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The guy came to empty the lock boxes with confidential company information and told me that our company actually makes money when we put papers in there as opposed to shredding them ourselves since the destroyed and recycled documents get sold to Marcal to make tissues.
“Cool”, I said, “Next time I wipe my nose I’ll check if my name is on the tissue”.
“Actually”, he replied, “I’d sooner look out for the staples”!
I think I’m missing something. Please let me know where I’m going wrong.
There are two sets of three wires, each set has a black (hot) wire, a white (neutral) wire and a bare (ground) wire.
The bare wires from both sets are connected to each other and the frame of the fixture. One of the remaining sets of black and white wires are connected to the corresponding black and white wires from the fixture and the other black and white wire are connected to each other.
Is that correct?
If there is a black (hot) wire connected to a white (neutral) wire and there is electricity flowing to the black wire- wouldn’t that blow a fuse?
SJSinNYC knows one of them- check out this post: http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/funny-shidduch-stories/page/7#post-55074
This was in response to a post of mine that got deleted asking how they “happened” to have feelings for each other while cleaning for Pesach.
Depends on the 5th grader. The father who asked me to help his son couldn’t figure it out.
The topic itself was tree diagrams but I thought the question might have been tricky for a 5th grader who might not realize that the two events are not mutually exclusive.
I came across this question while helping a 5th grader do his homework. While the answer is clearly 1/6 (use the brute force method if necessary) I’m curious to know if this is what the teacher had in mind.
(The question before was exactly the same except that the first marble was reblaced after noting what color it was.)
There are four marbles of different colors: white, blue, red and green. You pick two with out replacement.
What are the chances of picking a non-green one in the first pick and a white one on the second pick?
This is a potential office prank I’m contemplating pulling on my supervisor in honor of her recent promotion.
She is nervous about becoming an officer since the company is responsible for her actions.
Some background first-
About two hundred employees under the CFO were trained for 18 months to work on a project at lightning speeds. What used to take two weeks now only takes 4 days. It’s very stressful as everything is timed and there are close to 800 dependencies which can be messed up by a single employee taking too long for a single task.
I heard rumors as to when the next project is going to be.
The plan is for me and my colleagues who report to this manager to schedule a meeting with her and tell her “in confidence” that our wives are expecting at that time and we plan on using only some, say a week or so, of the companies generous paternity leave plan.
She will have to somehow find replacements for all of us for those high stress days and she won’t be allowed to tell her supervisors why.
Anyone like this idea?
Not a prank, just a funny story from high school.
About six months after the Yeshivas building was completed the massive hot water tank died. Still under warranty, the contractors sent a couple burly plumbers (who were apparently experts at plumbing, but not personal hygiene) to schlep out the old one and install the new one.
I commented to one of the plumbers that a brand new commercial hot water tank should last at least 12 months. Right?
In all seriousness he looks at me and says, “What do you guys do? Shower every DAY!”.
The rest of them burst out laughing at his sarcasm.
Yes, that’s it, it’s in Baltimore.
No, that was a real typo.
I had something else in mind.
No
Is that the only obvious mistake you noticed?
Stage freight: being scared of getting up in front of many people.
Not so funny, but I wanted to get this thread back on the radar screen.
I was sitting with a date and schmoozing when a foreigner came up to us and without our permission took a picture of us together. My date was speechless until I said to her, “You don’t mind appearing in the Asian edition of National Geographic, do you”?
(Not my wife.)
I did this on a friend of mine.
We each had to write a story and read it to the class.
One guy, who although he was very popular, had horrible stage freight and I knew from previous episodes that he would hold the paper up to his nose and read word for word.
His story was about a family trip to a relative in Boston and in it he also mentioned that they toured the USS Constellation.
I secretly changed the USS Constellation to the USS Constipation to see if he would read it anyway.
He only realised afterwards what he said but he did get a kick out of it.
_____________________________________________
What is stage freight?
Glad to provide my service.
I had a similar incident when I was single. A lady who was clearly not 100% worked at a local supermarket and seemed to have an interest in me. My mother advised me to just ignore her and she would leave me alone. The problem was it’s not in my personality to disregard someone who is talking to me.
My father came along once and stared her down as she made her comments. She immediately backed off.
On Succos I washed in a restaurant and was on my way out to the Succah to eat when we crossed paths. She greeted me and tried to make conversation but I couldn’t answer. She got annoyed and said, “OK, be like that”.
She severed the relationship after that.
Send a threatening letter warning him to keep his distance from your wife- and don’t sign it.
There was this guy in Bais Medrash who was tall, friendly and charismatic. Whenever a new guy would come for a faher or to visit he would personally welcome them and help them get settled.
He also had a shticky side to him and wouldn’t hesitate to use it on a new guy who he felt could handle it.
So, this new guy comes, gets his royal welcome and the person introduces him to the Rosh Hayeshiva who asked him to stop by after Maariv.
After Maariv this guy went over to the new guy to ask him if there is anything else he could help him with. They shmoozed for two minutes until the new guy looks up and says, “Oh no, I was supposed to meet the Rosh Hayeshiva after Maariv and I don’t know where he went!”.
“Don’t worry”, the other guy reassures him, “I’ll show you where he went.” He walks him out of the Bais Medrash and pointing to the Rosh Hayeshivas office says, “he went into here”.
The new guy nervously knocks on the door and the other guys jaw drops, “That’s the bathroom!” he says with a dead serious face.
The new guys face turns bright red and he stammers “I assumed it was his office”. In the meantime a voice from inside says “come in”. The new guy almost faints.
If it is more than 12 inches deep or so you’ll need plywood or pressed wood. I think 12 inches deep is adequate. You can still have it 18 inches long if you wish.
I got an expensive piece of either pine wood or oak and made sure there were no knots in it. Go to your local Home Depot, look at the different pieces of wood available, go home and design it. Home Depot will make straight cuts in the wood but no angle cuts so you’ll need your own saw.
Before I put in the screws I drilled a pilot hole (about .25 inches wide and .25 inches deep) and after putting in the screw I filled the cavity with wood paste (or whatever it’s called).
You can then sand down the entire surface so it is smooth before staining the wood and glossing it. I recommend using 2 or three layers of gloss.
Interestingly, I was 14 or 15 at the time and couldn’t wait to get to the Bais Medrash in the morning so I could use the shtender.
Good luck.
This is a counter prank I did as a teacher on a student who tried to prank me.
A different student had a hard time staying in his seat the whole class. I asked what it will take him to stay in his seat for 45 minutes straight. He made me a deal that I have to memorize the first hundred digits of pi (and write it on the board in front of the whole class) if he stays put for one whole class.
Sure enough, a few weeks later he some how stayed put for an entire class. After class he announced that during the next class I will be writing the first hundred digits of pi on the board from memorization.
Of course I knew what at least one wise guy was going to do and I had to come up with a plan for a counter attack.
Before class I found two different text books that had the first few hundred digits of pi and copied those pages for the class. At the end of class I wrote the 100 digits on the board and I heard some whispering that most of the numbers were wrong. Then I gave out the photocopies so that everyone can see that the numbers were correct.
“But Mr. Pepper”, one student chimed, “the last 80 numbers are different from the numbers on the paper that Heshy gave out”!
“Well”, I said, “Let’s ask Heshy how he calculated the numbers, he must have used an approximation method that is only valid for the first 20 decimal spots or so”.
Heshy admitted that he tried to prank me by giving everyone the fake numbers so it will look like I made it up.
As I was erasing the board and dismissing the class I announced with a straight face that “as always, anything I write on the board, whether it is in the book or not, is fair material for a test”.
Not sure how well this will work but the idea just popped into my head.
When I was single, in Yeshiva full time and college part time I was approached by a Yeshiva and asked to teach for 45 minutes a day. (The principal had already checked to make sure I was legally qualified.)
Although I was paid the same amount as other teachers my expenses were minimal (probably $10 a week) and I would have taken the job for a mere fraction of what they offered. I do feel that my experience as a teacher made me into a better parent (ok, ok at the expense of some one else’s kids…).
Here’s the idea-
What if the yeshivas and seminaries would encourage their students to volunteer (or work for a smaller paycheck) for a year or two after high school/ seminary/ Israel before they get married. It doesn’t even have to be teaching it could be cooking, cleaning or even making sure the lights and air-conditioning/ heating is turned off every night.
Mommy613-
There are two very different types of pranks- harmless ones that cause no damage (hiding a piece of chalk in the eraser) and pranks that cause a loss (ordering pizza to a teacher in middle of the night).
The way Yeshivas are designed (for the most part) is to give the bochurim very little free time since the less time they have to be bored the better. There has to be some sort of outlet for them to release the energy that teen boys build up during the day.
There is no justification to pranks that cause damage.
Before I started teaching my father gave me some advice.
“Every Jewish boy belongs in yeshiva (although not every Jewish boy is necessarily in the correct yeshiva for him), not every Jewish man belongs in chinuch. As a teacher you have to be able to handle whatever pranks are aimed at you and not give punishments out of anger. If not, you do not belong in chinuch.
Just like a neurosurgeon, who has the life of his patients in his hands, can only perform an operation that is beneficial solely for the patient, how much more so a mechanech, who holds the future of his student and all future generations, can only give a punishment that is appropriate and beneficial.”
As a teacher I was definitely the subject of many pranks, the vast majority of those being harmless.
Seeing them score (as a whole) over the 90th percentile on standardized exams, and the relationship I still keep with some of them as they study for their professional exams makes it worth it in the long run.
I once almost had my cover blown but my quick thinking saved me.
Some one said to me “Hey you have to see this, some one is impersonating you. Check out this website called ‘The Yeshiva World’ and go to the ‘Coffee Room’. There’s a thread there called ‘The Riddle Thread…’ where someone goes by the name Dr. Pepper and asks the same kind of riddles that you would.”
I said “Oh, it’s probably a former student of mine. Can you do me a favor? Tell the guy to get a life. Thanks”
The person must have just been a lurker because they never posted it. That was the closest call I ever had.
bein_hasdorim-
I’m glad you enjoy them at my expense 🙂
My wife keeps reminding me how much more I appreciate her because of what I went through.
I’m curious to know how many of the people these stories happened with got to relive the experience by reading it here!
d a- Either I hate numbers or I’m waiting until the count is up to my favorite number (4,294,967,297), I’ll let you decide.
Here’s a story about numbers. I had to change a detail but the main point remains the same.
Some one found out the combination to the safe that was in the main office and spread it around yeshiva. The yeshiva had to hire a locksmith (at a cost of a few hundred dollars) to change the combination.
What cost $400 to change, was easily cracked using an innocent hint from the naive locksmith and high school mathematics.
I didn’t share the code with anyone but a few months later, before I graduated, I had to let the Hanhalla know that someone knows the combo. (I just had to do it.)
One of the secular teachers was giving us a final and going on vacation the next day. He told us that if we want our grades we should leave a number after our names and he’ll call the principal, read off the numbers and tell him the grade for each number.
So the teacher calls and reads off the numbers-
16854: 75
13516: 82
25548: 87
36494: 62
42-63-58-84: 98
71516: 91
…
This isn’t a prank, just some wording that could be taken two different ways. (Had he meant it the other way I would not be posting this.)
The Yeshiva for some reason ended a few days later than most other yeshivos but they were understanding if guys needed to leave early to get a position at camp.
One popular guy took off those last few days every year until 12th grade when the Rosh Hayeshiva told him that they needed someone charismatic to speak by the graduation so he couldn’t leave early. He was very disappointed since the camp told him that they would have to replace him if he couldn’t be there for the whole summer.
So, the guy is speaking by the graduation. He gets up to the gratitude part of the speech where he thanks his parents, teachers… “And, last but not least, I owe a very special thanks to the Rosh Hayeshiva, who if not for him I wouldn’t be standing here right now…”
d a-
Who doesn’t keep a washing machine timer in their locker? LOL
You asked for it- here’s the story.
Our economics teacher wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. He also spoke in a monotone that went up and down with the same rhythmic period as the diesel engines on the Staten Island Ferry. (I used to be able to model it using the sine function but that’s for a different time.)
One friend, I’ll call him Zevy, used to come down with serious indigestion just from hearing the guy lecture. During one particular boring class the teacher said that “counterfeiting money can ruin the economy”. Zevy raises his hand and asks “how can paper ruin the economy?” The teachers face went blank because he’s reading out of the textbook and it doesn’t explain it. So Zevy continues, “I counterfeit money but I’d hate to cause any damage to this wonderful country”.
The teacher looks at him in disbelief and says, “yeah right, can you bring some in tomorrow?”
That afternoon Zevy went to the bank and asked to withdraw a few thousand dollars in crisp hundred dollar bills from a student fund he helped manage. (He was even lucky enough to get some in sequence.)
The next day before class he put the bills on his seat and sat down on them (you’ll see why later). During class the teacher remember and said, “So Zevy, did you bring any samples of that money you print up?” Zevy slid the money out and stood up, “Oh, I almost forgot to show you, here’s some that I just printed before class, it’s still warm from the press”. Zevy then began to show him how sophisticated his operation was as most counterfeiters use all the same serial number and his machine prints them in sequence. Also, to the best of his knowledge, he was the only one who was able to get the thread into the bill.
The teacher was able to tell that they were fake (it just has that look) but admitted that they were the best fakes he ever saw!
Fast forward a few weeks and the washing machine repair guy comes to fix the washing machine (it got stuck in the rinse cycle and flooded the place). The repair guy showed me how some detergent got into the timer and it couldn’t move to the next cycle. I asked him if I could keep the broken one to show my physics teacher and he let.
The next time Zevy felt ready to sign the Declaration of Constipation before class even began we hatched a plan to get him excused without getting permission from the principal.
Before class I called the teacher over and showed him the timer. “We had a really bad break down in the machine last night, look at all this ink that leaked into the timer, the machine couldn’t go to the next cycle and the bills have to much green ink on them and could never pass off as real. We have a contract to get lots of cash to one of our clients by midnight, so Zevy has to stand over the machine and make sure nothing goes wrong.”
The teacher understood and promised not to tell anyone.
The copper wire came from that timer.
The following I did as a student.
Our economics teacher reserved the VCR for our class that day but didn’t bother showing up (or letting the school know that he wasn’t coming in).
So, we had the VCR in the room with no teacher or videos to watch and the school had snipped the antenna at the base so it couldn’t be used as a TV.
Some guys tried to attach wire hangers and other stuff but nothing worked practically and we couldn’t get good reception.
Then I had an idea. I got a washing machine timer from my locker, unwound all the copper wire from the motor, and strung the wire back and forth a couple of times from the screw hole for the antenna to a lightning rod right outside the window.
We watched Tom and Jerry for the remainder of the class.
d a-
He was somewhat of a difficult student to control, so technically he can say anything he did afterwards was in response to the prank; but I don’t know if he never sat down and plotted revenge. (By the time he graduated he had settled down and was a very respected Bochur.)
This story happened before I finished my PhD so at that time my students called me Mr. Pepper (amongst many other things…).
SJSinNYC-
What about summer camp/ bungalow colony?
Here’s another one I did as a teacher.
There was one kid who couldn’t keep his mouth shut during tests (OK, maybe more than one- but one who was really loud) and I decided to use it against him.
For one question on a trigonometry test I had a picture of a triangle and under the base it said “x = 27” but on his test I put in a different page that said “x = ?”. The question was to “solve for ‘x'”.
Sure enough one guy raises his hand and says “Mr. Pepper, I think you made a mistake on number 7”. Looking down at my copy I said, “Whoops, I think I just gave everyone a freebie”. The class started chuckling except for this guy who said “there’s no way to do it”. Now the class was laughing. He just kept on going at how there was no solution.
After the test, when he figured out what happened he told me I was going to regret it.
Knowing him I probably did.
Why don’t we have a thread for each regent where students can post questions they don’t understand and teachers (and former teachers) can post the answers and explanations.
Here’s a tip I taught my trigonometry class to remember sine, cosine and tangent-
Sine = Opposite / Hypotenuse,
Cosine = Adjacent / Hypotenuse,
Tangent = Opposite / Adjacent.
The order of the three is the same on all calculators- sine, cosine and tangent.
To remember the letters O H A H O A, make a sentence- Oh Heaven, Another Hour Of Avi.
I find it amazing that some of them still remember it years later.
Not sure if this will make it past the mods but worth a try.
After the guy parks and they get out of the car, the guy realizes that there are three creeps drinking beer surrounded by a mountain of empty beer cans and bottles just a few feet away. As they try walking away real fast one of them approaches and asks for some money. The guy gives him a few bucks to get them away but then realizes that he just parked his car less than two meters from their living room. He then makes them a deal that if they watch his car until they come back and make sure no one touches it he’ll give them an additional five dollars. (In other words- go bother another car.)
After the date the guys are still there and want their five dollars, which the guy gave them. After letting the girl into the car one of the creeps went to a nearby wall and started to do something that people who drink that much beer have to do every five minutes.
Being the gentleman that he was, the guy stood in front of her window so she wouldn’t have to witness what was going on. The guy took off his jacket and pretended like he was holding it up to get ready to hang it up. Finally he opened the back door, removed the hanger he brought and hung up his jacket.
He then got into the car and started driving, being very impressed with himself at how he blocked the whole incident from her. She finally broke the silence and said “It’s a good thing you didn’t offer them another five dollars to wash the car while we were gone”!
They ended up getting married but he made it clear that she can feel free to clean the house as often as she wants but he’ll take care of washing the cars.
Dovv-
If you are pranking me and I catch you, I’m going to post your grades for everyone to see.
Dovv
Part of the prank was for everyone to write the same exact thing, word for word, to make it appear as if they all did it together, yet he didn’t see anyone talking to anyone else.
Dovv,
You were obviously not a student of mine.
A few short years before I became a teacher I was doing those things myself (to teachers who announced that they’ve been teaching for 45 years and they know all the tricks).
So I knew what to look out for and how to be on top of it.
Back to the original topic.
This didn’t happen in my class.
The English teacher announced that he was teaching them how to write a poem with a rhythm.
After a brief lesson he told them to try their own, saying he understood it was their first time writing a poem.
Some one said “Ride the train” and the whole class wrote the song from Journeys II.
The teacher (who wasn’t Jewish and never heard the song) was fascinated when he read the first paper to be handed in. Not only did it have the perfect beat but it also rhymed and had symbolism (the journey through life).
After reading all of them he assumed that one talented kid wrote it but he couldn’t figure out how the whole class copied it word for word without him noticing anything.
How about one from the perspective of the teacher?
I knew that there were some students who were going to take advantage of the multiple choice final that I was giving. I cut out a bar code from something and photocopied it onto the first page of the exam.
After handing out the exam I made sure to announce that they should check and double check that the number on the bar code matches the one on the answer sheet or it will be graded with the wrong answer key.
Oy, you should have seen some of those faces, I felt so bad for them.
Not really a shidduch story since it happened by the l’chaim.
Friend of the kallahs mother comes over to the chosson and says “I saw you before your kallah did. You probably don’t remember this but before your first date I saw you walking up the block towards her house. I was going to introduce myself but from the way you looked I didn’t think you would make it past the first date anyway.”
Not to be outdone the guy replied, “I actually do remember seeing you. I remember thinking, “Oh no, if that’s her mother I’m running out of there sooooooooooo fast!'”.
Are you in any position to call the offending institutions/ clients? They might not realize what kind of issues they are causing at the other end.
Guy is from out of town.
Picks up the girl, hails a taxi and asks the driver to take them to the Bronx Zoo.
The guy is horrified at the price (maybe he just assumed the Bronx Zoo was on 13th Ave?) and asks the girl if he could take her home by subway- she agreed.
After spending some time walking around the zoo and talking he leads her to the zoo tram and waits in line to buy tickets.
When it’s their turn he says, “Can I buy two tickets to Boro Park”?
They did not get married.
After a few years at a firm Reuven* felt he wanted to explore different opportunities. He went to let the boss know that he planned to leave the firm in two weeks (with the option of staying a little longer if necessary).
The boss wasn’t happy but he had one strange request- being that Reuven was a well respected employee he asked that Reuven not tell anyone that he was leaving.
The next Friday Reuven left work like he did every other Friday, just wishing everyone a good weekend (the boss offered to ship his personal belongings on Monday).
Once in the elevator Reuven spotted the receptionist and since he already “left” he felt he was allowed to tell her the news.
Upon hearing that he was leaving she burst into tears.
“I don’t understand”, said Reuven, “in all my years here the only thing I ever said to you was ‘good morning’ when I came in and ‘have a good night’ when I left”.
“That’s just it”, she replied, “before you came no one had any respect for me, they all thought I was [NOT WORTH REPEATING] and I suffered from constant verbal abuse. I was ready to leave and then you came along. Everyone respected you, they saw how you always greeted me with a smile and never used foul language and they began to treat me with respect (and watch their language).”
* Name has been changed since I didn’t ask for permission to repeat the story.
oomis1105-
That’s why I specifically wrote “monetary value”, how much is it worth as money (if you were to bring it into the bank for example).
Quarters issued in 1975 were dated 1776 – 1976 (as were half dollars and dollar coins).
Any quarter with a date of 1975 has a monetary value of $0.
$.01 + $.05 + $.10 +$0 = $.16.
(As a side point- dollar coins issued in 1975 have a different font on the reverse than the ones issued in 1976.)
One has four coins, a penny, a nickel, a dime and a quarter.
All are dated 1975.
What is the monetary value of the four coins?
volvie- I’m not as old as you think I am, the incident happened 10 years ago.
I wasn’t aware of any “picture mishagass” (doesn’t mean there wasn’t any) I just felt I needed to know what she looked like so I would know who to look out for.
(This was not to see if I found her attractive, it was after I already agreed to go out with her and she booked a flight. And for the record I insisted on flying out to her until she made a good argument as to why she had to be in New York anyway.)
I’m no expert in shidduchim but I’ll share with you a personal experience in getting a picture beforehand.
I had to pick her up from the airport and used the “excuse” that I had to know what she looked like or I wouldn’t be able to find her.
After taking one look at the picture I already decided that I wasn’t interested, but obviously I didn’t want to hurt her feelings and continued on with the date as planned.
Anyway, after everyone got off the plane there was only one frum girl on the flight and she was definitely not the one in the picture. We ended up going out a handful of times but it didn’t work out at the end.
Keep in mind that first impressions are very important and even if a bochur would happen to find a potential date to be attractive, a particular pose or portrait might not be his taste.
So, in my opinion, I think that the cons outweigh the pros and pictures should be avoided.
(I see no problem with a shadchan having a picture in her records to help her remember the person.)
The exact area is PI.
I posted this question in anticipation of today, Nerd Appreciation Day.
If I remember correctly the techniques used to calculate the area are from Calculus II.
The anti-derivative of f(x) = 1/(1 + x^2) is F(x) = tan^-1 (x).
Evaluated at the limit of x as x gets closer to infinity is (PI/2), evaluated at x as x gets closer to negative infinity is (-PI/2), (PI/2) – (-PI/2) = PI.
QED