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    I’d like to start this new page off by just saying thank you to “dancinggirl” for starting this wonderful thread. There has been so much help, support, and beautiful poetry in this thread, and we have you to thank. I don’t know if you still post here or not, but I felt that we should acknowledge what you’ve done. Thanks!

    Think first

    I second that,” dancingirl” look what you’ve created its beaurtiful.


    I sweat,

    I shake violently,

    don’t know what I fear,

    just anxiety,

    can’t control it,

    my hands tremble,

    heart beats the speed of a bullet,

    stomach nausea like I’ll vomit,

    eyes darting every direction,

    can barely type these words,

    and I google it,

    and search for a cure,

    a solution to my earthquaked body,

    I breath,

    I attempt all relaxation techniques,



    blabla, I feel really bad I didn’t respond last night to your post, I hope you were ok last night! I don’t know much about anxiety, so I can’t really offer advice for that (though I’m sure some people here could), but I just want to say that we are all here for you, and only want the best for you and your well-being. Hope today is a better day.

    kapusta, ICOT, PE, observanteen, SaysMe, hope you are all doing okay. I miss you around here.


    Sorry this is just a ramble and doesn’t make much sense to others…

    Slowly, silently drifting apart

    like the tide from on the beach

    cannot see the little shifts

    but with time see the breach

    i feel like we are losing touch

    a bit more every day

    unpleasant silence, upsets

    we seem off kilter in a way

    i feel we’re both losing our

    sensitivity to each others needs

    treading on nerves we’d long ago

    learned to detect and read

    am i just not compatible

    with a friend who is engaged?

    too sensitive to be pushed off

    do i unfairly get enraged?

    I wonder if it’d be better

    for us to take a short break

    or only to talk twice a week

    if it’d lessen the ache

    it’d make for less hurt feelings

    when it seems to keep going wrong

    and it’d be a way to prepare for

    not talking, in not too long

    its not what i want, not at all

    but this isn’t working well

    we both don’t share our feelings, thots

    won’t ask, won’t say, won’t tell

    has it come down to walking

    on eggshells with each other?

    both scared to speak, then both get hurt

    I cry beneath my cover

    appointments, classes call

    busy day and nite

    sheitels, gowns, and kallah class

    there is no break in sight

    this wk coming, that week going

    no schedule i can keep

    at 2 am we’re on the phone

    my body begs for sleep

    but, no! I want to talk, to share

    my day, and hear of hers

    i cannot let the time dictate

    our rants, our laughs, our words

    i want to see her one more time

    before her name is changed

    but this does not anymore seem

    so simple to arrange

    i understand the urgentness

    of things you have to do

    if slots open, u go right then.

    It must be done, it’s true

    when u have work or class i know

    for me you won’t be free

    and things may pop up to be done

    but …. can’t u schedule me?

    We both want to see each other

    who more, i don’t know.

    can’t you book an evening off

    to spend time with me, though?

    If you don’t have the space or time

    just tell me, that is fine

    i won’t come til your shabbos kallah

    won’t have your ear just mine

    but that might have to be the way

    this is a busy time

    just tell me so, don’t let me hope

    for u know thats a crime.


    SaysMe, I’m glad you’re back, and your poem was beautifully written as well as very indicative of your emotions right now. It must be very difficult when a close friend seems to not have time for you, and you are dealing with it very well, if I can say so. You are right that she should at least let you know about her schedule and not keep you hoping for an opening that may not be there. But at the same time, this is very busy time for her and it may not cross her mind to have that conversation with you, though she may want to have it. Perhaps she should be informed about it somehow, and realize what it would mean to you. Hope things go smoothly with it!

    Think first

    Says me. You really depict in ur peom how your feeling, and its hard. I know.

    Think first

    Lost my job

    But have a life

    Lost income

    But have family

    Lost my job

    But I can see

    Lost income

    But have friends

    No work for now

    But I can breathe

    No schedule

    And I can sing

    No boss

    Now that’s a good thing

    No employees

    Not too bad

    Out of a job

    And ill find another

    I still have

    Sisters and brothers

    Ill be succesful

    Oh yes I will be

    With the help of

    Hashem who created me.

    When something goes wrong

    Don’t get down

    Gather urself together

    And look around

    Opportunities are all over

    If you look

    On the first day of this year

    Its in ur book.

    Hatzlacha to everyone here

    In all that we do



    I hope things have improved since you posted.

    Think first

    Very nicely done.


    finally we got to really talk, and much much better though still sooo hard. In everything else, things have gotten worse and worse.


    Think first, wow, what a poem, and what an amazingly positive attitude you have! This should give encouragement to all those unfortunately out of work. May you continue inspiring us, and may things only go well for you.

    SaysMe, I’m sorry that other things have gotten worse, but I’m glad you spoke to your friend and are doing better with that. Thank you for keeping us updated on things. Keep your focus on the good things, and hopefully everything else will turn around for the better.

    I am sorry that’s all I can post at this point, I am exhausted from school work, and can’t really focus so much right now.


    SaysMe, it sounds like it’s very difficult, and i’m sorry. Try to keep holding on….this time too will pass…. i just want to point out that although i’ve not been around this place much, i’m still thinking of you and hoping you’re doing well 😉

    MiddlePath: Hi!!!! Miss you too 🙂

    Think First – keep writing ! Do you really feel that way after say losing a job?! that’s incredibly difficult!

    Good shabbos!!!!


    nope, not doing well. And making everyone around me angry and that just comes back at me… A spiral down. There’s only so much hurt and insult i can take in 2 weeks before it gets inside affects me


    I feel alone,

    I feel so sad,

    I hate myself,

    this world is bad.

    I give up the fight,

    can no longer wage war,

    I’ve done my best,

    but myself it tore.

    I want to just die,

    to rest on forever,

    things keep getting worse,

    nothing gets better.

    Its finally official,

    I completely surrender,

    I give up my life,

    to Hashem the offender.

    I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁


    blabla, please, please keep in mind that you aren’t alone! All of us here care about you so much. We are praying for things to only get better for you. And even if things aren’t getting better right now, please don’t give up. Giving up is letting the pain win. Please don’t let the pain win! You are in control, not your pain! We can’t possibly know why G-d continues to do things that are seemingly always bad, but if these things are happening, we have to understand a few things: That we are capable of overcoming them, that they are there to make us stronger, and that G-d is doing it out of love.

    For me, growing up, I went through a stage where I felt my existence wasn’t worth anything, and that I’d be better off dead than alive. And that lasted quite a few years. I got through it because I believed that if G-d gave me such hardships, it meant that I can overcome them and that they were there to help me grow to become the best person I can be. It was all about how I looked at it. And looking back, I am so happy I stayed alive during that period, because I see now how it really helped. And you know what, even if now, I wouldn’t have seen how it helped, I’d know that there will be a time when I WILL understand why it had to happen, and that if I cut my life short, it means I wasn’t able to handle it and chose to not have complete faith that it was best for me. So please, for your sake (and for all our sakes here in this thread, since we all care about you so much), continue to push forward, keep in mind that G-d is doing all this because He loves you. G-d never hates you. Believe me, I’ve had many times in my life when I was absolutely sure that G-d hated me. But all that did was make my troubles even worse and less bearable. And worst of all, it wasn’t true. G-d loves all of us.

    Sorry for the long post, I just can’t bear to think that you’re giving up. We all care about you here, and love you, and want things to only get better.

    SaysMe, I’m so sorry things aren’t doing better for you. I am praying for your well-being, and I hope the hurt and insults fade away quickly. We all care so much about you here, and want things to only be good for you.

    PE, hi! Good to see you back here.


    blabla – PLEASE don’t give up. Giving up does not accomplish as much as you hope it will and menawhile there are people here who love you, they just don’t know how to do it well. PLEASE hang in there, even if just for us crazy faceless names!

    Think first

    This is a conversation between the brain and the heart:

    B: think positive and all will be good

    H: I have negative feelings I wish I could

    B: look let’s just be smart and forget all that’s past

    H: I try to do that but it doesn’t last

    H: you see, for you its all logic like 1 plus 1, for me its feelings please don’t make fun. I use you to remember things and the feeling comes along this is my nature nothing right or wrong.

    B: aha I see ur in pain, well don’t use me to think about it and all will be good. That should do it.

    H: well brain, you see it all starts with me, a feeling comes along that gets me to use ur memory that pulls up more memories full of feelings that gush back into me and then I’m in a swirl. Feeling scared nervous or just upset, almost like its happening now. My ventricles are very powerful they gush with feeling, I know you don’t understand to you its not appealing.

    B: listen heart I don’t want to fight were part of the same body we must have a purpose. There must be a way for us to work together and maybe we can make our owner feel better?

    H: Yes, true I think we should make peace as long as we understand eachother and how we work. So when I have feelings don’t just say oh its for naught its helpful to feel distraught. It helps one mourn over something that has happened so they can move on afterward without it resurfacing are you chappen (understanding)?

    B: ok, ill let you feel, but when its too much ill let you know there a limit to how much time you can spend feeling!

    H: no no you got it wrong feelings don’t have limits and bounds. You feel until its all out and then yyou move one but you can’t tell me when the time has has come.

    B: yes ur right I see the sence it has a purpose indeed. So you do the feeling and ill stand tight, ill wait until ur alright. When you are and got it all out, I can help us move about. Ill help us get through decisions we need to make and together I think we’ll do alright.

    H: I’m in, I feel great that we made up.

    B: Ok


    Think first, very unique piece of poetry! I really enjoyed it, and the message is great. It is true, we have logic and emotion, two almost completely opposite things, and we go through life with a balance between the two. And when they work together harmoniously, when we have control over both, we can achieve the most. Thanks for sharing!

    blabla, I really hope you are hanging in there. I’ve been thinking about you a lot.

    kapusta, I miss you around here.


    Blabla: Please don’t give up! Pain can be unbearable..I know. Every morning you need to give yourself one reason why you NEED to get out’ve bed. Take that reason and milk it for all it’s worth. Many a morning I couldn’t even find that one reason. It takes unbelievable strength to get up on those days, but refuse to let the pain control you :-/ Hang in there..

    Unrelated, but I wanted to share something….Everyone remembers the terrible tragedy of Moshe Berkowitz a’h untimely passing. I wrote this little blurb about him shortly after…

    The hour was late, the sun had set

    You ran into the yeshiva to daven maariv, heaven knew it would be the last one.

    The earth stood in awe at your fervent prayer.

    At the 23rd hour, tragedy struck

    A pure, sterling, loved and revered neshama was taken from its earthly cradle

    Screaming, crying, pain, the shot heard round the world

    From silence to sorrow hundreds gathered to grieve

    From all backgrounds & social classes they flocked

    One thought in mind-You.

    Why, How, Where, What, When

    The questions, the rumors, the stories

    No one could fathom why you had to go

    We cannot understand so many things

    The heavenly angels looked down and saw a treasure

    They asked god to claim it for himself

    When we come into this world, we cry and the world rejoices

    Let us live our lives so that when we leave, the world cries and we rejoice

    Moshe, we are all crying for you.


    mods wheres my post? I typed up like 3 posts of poetry and a reply a few hours ago! is it inappropriate or something?


    No One Mourns The Wicked, that is a beautiful poem! And welcome to this thread! Hope to see more poetry from you.

    blabla, hope your posts get put up.


    ???? Mishenichnas Adar… ????

    And with it comes simcha, the joy and the fun

    First Tanis Esther, a short half day of school,

    Followed by Megilla, lained that night in shul

    The next day all dressed up, shalach manos delivered

    By eager young kids, who with delight shivered

    Mordechais and Esthers, all doing their best

    To show off the fine clothes in which they are dressed

    Costumes with long trunks and gray floppy ears,

    Three cornered hats worn by wicked viziers

    A visit to Rebbe or Morah is next

    Driven by parents (who never are vexed)

    Then before the seuda, the division of nosh,

    Who gets the Bamba, the big Hamentash

    And then at the seuda, with guests coming and going

    Many divrei Torah, and much wine is flowing

    Finally bentching, then Mariv at last

    And then some more nosh, for a final repast

    Wishing you all happiness, mazal and cheer.


    Middlepath: Thanks!


    ICOT, that is a lovely poem! Thanks for sharing. It just makes me a little sad since I’ve never actually celebrated Purim the way you describe, because of certain things. But it’s not too late; I can always give that experience to my children, G-d willing.

    No One Mourns, no problem!

    blabla, I saw the following piece somewhere, and I thought it might help you a little. It’s quite long, but it’s really nice:

    “There are times in life, many times actually, that the Yetzer Hara comes in all kinds of forms to try and bring you down. It comes through another person, through an event in your life, or through your own inner self. It tries to try to make you give up. To stop you from fighting and to just let it all overcome you. That’s the easiest thing to do right? Throw in the towel?

    The emes is, there is nothing further from the truth! It may seem okay to give up in the beginning, but it will only lead to sadness, despair, and disappointment shortly after and you will end up having to work extra hard, because Hashem ALWAYS wants you to fight. He gives you the yetzer hara because He loves You, and He KNOWS that you are so much stronger than it. You should too!

    A short time ago, I was going through one of those times myself. The yetzer hara was fighting harder than it ever has before. I knew that I could fight it, I knew that I wouldn’t give in, and I knew that I would come out from the test stronger and closer to Hashem than I ever was before. Here is something to hold on to, and to remind yourself. When you are going through one of those times, say to yourself out loud, “I am Hashems son/daughter! The Yetzer Hara can try to get me in the deepest, most hurtful ways, but it will never win. You know why? Because I am a son/daughter of Hashem Yisbarech, the Creator of the World. I am a grandchild of the Avos and Imahos. Of Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov Avinu. I am the grandson/granddaughter of Sara, Rivkah, Rachel, and Leah. I have all of their strengths inside of me, I have them davening for me. I am a descendent of Dovid HaMelech, whos words of hisbodedus got him through the greatest of challenges. Whose words of tefillah gave us the sefer Tehillim. Who gave ME that gift of prayer, to be able to get through my own challenges through his holy tefillos, as well as my own prayers.

    There is no question about whether or not to give up. That is not even a part of me, because my Avos and Imahos never EVER gave up. If they didn’t, why should I? Just like they never gave up, I will never give up! Hashem never gave up on me, and He will never give up on me. He believes in me more than I believe in myself. So, I will go to battle and fight THROUGH every single challenge I face, from smallest to the biggest, and I will win. Why? Because I am Hashem’s son/daughter!” If you want, write this down and take it out when the yetzer strikes. Hopefully it will give you the chizuk that it gave me, Baruch Hashem!”

    Hope that gives you some inspiration! I’m thinking of you.



    How do i begin to share the great pain that i own

    About a life of solitude of being totally alone

    Born into a family that was completely the norm

    Until i was born one day and brought on the storm

    Many physical problems i was unfortunately given

    How would i survive in a family where only the normal live in

    So many problems was i bestowed with on my birthday

    And born to a father who always looked away

    To them being different was a tremendous curse

    Nothing in the world could be any worse

    So to protect their name i had to hide my defects

    according to my family i belonged with life’s rejects

    I was their dirty little secret to be hidden and ashamed

    Because i brought a curse on our family and them i defamed

    My father made me feel as if i had ruined his perfect name

    A son born to HIM so frail and abnormal and not the same

    My mother tried to do the best that she could do

    But you didn’t disagree my father that much we knew

    So i lived my life full of shame and disgrace

    For being the cause of disturbing their perfect place

    My siblings carried on their fathers cue

    they knew that to me no respect should be due

    It was all right to sit on their plateau and to abuse

    They huddled together and would mock me and set off my fuse

    To whom could i turn with my pain so embedded and raw

    As i would cry myself to sleep and pray to a g-d who never saw

    My existence was ridden with pain and strife

    So many times i wondered how can i live this life?

    This whole terrible existence carried on throughout childhood

    If i could escape by grabbing on to a shooting star i would

    As i became an adult the stress manifested and grew

    Causing more problems to me someday it would kill me i knew

    At the age of 30 i finally made my escape from their hold

    I moved to a different city it was an attempt to be bold

    And with therapy and distance my self worth did arise

    And i found confidence in myself that was a surprise

    I found out that i was smart and even funny too

    Things i never realized because they made my life so blue

    I live my life now with happiness and pride

    No worries about a family that would always deride.


    Goq, you are an amazing person! Your poem is written incredibly well, and the pain and suffering you went through is almost too much to believe. You possess immeasurable strength and self-worth, and the fact that you can come out and tell us all your experience is a wonderful thing. I’ve gotten bits and pieces of your story from some other posts, and I am continually inspired by your fortitude and courage. From everything you’ve gone through, it is clear to me that G-d knows how strong and capable you are, and He is proud of you, His son, at how far you’ve come. I can only imagine how great your reward will be in the World to Come. Keep inspiring us!


    Ty Middlepath ive just been following this thread now for a little while but i didnt feel right commenting until i contributed i like the feeling on this thread of caring and empathy and you are a big part of that thank you for keeping this thread going.




    Think first

    Once again, very well put and an admirably optimistic way of looking at things.

    No One Mourns The Wicked

    That was a very nice tribute to a special young man whose petira came far too soon.


    Tizku lemitzvos for the encouragement you consistently give other posters.

    The Goq

    A tip of the hat to you for the way you handled and are handling the difficult challenges you were given.


    Goq, thank you. This is my favorite thread, for the reasons you gave.

    ICOT, thank you. And thanks for asserting that people from troubled homes can become the best spouses and parents.

    SaysMe, haven’t see you here in a few days. Hope things are going better for you.


    wow. this thread really took on a life of its own! thank you for saying thank you, i was actually told this thread would be reeeaallly nerdy to start,but, hey…


    either there’s something wrong with my computer or I dunno! i posted like 3 more poems last night!


    it banks upon the bricks of my home,

    it fills each day,

    tears stream in,

    it symbolizes pain,


    it keeps filling,

    challenges arise,

    don’t cease to attack me,

    I’m alone on this island,

    in a sea of tears.


    A broken heart,

    a crack down the middle,


    sharp and through,

    it tore my being,

    ripped my soul,

    destroyed my essence,

    and left me alone,

    in the icy dark night,

    in silence,


    HELP! I can’t take it anymore!


    Thank you ICOT

    Think first

    Dancingirl– some of the most talented people who were about to create somethin new or those who have invented concepts and machines that the entire world uses today, have been told their idea was silly and would fail. Well you’ve proven them all wrong and have what to be proud of, I personally have gained support right here so I thank you very much!!


    Hey, this thread is so active, (even without me JK!!!)

    Saysme, how are you? Blabla, how are you? i wish i could make it easier for you…

    Think first, that’s something special! I think it’s great!!!!

    NoOneMournsTheWicked (what’s makes you choose this for your username anyway?!) hopefully its easier for you now to see reason to get up. ? It’s a great piece on r’moishe.

    ICOT, you have talent!!! I like your poem esp on this thread. You have something nice to say to everybody, you sound like a nice poster 😉

    Middlepath, hi!!!! You’re doing a great job responding 😉 where did you find that longer piece, who wrote it? I take it that you try to follow it too.

    The Goq, that’s incredible. it sure sounds like a lot of pain.

    Dancing Girl!!!!! So nice to see you back again, here!!!!!


    Dancinggirl, you’re around! Yes, this thread really became something incredible, thanks for starting it!

    blabla, I hope you read that piece that I posted. No matter what you go through, please know that you are not alone in life, even if it seems that way.

    PE, hi! Glad to see you back here, and thanks! That longer piece, I copied it from a blog with the author’s permission, but I don’t think I have the right to say who it is, I’m sorry. And yes, I try to follow it too.



    “what’s makes you choose this for your username anyway?!”

    1) My favorite broadway show is Wicked, & there is a song in it titled ‘No One Mourns The Wicked”. 2)There is a brilliant line in the song (IMHO) “Are people born wicked or do they have wickedness thrust upon them?” (HEY MODS: Subtitle, eh? eh?)

    Depends on the day :-/ (Thanks for asking!)


    Yes I most definitely did read it! Thanks for the encouragement!


    Thank you Princess.


    They are whispered to and fro these words of hate

    They make positive friendly feelings dissipate

    For those who speak it they do not care

    Hey they are having fun! who cares about fair

    It’s not just a habit its a way of life

    It brings ruin and causes a world of strife

    They speak in low tones come hear my tale

    Did you hear about Ploni? his test he did fail

    These talkers gather with much happiness and glee

    Listen to what i found out about Mrs. Ploni

    Did you know that she wears a dress that is short?

    And did you know her husband had to go to court?

    They drink in these words that bring grief and pain

    The words travel from cloud to cloud and brings on the rain

    What do they care if the person of whom they speak

    That their poisonous story the havoc it will wreak

    After 120 they will have to answer to Hashem

    Why it was so important to defame all of them

    What will they answer what defense can they say

    After a lifetime of causing so much harm and dismay


    No problem, blabla! Hope it helped!

    Goq, what a great poem, and very true as well. Gossip is one of the most damaging things a person can engage in. Unfortunately, a major catalyst to gossip in our communities is judging others’ levels of religious observance. It’s a terrible thing, but all too common that people consider themselves better than others because they think they are “more frum”. With this attitude, it isn’t difficult to see where all the chastising, lashon hara, and insulting comes from.

    But no matter what topic the gossip discusses, it is quite obvious that it stems from haughtiness. As does almost every single negative characteristic. If a person thinks of himself as better than others, he will do anything to keep himself on that pedestal, including putting down others.

    Thanks again for the poem! Keep them coming!


    Thank you MiddlePath, Unfortunately i have a lot of experience having been a subject of loshon hara throughout my life it is really debilitating to have other people constantly talk about you it drains you a great deal.


    I’m sorry, Goq. It must have been unbelievably painful. And you still came out of it so strong. I have also, unfortunately, been a subject of lashon hara throughout my life, because of my father. Whenever I was at shul, or at a wedding, or any community function, I have always felt stares and whispers about me, about my father, about my family. I just wish they could at least for one day, see what it feels like to be in my situation, so they can understand what it’s like. But of course, life isn’t like that. I tell myself that these people wouldn’t be able to handle my situation, and that is why they weren’t given this test. G-d only gives us things we can handle. And if people talk badly about me, or disgrace my family, that is just a test that G-d is giving me, and I know I can get through it. It even makes me a better person. So really, I shouldn’t be upset at them for putting me down; I should be thanking them, for giving me the opportunity to better myself even more. And as far as their sins of embarrassing others, they will deal will that after 120. That isn’t for me to judge.


    Middlepath i have so much respect for all that you have endured, your one of the most thoughtful posters here always having a kind word to say keep up the great work.


    Thank you so much, Goq! And everything you just said is equally applicable to you, as well.


    i’m completely falling apart, losing myself, unstable emotionally and hashkafically. I thought i had bitachon but the foundation was never firm and its all breaking apart around me. I’m falling falling hard and fast, and there is noone around to catch me. Those who care are busy or scared, those who should care don’t know how to show it and are just more angry at me than anything else. I’m watching the ground coming closer and can’t prepare myself for the painful, horrible crash that is coming.


    SaysMe- I haven’t been here in a bit but I’ve been thinking about you (and actually just signed in to write this). I’m sorry things are hard now, I really hope it’ll get easier soon. I hope you have a good Shabbos. Sending some hugs your way. 🙂

    The email offer still stands. I can’t promise too much, but you can rant and vent all you like 🙂

    MP, thanks for the shout out.



    Middlepath – I certainly would not condone anyone talking or whispering about you in public but I want you to know it may not be bad. Sometimes I’ll see someone who has suffered as you have and I find myself thinking about how much pain they have endured, how well they seem to be doing or how sorry I am.

    I saw a boy walk past my house, he was way off any derech and very into drugs. I was watching him cuz I was thinking about how he looked exactly like his father and how his father also wandered in that direction at that age. I thought about how his father cleaned up his act and made a nice life for himself and wished the same for this boy. Appearantly getting caught up in nostalgia and warm wishes on the inside, looked very much like ‘staring’ on the outside because he made some nasty comment to me indicating he just thought I was some frum old lady giving him the evil eye. I felt awful that he thought that, and am much more careful now to assume sensitivity, and to smile. But I never woulda thought. . .


    Goq, I read your first poem yesterday but was in a rush so (stupidly) didn’t take the time for a response. I’m not sure what to say other than I’m sorry for what you went through, and that whoa, did you come out on top! You’ve got a lot to show for yourself and keep on going.

    You’re very talented, keep writing!


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