Dear YW Editor,
Recently, a woman called me to inquire about a close friend of mine as a prospective shidduch for her son. Expecting the typical questions, I was shocked to hear her ask me the following, “What animal does the girl remind you of?” Thinking this was a joke, I paused for her to start with the usual questions, but no, she was serious – she wanted an answer. The next question was even more absurd, “Can you please list me all of her chisronos?
Various thoughts were racing through my head, as I still tried to digest the “questions” that were posed to me just minutes before. Resisting the urge to say anything else, I just politely finished the conversation and hung up the phone.
After I calmed down somewhat, I put pen to paper, as I tried to express my thoughts:
Dear Mother, the first thing I should have told you is what animal YOU remind me of! The audacity to ask such a question!! Is this what the shidduch parshah has come to? Am I, along with all of my single friends, considered an “ANIMAL”, instead of the fine Yiddishe girl that I really am. Whatever happened to all that which we were taught in school – that every person, let alone a fine Jewish Bais Yaakov girl, has a tzelem elokim, and should never be compared to an animal?! Have we gotten carried away in our quest for that ideal “shidduch” – that “perfect” girl?! What happened to the ordinary questions about middos and tznius? Has the shidduch parshah become just one massive “auction” where people-or should I say animals – are put up “for sale”?
At all of my friends’ chasunahs that I attend, this is exactly how I feel – like someone (or something) that’s available for sale. It’s not enough that my friend is getting married, and I am standing on the side, while my heart is aching, because I’m still waiting for the “right one”. I also have to deal with all those women staring at me with their eyes piercing my back with every step that I take. I have to look and act “just so”, because there are women scrutinizing my every move as if I am worthless. Why shouldn’t we deserve the same respect that all of our married friends get?! The shidduch parshah is hard enough for us as it is, so why do women and people in general, have to make it harder for us with their looks, comments, and or advice?
Everyone wonders today why we have the so-called “shidduch crisis”. If this is what my friends are called – ANIMALS, then I’ve got my answer.
So dear mother, I would like to inform you that my friend is better off NOT marrying your son. My friend is a person. A human being. She’s a wonderful girl, a baalas chesed, with beautiful middos, and she is someone who I feel privileged to be friends with. My friend is NOT an animal! Yes, she does have chisronos, but guess what? Your son does too!!
A very hurt Single.