MAILBAG: Our Society’s Obsession With “Normal” Is Tyranny And Crushing Individuality

It’s a quiet tragedy of our time that imperfection has become something to hide. We mask it and edit it out of our public lives, as if being human were a flaw instead of the very point. Somewhere along the way, society decided that each person must fit a carefully constructed facade of “normal,” and anyone who strays too far from it risks being pushed to the margins.

That expectation is suffocating. It stifles self-expression, uniqueness, and truth. Since when was every single person supposed to look the same, think the same, live the same life? Since when did conformity become a virtue?

We were not created as duplicates. Every human being enters this world with different strengths, struggles, tastes, rhythms, and callings. And yet we behave as though life is a uniform that must be worn just so — the right beliefs, the right career path, the right clothes, the right home, the right milestones, achieved in the right order. Deviate from the script, and suddenly you are “off,” “behind,” or worse, suspect.

Imagine being told that everyone must have the same hair color. Anyone who stands out is quietly — or loudly — ostracized. It would sound absurd, even cruel. And yet we do this every day in subtler ways. We judge people by the size of their homes, the balance in their bank accounts, the labels on their clothing, the choices they make about work or study. We treat these external markers as moral measurements, as though they reveal someone’s worth.

People feel ashamed for having less, for moving slower, for choosing differently. Others are praised not for growth or integrity, but for finally matching the approved image. Someone struggles, experiments, goes through a phase — and then, once they fit the mold, they’re suddenly “acceptable,” even “perfect.” The message is clear: you are only worthy once you conform.

That pressure creates a social asylum, where everyone is trying desperately to fit in while quietly unraveling inside. We hold up yardsticks that were never meant to measure us and then wonder why so many people feel inadequate, anxious, or lost. We mistake sameness for stability and uniformity for righteousness.

But difference is not disorder. A person who chooses learning is not morally superior to one who chooses work. Someone who dresses differently is not making a statement against you — they may simply be honoring their own character. A life that looks unfamiliar to you is not automatically misguided or broken. It is simply not yours.

And this raises a more uncomfortable question: which values are we actually listening to? Are we guided by eternal truths, or by social consensus? Because if we believe that human beings are created intentionally, with care and wisdom, then it follows that our differences are not accidents. They are features, not bugs.

A higher vision of humanity does not demand that we flatten ourselves to please the crowd. It does not ask us to contort our identities to fit the whims of the masses. It does not confuse holiness with homogeneity. A Creator who understands His creation would never require us to erase what makes each of us distinct in order to belong.

Perhaps it’s time to stop asking whether we fit in, and start asking whether we are being honest. Honest about who we are, what we value, and how we are meant to live. The world doesn’t need more perfect replicas. It needs real people, living real lives, unashamed of their differences.

Standing out isn’t the problem. Forgetting why we were made different in the first place is.

Signed,

Chaim

The views expressed in this letter are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of YWN. Have an opinion you would like to share? Send it to us for review. 

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