Funny Shidduch Stories

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  • #1227204

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    mybat-

    squeak offered to help me write one but it never happened.

    Josephf- I never read that book but it was written before my wife or I became Doctors. (And I highly doubt it is about my father or the famous soft drink which is spelled “Dr Pepper”, not “Dr. Pepper”.)

    #1227205

    squeak
    Participant

    My offer stands.

    #1227206

    mepal
    Member

    squeak, what are you waiting for? You have all the stories…

    #1227207

    bygirl31
    Member

    I saw this someplace and thought it was a cute shidduch story-

    Torah Dating

    B’reishis – In the beginning,

    Noach lech – Noach went

    Vayayroh Chayay Soroh – and he saw Chaya Soroh.

    Toldos – He checked out the yichus

    Vayaitzay – and they went out.

    Vayishlach – They didn’t like each other, so they sent each other away..

    Vayaishev – The shadchan intervened and they returned to each other.

    Mikaitz – In the end,

    Vayigash – they got close

    Vay’chi – and they lived happily ever after

    #1227208

    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    bygirl31: cute! never heard it b4

    #1227209

    toomuch00
    Member

    I never heard that version before either bygirl31! Its so funny!

    #1227210

    Chatty
    Member

    This is true: A guy went out on a date with a girl who recently came back from seminary. In middle of the date, the girl pipes up that she needs to daven Mincha. A bit taken aback the guy says, “Do you want to borrow my hat?” The girl replied “Are you insulting me?” So the boy replies, “Of course not, I just never heard of a girl davening Mincha during a date.”

    #1227211

    chatty- she didnt daven before? How funny! did they get married? What was the end of the story?

    #1227212

    Chatty
    Member

    Obviously she didn’t Daven before! As far as I know, the guy turned her down! The End!

    #1227213

    mybat
    Member

    I heard of a girl, in middle of the date says that she has to eat melave malka before a certain time, she probably wanted the guy to take her to a restaurant, he took her home and dropped her off. They didn’t get married>

    #1227214

    shtusim
    Participant

    Did you hear about the seminary girl that asked the yeshiva bochur if he read the MICHTAV MELIYAHU. he replied, NO, but i probably watched the video!

    #1227215

    abx
    Participant

    shtusim – To be honest, I don’t see what’s wrong with that.

    chatty – good one!

    mybat – OUCH! That one hurts!

    #1227216

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    I read this on someones blog years ago.

    … so I took my date out to a Chinese restaurant for dinner. Her fortune was “You will try something new in the near future”. She’s on to the next guy, I’m still looking…

    #1227217

    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    shtusim: lol! great one! I think abx: missed the joke though.

    #1227218

    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    Here’s one. Someone I know, actually went to the wrong house on a date.

    He had the correct address but the wrong block. After ringing the bell,

    he was majorly confused when the woman at door said “yes can i help you?”

    “Uh.. hi! It’s *Moishe Fried” he said. “I’m here for *shaindy.”

    “Sorry, there’s is no shaindy here” she replied, “you have the wrong house.”

    He chapped & tried the next block, lucky for him, he didn’t mess up the

    street number too.

    *names are changed for confidentiality purposes & the mods as well 😉

    #1227219

    abx
    Participant

    No, sir. I got the joke. I just meant to ask, what’s wrong with a girl asking if he learned Michtav M’Eliyahu?

    #1227220

    Joseph
    Participant

    Does anyone have a shidduch story where the guy took out the wrong girl?

    #1227221

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    Josephf-

    I posted some a while back. I don’t have time to go into details now but here are two.

    1. (In Eretz Yisroel) Same shadchan tells two friends, both named Dovid, to meet their dates at the same time at the same hotel. First guy walks in and a girl says to him “are you Dovid?” he smiles politely and says “Yes”. He later suspects something is off but didn’t figure it out until he met his friend Dovid also on a date. They both realized they were dating the wrong girl so they switched dates. I don’t know if any of the four possible matches worked.

    2. A shadchan wannabee thought of a great shidduch but needed approval from her mentor, a “professional” shadchan. The “professional” thought it was such a good idea and decided to suggest it herself so she could get the shadchanos. To make a long story short she told the guy about the wrong girl, they went out got engaged and got married.

    #1227222

    squeak
    Participant

    That reminds me of a good story. In E’Y the daters agree to meet each other in a specific place. So Rochel is standing in the designated spot, watching to see who is coming. Suddenly, a guy walks up to her, smiles, and says “Are you Rochel”? She gets an instant feeling that this guy is not worth a shot, replies “No” and walks home.

    Saved herself 3 miserable hours, but she probably had to listen through a “Middos Alert” song coming out of her bag 🙂

    #1227223

    mepal
    Member

    OMG. Smartypants!

    #1227224

    Joseph
    Participant

    If she was a smartypants, I think it was he who lucked out.

    #1227225

    mepal
    Member

    Smartyskirt?

    #1227226

    Joseph
    Participant

    That might work.

    #1227227

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    squeak-

    That wasn’t nice. If she agreed to go out with him she should give him the three hours just to not hurt his feelings. Was she doing anything more productive anyway?

    But here’s one for you;

    You had converted a non-shidduch story to a shidduch story (2 or 3 pages back). Without changing any of the constants can you convert the following (true) story into a shidduch story.

    After learning in Kollel for a few years I discussed the topic with my Rosh Hayeshiva of getting a full time job- partly for financial reasons but mainly for medical benefits. With his bracha I began my search.

    A neighbor who knew I was looking for a job told me that he told Rabbi L., the secular Principal of a respected Yeshiva that I would love to become his math teacher for grades 9 – 12. “This would be great for you since you can still learn on the morning!”. I explained that a part time job will not work since I wouldn’t be eligible for medical benefits. He apologized but asked if I could call Rabbi L. at 1:00 since he’s waiting for my call (and the neighbor was going out of town).

    1:00 found me and my wife at a pizza shop. I asked my wife to hold on for what I thought would be a short phone call to Rabbi L.

    Here’s how it went.

    Rabbi L.: “Hello, this is Rabbi L.”

    Me: “Hi, This is Avi Pepper”

    Rabbi L.: “Thank you so much for calling, I’ve been waiting for your phone call”

    Me: “I hope I’m not disappointing you but this wasn’t the kind of job I was looking for”

    Rabbi L.: “Please don’t be offended- but we are actually looking for someone who is older (I was in my late 20s at the time) with a higher level of education (I only had a masters at the time) and more experience (I had taught for four years).

    Me: “I’m sorry if you misunderstood what I was saying, I’m actually looking for an office job, not a teaching job.”

    Rabbi L.: “You have to understand where I’m coming from, we’re a very prestigious yeshiva and we can only hire the best educators.”

    Me: “Uh, I’m not looking for a teaching position”

    Rabbi L.: “Don’t get dejected just yet, there are many other yeshivas, albeit not as good as ours, who don’t try to fill openings until the end of July”

    Me: “Rabbi L., it’s been a pleasure talking to you, I hope you enjoy the rest of your summer”

    Rabbi L.: “Thanks, and if I hear of any other opening I’ll definitely tell them about you and keep you informed”

    Rabbi L.: (Hangs Up.)

    Me: (To the delight of my wife and everyone around me who over heard the conversation) “WAIT, DOES THAT MEAN I START ON MONDAY?”

    #1227228

    Joseph
    Participant

    Weren’t you Chezky Pepper back on the Riddles thread?

    #1227229

    squeak
    Participant

    Avichai, this is going to be too easy <rubbing hands with glee>

    But I don’t have the time right now. There – now it’s in the inbox.

    #1227230

    here is a funny story that happened to someone i know personaly

    he was on a date with a girl he had been going out with for a while and had a bit of wine(done intentionally)and when they left the resturant the girl being very over-protective insisted she drive home since he had a litle bit of wine after 10 minuets of arguing he finally gave in when they got in the car and she put it in reverse to pull out there was balloons and a sign that said

    WILL YOU MARRY ME

    she was so shocked that she let go of the brake and hit someone

    the person was not injured badly but was upset but after explainig that he just proposed the person said congradulations and let it go

    but imagine that hitting someone! he told me that till this day he and his wife laugh about it all day long

    #1227232

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    Dr Pepper

    No one faked anything. That was a software glitch having to do with the member having a different name on the front page and in the forums. The f did not stand for “fake” but something else. There is another member currently an active poster with the same problem but with totally different names. I have no idea what causes that. In the case you are referring to, a totally different person happened to chose the same name (without the f). No one was deliberately impersonating anyone.

    #1227234

    Joseph
    Participant

    Dr. Pepper – I was just kidding with my first post on this page…

    #1227235

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    I was just playing along. I’m not sure if you know what I wrote but I definitely didn’t mean to create anything but a chuckle.

    #1227236

    Joseph
    Participant

    I saw it during the minute and a half it was up (and chapped your shpiel)… 🙂

    My unposted response to it was also designed to create a chuckle.

    #1227237

    I don’t wish to break up this comedic camaraderie. I just want to add that this is the first post of the Peppers that I ever edited. I just didn’t want any reader of the post to leave thinking that anyone was involved in some kind of shady dealings.

    #1227238

    Joseph
    Participant

    80: When will I get my first edit? After over a year of posting, I think I am entitled. there are no entitlements in the CR… everything needs to be earned.

    #1227239

    I don’t think there’s any way I can answer that without risking my license. 😉

    #1227240

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    Sorry squeak if I stumped you. I’d sympathize with you if I knew how it felt.

    This happened on Chol Hamoed Succos and I remembered it when I drove by same park last week (also Chol Hamoed Succos).

    It was my second date with this girl and we made up to go for a long walk in a park to share our love of mother nature. Since it was Bain Hazimanim I was leaving from my parents home (as opposed to yeshiva) and my mother reminded me to take umbrellas since it was supposed to rain.

    “I don’t DOOOOOOOOooooooooo umbrellas”, I reminded my mother even though she must have heard me say it hundreds of times before. “Well you’re going on a date so you should bring an umbrella and bring one for her also” was my mothers reply.

    When we got to the park I went to the trunk to get the two umbrellas and the girl said, “you don’t have to bring one for me since ‘I don’t DOOOOOOOOooooooooo umbrellas'”. “Hey, guess what?” I said, “Neither do I” and I left them both in the trunk.

    We were probably one mile from the car when the thunderstorm started. There wasn’t much we could do but stand there and enjoy mother nature.

    It took about a week until the seats of the car dried.

    #1227241

    Do funny couple stories qualify for inclusion on this thread?

    #1227242

    abx
    Participant

    Mezonos Maven – I’m no mod but IMO, anything funny is always welcome! (Provided, of course, that it’s appropriate for all readers – including single teens.)

    #1227243

    outoftowner
    Member

    I have a hard time believing that noone has had a funny date in the past 2 weeks…

    #1227244

    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    outoftowner: I cannot keep on writing stories that happened to my “friends” cuz it’ll start sounding suspicious. J/K all the stories I wrote happened to other ppl, not me,

    Seriously! 😉

    Also some ppl are choishesh that their dates might be CR members.

    So hypothetically, if someone were to write a fresh story, assuming it wasn’t so bad that she ended it, his cover would be blown. She’d be like

    “are you lokshin kugel kilobear shikir 99?” He’d be like uhhh NO!

    It would end right there!

    #1227245

    Poster
    Member

    I had a very weird story on a date. We got info on the boy from a very close yeshiva bucher who knew him very well. Since he gave most of the info, i automatically assumed that this boy I was about to meet learnt in the same yeshiva (Mir of yerushalyim) like the one giving info. While in truth my date was learning in a small yeshiva. SO I asked my date “how many guys are there in the yeshiva like 5,000?” He gave m a funny look and said “no way, more like 500” and I was wondering if this boy was just the “out of it” type; I mean who doesnt know that Mir has thosands of Bucherim. I was asking questions pertaining to Mir while he seemed not to know what I was talking about. Something like- I ate in pizza shop right across from ur yeshiva where only men are allowed. ANd he was like, i dont know which u are talking about cuz there are no pizza shops in the area. Now I knew that there are half a dozen pizza shops surrounding Mir. So finally I am like – are u learning in Mir??? And he says “no, I am in ________.” It came out really odd.

    #1227246

    notthatsmart
    Member

    I was walking with a girl in Manhattan and I had to go to the bathroom, we were walking by a hotel so I thought it would be a good place to stop. I meant to ask if she would mind if we stop in the hotel so I could use the bathroom, instead I said “do you mind if we stop in the hotel room, I need to use the bathroom?” making it even worse, I had told her that I stayed at this same hotel a few nights before (I wasn’t staying there at the time of the date). Fortunately when we were crossing the street to get to the hotel we almost got run over by a taxi so uncomfortable situation avoided.

    #1227247

    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    notthatsmart: I hope that the next time you find yourself in a similar situation,

    HB”H Should send you a safer alternative to get you in the clear.

    (Wild cabbies should only be a last resort.);)

    #1227248

    ok, this is 100% true. I only went out with one girl (my wife) Our second last date was on the 26th December, we’re walking in the centre of London when towards us comes a goy, totally drunk wearing shoes and a Santa hat. NOTHING ELSE! He ran past us, and we turn down another street and round the corner comes another guy, also totally drunk wearing exactly the same, just shoes and a Santa hat!

    #1227249

    shaatra
    Member

    Golders Green: OH MY….

    #1227250

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    I was inspired to share this story after my kids told us about the tree that Avrohom Avinu had which would decrease its shade by lifting its leaves or increase its shade by lowering its leaves depending on who was sitting under it.

    This shadchan kept on calling a guy about a girl but he never got around to looking into her and giving an answer. One day the shadchan calls and says that the girl drove down to go out with him (a five hour drive) and would like to go out in a few hours.

    The guy explained that he didn’t even do the minimal research but in order to not hurt her feelings he would take her out, and do the necessary research later on if applicable.

    He felt that she was a nice person but was not worth pursuing. She felt the same way (or so he thought).

    The next Zman his chavrusa told him a great moshul he heard from his neighbor Rabbi _________.

    “A guy trying to get married is like trying to find a beautiful tree in an orchard. There’s thousands of them and he can have which ever one he picks. A girl trying to get married is like trying to find a beautiful tree in the desert. There are none for miles in each direction. When you finally think you see one in the horizon and you schlep all the way out there it turns out that it was really a cactus!”

    The guy recognized the name of the neighbor as the father of the girl who drove five hours to go out with him only to refer to him as a “cactus”.

    Not to be outdone he gave a moshul of his own.

    “Imagine this one beautiful tree in the vast desert with no other comparable trees in sight. Now this lonely tree had a major problem that stinky, sweaty camels would travel for hours just to bask in its’ shade and the tree would have a hard time getting it to leave. Finally it would leave and another one would come along. Eventually the tree had enough and when ever a stinky, sweaty camel would come along the tree would just pretend to be a cactus so the camel would just leave on its own.”

    “WOW, that’s a great moshul” his chavrusa complimented. “When I tell it to my neighbor do I have to say it in your name?”

    #1227251

    Mayan_Dvash
    Participant

    Dr. Pepper, I love those kinds of stories where the comeback (volley) is on the same plane as the “serve”

    Vehamaivin Yuvin.

    ;

    #1227252

    aaryd621
    Participant

    on a date my friend went out with someone who was molei chein (hint hint) and then she barely talked and she got seconds the first thing she said was “are you gonna eat that?”

    #1227253

    yeshivahman
    Member

    Heard From A friend

    The boy came on the wrong day happens to be on Thursday and she’s in her model coat in middle of cleaning for Shabbos, anyway the bell rings she goes to door at firs dosen’t chap who it is then she realizes the mistake, she tells him that there must have been a misunderstanding and she dosen’t think she can go out tonight, he tells her I can wait till you get dressed.

    #1227254

    skates
    Member

    yeshivahman…thats just wrong on soo many different levels!! ha ha!!

    #1227255

    dunno
    Member

    I heard a similar story from the girl it happened to. She was outside gardening with her mother and all of the sudden the boy shows up. It wasn’t uncommon for boys to show up by her house since her father takes care of some sort of shul business so she assumed it was someone from there and told him where to go. He looked a bit confused and they figured out that he was her date! Being a good sport, she went to take a shower and get dressed. They didn’t get married although she said she thought she would and make it into one of the cute, unusual stories of how the guy met the girl.

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