad example. It was terribly rude of these women to ensconce themselves in the front row with the intent of speaking and gesticulating during the speech. In the least they should have consulted with the speaker first to determine that if will not bother him.

    in reply to: Are we a “DIRTY” nation #988917

    Blue Shirt: Way to go! You de’ man!

    Spelling is important. Grammar is important. Irrespective of the language. Whether it be Yiddish, English, Cantonese, or Urdu. (pardon the fragments)

    If you walk, you should strive to walk straight. If you sing, you should strive to sing in tune. If you speak or write, YOU SHOULD STRIVE TO SPEAK AND WRITE PROPERLY! It is an abomination how some of us don’t CARE ENOUGH to attempt to speak and write properly. It drives me nuts!


    in reply to: definition of average #623330

    Squeak. Love your latest post! I appreciate your sense of humor. And yes, I agree with your message.

    We make normal what we want normal to be.

Viewing 49 posts - 101 through 149 (of 149 total)