Out Of The Mailbag: (The Other side of the Mechitza)

49

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yw logo27.jpgA little while ago I went to a wedding – the first one that I have been to since my own. I am not quite sure when the chuppah was called for, but my wife told me to be ready by seven.

When six forty-five came around, and I was just starting to do the shaving thing while at the same time deciding what to wear. This was really my wife’s chasuna – it was a friend of hers that was getting married – and I figured that there wouldn’t really be anyone there that I knew, so why wear that fancy tie that I got as a chasuna present? After ‘handleing’ whether I should wear my Shabbos suit or the suit that I wore for my own chasuna, I proceeded to shine my shoes – my weekday ones, mind you.

It was seven fifteen when we actually got to the hall. My wife immediately made her way to where the kallah was and started schmoozing with friends.  So there I was, standing in the middle of this big, fancy hall, quite unsure of what to do with myself. Well, at least they had food  – good food at that (they did use the same caterer as I had by my wedding – so at least I know that the food by my wedding [of which I ate none, save for a pickle and some potatoes afterwards] was at least half decent).

I then made my way over to the chassan’s tisch where there were a few people gathered around. The chassan was a shtickel aloof – in a good way – sort of looking around with a very smiley, spaced out expression on his face (now that I think of it, I probably didn’t look too much different when I was in the same shoes). It turns out that my chavrusa is good friends with the chassan, but since he is now in Eretz Yisroel, I decided that the least that I could do, since I was there already, was to be mesameach chassan v’kallah in my chavrusa’s place.

So still not knowing anyone there, I went through all the motions – smiling (I have a good dentist), singing (oh, so that’s why the windows shattered), and clapping (that explains the looks that the drummer was giving me – oh, wait, there was no drummer) along with everyone else.

The chuppah was very, very laid back (I would even venture as far as to call it ‘chilled’ as they say), with the chassan looking around, smiling, and waving to people – it looked like he was having a ball. It was mamish beautiful – the atmosphere was so serene as everyone walked down the aisle.

As the newlywed couple walked into the yichud room, I felt a little bad – there did not seem to be too much of a ‘chevra’ there. It was not like there were not so many guests – it was a big hall with lots of tables.

Just before the meal started, I saw my wife – the first familiar face that I had seen in a while – and she told me that it was the same on the ladies side. Until that point, even though I was going through the motions, I wasn’t really putting all of my koiach into it, for the simple reason that I had kimat no kesher to anyone there. I decided then and there that I would put myself into anyway – dance my kishkes out – and asked my wife to do the same. I could just imagine what my wedding would have been like (B”H, while not too many people came to my wedding – the ones who did come really came – it’s the quality, not the quantity that matters) had not so many people been into it – how much I would have appreciated it if someone who I bechlal did not know would have come and danced with all his koiach.

Anyway, I was about to seat myself at the bachur table when I realized that I was no longer a bachur – I had a place card just for me – it even said ‘Rabbi’ in the title (I keep on forgetting that everyone in Lakewood automatically gets simcha when they get married). I was to sit at table number 34, which I quickly located, because it was the only table that was empty, save for one person. So there I was, sitting at this table with one other guy – the only reason that he was there was because his wife had schlepped him – he was doing everything short of counting down the minutes until the end of the first dance, which led me to look at my watch, for I had made up to leave with my wife at 10ish, and it was already a quarter two and the first dance had not even begun. I would have taken photos of the gedolim who were there, were in not for the fact that I did not have my camera on me (yes, that’s right – I did not have it – my wife talked me into leaving it behind and actually enjoying myself for once – not that I don’t when I do have my camera, but you know what I mean.)

A little while later, the choson and kallah were introduced and came running out to their respective sides of the mechitza, though there was a noticeable lack of pomp. It seemed like a lot of the guests had no interest in being there, and out of the ones who did, few of them were getting in to it. It would be to harsh to say that it hurt me to see what was happening, because the chassan seemed very happy – and that is really what mattered. It simply bothered me how people were just dancing, almost lamely, around in the circle a few time just to be yotzei, and then leaving the dance floor to talk on their mobile phone, play with their blackberries or whatnots, or stam sit there and schmooze.

I can understand it if there is a Rav or talmid chacham present who is not capable of dancing so hard who sits down to learn a bit – but to sit there with all that simcha in the air and not get caught up in it? That I do not understand. Anyway, after the first dance, I headed out to complete the seemingly impossible task of extricating my wife from the other side of the mechitza. Be that as it may, my wife and I ended up leaving half an hour later than we planned to, soaked body and soul with pure simcha.

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NOTE: Yeshivaworld welcomes your “Out Of The Mailbag” letters & comments. Letters may be edited or shortened for clarity. Submit all letters by clicking HERE – titled “Mailbag”.

The views expressed in this column reflect the opinions of the individual writers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Yeshiva World News LLC. These individual opinions are also in no way meant as a P’sak Halacha or Hashkafa. As with all matters, be sure to consult with a Rov with all questions.


49 COMMENTS

  1. Tizku Lemitzvos. May you be zoche to lots of simchah in your life. It’s nice to see that there are still some people thinking of others feelings even when it’s difficult.

  2. This is totally incoherent. Please spend less time picking out a tie and more time learning english. I get the vague feeling that you are trying to make a point, and that point probably involves you being a good person, but I cant figure anything out past that.

  3. Rabbi Reisman call these weddings of your spouses friends, “Nichsei Melug weddings”.

    In any case, you are right that it is better to not go to these weddings, than to go and sit around lamely and eat and not be mesameach the chosson (or the Kallah). Chazal even held this way as is well known, “Kol Hanehene M’Seudas Chosson V’Kallah V’Eino M’Samcho Over B’Chamisha Kolos…”

  4. What exactly is your point? (Maybe if I put it in parenthesis like half of your letter you will “really” understand my question?)

    And who cares if you were shaving at 6:45 and if you shaved for your wedding too? If you have a point, (which I’m not sure you do) try to get to it before most people lose interest in your life story.

    And finally, if you were so concerned about noone dancing and the simchas choson v’kallah being so affected by it, why would you “extricate” your wife and leave after only the first dance?!?

  5. to #3
    please write with respect to your fellow jew even if we dont know who u r .
    Btw he is very coherent & i got his point.
    Thank u to the letter writer, i agree with u.

  6. We all agree that maybe the letter isn’t so eloquently written. But the point is understood.
    A different approach would be – forget the fancy hall – take a small hall. Make a small wedding only for the people who are close to you and are happy to be there. The Chasuna will be a lot more B’Simcha. Cozier place and most people participating in the friend’s Simcha. Try it. It works. The smaller the chasuna, the simpler the chasuna – the more Simcha.

  7. confused #3
    The person who wrote the article just wanted to convey his feelings and express to everyone out there that everyone should try their hardest to be mesameach chattan vekalah.
    How many times do we go to a wedding just because we have to, and just dance for a few minutes just to be yotzei. I know I do… now I may rethink that.

    As for your comments, im a bit confused myself. Firstly, while it is preferable to write properly, if a person doesnt know how to does that mean he cannot ever write anything? Secondly, it was very clear to me what his point was. No it was not him being a good person.
    On the other hand, as far as your comment, were you trying to make a point? Because if you were I missed it. Didnt you ever learn if you dont have something nice to say dont say it.

  8. I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY VERY CLEARLY , THAT I THINK SOME PEOPLE NEED SOME SERIOUS HASHKAFAH LESSONS.
    AFTER READING COMMENTS 1-3 I RESPONDED THINKING MISTAKENLY THAT COMMENT #3 WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO DIDNT UNDERSTAND THE POINT. BOY WAS I WRONG.

    IF YOU DONT GET THE POINT DONT COMMENT. YOU DONT NEED TO SHAMBLE A PERSON WHO TOOK HIS TIME TO WRITE THE ARTICLE. IF YOU DONT THINK ITS COHERENT THAN EMAIL YW AND COMPLAIN TO HIM NOT TO POST SUCH ARTICLES. SHAMBLING ANOTHER JEW IS JUST NOT RIGHT. I FEEL SAD FOR ANYONE WHO DOES

  9. The mishna in Mesechta Makkos (Perek 1 mishna 7) says: R’ Akiva oimar: Just as the 3rd (extra, irrelevant) witness in a group of posul witness is punished just as if he was of the 2 required witnesses trying to say false testimony; so much more so when it comes to doing mitzvahs; the same is true that the “extra, irrelevant” participants are rewarded as if he was the only one doing the actual mitzvah.
    I think people feel that there are already many people dancing at the chasuna and that thier dancing is just extra and basically not important or recognized. What this mishna is teaching us is that we should participate at the wedding dancing as if we were the only one’s that managed to come to the wedding. Ignore the fact that you feel extra and non important. The reward of simchas chosen v’kallah will be given as if you were the only person there, dancing the whole night in front of the chosen v’kallah in an empty hall.

  10. to all who missed the point -its simple
    When ur at a wedding do ur halachik duty of being mesameiach ch. & k. Be Especially aware when there isnt much of it going on without u.
    [to all the english professers above – hey hows my englesh??!]

  11. The letter writer asks:

    “I can understand it if there is a Rav or talmid chacham present who is not capable of dancing so hard who sits down to learn a bit – but to sit there with all that simcha in the air and not get caught up in it? That I do not understand.”

    From your letter it sounds like you and your wife are fairly recently married. Mazel Tov.

    I was young once too, and I can rememebr going to “wife’s friends weddings” and also finding myself able to “get into it” even if I was only half interested (if that much) in being there.

    Talk to me iy”h in 20 or so years.

    There comes a point when:

    …you’ve gone to more chassunas (ken yirbu) than you can count.

    …you’ve rushed home from wherever it is you spend your day, to grab a half shower and shave and run out like a b’heima after running to pick up a baby-sitter

    …you spend another night away from your kids (do you have any yet? If not, iy”h by you) not tending to their homework, their chores, or just being their to listen to them.

    …you start adding in all your wife’s family’s simchas (I know, they’re nice people, but you can’t name half of them. Can your wife, for that matter?)

    …you start adding in bar mitzvahs

    …and vorts (what an insanity. You have to go running to say mazel tov to couple whose wedding you plan to be at in 2 months.)

    …and yeshivah dinners

    …and parlor meetings.

    ….and on and on and on…

    and then tell me if you can still get your game face on to dance your head off at every simcha you’re invited to.

    It’s not that I’m a crab who can’t rejoice for all of klal yisrael’s simchas. I wish only simchos on everyone. That doesn’t mean we all have to attend all of them.

    It’s really out of hand.

    Perhaps that’s a topic for the crisis-of-the-month club – the need-to-attend-events crisis.

  12. so many nasty childish comments on YW.

    you dont think your comments enter into the writer’s heart like daggers?
    you dont think?
    you dont care?
    maybe you dont realize there is a real person, a CHILD OF HASHEM on the receiving end.
    would you talk in such a way to his face?
    what if you needed something from him, and you felt a taste of humility?

    clearly when the Gedolim warned about the internet they were not talking only about the ‘blatently immoral’ aspects.

    i hope some of you will consider not spending so much time writing comments on YW, or at least try to consider how you would respond if you could look into the writers face as you typed, into the Tzelem Elokim.

    Moderators Note: Comments directed towards the YWN staff, can be sent by clicking HERE.

  13. In response:

    I do agree that most of my issue is really with the editorial staff of YWN who publish these letters even when they make little sense.

    However, I do think that its somewhat disturbing that a married yeshiva student could write like this. I guess I am just naive…

  14. I think his point is that mechitzas are actually there for a reason and we should make sure men stay on the men side and women on the women side.
    This issue of public mingling is also at some shul kiddushim and simchas.
    What type of message are we sending our children?
    They see, notice and copy all that we do.
    I think that was reffered to in the title “the other side of the mechitza”.
    May Hashem give us the koach to make the right decisions and be true Torah role models.

  15. I was at a chasna myself recently and I wasn’t really m’sameach chosson vkallah all that much.. the food was great.. but I didn’t feel like I had a productive night.. sort of like “I missed the boat”.. it was unlike me and will probably not happen again. I think this was a solid story and taught me a lesson.. all other responders should learn to look at the glass half full, I think you got the point but would rather focus on this guys poor english or the fact that he put things in brackets. Grow up!

  16. Way to go Feivel! I agree with you MEACHUZ (100%)
    Whats wrong with you ppl? Have you no shame in the way you speak to a fellow yid? You talk to him as if he were a Kopher!! As if every word he speaks is a lie or a slander! But its not. All he was doing is trying nicely to tell us how to be misameach a chosson and kallah at a wedding (a halacha, kind of like halbanas panim, do not embarrass your friend), and you berate him! Is what hes saying so bad? Why do you come on this site? To check the status of Klal Yisrael or to beat down your own fellow jew. And you know what? If you hpapen not to understand what hes saying, heres a suggestion, ask him! Say, Im sorry would you mind explaining what your saying? Dont you want the Geula?? Cant you see we are being oppressed by so many other horrible nations? Thats not enough? We need our own fellow yid to opress us too? Oy Ribono Shel Olam, save us from ourselves!!!

  17. When I first posted the article, I signed my name on it, but after seeing the comments that were posted (and imagining those that were not) I requested that my name be taken off. That being said, yes, maybe the letter was not written in the most eloquent English out there – but there again, it would not be a true open letter had it been professionally edited. It seems that quite a few people (save for a few) had some difficulty understanding the point of the letter, though I must point out (pun intended) that the point of the letter was not so much to get a point across than to try to encourage some awareness to this topic. However, if there is a point, it is that if you do end up going to one of these weddings, then do not add insult to injury, so to speak – it is bad enough that you do not want to be there, but don’t show it. Once you are there, you might as well make the best of it.

    and to #17, 21, 23 and others – while I appreciate the support, honestly, I hold my stance and remain uninsulted by the comments. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. As the saying goes, ‘stuff the idea, not the person’ – so it would be nice if number 18 could clarify his issue

  18. I really enjoyed reading this letter and felt that it gave over a very important message whilst being a little humorous and light hearted.

    The writer is correct, (and it doesn’t matter how many simchas you go to,) if you are there you have a responsibility to be mesameach the chosson and Kallah.

    Someone suggested smaller weddings, I agree. If people didn’t feel the need to invite the whole world then the simcha would contain the chosson and kallahs true friends, be more leiberdig and no-one would resent being there.

    That being said, a simcha is a simcha.
    With so many tsoros among klal yisroel we should work on our ben odom lechavero and perhaps a good starting point would be to at least be mesameach when at a simcha of a fellow jew, it’s sad that this needs to be spelt out.

    Thank you for this very important letter.

  19. A few comments for the newly married but already quite obviously bored individual

    We readers of YWN could care less which suit/tie you wear to your wifes friends chasuna. Nor do we care when your wife expected you to be ready to leave and the fact that you left late. Most people don’t know what to do while shaving, you gave us a valuable eitza to decide what to wear and not waste further time. I’m glad you shined your shoes but did you brush your teeth? Floss? You didn’t mention that if you did (though you did mention that you have a good dentist.)

    FYI all YW readers are happy to know that you had at least a pickle and some potatoes at your chasuna but you should really focus a separate letter on that.

    What is a laid back,‘chilled’ chuppah?

    By the way what do you mean by “a quarter two” is that fifty cents or 9:45?

  20. Long winded and boring. We really don’t care about your shaving, your tie, or your shoes. You want to make a point, then do. And as the other writer mentioned, when you start working for a living (chas vesholom), etc and have to run like a meshugana to attend the simcha, you’ll see that you wont have the time to preen yourself.

  21. B”H

    Every time I see one of these letters in YW, I shutter because I know what is coming. First are the letters picking apart whether or not the writer is religious enough, then whether the writer wrote well enough, then whether the writer has any real reason to say what they said.

    No one engages the writer’s issues. Everyone just picks on the writer.

    This letter was beautifully written (I wish I had seen the whole thing, I think it was shortened). It had humor and detail, and I felt like I was there. I would give it an A+ (I am a professor of English at an Ivy League School, so don’t listen to the other people who said it wasn’t good, OK?).

    The issue? Of course it is that the writer felt responsibility to the wedding couple–something that EVERY Jew should feel for EVERY OTHER JEW. He found a distinct lack of responsibility in his fellow wedding guests, who didn’t feel it was necessary to make the Simcha, to entertain the bride and groom, to feel JOY.

    I must add that the same lack of responsibility seems evident in the responses for this letter. We have a responsibility to engage the subject, and comment kindly and respectfully without attacking the writer.

    Now, saying this, I am expecting an immediate attack. I’m sure I spelled something wrong or put a punctuation mark in a place someone doesn’t like, so my lack of perfection means I should never have been awarded a Ph.D. or hired by my employer.

  22. thank you very much for the good point—but it could have been said in 3 lines —people have a short attention span and if the letter/artical/life story is to long people will loose intrest or just not read it at all

  23. 26:
    If you had surgery you should have the brains to heal before you dance in a big crowd where things can inadvertantly happen.

  24. Yael, as a professor of English at an Ivy League School you should certainly know NOT to place a period after a closing parenthesis which already contains a question mark.

    Sorry, I just couldn’t resist!

    BTW, if this article is an example of an A+ paper, it’s not surprising the standard of education in this country is so low. My eighth graders write more coherently, concisely, and less pretentiously. The problem, as I see it, is that there ISN’T a clear issue. The only thing I understand is that the writer presents as a boor and a supercillious snob. He is probably neither, but that’s what comes across. Of course, his attitude of doing the Chosson a favor isn’t exactly endearing, is it?

    Of course, what would I know? I’m only a mere teacher of English and a successful writer.

  25. Yael,

    The fact that you state that you are a professor in an Ivy League School will of course open you up to critisism from the general public. When you say that, you are trying to say that you are a better writer etc. than the rest of us common folk, and therefor you are a better judge of this letter.

    No offense,but seriously, “shutter”?? Come on. Is that how they do it in Ivy League?

  26. you know i actually might stay more than 30 seconds at some of these weddings if i would be able to walk out with my hearing intact….
    yup thats me in the hall or outside tinkering with my blackberry because i’m in pain from just being there during the music

  27. Oh I am so happy this was brought up!!!! THANK YOU!! I have been to SO many chasunas that the crowd has to be forced in to tantzing!!! I jump and skip and fly but it is so hard to get it going without the help of the crowd. And yes, like the writer, in half of these chasunas I didn’t have a shaiches with the side of the mechitza that I was on! SO WHAT!! Do you know what it means to tantz away and K’nock ppl’s chasunas! I still have people telling me that they remember that I MADE their chasuna happen. But it doesnt have to be just a few chevra that stick out. It is amazing when everyone lends a hand. Some of us may have the Koiach to dance our kishkas out more than others but sometimes the batteries need a recharge and the others have to step in… should any chosson kalla EVER remember for the rest of their life that they had nobody making it geshmak?!? I remember a few chasunas that there was literally NOBODY dancing around except my self and 3 others!!! One time I even danced in the middle for like 20 minutes straight cuz no one else was dancing and I didnt even know that side of the family!!!!
    I have officially made it my policy to pull people on the sides into the dancing (oblviously if they resist I dont but I offer a hand out to them) and just dont think… keep going! Many people dont have the courage to “start” the circle off if it doesnt have a start and thats how the dying down starts. Nobody wants to be left with one hand free pulling the crowd. BUt Im Ain Ish then its up to you and so it is I will dance like a total wacko to start off the crowd. My latest addition though… to all of you k’nockers out there that do Mach the chasuna…. keep in mind that you are being mesameach the chos/kalla and not doing your shticklach to get oohs and aaahs for your own attention and kavod… its hard… i get lost in it all the time… but I have started to sing to myself L’shem mitzvas simchas chooson vekalla as I dance and I hope everyone else remembers to do it too!
    I do agree with Pashuteh Yid tho that all us k’nockers gotta watch out not to literally K’nock others off their feet! I have hurt others and others have hurt me all unintetionally and so we must watch out for all others not to flip them over eachother or stomp their toes off. But one request to those who have danced their share and wont or cant dance anymore… dont stand in the way because we want to be leibedig without hurting you so spread out and clap along and smile. May we be zoiche to have many many more chassonim and kallas to be mesameach!
    As for the writer, Wow, we even get to know what you wore…. what color was the toothbrush you used???? oops sorry if thats pushing it.

    Shkoyach

  28. 34:
    I agree with you whole heartedly on that. In fact sometimes people don`t dance simply because they don`t know how to and feel uncomfortable dancing with `two left feet`. In your situation it would be an eitza tova to be very, very careful and may Hashem send you a refuah shelaima.

  29. come on people! He was describing his wedding preparations and attire not to bore you, but to describe how unenthusiastic he was about going to the wedding and that initially he thought the only advantage of going is that he will get a good meal. Then he realized that he was wrong – that he can and must be mesamayach the choson even though he doesn’t know anyone on that side of the mechitza.

    Am I correct rabbi letter writer?

  30. I don’t dance because I don’t feel comfortable doing so, but I appreciate the writer’s point, that we need to be sameach at a chassunah or other event. We can certainly smile and make nice comments even if we don’t dance the night away. As one who is running like crazy and worrying about whether the little ones will be okay with the babysitter and whether my outfit is okay, etc., I needed this reminder. So thank you.

  31. This letter I feel is bringing up a valid point.There are so many things that take place at a wedding that drives me crazy.Number 1: By the Chuppa could everyone be quiet for 10-15 minutes. Will it really kill you to have a little bit of repect not to talk.One of the holiestest days of a person’s life is their Chuppa.During a Chuppa the Sharei Shomayim is open and it is an oportune time to ask for any thing that you want.Why is it that half the peple are yapping to their neighbor, or are yapping on their cell phone.I don’t need to hear about yours stocks, who won the latest baseball game, or any of your personal problems.If you feel that you must talk then please step ouside and talk on your phone there, a chuppa is not the appropriate place to do so.I once went to a Chuppa where I felt that I was at a macha not a Chuppa.I often wonder to myself,how on earth can the Chosson and Kallah concentrate on their teffilos as they are walking down, while everybody around them is too busy talking(it is not everybody but there are a lot of people doing so).Problem number 2: By one of my friend’s weddings I went to a spare room in the hall to get Chasuna shtick that I left there.There was a bigger party outside the wedding hall then their was inside the wedding hall.There were so many people”Hanging” around outside that we should have invited the Chosson and Kallah outside to join.I ask you rabosai that when you come to a wedding please don’t talk by the Chuppa, and please spend most of your time “Hanging” around inside the wedding hall being mesameach the Chosson and the Kallah.I understand that people have to go outside of the hall to take care of things, that is fine.However to spend most of your time at a wedding not partaking in the wedding is wrong!A main part of going to a wedding is to be mesameach the Chosson and Kallah, and not just ourselves!

  32. I certainly did miss the shutter/shudder error…thanks for pointing it out!

    Don’t you just love grammar? It’s so much more pleasant to attack one’s prose than one’s philosophy. What’s more, when we spot an error we feel so smug & self-satisfied; at least I do!

    I’d better stop now before my errors become compounded.

  33. #s 3, 6, 27 etc.

    Congratulations. You made your point.

    Your comments are sharp, and concise. You must feel quite satisfied. After all, you were able to pick apart someone’s writing, and ridicule him and no one even knows who you are.

    Doesn’t it bother you that you have no idea how your comments were taken by your target? Do you wonder if his face turned red as he read your comments? Do you wonder if you really know this person?

    Do you wonder if the satisfaction of seeing your sharp, biting comments in print is really worth the humiliation that your words caused?

  34. #43, Flatbusher’s first and second points are exactly right.

    At least in my experience, the overwhelming majority of frum weedings are as he describes where my resignation to remain on the outside comes after a futile attempt to “dance” is quashed (and my toes squashed) by the chosson’s frenzied friends. (Sometimes it seems as if they are sending a subtle message that if you are not one of them, get out of the way) And again, I was once one of those frenzied friends and they are entitled to rejoice. Kol Hakovod. I suspect that weddings like the one the letter writer describes are few and far between and in truth, I suspect that if I did find myslef at such a wedding, I and just about all but the old and infirm would be more than happy to participate in the dancing with renwewed enthusiasm.

    May we only have semochos.

  35. Beacon, sorry for boring you with the long details… sometimes its the ones with the short attention spans that forget that everyone else has one too when it is their turn to vent 😉 well I’ll keep this short sweet and to the point!

  36. Hey Hey Hey!! What’s with everyone coming down so hard on this guy? Shame on you. If you didn’t get his point, maybe you’re the one with the problem. You also criticize his writing ability – how many of you have won the Pulitzer prize? This guy is a Lakewood Yeshiva Bochur – he expressed himself well enough. He was also trying to be a bit creative and original with some of his extra information and other comments. What a crime! Where’s the Ahavas Yisroel here? Like someone else mentioned – ” If you don’t have anything nice to say – don’t say anything at all” Give him a break. There are more important things to get incensed about. To all those who wrote nice things, I’m sure he appreciates it. I’m also sure he never thought his article would create such a forum for anger and put downs. Everyone – take a deep breath and chill.

  37. 1- …making sure not to step on anybody’s feet. yeah. especially not when it’s your sharp needle point heel against my infected corns.
    2- Do try your best to be mesameach chosson kallah. I once wore a hysterical costume at a friend’s wed. it worked with a battery that when a button was pressed the whole thing became inflated. In short, I looked OBESE.
    I can’t say I was eager to do it, but I knew that it will make the my friend happy (the oilem was roaring w/ laughter) so I did it!

  38. to all out there who are enthusiastically knocking the writer of this letter.
    Imagine that you’re telling your friend a juicy story. (we won’t discuss whether u brought out a point or not) you expect a sympathetic / nice response. all he says is WHAT’S THE POINT?!
    No doubt you’d feel flattered.
    now imagine you’re telling your story / point to a big group of ppl… 1 confused guy asks WHAT’S THE PT.? Then another. & another. & another. & some more.
    OK hopefully You get the picture..

  39. #51 -Very well worded. I hope everyone “got your point”, though I have my doubts. People can just be outright rude. Wouldn’t it be nice now to see a lot of apologies written from all those who were so insensitive? I’m not holding my breath.

  40. The point is that when one goes to a Simcha, for instance a wedding, they should be partaking in the Simcha, not absorbed with themselves IE not dancing and talking in on their phones during the dancing