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chalva/halva milchig chocolate
correction to title: shape of the earth
if the world is round why aren’t the people on the other side upside down?
Used to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister. The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting older, the house was too small and they’d have to move.
“It’s no use.” Robbie said, “She’s crawling good now and she’d probably just follow us.”
When a new child visited our Sunday school, the teacher greeted him and asked his age. The little boy held up four fingers.
“Oh, you’re 4,” said the teacher. “And when will you be 5?”
The child stared at her and after a few seconds replied, “When I hold up the other finger.”
The parents in our cycling group were discussing the subject of teenagers and their appetites. Most agreed that teenagers would eat anything, anywhere and at any time. Some were concerned that such appetites always made it hard to judge when you should feed them because they were always grazing.
A veteran parent of six told us of his method for judging the true hunger of teenagers.
“I would hold up a piece of cold, cooked broccoli, and if they were jumping and snapping at it, I figured they were hungry enough to be fed.”
“Now Japanese mobile operators (companies) are taking phone sound systems to the next level with stereo-quality songs that can be fully downloaded and edited, as well as surround-sound systems that trick users into hearing a bell ringing behind them or a ball whizzing by.”
What a genius idea: you hear your cell phone ringing, but can’t tell where the sound is coming from.
One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter’s indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department.
“We don’t do that anymore,” the woman dispatcher said. When I persisted, she was polite but firm. “The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough.”
“How do you know that,” I asked.
“Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree,” she said.
Two hours later the cat was back, looking for breakfast.
As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, “All right! All you dummies fall out.”
As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.
The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ’em, huh sir?”
The 12-year-old boy stood patiently beside the clock counter while the store clerk waited on all of the adult customers. Finally he got around to the youngster, who made his purchase and hurried out to the curb, where his father was impatiently waiting in his car.
“What took you so long son?” he asked.
“The man waited on everybody in the store before me,” the boy replied. “But I got even.”
“I wound up and set all the alarm clocks while I was waiting,” the youngster explained happily. “It’s going to be a mighty noisy place at eight o’clock.”
A 3-year-old was diligently pounding away on her father’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
“What’s it about?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” she replied, “I can’t read.”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side
Peter, a well known anti-Semite, walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy close by with kippa, tzitzis, and payos. He doesn’t have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish. So Peter shouts over to the bartender so everyone can hear, “Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for that guy over there,” pointing to the Jewish guy.
Soon after the drinks have been handed out, Peter notices that the Jewish guy is smiling, and calls to Peter and says, “Thank you.” This infuriates him and in a loud voice, he once again orders drinks for everyone except the Jewish guy. But as before, this does not seem to worry the Jewish guy who continues to smile, and again says, “Thank you.”
So Peter says to the barman, “What’s the matter with that guy over there? I’ve ordered two rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar except that guy, and all he does is smile and thank me. Is something wrong with him or something?”
“Not at all,” replies the barman. “He’s the owner.”