I got haman tashin. Very weird. Anyone else?

There is Hollywood Hatters located at 6905 Melrose Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90038

Although they don’t specialize in frum hats, they do carry a handful them.

How was your pessach?

I heard that R’ Russel moved to Eretz Yisroel, so it would probably be a good idea for your son to go. If he isn’t willing to go, then maybe you and your husband can go and find out how to convince your son to go.

When a yeshiva bocher goes off the derech, he does not think, “Oh, the yeshivish system is too strict, maybe if I go otd, things will straighten out.” Obviously something traumatic happened to him and didn’t get the help he needed so badly. One would then try asking for help in different ways, i.e. breaking some boundaries, and going deeper and deeper in this downhill spiral r”l. He might not want to learn or keep mitzvos NOW, but after his depression and self esteem loosens up a bit, he will be more open for help.

write or wrong: I hope you get a lot of nachas from your son.

Did you stop posting things about your son?

Everyone has a rebellious nature, especially teens. Now what he’s doing, he himself is not happy about. Another point of why he’s rebelling, is he’s asking for help in a different way because he can’t bring himself to ask for help verbally, or because he doesn’t trust people (due to the abuse), but either way, when he rebels, he is expecting someone to ask him “What’s hurting you inside that’s making you to act the way you do?” or somthing to that effect. I think that was at the earlier stage of his rebelling, but now he feels he’s a lost case even though it’s not true.

WOW: I am very happy about the positive change in him!! I hope he keeps it up!!

Did the people he hangs out with also go to that school?

It’s not that he has anything against being religious, but he feels his life is empty due to the abuse has been getting, so he needs to fill that part up, therefore he rebels, and the easiest thing to rebel against is to what he was brought up with.

write or wrong: Whats going on with your son? You haven’t posted up anything lately regarding your son.

In my opinion, it is a very big step he is taking by seeing someone even if right now he isn’t making progress but the fact that he was willing to see someone is already progress.

By the way, I understand exactly what you and your son are going through, because i am a victim of being a ‘at risk’ because abuse.

Wow: about your second son, maybe he should go to another Yeshiva than what your first son went to, because the Rabeim will probably constantly be looking at your son to see if he does anything wrong, and when he does something wrong (do to the pressure), the punishment will probably be very harsh,(not fitting his actions he did).

Maybe you can try calling or Skype some Kiruv guys from Lakewood.

Isn’t it better than hanging out on the streets?

Im very happy to hear!! Tell me any other updates (Hopefully good ones)!!

How about taking him to a amusement park or something like that were he would enjoy himself, then asking him to express himself?

Maybe you can ask him to try out the Yeshiva for a week. Then you can get some of the OLDER Bochurim at the Yeshiva to become his friend and help him out, but make sure he doesn’t realize it. You can offer money to the OLDER Bochurim. You should probably do it through the Rosh Yeshiva.

aries2756: I don’t agree on him going to a Secular School, because the main influence is from friends. But I may be wrong.

I read the first few pages, and the last, and I think I have a similar situation happening to me right now.

I started out in the best Cheder, (I can’t say which one do to privacy purposes,) and I got through it well. In 6th, 7th and 8th grade I was from the top students from the whole school. But when I got into Yeshiva, that’s when the problems started. (Actually, when I think back, it started before I got to Yeshiva, but the main thing started after I got into Yeshiva.) I got made fun from the older bocharim, (which later I found out that they were also going through something). The truth is that at first I tried to be friends with them so they would stop, but they wouldn’t let me in there “group”. Already in the first month of Yeshiva I got depressed. But the depression only occurred because I didn’t believe in myself, or in other words, I didn’t have confidence. I tried to hide it from everyone including my parent’s, but they found out towards the end of the year.

That was all of 9th grade. In 10th grade I won’t go to too much detail, but I got a hang out type of guy, and I was deeply depressed. So I started watching movies and started doing other things.

I did all of this because of that “friend”, and now he left my Yeshiva, and I don’t want to do those things anymore, but it is hard to stop it yourself, and I don’t want to ask anyone for help because I feel everyone has neglected me.

Back to your son, I think it has nothing to do with laziness, but total depression. rite now, the only thing I am looking for is genuine love from anyone, I already got fake love and it feels terrible. So I think you should show GENUINE love to your son, and only compliment him on the good things he does even if it a little thing, never criticize him for anything he does, because that will just make him go further away from you, and want to rebel. You can make a deal with him and offer him a pack of Cigarettes just to show him that you are not doing things because you hate him, but to help him. And by giving him illegal things he will gain trust in you. Or you can listen to some of his music like someone suggested before.

And about kicking him out of the house, will just make things worse! Once you kick him out, he will for sure go off the derech!!

Hatzlacha Rabboh!!