Forum Replies Created
December 16, 2009 11:19 pm at 11:19 pm in reply to: Kosher Electric Shavers? #963316
Anybody know about the new Remington line 3130, 4130, 5130?December 16, 2009 6:03 pm at 6:03 pm in reply to: Low Profile #670211
In some ways, the idea of putting Menorahs everywhere maintains an image that Judaism is normal and popular. Just the same as advertising. Why does Coke constantly have to run ads when everybody already knows about the drink? They do it to keep drumming it into people’s heads that it is cool and popular and American and you are a nerd if you don’t drink it. You need to keep reminding people over and over that Coke is the thing.
Similarly, if people keep seeing a lot of Menorahs all over, they subconsciously get the message that Jews are a normal and cool people too, and just as American as everybody else. This may be very good for public school kids so they are not ashamed to maintain some Jewish identity which may eventually lead to their wanting to know more.
I thought it was a positive thing that for a number of years the most popular TV show was Seinfeld, just because he is openly Jewish. (Look, I am not saying I watched it, Mods.) It does mean there is a level of acceptance of Jewish people in the USA and this implies a decrease in anti-semitism. We are lucky to be living in a country which overall has been so kind to us.December 15, 2009 8:20 pm at 8:20 pm in reply to: Canker Sore #702225
Best solution is to take a multivitamin every day, or at least vitamin C, or drink a lot of OJ. You won’t get them any more.December 15, 2009 5:48 pm at 5:48 pm in reply to: Miscellaneous Electric Tips #781420
ICOT, thanks for all the detailed info. A few more questions for do-it-yourselfers:
These concern mechanical mounting issues:
1) If I want to install a reading light on the wall over my bed, where is it safe to put the screws? On one hand I have heard you can damage a beam if you screw into it. On the other hand, I don’t know what the walls are made out of. I assume it is sheetrock. Is that strong enough to hold the light without risk it will fall on my head? So is it better to screw into a beam or to davka avoid beams. In older houses, are the walls generally stronger or not?
2) Same question regarding installing a light in the ceiling. Should one put into beam, or avoid beam? What if it is a very heavy chandelier like Oomis’s friend wants her to put in? How do you properly support the weight?
3) Same question if one is installing bookshelf brackets into a wall which may hold heavy books? How do you support the weight?
Thanks again for your expertise.December 15, 2009 5:41 pm at 5:41 pm in reply to: Miscellaneous Electric Tips #781419
“Oy vavoy, I am SO ONLY calling an electrician for this!!!!”
Oomis, do you mean to say that if your best friend woke you up in the middle of the night and said please help me, I need you to install my new crystal chandelier right away which I just bought in Tiffany’s, because company is coming, you would not rush over at 3 AM? What kind of a friend are you?December 14, 2009 7:00 pm at 7:00 pm in reply to: Miscellaneous Electric Tips #781415
ICOT, how about providing some more info.
1) Is there a reliable color code for hot vs. neutral, or can it only be ascertained with a meter?
2) What is major difference between neutral and ground?
3) Can the electrical box be considered to be grounded? I.e., if no third wire, and there is a need to connect something to a reliable ground, will a connection to the box suffice? For example, when installing a 3-prong outlet where previously only an older 2-prong outlet existed, can one just assume the ground terminal will be grounded by virtue of a connnetion to the box?
4) If a line is rated at 15 amps, what is highest one can safely use continuously, i.e., for an air conditioner? I have heard up to 80% or 12 amps. Does the number on the circuit breaker always correspond with the actual gauge of the wire used?
5) In older houses, does the wiring ever fray and present a fire hazard over the years, or can one assume the insulation remains effective even after many years?
ThanksDecember 13, 2009 5:57 am at 5:57 am in reply to: Struggling With Mental Illness #834089
Happiest, I have a close relative with such an illness, and it can be very tough. The main thing is to keep after your doctor to find the best medicines for you. Sometimes they work well for a while, and then wear off. Also, do not be afraid to just rest as much as you need when you don’t feel well. Stay away from stress. Every day that you don’t need to be in a hospital is a successful day, and something to be thankful about. Hopefully with the right medicines, you will not need to be in a hospital at all, and will be able to function as well as everybody else. Never give up hope. As one doctor said, these illnesses are caused by a chemical imbalance, and nothing more, so there is nothing to be ashamed about. Correcting the imbalance is the doctor’s job, and once the right medicines and dosage are found, then one can be just as normal as everybody else.December 13, 2009 5:48 am at 5:48 am in reply to: School Unpleasantness #669616
First, I wanted to clarify that ther are exceptions when I say it is usually one or the other (chol or kodesh, but not both). For some reason, the girls schools that I know about more closely approach the ideal than the boys schools. Currently in the NY area I am aware of 3 girls schools that excel in both. TAG in Far Rockaway, Manhattan HS, and Bruriah in Elizabeth. I am most familiar with TAG, but I have heard very good things about the others.
Nevertheless while the above do prepare well for the state requirements, they are not what I would ideally desire which is allowing kids to actually do their own novel research. However, that requires advanced lab facilities and instructors which is very expensive. Also you can look at Stuyvesant High online course catalog and see what is possible with the right resources.
However, the boys schools are a different story.
Where I went to school is today considered modern, but back then, it had gedolei hador teaching kodesh (no exaggeration, they wrote more about 10 sefarim apiece on shas). It also had a rock solid secular pgm, and kids got into Ivy League schools regularly. They had rigorous chem and physics lab components in their courses. It did not have advanced research, but otherwise was excellent all around. The only drawback is that it is and was coed (although the limudei kodesh was completely separate.)December 10, 2009 10:59 pm at 10:59 pm in reply to: School Unpleasantness #669610
ICOT, I appreciate your thought out responses to my post. I happen to have an advanced degree in science so I am a bit biased about the importance of science. But, in general, as you acknowledge, science has improved our lives immensely, and as others have noted, it can bring one to a feeling of Ahavas Hashem. There is nothing like trying to develop new insights in an area which may benefit people who suffer from certain illnesses. The chochma of the human body is beyond any description. There are zillions of cells, and each has zillions of molecules and each has many atoms, and they are all put together in a way that everything must fit perfectly, and one error can cause major catastrophe. We don’t fully understand the fundamental forces which all of these components exert on each other and cause everything to work right. And we don’t even know the structure and mechanism of many of the proteins that perform so many essential tasks.
This is why I say science is a wide open field. The potential for innovation is so vast, nobody will ever have to worry that there is nothing left to discover. (Although any discovery takes huge effort and siyata deshmaya.) I feel kids must have the most advanced education possible.
I agree with Anonymrs that it is essential to have a good Kodesh and Chol education. However, the sad fact is that it usually is one or the other. This causes me no end of aggravation. I also agree that kids should learn all different subjects so they can choose for themselves what interests them the most and see where their talents lie. This includes art and music as well, as some kids may be gifted in those areas.
BTW, not all literature is bad, and much is inspiring and is about the goodness of the world and the people that inhabit it.
EDITEDDecember 9, 2009 8:09 pm at 8:09 pm in reply to: School Unpleasantness #669598
ICOT, in this world, and in the near future, science and math will be the most essential to make a parnasa. For years people relied on the stock market and thought it was a magic faucet which rained down money. Now they realize that many of the big players are out of work, simply because it is no different than betting on horses. What value have all these people in the market added? Very little, at the end of the day. They probably helped some new companies get started by buying a percentage of newly issued stock, and assisting with IPO’s, but most is pure betting.
Think about it: when a farmer plants seeds that cost 1 dollar and after hard work, he can sell produce for 100 dollars, he has created wealth. He has added value to the seeds, and can rightfully claim a portion. The baker who buys his wheat, and bakes a cake, has also added value, and can claim a portion. This is how moey is made. Or in manufacturing, a scientist figures out a new principle or way to cure a disease. he sells to a drug company, the drug company buys raw ingredients and chemicals, and uses these to make medicine. This is the way you make money, by creating products from less expensive raw ingredients. The scientists and engineers and those who work in the actual production chain are really the backbone of any company.
All these people who think they need not learn technical details, and will just finagle and wheel and deal in what others have invented or created are finding out in today’s economy it just doesn’t cut it. This is why so many of these types are ending up behind bars. Madoff knew there really isn’t magic money in the market, and the only way to get rich quick is to commit fraud.
Because of foreign competition profits are razor thin. The only way to make money is to constantly innovate. Heard from Dr. Judah Folkman A”H that in medicine, there are about 25,000 known diseases. We can cure a few hundred and manage a few hundred more. That leaves about 24,000 with no know cure. If you can cure one, you will have performed great chesed, and also will get paid well.
In Sderot, if you could find a way to shoot down missiles before they land, and blow up the terrorists automatically, you will also have done a great deed, and can make a mint on your anti-terrorism system. In the USA, if you can develop a really workable and cost-effective solar energy system, you will make a ton, and will also reduce the Arabs control over the oil economy and their influence over the world.
All these things require tons of advanced math and science. There are many science jobs out there for people with the right training. In Yeshivas we usually ignore these subjects more than all the others. That is the worst mistake we can make. Algebra, geometry, trig, calc are the aleph bais of the world of advanced technology. Bio, chem and physics will be the most valuable subjects in the future. Kids also need grounding in English as you mention, since companies don’t like to hire illiterate and sloppy people. Social studies is important in understanding how govt works and the history of conflicts between nations and how the economic and legal systems that we use have developed.
When you work for a corporation as an accountant, that is an important skill and service. But that is really indirect as far as the company goes. If you can develop a way for them to make a new product, or make an old one much cheaper, that is how they make their money to pay the accountants. They value this much more, since that is their oxygen. They can’t survive if another company comes out with a better or cheaper product, but they can survive if their accountant leaves, since they can just hire a different one who will do the same thing.
Chiddush is the most important thing, and that requires technology. All the other roles are secondary and replaceable. I am not trying to insult accountants or any other profession, chas vshalom, as the world needs them all, and people have different talents. There are many brilliant accounting experts in the frum world. I am just saying that one’s best chance today is to try to be able to innovate because any fixed, repetitive skill can become obsolete or replaced by other humans or even computers.December 8, 2009 8:24 pm at 8:24 pm in reply to: School Unpleasantness #669582
Gavra: In the five towns, some of the kids go to a superb summer program at Stony Brook University run by a frum husband and wife team of professors where they get a chance to do real top-notch research. However, this is far away from where most of the frum kids live, and also is in a coed environment which some parents may object to. I am not at all sure that even places like DRS or SKA have their own facilities for it. If there were programs like this offered in-house within the Yeshiva high schools, it would be unbelievable. I realize it costs a lot of money, but this is the best investment the community can make for the future.
BTW, not all science projects are expensive, and one can learn a tremendous amount on a tight budget, if you only have a knowledgeable teacher.
In general, I think the girls HS have better Chol programs than the boys do. However, they still merely try to meet Regents standards except for the AP classes. The Regents have been terribly watered down lately in the Sciences and are almost worthless. I have noticed that the Math Regents have not been watered down, though, and have actually added some new topics that were not there when I was in school, such as probability, and rotations/reflections, etc.December 8, 2009 2:33 pm at 2:33 pm in reply to: School Unpleasantness #669579
I am talking about regular chem, physics and bio on an advanced level. Same with advanced math and computer programming.December 7, 2009 10:22 pm at 10:22 pm in reply to: School Unpleasantness #669577
One thing to be aware of is that if you are planning to send your kid to a competitive college, it looks very bad to switch schools in the middle of HS. It is urgent to make the best decision before 9th grade so that he will be able to stick it out.
My personal gripe is that I have yet to see a single school with top notch Kodesh and top notch Chol departments. Most Chareidi schools make a joke out of English, either by ending school so late that there is no time or energy left to do any serious studying of Chol, or by denigrating it outright, or by hiring Rebbes to teach Chol subjects which they are not prepared to do, and also by not having adequate lab facilities for basic knowledge of a subject, let alone advanced research.
Last Shabbos I saw on the wall of a child who goes to a modern school a 10th grade chem test in which he did well, and one question said, this is from last lab. Also the name of the teacher was Dr. So-and-so. I wryly commented to my wife, in my kid’s school the teacher’s name would have been exactly the same except he would have been Rabbi So-and-so. I am so aggravated it is beyond words. We let talented kids emerge completely behind their modern counterparts in Chol. And let alone behind kids coming from schools like Stuyvesant HS which have online course catalogs that make one weep. We are literally creating the next generation who will not be able to make a parnasa in this high tech world.
And BTW, high-tech does not mean owning an Ipod or Iphone, any more than owning a car makes one an expert in mechanical engineering. Most kids haven’t a clue what goes into their gadgets or how they work. Most cannot build even the simplest circuit beyond a battery and lightbulb, or the simplest chemical reaction beyond vinegar and baking soda.
EDITEDDecember 2, 2009 12:10 am at 12:10 am in reply to: Choosing a Seminary #852783
Maybe somebody could post a spreadsheet type of list so we could all compare them point by point. Like consumer magazines do when they rate products.
Which serve 3 meals a day? Which can you stay for Shabbos. Which neighborhoods are they located?
When you think about it, the bottom line is that the only important thing you will learn there is to be a kind person. Does it really matter how many prakim or meforshim a girl learns? Can this quality of kindness be learned outside a sem just as well? The only other valuable thing is to learn everyday halachos well.
The only ones who need a real academic type with rigorous exams and reports are those who want to be teachers or go into an academic career. Also if a girl wants to understand the intellectual underpinnings of yiddishkeit for her own curiosity, that is a reason to, as well. However, if you go to a place where they don’t allow questions, then what is the point?
In some ways, does it matter where you go, or if you go?
ROB: Thanks. I was going to post:
1) By Yosef–Chazal of Laasos Melachto
2) By Reb Amram (in Kiddushin?)–Nura bei Amram. He singlehandedly carried a ladder that took 4 men to carry in order to visit certain immoral women, and only saved himself at last moment by crying “Fire!”.
3) Rava in gemara Sukkah–said about himself he would have been nichshal where a simple Jew was not (on a friendly walk with a woman). Abaye told him not to feel bad, kol hagodol meichaveiro yitzro gedolah heimenu.
4) A story about Rebbe Akiva where the malachim told the satan, Hizaher b’Rebbe Akiva vtoroso, as he was about to be nichshal.
5) Dovod Hamelech–Vayar isha rochetzes.
Many many others.
ThinkingJew: If Yaakov Avinu and Yehuda had no yetzer hara, they would not be Yaakov Avinu and Yehuda, rather they would be metallic robots. They had the same yetzer hara we all do, and this doesn’t take away from their gadlus a ki hu zeh. One works his entire life on not falling into the trap of the yetzer hara.November 23, 2009 9:06 pm at 9:06 pm in reply to: How To Clean Velvet Kippot? #668684
This is such a simple question. Give it to your wife to wash it.November 12, 2009 8:52 pm at 8:52 pm in reply to: Mazel Tov! #1223264
Mazel tov to all. Mazel Tov to LGBG on new baby.November 12, 2009 7:15 pm at 7:15 pm in reply to: Debate Lakewood VS Chovevei Torah #667760
Bemused, my point is not whether or not there are gezeiros we don’t understand. My point is that if one decides it is morally OK for one to kill based on the teachings of a holy book, that must carry across the board to the holy books of all religions and give them license to kill, as well. The Crusaders were hence justified in killing Jews, if their holy books say one must die for rejecting Jesus.
One can say I will keep kashrus although I don’t understand, because it is a gezeira. But when one is dealing with killing other humans, one better make sure 100% that he does understand what he is doing and the justification for doing so.
When you hear of a suicide bombing, do you instinctively say these were righteous, religious people who meant well and were dedicated to serving G-d even to the point of giving up their lives for Him, or do you say these were reshaim, scum of the earth who would even kill women and children with no human feelings of mercy? I personally do the latter.November 12, 2009 6:22 pm at 6:22 pm in reply to: Debate Lakewood VS Chovevei Torah #667758
1) The way to tell if a movement is Orthodox is simply whether they follow Shulchan Oruch and the Rambam’s Thirteen Articles of Faith.
2) Rav Bamberger, the godol hador at the time of Rav Hirsch, was against the Austrit (secession movement), and felt there was nothing wrong with having a unified kehillah along with the Reform.
3) I don’t know which movement is more anti-zionist, Lakewood or YCT. Instead of debating why not become comrades in arms.
EDITEDNovember 11, 2009 8:22 pm at 8:22 pm in reply to: 100% Solution to Shidduch Crisis–Goral #667641
Lgbg: I don’t remember reading your post on that subject. But anyway, how is married life treating you?
Rabbosai, please let’s not get into a big fight here so they will close the thread. Say whatever you want, but be civil.November 11, 2009 8:20 pm at 8:20 pm in reply to: 100% Solution to Shidduch Crisis–Goral #667640
Here is a paradox:
According to the age-gap theory, we could completely solve the problem by simply telling girls to wait until 22 to start dating, the same age as the boys. Presto, the playing field is now level. For every girl there is one boy. So to maximize the girls’ chances, they should start dating later.
However, if it were your daughter, you would tell her to start dating as early as possible to maximize her chances, and not to wait. This gives her a few more years to find a guy while she is still young. She can get quite a few dates in during those years from 19-22.
How do you explain the contradiction? The answer seems to be that everybody knows that to really be fair to everybody, the girls would need to wait. However, because they care more about their own personal situation, each wants to jump in as soon as possible, although that will actually cause some to be left out. Each one acts thinking it won’t be me who is left out, so why should I wait….November 11, 2009 12:51 am at 12:51 am in reply to: 100% Solution to Shidduch Crisis–Goral #667612
Mod42, Thanks for the hesber on the frum dating sites. As far as the math goes it is very tricky, and every time I think about it, I get dizzy. What we know is that biologically there are the same number of men and women in every age bracket until retirement years.
The tricky part is that AZ’s claim is that each younger bracket is slightly bigger than the next older bracket because frum families have lots of children and this causes population growth. So in some town, in the 20-25 bracket there may be 105 men and 105 women, while in the 25-30 bracket there may be 100 men and 100 women. Now because guys like younger girls, the 100 guys in the 25-30 bracket may swoop down and take 100 girls in the 20-25 bracket, leaving 5 of these younger girls with no men. These remaining girls then get older and have less and less chance of finding guys.
It is very confusing because sof kol sof there are the same numbers of each in each bracket at any time, so it basically boils down to a preference issue, not an actual physical shortage of people. In theory I guess it is no different than guys wanting a very rich girl, or a girl wanting a very successful guy. I don’t think you can really argue that it is anything more than a preference, such as preferring thin or good looking or tall or short or what have you. It is not a physical shortage.
Also, wouldn’t the guys from two brackets ahead (say 30-35) swoop down and take the 5 remaining 20-25 yr old girls and claim a major prize. (Like the old joke goes, my wife just turned 50, so I traded her in for two 25 yr olds.) So I literally get dizzy every time I try to evaluate the merits of AZ’s claim.
But my goral system would theoretically be immune from this since there must be the same numbers of singles. The only thing it could not do is to create guys in the 20-25 year old bracket because they may not be going out, and they would not enter. This may create an imbalance in the total number of available singles.
One thing to keep in mind is that by the non-Jews, it seems they are always having trouble getting women to attend singles events, so they always host ladies nite at bars and ballgames where they go for free to get them to show up. Non-jews also like younger women, so that is a bit of a kashya on AZ.
Another thing to find out would be how many of each gender show up at the usual frum single’s shabbatons and get-togethers. That ought to be representative of the number of available men, as well. I don’t think they are swamped with women only, but I could be wrong.November 10, 2009 10:18 pm at 10:18 pm in reply to: 100% Solution to Shidduch Crisis–Goral #667606
Anon, I am saying that if the singles want, this system can be set up. If they don’t want, then in effect they are saying they would rather take their chances with the current system.
Cherrybim, I don’t think we should discourage people from wishing for the best, if there is any possibility. I think most people who go out want to see if there is a genuine kesher and they have a good time being with them and look forward to the next time. However, if a guy decides that although he is having a good time with a certain girl, but maybe the next one will have more money, that is pure rishus.November 10, 2009 9:35 pm at 9:35 pm in reply to: 100% Solution to Shidduch Crisis–Goral #667603
AnonForThis, one thing this idea will clarify, though, whether or not it is ever put into practice, is that if the singles themselves would rather remain single for an unspecified amount of time, rather than using a solution that would guarantee them a spouse of some kind immediately, is whether there is a crisis at all. If singles elect to remain single by choice, can that be classified as a crisis? If the guys are looking for girls too young for them, and girls are looking for someone just right whom they are very attracted to, then what can the rest of us possibly do to help?
Also, recall the gemara of tav lmeitav tan du which asserts that in at least some women’s minds, it is better to be married to anyone at all than to be all alone.November 10, 2009 7:00 pm at 7:00 pm in reply to: 100% Solution to Shidduch Crisis–Goral #667600
Telegrok, that is a beautiful story. It shows exactly my point, that people can get to know the true person and make it work, even if it seems way off at first. I had a similar experience with my wife, as well, who at first wouldn’t even consider a half hour date.
BTW, I heard from my High School Menahel about a story where a guy was at a party and someone pointed out a certain girl for this guy in the room. The guy made the most annoyed face while pointing to the girl like who, her, are you out of your mind? Somebody took a picture of him gesturing. Now they have that picture framed on their living room wall and they live happily ever after.November 10, 2009 5:24 pm at 5:24 pm in reply to: 100% Solution to Shidduch Crisis–Goral #667592
HaifaGirl, thanks for kind words.
To address the complaints of others here that there are many undesirables, possibly there can be a multiple tier system. For example, if a person has an impeccable letter from a well-known person attesting to his or her character and fitness for marriage, and if furthermore a panel of shadchanim determines that his or her personal hygiene is A-1, he or she goes into Tier 1. If their appearance or hygiene is not A-1, they go into Tier 2. If their character is flawed and they are dangerous, they are unfortunately put into a nonmarriagable category. When I say appearance, I do not mean that one is a model or movie star, just dresses and carries themselves 100%. Of course once you do this, there will be people who demand that weight enters into the equation as well, as a criterion for determining one’s tier.
However, the more intervention there is, the more hurt feelings and the less it is a true goral.
Haifagirl, you have a good question about the money, but lmayseh, either way, a person needs to come up with money for his or her wedding or borrow it. If there is no financial pressure, people will back out, and the system will not work.
As far as those who say I am making fun of singles, chas vshalom that should be true. I feel their pain, and I know wonderful girls (and guys) who I grew up with who come from wonderful families and are attractive who for some reason never got married. Some people come across as shy, although they are great fun once you get to know them. It is to prevent perfectly good people from being stuck with nobody that I thought of this.
I recently read an article about a politician who wanted to save his county lots of money by consolidating all the school districts under the control of the county executive which would eliminate much duplication, but at the expense of towns losing control over their schools. He said, look, if they don’t want this, I fully understand, I guess they aren’t feeling enough pain (over the economy) yet. When they start feeling enough pain, they will give this proposal a second look.
It is hard not to have the joy of picking out your own bashert. However, possibly the pain of not getting married is far worse.November 10, 2009 5:08 pm at 5:08 pm in reply to: 100% Solution to Shidduch Crisis–Goral #667591
CantorEsq and PositiveAynayim, in that story, the RBSH deliberately withheld his hashgacha so the choices were random. However, in a goral lshem shomayim, he would operate the same way he operates in any other method of making shidduchim which are all min hashamayim. People use the goral HaGRA to make decisions sometimes, and it is not considered random.
AZ, as you well know, and which I have checked on population charts, the number of boys born each year exceeds the number of girls, and boys outnumber girls up until age 35, the crossover point, at which time the increased longevity of females begins to overtake the number of males. When I said senior age brackets have a shortage of available men, I meant in the elderly brackets, where nebech, many men have passed on. That has nothing to do with our discussion.
Since marriage is between one man and one woman, there are an equal number of single men and women at any time before 35. The only question is who is getting paired with who. Assuming population growth of a few percent per year, your hypothesis is that the men of a given generation choose from the bigger pool of younger girls, while the women who don’t get chosen are left without anybody. But keep in mind that at all times, the number of single men equals the number of single women. The men may just be pickier and think they can hold out for a younger girl. However, I think by age 30, many men realize that a 19 yr old fresh-out-of-seminary girl will not go for them so easily. The goral system says that if you are single, you will get paired at random with people in your 5 year age bracket. So for a man at age 30, he will automatically get paired with somebody who is in the 30-35 yr bracket, and this means he will llikely get someone older than him until he is 35, at which time all the people in his bracket are younger than him.
Anyway, please cite statistics of boys schools as well, so we can compare.November 10, 2009 1:57 am at 1:57 am in reply to: 100% Solution to Shidduch Crisis–Goral #667570
JAG and Jewess, I am not kidding, as it is no worse than any other solution that has so far been put forth, and this one can actually work, if people really want to end the crisis.
Jewess, I don’t know how things are from the female point of view, but apparently because there are so many laws such as yichud even for a few minutes, men are able to get attracted to just about anybody in short order. If it were very rare for people to be attracted, why the need for all these laws?
But the main point is that you have a choice. Keep looking for Mr. Perfect and run the risk that you’ll never get married or will marry after you are too old to have children, or decide that getting married is the most important thing to you, and you commmit to marrying whoever the RBSH picks for you.
Note that when they entered EY, the land was divided by goral. Ach bgoral teichalek haaretz.November 10, 2009 1:31 am at 1:31 am in reply to: 100% Solution to Shidduch Crisis–Goral #667563
AZ, I am proposing that this system starts at 30, (but no reason it can’t start at 25). I have no statistics on the number of singles of each gender for age brackets over 30. If you have, then please share. Note, suppose the number of single guys in the 30-35 age bracket works out to be equal to the number of single girls in the 25-30 age bracket. Then you may want to make the lottery to mix those brackets. However, that exacerbates the problem for the much older women. However, I think I read in the NY Times that for the very senior age bracket, there are many more times as many women as men, so no system can invent a solution if the men simply don’t exist.November 10, 2009 1:20 am at 1:20 am in reply to: 100% Solution to Shidduch Crisis–Goral #667561
Just to refine: In order to enter, a person puts down half the price of a wedding ($10,000, say). When you get married, that money is used for the wedding. If you back out, this nonrefundable money is used for poor chassanim or kallos, and you are permanently banned from entering the goral ever again.November 9, 2009 9:48 pm at 9:48 pm in reply to: Flatbush vs. Out of Town #667399
Having lived out of town for a number of years, there is much to be said about the warmth and achdus you’ll find in many places. The Lakewood Kollel would regularly bring avreichim to speak at the Young Israel, and vice versa, distinguished frum professors would speak at the Kollel. Each would walk a long way to the other one’s simchas. Nobody judged you by the way you dressed. The Kollel guys focused only on learning, and not on politics. Teachers of many different backgrounds taught in each of the schools, Chareidi, Chabad and Modern. You would be hard-pressed to look at any of the teachers and match them to the school they taught in.
I actually thought I was Chareidi myself. It was only once I began reading the Chareidi news sites that I realized there are some very unpleasant political views that I could not agree with.
Out of town there is no scene. Everybody is just a sincere individual yid and everybody greets everybody warmly.November 9, 2009 9:31 pm at 9:31 pm in reply to: How Long Have You Been Part of the YWN Coffee Room? #719242
I have been a member for 25 years now.November 6, 2009 3:38 pm at 3:38 pm in reply to: Ideas For Songs For Wedding Dance Music #666223
Why not use “Ay ay ay ay ay?”November 4, 2009 7:28 pm at 7:28 pm in reply to: WORLD SERIES: Yankees vs Phillys #666138
I once saw a young woman wearing a T-shirt which said “Jews for Jeter”.November 4, 2009 7:27 pm at 7:27 pm in reply to: WORLD SERIES: Yankees vs Phillys #666137
BTW just FYI, Cliff Lee goes to a Daf Yomi every day at 4:30 AM.November 4, 2009 6:36 pm at 6:36 pm in reply to: WORLD SERIES: Yankees vs Phillys #666135
Mod-42, Good question, but I meant they play so poorly, only a bracha can help. I never was a Phillies fan, but the arrogance of this Yankee team gets to me. Especially with A-Rod’s off-field shenanigans and breaking up of people’s marriages. I just find it hard to root for them.
I liked that pitcher Cliff Lee. He has such a fluid and powerful delivery. Ultra smooth and quite accurate. I was hoping they would pitch him on two days rest tonite. I guess they would be risking a bad performance if he is sore, and worse, he could injure or tear something and ruin his career. There is a possibility he may pitch in game 7, G-d willing.November 4, 2009 12:18 am at 12:18 am in reply to: WORLD SERIES: Yankees vs Phillys #666132
Maybe the manager ought to bench Jeter and Rodriguez.November 3, 2009 10:16 pm at 10:16 pm in reply to: WORLD SERIES: Yankees vs Phillys #666131
A chassidishe Rebbe ought to bench Jeter and Rodriguez.November 2, 2009 8:51 pm at 8:51 pm in reply to: Flatbush vs. Out of Town #667375
Heard from a friend: He was in Baltimore for a Shabbos, and some of his chaverim decided to make an early maariv minyan motzaei shabbos at a big shul. One of the baalei batim came over and said (jokingly) these guys come from out of town and try to tell us how to run the shul. My friend said, What do you mean, I’m from NY, you’re from out of town.November 1, 2009 9:28 pm at 9:28 pm in reply to: Mutar To Go To Mekubalim? #857412
I always wondered why mekubalim need donations from their customers. Can’t they just go out and buy a lottery ticket and foretell the winning numbers and support their yeshivos in grand style?October 30, 2009 4:37 pm at 4:37 pm in reply to: Question re: Ben Sorer U Moreh #664749
The inyan of having the same voice I have heard is that both his parents teach him the same values, and he doesn’t get mixed msgs. Because nobody is ever brought up under optimal conditions, it is only a hypothetical, and never happens. Drosh vkabel schar.
My main question is that it seems to take a pessimistic view that some people have no hope. I believe I heard in the name of the Baal Shem Tov that the worst aveira in the whole Torah is to think one is too big of a sinner to do tshuvah. So I am not sure how that fits here. I prefer the Baal Shem’s viewpoint.October 29, 2009 10:36 pm at 10:36 pm in reply to: Help With Eating Better #664796
My doctor put me on a strict Entenmann’s diet. Three meals a day of Entenmann’s.October 29, 2009 10:35 pm at 10:35 pm in reply to: The Post-Shidduch Crisis #668577
There is an old joke about a lady who meets her friend, and the friend asks her how her daughter is doing. She says, she is married to a very successful businessman. The friend says, I thought he was a doctor. The lady says, no, that was her first husband. The friend starts scratching her head and says, but wait, I seem to remember something about him being a wealthy lawyer. The lady says, that was the second husband. So the friend says, Wow, so much nachas from one daughter.October 29, 2009 9:33 pm at 9:33 pm in reply to: The Importance of Yiddish #666497
Sammy, the modern people call it Osevarf. The Sephardim call it Otevarf.October 29, 2009 7:59 pm at 7:59 pm in reply to: The Post-Shidduch Crisis #668572
If couples would remember the following rule, it would help. Every time you put a smile on the face of your spouse, give yourself a point. The one with the most points wins.
People need to be involved with their spouses interests. Even if it doesn’t interest you personally, if it interests your spouse, try to be a part of it in some way. This goes for their friends, family, hobbies, etc. When you ignore or turn up your nose at something that is dear to your spouse, you are setting yourself up for a big problem.
One further thing is that men need to learn that women are looking more for emotional closeness than physical closeness. Women need to learn that men will always be interested in physical appearance, etc. So both need to do what pleases the other. Initially, men worship their wives just by virtue of the fact that they are female. They will do anything for them. But as soon as a woman lets herself down and starts whining about something trivial, all the attraction can go down the drain in one minute, and can be lost for good. Women need to understand that men want to view them as goddesses. This means that women must appreciate the beauty Hashem has endowed her with. A man thinks that such amazing female beauty is mesmerizing. But women think of themselves as just humans like everyone else. If a woman might get upset over some trivial detail like her husband brought home the wrong color napkins, the man can’t figure it out. He thinks, she is a millionaire because of her natural gifts, and now she is worrying about a few cents? Why doesn’t she appreciate who she is and what she has that everybody thought she was the best looking girl in the country? She is acting like an immature spoiled child, and what happened to the fact I thought I was married to a godess? I was in an illusion. Once the magic goes out the window, the entire marriage may follow.
Women need to use their inborn beauty and kindness to advantage and keep the magic going their entire lives. They need to not fall into the trap of being human. As long as their husbands think they are godesses, they will do anything to please them. Of course the husband must be a baal midos, but he naturally will act his best if he is enthralled with his wife. When someone stops liking somebody, and you lecture him on trying to act like a baal midos, it often doesn’t work, since deep down he is unhappy with the person. Better to keep the magic of dating going your whole life.October 29, 2009 5:32 pm at 5:32 pm in reply to: WORLD SERIES: Yankees vs Phillys #666040
These arrogant Yankees were taught a good lesson last nite that they will remember for the rest of their lives.October 29, 2009 5:29 pm at 5:29 pm in reply to: The Importance of Yiddish #666495
One thing I will say about Yiddish is that no other language has a word like Oisvarf. I never knew exactly what it means, but it is my favorite word. Everybody should say Oisvarf three times a day.October 27, 2009 8:03 pm at 8:03 pm in reply to: Finding the Right Seminary #1101515
Was just kidding.October 27, 2009 7:01 pm at 7:01 pm in reply to: Finding the Right Seminary #1101513
The only proper way to rate a seminary is to look at the percentage of girls who get engaged within a month after returning. All the other info is meaningless.