🍫Syag Lchochma

Basic Colors doesn’t seem to have a web site Will have to call my bro.

No – her mother is looking for a specific brand. The as-close-to-$10-as-you-can-get brand. But personally I think that It is assur to wear shells since anything which is not tznius by itself should not be worn with a shell either. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I was cracking up from popa and Daas.

Itche – PLEASE watch your language! Even in texting.

oh – I thought you said POPA exonerates the Jews!!

You didn’t chase anyone, I desperately need the chizuk to walk away. What you wrote about the meetings is exactly why I end up back again, reading posts. A shiur would require sound and concentration beyond what the posts require. And my kids are on at night so I read over their shoulders. But when I find myself turning on the computer because I am putting off writing a long report, well. . . that’s what I don’t want to be doing. But I really did choose that name hoping it would deter me, and I told my kids my name to deter me further from being on more often than I would allow for them. (I try very hard to always practice what I preach to them, even when nobody but Hashem is looking).

I davened for syata dishmaya just this morning so consider yourself a shaliach for good!!

Bad move shticky – have you seen his ID!?!?!

If it’s not too late – ‘working on my emuna’

We used to laugh so hard at abbot and costello and the old time radio shows (my parents used to play them for us even though they were before my time). I showed my kids the ‘who’s on first’ clip but it wasn’t the same.

I’m someone who keeps telling myself I don’t have time for this. But then I am waiting for a page to load, or listening to a shiur, and here I am again. I’m also here to chaperon the teenagers 🙂

In general, if you watch different kids/people listening to loud noises you will see that there are huge differences between those who ‘don’t like’ noises, those who ‘can’t stand’ noises and those who ‘cannot tolerate’ noises. In those cases a picture is really worth a thousand words.

I had a friend tell me that her daughter didn’t like ‘things’ in her soup. I told her that lots of kids don’t. It wasn’t until many conversations later that she told me that by ‘not liking’ it she meant that her daughter would make her mother make soup in a separate pot and wash the ladle before using it to serve her her soup. Most stories are worth looking into before dismissing.

“get a life”

With all due respect, chayav, it’s very funny to hear that from you! 🙂

I give them something to eat and listen to them talk about their day.

Thank you so much for this thread. Until now I have had so much trouble understanding people walking out of their houses with their knees showing. Even coming to BY events, even wives of talmidei chachamim. I would get so offended and really blamed those who do it for ‘making it ‘okay’ and making it harder for my daughters not to. And somehow, reading about how you know its wrong but struggle with it, has made an impression on me. I am relieved to hear that it means something and that you are fighting it. I never experienced that type of fight so I always assumed (wrongly) that you just didn’t care. It has defused me and I respect your efforts. Please forgive me for my faulty thinking. The oddest thing is that I’m usually not judgmental, I will always look for another side to every story, but this has always been a difficult topic for me.

As for chizuk, I have to agree with everyone who said to throw it out QUICK while you are in the moment. I had to do that with my baggy sleeves that ‘pretty much cover your elbow as long as you don’t move’ (sounds familiar? Yes I know that it wouldn’t bother me so much in others if it wasn’t a personal issue) I kept saying I shouldn’t wear them anymore but I really don’t have anything else, blah blah blah. Then one day (circa 9/11) I just threw them out!! It was hard but quick and I was so proud. When summer came I had no choice but to buy myself new shirts.

Also, I don’t know if this will help you but it works for me. I say to myself (“self”) if you do this when you shouldn’t, everyone who sees you will feel that much more comfortable doing it too. Do you really want that on your cheshbon? This often works for me, the concept of not wanting to be a michshol to others is more powerful than helping myself.

Again, please forgive me and stay strong!

ckbshl – You apply because the little you were able to find out in the few weeks before the deadline sounded right. Now that a decision needs to be made you have to find out more about how good of a fit it really is. Sometimes a sem sounds great but you look at the girls coming out and see you have nothing in common with them, or vice versa.

That’s why I said ‘everyone’ instead of everyone.

popa – artchill meant that she said she found nothing but had she looked she would have. I don’t know what you think that means but I agree with everything he said 100%. When my son looks at an overflowing fridge and says there is nothing to eat, it really means, “I want something in specific and am rejecting all you are offering but would rather make it something YOU need to fix” I thank you artchill for answering and saving me from tantruming and totally giving myself away 🙂 Anyone who thought they had to go to NY to make a wedding, wanted to on some level and most people don’t. Most of us hadn’t considered it, didn’t find it necessary and are hurt when people say they HAD to.

I still think it would be hard to find kids who are willing to stand up in a court of law (physically!!) and testify. I find most kids are afraid to talk. And very often the parents cover up the situation (denial and heads in the sand, not to save the creep), more so even than the community would cover for the perp. And in the end nobody goes anywhere for a misdemeanor, which is what it is if there is only a certain level of touching. All that trauma to the kid (the investigation, not just the abuse) and I don’t think the molester even makes it to the SO database.

I find it hard to post in general and on this topic in specific. But as a molestation victim I have to say that I agree with the theory of mining in New Zealand. There are some incorrect messages out there though. The molestation happening in some dorms and houses between boys may have a lot to do with hormones and lack of outlet (although I don’t know if I would give the latter too much credit). That was the circumstances under which I sufferred. And those boys have some serious problems of their own. But the men out there who are molesting boys are NOT doing it because the are gay and have nowhere else to turn. Pedophiles are addicts and in a league of their own. They are ill and they are dangerous. And chasing them out of the city means chasing them into a city. They need to stay under careful watch of everyone around them who should know that they are not to use the mikva-os or shul bathrooms etc. Let them eat by the Rav, but not when single moms are there with their kids who now think these men are friends. Personally, I would rather they get hit by cars and die, but I do think they need to be watched, and not chased. Also, I remember telling my mother and she did nothing. Many of my friends did likewise. But I MUST say, that years and years later, when I play back the words I gave my mother as a VERY young child, it was something like this,”I really don’t like when X comes over” “Don’t let X come over because he bothers me” I even think she asked me if he did anything bad and I was too scared to tell the truth and said no. But in my mind she should have known.And please don’t put my mother on the firing line. I spoke to her many years later and cleared up the issue. We talked about many of her friends who also got vague types of ‘reports’ at a time when people just wouldn’t have an inkling that this was going on. And if she believed me, and if she somehow got me to testify against this person, I have to tell you that by law it would have been nothing more than a misdemeanor. I am NOT defending anyone here, I just think people should understand how complicating this is, how careful we need to be to listen to the most subtle of messages.

And what I will forever have charata for is the following story. After years of my own abuse I had a close friend who was not very careful of nivul peh in general. When the name of a certain Rav was mentioned he would always say (with a laugh), “Oh that’s the one that grabbed for my crotch”. And do you know what I used to say? I used to say, “Shut up. You are such a jerk. Will you stop talking like that in front of me”. He would laugh again, seemingly at his own joke. If he was still alive I would apologize for not listening harder.