To Whom It May Concern,
I’m writing this out of deep frustration and disappointment—and, frankly, with a heavy heart.
I’ve lived in this neighborhood for several years now. During this time, I’ve struggled with long-term unemployment. I’ve reached out to people in the community—neighbors, acquaintances, “connections.” Time and again, I’m met with well-meaning but ultimately hollow phrases: “I’ll keep an eye out.” “I’ll let you know if I hear of anything.” Occasionally, someone sends me a job lead completely irrelevant to my background or skills. And then… silence. They forget. They move on. And I’m still here—still trying to provide for my family, still without steady work.
Meanwhile, I’ve spoken to people from other communities—tight-knit Jewish communities where, the moment someone loses a job, an entire network activates. There’s a switchboard. A bulletin board. An organization. A system. Someone arranges a temporary job. A car service. Warehouse work. Delivery. Something to keep the cash flowing and the roof from collapsing over a man’s head.
Here? We give charity. And yes, thank you, that’s appreciated. But a man with a wife and children doesn’t want charity. He wants a job. He wants dignity. He wants a way to stand up on his own two feet and not live month-to-month in shame and silence.
And if that weren’t enough, there’s another layer to this nightmare. A disgusting, humiliating reality that needs to be called out for what it is. A full-blown ghosting epidemic. And not just from strangers. From people in the community. People who say they care. People who promise to help. Headhunters. Recruiters. “Friends.” I’ve had people tell me, “Yes, I’ve got something for you.” I follow up. I text. I call. I wait. And they read the message and disappear. They don’t even have the basic decency to say “Sorry, it didn’t work out.” Nothing. Just silence.
Let me say this as clearly as I can. That is disgusting. That is dehumanizing. And it needs to stop.
This isn’t just about me. This is about every man who’s trying to do the right thing and is getting ignored, dismissed, or strung along. This is about people who say they care but vanish when it actually counts. This is about a community that’s failing to act like a community.
We need to wake up. We need to face this. We need a real system. Not another fundraiser, not another fancy speech, but real human effort. Real follow-through. Real decency.
Because this is not just about money. This is about dignity, survival, and the kind of community we claim to be.
If we say we care, let’s act like it.
Sincerely,
Disgusted in Lakewood
The views expressed in this letter are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of YWN. Have an opinion you would like to share? Send it to us for review.
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26 Responses
Men can’t wake up when they’re in their mid thirties with a wife and children after learning for 10 years in kollel and expect to make a great living without any advanced education.
Yes some can but many cannot.
The concept of learning for as long as you can until you must go out to get a job should be revamped for many in the community.
Learning is great but not at the expense of your parents anxiety or your wife’s shalom bayis.
This is literally copied and pasted from matzav.com
Dear “Disgusted in Lakewood” I am sorry about your pain. You have to realize though that Parnasah comes from Hashem and not from people. Start putting your faith where it belongs, and you will surely see a Yeshua.
Yes people shouldn’t say they will try to help if they don’t have a real way of helping because it causes more hurt than actual helping
It’s disingenuous it makes you and him feel good in the moment but in the long term him hurting when you don’t do anything to put your money where your mouth is
This is a serious issue. Lakewood yeshiva was founded on the premise that Yidden can earn a living without going to dangerous places, like colleges. So, it is the yeshiva and community obligation to make sure that these under-educated Yidden get jobs. Also, shidduchim despite their lack of employment skills.
You have to try your best to reach out but also to look in to available jobs or training. Maybe Hebrew teaching or english teaching or learn Plumbing, acounting, therapy, office management etc. Look in the voice bp etc. There are many openings available or if you can still go to school and learn lawer or so even better. Unfortunately every in Lakewood is strugling with Parnasah so it’s very hard for them too.
One man stood alone.
Not for anger—but for truth.
Chesed must be brave.
—Crumb Cake
The first step for finding a job is having a skill that someone values and will pay you for. Look at yourself and ask what skills do I have that someone will want to pay me for. Hatzlocha.
I thought of an idea. Maybe the Rabbanim can get together and open a special fund and this fund will finance an office that will focus on helping people get jobs. Actually I think Lakewood has an office like that, PCS does that. If PCS can not help your individual situation, then maybe PCS can use extra funding for this type of scenario.
Nowadays in Lakewood
בלי עין הרע
there are many Simchos almost nightly all over town. An average Simcha will spend about $400 to 500 on booze, schnapps, liquor, wine and beer. Maybe we can ask each Simcha to spend $100 less then they were planning and to donate that $100 to this special fund that will help people to reenter the work force. Every night there are a lot of Simchos and every $100 from the Simchos this will surely add up to a nice amount.
Well written. I am in this exact position. While I’ve had many offer their help, only a select few really followed up and are continuously in contact with me.
Move to Monroe
Have you reached out to PCS? They have placed many members of our community.
Its not only Lakewood, sadly its all over.
I hear the pain of the letter writer – it’s very disheartening. Yet he and the moderators of YWN should carefully study hilchos lashon hara before publishing a letter like that. Publicly venting pain against a community is explicitly forbidden – see ספר חפץ חיים הלכות לשון הרע, כלל י’, סעיף י”ב. There are smarter and halachically permissible ways of achieving the desired result. Raise the gauntlet! You see the need – you be the one to create a real community-wide system. Meet the people in the other communities who you say have a good system, and learn from them how to do it. Be the head of the non-profit that runs it and take a salary! I “get it” that right now you are desperate and need to cover expenses. A long-term plan won’t answer that need, but whatever you do, the key to parnassa is in Hashem’s Hand. You won’t have the siyata dishmaya you’re looking for by going against His Will and spouting lashon hara. YWN moderators, please remove the letter and send this post to the letter writer privately.
I feel with you, but maybe instead of waiting for other people to help you, it might be better to do some of the legwork yourself, for example you can call/text potential employers that can benefit from your background and skills.
I understand that blaming other people makes you feel ‘better’ and vindicated, but playing the victim is not a recipe for success. May you have lots of hatzlacha!
There is a Lakewood organization that helps with job placement I think it is called “REEF” or it is associated with “REEF”
Yankle says:
Dear “Disgusted in Lakewood” I am sorry about your pain. You have to realize though that Parnasah comes from Hashem and not from people. Start putting your faith where it belongs, and you will surely see a Yeshua.
answer to your remarks:
a godol was once asked every creation and midda created both tov and ra has a purpose ,how then can apikursos (being an agnostic) be used in a positive way ? the answer he gave is, when it comes to helping a fellow jew- your brother be an apikores and help the poor fellow!. dont be a PEY TZADIK on his cheshbon telling him to put his faith in hashem, thats his job, not yours to comment on yeshiva world and feel good about yourself giving him great advise he needs a job not your musser
People care only about themselves. You should of known this by now as i already know this for years. They are only here to help when one is already in a grave and there are Yisoimim, That’s when the GOOD HEART people suddenly pop out and say I’m here. I once thought of going in to grave for a day, people will then contribute, once the money is raised I’ll come back out.
In the community that i live in people won’t even give me a phone number of a handyman that repairs air conditions or builds a Sukka in fair that i might use him when they need him. If you are healthy and all is fine but you have financial problems forget about being assisted by “Friends”. Turn to hashem and look for a job by your self , nobody will ever call you to help. I’m speaking after many years of experience.
I feel terrible for this individual, but I don’t see what this has to do with long term learning whatsoever. Whoever claims that those who learn long cannot earn a living afterwards, aside from seriously lacking in their bitachon and chashivus hatorah, simply do not know the facts on the ground in Lakewood.
You are disgusted in Lakewood? What is keeping you there? Certainly not your parnassah. Stop kvetching and complaining. Pick yourself up and move somewhere else where your chances for a livelihood are more promising.
Yeshivos fundraise for their expenses. R Kotler sent a lot of time flying around the country fundraising. When yeshiva graduates have hard time earning parnosah, this is responsibility of the yeshiva that convinced the student that this is the right derech. So, post-yeshiva job training and job search should be part of the yeshiva direct budget. So, go to your rosh yeshiva and ask, respectfully, for the stipend.
DWKL1 I have no issue with this person reaching out to ask people for help. However the level of resentment in his tone is where I take issue. Walking around being resentful and “disgusted” at other people will not help this person out. He will get a lot further with a positive attitude, and the way to achieve that is through Bitachon.
Avraham smart but also maybe companies can focus like one or two hires on helping someone In need that also might be a nice thing.
I think sometimes someone in a desperate situation isn’t catered to by companies that are looking for people who fit the box exactly. Who measure up “exactly” sometimes a person in need _cant_ measure up. So maybe our companies can also help those out who won’t exactly make the cut but it’s supporting a family and maybe companies can start meeting people halfway instead of mixing everyone cuz their tie may have been 1 centimeter off at the interview
תָּנוּ רַבָּנַן: אַרְבָּעָה צְרִיכִין חִזּוּק, וְאֵלּוּ הֵן: תּוֹרָה, וּמַעֲשִׂים טוֹבִים, תְּפִלָּה, וְדֶרֶךְ אֶרֶץ
רשׁ’י דרך ארץ – אם אומן הוא לאומנתו אם סוחר הוא לסחורתו אם איש מלחמה הוא למלחמתו.
broches 32B
צריכין חזוק – שיתחזק אדם בהן תמיד בכל כחו
Can you drive a school bus? Can you work in catering? Waiter? Busboy? SHort order cook? Can you sweep and wash floors? Can you drive an Uber?
Oh- its beneath you and doesn’t pay enough? Minimum wage is about $16 . Work 50 hours a week =$800 x52=41,600. With kids you will qualify for all sorts of free medical and free housing (Sec 8), yeshivas will give you a break on tuition and camp fees.
Are you even trying?