In light of the recent tragedies involving yeshiva bochurim on road trips, perhaps it is time for our yeshiva leadership to take a firm stand.
Over the past few years, we have seen a troubling pattern: bochurim setting out on “road trips” — sometimes long distances, often without proper supervision or planning. Many engage in dangerous activities on these outings, driving late at night, swimming in unsafe areas, or taking unnecessary risks. I feel that the road trip situation has gotten out of control. What begins as innocent recreation has, all too often, ended in unthinkable tragedy.
I know what I’m about to say isn’t going to be popular, but someone needs to address this. I’m writing as someone broken — broken from seeing the funerals of our young bochurim, our future, cut down in their prime. It’s unbearable to keep mourning when so much of this could be prevented.
Alongside yeshiva leadership, parents also have a vital role to play. They need to be fully aware of what their sons are planning when they travel — where they’re going, who they’re with, and what kind of activities are involved. Oversight and communication can make the difference between safety and tragedy.
Our yeshivos have always been built on structure, safety, and kedushah. If we truly love our talmidim, we must protect them — even if that means making unpopular decisions. I urge the roshei yeshivah to ban unsupervised road trips and to create safe, structured alternatives that provide healthy recreation within a Torah framework.
May we merit to see no more tragedies, and may the memories of those lost awaken us to do better.
Signed,
A Concerned Yid
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14 Responses
This letter is horrible. It is insensitive to the family members that are mourning their loved ones. To insinuate that the Bochrim lost their lives due to their irresponsible actions, is cruel to those mourning. I understand you mean well, but what I’ve found from sitting shiva myself, is that the ones with the best intentions say the stupidest things. Think before you comment. To the family members who undoubtedly will see this disrespectful letter, know that your bocher did nothing wrong, and it was unavoidable. We can’t begin to understand why this happened, may hashem give you a nechama.
Ps. Even in a situation where someone lost their life due to their own negligence, know that this is already tormenting the family. Don’t dump salt in their wounds!
Here we go again. Stop using tragedies to push your agenda. You can voice your opinion without using any tragedies, Especially in this case where the tragedy has nothing to do with your opinion. Who said they were acting wild and were not being responsible? who said their parents and rabbis were not involved in the plan of the trip do you know them? Guess what I do (did) know 3 out of four of them and they were responsible teenagers and I’m sure their parents and Rebbi knew exactly their trip plans and were ok with it. This story had nothing to do with reckless driving or not being responsible. It’s very sad when you take a tragedy to push your agenda.
If you want to talk about not being responsible then maybe let’s look at how our adults drive around town with no regard to stop signs, red lights , or the use of blinkers… stop!!!
If you know what you’re about to say is not going to be popular, maybe you shouldn’t say it. Especially at a time like this. This letter displays a complete lack of sensitivity.
While I hear the point of the previous commenters, I also believe that the original poster has a point. As a parent who’s son took one of these road trips, I will say that the experience is nerve wracking for us, too. Unfortunately, while we can express our concern, we have limited control over what our adult bachurim do at this point in their lives. This is something that everyone is doing, and I wish they weren’t.
I see nothing wrong with this article. This concerned yid is Not pointing fingers at anyone, he is just trying to bring awareness to the community to make sure that their kids should always drive safe and careful and be in contact with your parents. Rashi explains משל לחולה שנכנס אצלו רופא, אמר לו: “אל תאכל צונן ואל תשכב בטחב”. בא אחר ואמר לו: “אל תאכל צונן ואל תשכב בטחב שלא תמות כדרך שמת פלוני” – זה זירזו יותר מן הראשון. לכך נאמר “אחרי מות שני בני אהרן”.
I’m sure who ever wrote this is still wearing a mask.
Fact: everything that happens is because Hashem wants it to happen.
Question: why do we do anything? Why do we eat healthy? Why do we go to doctors? Why do we wear seatbelts?
Answer: Hashem wants us to act responsibly though we know it’s all in his hands.
I’m in agreement with the author of this letter. Many young people take unnecessary risks. It should be discussed by the community. The author isn’t raising this issue at the shiva. He is using a public forum to voice his legitimate concern. I agree with his methods and his perspective.
If the Yeshivos these boys are in would have their own trips and activities for the bochurim, they wouldn’t feel a need to do it on their own. The problem is that every Yeshiva thinks that every Bochur needs to be a Rabbi Akiva Eiger and learn from dawn until bedtime. These bochurim need a break from time to time. Take them out. Let them play ball. Ease the pressure. Let them feel that they are good as they are.
Here we go again, blame the yeshivas. It’s all the Rosh yeshiva’s fault. If only he would assur something. Here’s an idea, let’s get ayatolla komeini, he’s good at banning and enforcing.
STOP blaming the Yeshivas! Do yeshivas provide the funds and vehicles allowing for road trips? Last time I checked, they don’t! As a society we have taken “da’as Torah” to such an unhealthy extreme, that we take no responsibility for ourselves and not only claim that we are following da’as Torah, but now we expect that da’as Torah do everything for us. (Mind you, many of the same people don’t have a Rebbi that knows them so well. But we’ll save that for another post.) what happened to Bechira? Are we so incapable that everything gets blamed on the Yeshivas?
Each of these tragedies is terrible. I don’t know the circumstances, and I don’t assume anything. It is a terrible loss for everyone. But stop falling into the trap of needing to place blame on someone, so th first Korban of your personal need becomes the yeshivas
Please Yeshiva World, stop writing these Mailbag letters from people who obviously don’t know what they are talking about (as the other driver was proven to be drunk). Furthermore, you are only pouring salt on the wounds of the grieving families. Not everything you think should be said. Not everything you say should be written. Not everything you write should be published.
MayBeWrong, you are.
It doesn’t matter that it’s not at the shiva. This is a public forum, so you have to assume the family, who is a part of the public, will see the letter.
Also, there has never been, in the history of the internet, an opinion in the mailbag of yeshiva world, that the rabonim adopted. It’s stupid yo think yedishkite is a democracy. You are entitled to your opinions, just keep them to yourself. You’re not affecting change, you’re just broadcasting your thoughts. Stick with your thoughts on how woman are not tsnius enough anymore. Stay away from topics with griefing families.
Anyone agreeing with this letter is either severely sick in the head or maybe it’s just the author of this letter himself trying to make his letter not look so bad. shame on you.
do you think for one second that any parent is ok with road trips in its current form ?? absolutely not , nohr vos! we have minimal control over our bochurim at this age
( myself included)
do u think the bochurim are like little puppies listening to their rosh yeshiva 100%
u are correct that the everyone has to do more to rein in this hefkeirus
one of the sources of this new problem is that todays bochurim are not counselorrs in camp ( a whole sep. shmoozzz)
ask any mother they daven and hold their breath until the boys are back in one piece
This is just the tip of the iceberg.
All you people commenting and maybe even the letter writer might not have a clue what actually goes on on the “road trips:”.
Out of control drinking, marijuana usage (yes you read correctly!, dressing like non jews (such as fake tatoos, tank tops without Tzitis and cowboy hats) doing the most disgusting things unbefitting of Yeshiva Bochrim. Not to mention, total disregard of tefilah btzibur, no kriyas hatorah and I’ll save you all from writing more.
How do i know this?
Al chatasi ani mazkir hayom, I was part of that. And let’s just say I went to the one of the “best” yeshivos out there in the tri-state area.
It’s time the roshei yeshiva put an end this this madness.