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Every child is different and each case should be looked at individually.
We were told at the end of last year that since the youngest kid in the class was being left back in kindergarten our daughter was going to be the youngest. Then the school suggested that we leave her back since she would now be the youngest.
As we weighed the pros and cons we were leaning towards keeping her back but there were some “issues” with the incoming class. In the end we had her evaluated professionally and was told not to leave her back. (She scored very high on the IQ test and we were told that if we leave her back she will be very bored in class. She had a very productive year and we are happy with the decision.)
Lot’s of parameters involved.
Male or Female, Driving record, Zip code the car will normally be parked in…
Call an insurance company for a free quote.
Feif Un-
Shkoyach on sending out the letter- but like I was told years back- don’t hold your breath waiting for a response.
In the era that I sent my letter the Internet was in its infancy and one couldn’t perform a simple Google search. Once I did a Google search on this person I felt much better that I wasn’t the only one on the receiving end of his uncontrollable temper and calculating revenge.
Still, I’m not able to forgive this person with a full heart and every Erev Yom Kippur I put in a special request that he doesn’t get punished because of me (I just feel that it’s the right thing to do, and I wouldn’t want his kids to be affected).
Ironically, it was my “special” connections that started this whole thing. Without getting into the connections- this person despised me that he wasn’t able to punish me and he plotted revenge. It ended up backfiring anyway.
Over a decade later it ended up haunting him when he needed a new position and he tried to become the rov in a small community. His wife already had a job and his kids were enrolled in nearby schools. One of the members of the community- a former victim of his- rallied all the members to vote against him, even pleading that he would have to leave the community if the person was elected.
One of the board members contacted me and asked if I had similar experiences. I had no interest in revenge, but I wanted to protect the community. Not knowing what to do I declined to answer. He lost the vote anyway. (In a different community he wanted to lead he lost the vote 93% to 7%.)
… or the president of the United States.
A large bank was laying off many employees, including the person that was supposed to remove all the employees from payroll.
This employee went back to her native Japan and the minute her “paycheck” was deposited she had it transferred to a local bank.
18 months and $20,000,000 later the bank caught on that something happened. They quickly stopped the payments and created a team to collect as much of the money as possible.
They called one guy who was furious and was giving them a hard time, he said the money was all spent.
“What did you spend all that money on?”
“A second home and a luxury car.”
“Well, we might have to confiscate them.”
The guy burst out laughing so hard he couldn’t talk. After calming down he explained that he just got divorced and his ex-wife got the other home and the new vehicle “so you’re welcome to take the title of both of them if you wish”.
(I heard this story from the vice president of the department that was supposed to collect as much money as they could.)
Feif Un-
I also don’t agree with myfriend. A gadol once told me that being in chinuch is like being a neurosurgeon with more responsibility. If a neurosurgeon make a mistake C”V the patients life can be lost, if a mechanech makes a mistake C”V not only can that talmid be lost but also all future generations.
Just like before doing any surgery a doctor will get a second and third opinion and discuss the procedure with the patient and family, how much more so a mechanech should first discuss the “surgery” with other mechanchim and the parents.
I’m not sure how much I can help you with the letter but I remember being told that one should emphasize more on the pain being felt than on attacking the one who caused it.
Again, I wish you the best of luck.
It all depends on what you plan on gaining.
If you’re interested in an apology, let’s face it, you’re probably not going to get one.
If you’re trying to get back at him, it’s not worth it, don’t bring yourself down to his level.
If you think you might need to use him as a reference somewhere down the road, then maybe, but speak with a rov first.
I was in a similar situation once and I asked my Rosh Hayeshiva what to do. He advised against making any contact but if I insist he will help me write a letter, but he guarantees that I will not receive a response. Sure enough I wrote the letter and didn’t receive any response.
I then asked my mashgiach what to do and he also advised against making any contact. He did say though that if when I get married, have kids and a full time job I am still interested in making contact then I should feel free to. (I have no interest anymore.)
Best of luck with whatever you decide.
gavra_at_work-
The tests are challenging but they can be done. If you plan on learning in Kollel for a few years make sure you still get a secular degree on the side, finding a job nowadays is very competitive and not having a secular education will hurt you.
But it is a good profession for those just leaving Kollel as staring salary is in the $60,000 (plus benefits) a year range for one exam and zero experience.
From what I hear they recently removed calculus from the first two exams, but don’t be fooled! They assume that you know calculus and it will be on later exams.
HIE-
The problem with taking too many exams before any work experience is that employers are wary that a new hire will be overqualified for a job. In other words, the new hire will be jealous that others with the same amount of exams have more responsibility and get paid more. Insurance companies spend a vast amount of resources training the new actuaries and they are concerned that the new hire will always be looking for new opportunities somewhere else.
If you are seriously interested I highly suggest you speak with an actuary while you are in college so that you can take the relevant courses.
HIE- I decided when I was 12 and never regretted it.
My math teacher back then was very arrogant and he told me and my parents that I would never “make it in life” if I went into anything math related. He also told us that that he would never be able to pass the first actuarial exam.
At that moment I decided I wanted to be an actuary even though I didn’t know what it was. I’m very happy with the decision.
Kasha-
“diagnosing a good law abiding citizen as a future serial killer”
He didn’t diagnose him- read my post again, he said he had the “potential” to become a serial killer.
Would you diagnose a 6’8″ yeshiva bochur as a future basketball player? Or would you say he has the potential of being a basketball player based on his height.
Most probably this guy turned out to be a very fine husband, father and law abiding citizen. However, from his handwriting the teacher was able to see that he was-
1. Very smart,
2. Very respectful to others,
3. Very meticulous at planning ahead,
4. Very careful at covering his tracks,
5. Stuck in the past on something (possibly abuse),
6. Very secretive about something and
7. Full of stress that had to be relieved somehow-
many of the character traits of a serial killer.
artchill-
Interesting you mention this.
I was recently having having a discussion with a neighbor regarding the veracity of graphology.
While I never studied graphology (or had any interest) in it, we had a teacher in high school who claimed he was an expert graphologist. We brought him handwriting samples from guys in other grades (who he had no interaction with) and his diagnostics were very accurate.
One person he said “had the potential to be a serial murderer”. Some of the characteristics (amongst many) were:
1. Stuck on an incident in the past,
2. Never revealed the incident to anyone (letting the anger build up) and
3. Constantly, but silently, under stress.
The list continues but I don’t want to get off the main topic.
The scary thing was- this guy was popular and outgoing, had lots of friends, was good in sports and got good grades. He was every parents’ dream son.
WolfishMusings-
If a person is blind I think we both know how it could affect a relationship.
If a person is not a carrier for a particular disease, the status of that persons’ spouse is irrelevant, so there is no need to inform her.
Letting it be known that members of his family are carriers may create a stigma against the family for a trivial reason.
(Do you honestly feel that everyone would give the same chance to a known carrier as to one whose status is unknown?)
Another case I know of personally- this has nothing to do with Dor Yeshorim, I was consulted to interpret the statistics from the different geneticists involved- the mother of a potential spouse was concerned about the possibility of the other family having the genes for a genetic disease.
Despite the fact that the geneticists were able to prove 100% (not close to 100% but actually 100%) that the disease was a fluke and not hereditary, and despite her family being told by their rov and their own geneticists that not only should they go ahead with the shidduch, but if their own children were in the same situation they would also go for it- they broke it off.
(Interestingly enough, due to the extensive genetic testing, had they gotten married the chances of them having any children with the same disease would have been less than another couple in the general population.
I explained that according to their [distorted] mathematics, the chances of them having a child with the disease was one in 8,000,000,000 (8 billion), the mother explained that she would like her daughter to have 10 kids like she did so the overall odds are only one in 800,000,000 (8 hundred- million).)
oomis1105- My experience with Dor Yeshorim is limited to the two cases I personally know and one conversation with a frum doctor who is associated with Dor Yeshorim (I do not know what his title is or what his role is).
The first case I mentioned some time back in a different thread. A couple was about to get engaged but the Dor Yeshorim results came back positive for them for the same disease. They were told which disease it was and advised that there is a 4% chance of a false positive for both of them (hence a 7.84% chance that they are still compatible) and that they can take a 100% accurate test for $500. (They did and were not compatible.) I guess it’s possible that if there is no chance of a false positive by a particular disease they might not say which disease it is.
The second case was where a couple found out that they were carriers after they were married and were told to stay married. A relative, who knew he was not a carrier but his siblings possibly were, was told that it is Loshon Hora about his family to disclose it to anyone, including his wife. (She found out later but did not hold it against him since he was following his rov.)
A neighbor of ours received a letter from a geneticist which they thought said that their baby had one of the diseases that Dor Yeshorim tests for and they were both tested. They asked me to call a frum doctor who was associated with Dor Yeshorim and speak with him. (As it turns out- they both misread the letter, the letter actually stated that their baby did not have that genetic disease.) This doctor told me that the mission of Dor Yeshorim is not to make people “unmarriageable” but to prevent carriers from marrying each other. There are diseases where one parent being a carrier is enough to pass the disease to a child, but Dor Yeshorim doesn’t test for that since it renders the person unmarriageable.
Apparently they feel that one may be prevented from marrying if it becomes known that they are a carrier.
I can only try-
We discussed once (I’m too lazy to link it) that equations to a mathematician are like tools for a plumber. When you are shown a solution it looks easy but without training you wouldn’t know which tools to use.
This, you said, was why plumbers charge so much- they have the experience to look at a problem and fix it. So, in essence you are paying for his experience and not his work.
As far as earning an Erd?s number of 5- there was a rumor that Hank Aaron earned an Erd?s number of 1- by signing a baseball with Paul Erd?s.
Josh31-
At a restaurant with my wife recently we were showed a table and a waitress came to take our order, that was the last time we saw her. We then had to wash the silverware ourselves since it was dirty. A different waiter brought us our food, we had to get up ourselves to get more water, ask someone to remove our plates when we were done, ask for the dessert menu and get the bill. “At least we saved some money because we don’t have to tip” joked my wife.
“Nope”, I responded, “they are one step ahead of us, they included an 18% tip in the bill”.
Had the tip not been included automatically we would have received different service.
(We still go back since we like the food. On our last visit the waiter tried to remember our order and got it all wrong, but the food was good anyway.)
I was never a waiter in camp but when I worked in a camp I got up early to daven with the waiters (with all the distractions that go on with making sure your young campers are sitting, behaving and davening during davening I thought I could have more kavannah if I daven earlier with the waiters).
These individuals have to get up earlier than other staff members, set up and clean up after three meals a day and they only get noticed if something goes wrong.
Waiters definitely deserve a tip.
oomis1105-
I agree that people should be allowed to know their status if they desire but keep in mind that Dor Yeshorim is subsidized and this is how they decided to run it. As far as they are concerned- you can go to a lab (pay full price) and asked to be tested for whatever genetic disease you would like to know the status of.
I know of a large family where the two parents got tested by a lab and got the results. They found this cheaper than each of their 10 kids getting tested through Dor Yeshorim.
Who ever runs it feels that there are reasons why it is better for one not to know their status that outweigh the reasons to know it. One obvious reason is the stigma that will be associated with any person/ family that is a carrier. (One rumor I heard is that if a couple both know they are carriers, get married anyways and R”L have a child with the genetic disease, the insurance company can claim it was a pre-existing condition.)
If a potential couple is found to be incompatible they are notified as to which disease they are both carriers of. The reason being is that there is a false positive result in a small percentage of cases (4% in the case I am familiar with) and the potential couple can go for genetic counseling and have more expensive tests done ($500 each in that instance) that have a much higher accuracy rate.
I can only try-
That’s the answer the I got. Here’s how I did it:
For the two machines, let’s call them x and y, plot their lives on a 15 * 15 graph with the life of x on the x-axis and the life of y on the y-axis. Draw a 45 degree angle line from the origin to 15,15 to show the possible places where x can break down. (It’s a straight line since any point in time has an equal probability of the machine breaking down there.)
Now draw two more 45 degree angle lines, the first should be shifted one unit to the left of the first line and the other one should be shifted one unit to the right of the first one. The area created by those two lines and bounded by the 15 * 15 graph is 1-196/225 = 12.88889%.
The way I calculated the area is by first calculating the “negative” area and subtracting. On the outside there are two triangles with the same area. Each is a right triangle with legs of length 14. the area is (14 * 14)/2, therefore the are of both triangles is 14 * 14 = 196. The total area of the graph is 15 * 15 = 225. Subtracting the triangles from the graph gives us 1 – (196/225) = 12.888889%.
Do you want to publish a paper on this with me? You can earn an Erd?s number of 5.
moishy asked for “interesting and/or funny stories”. Funny Shidduch Stories is a subset of interesting and/or funny stories.
I felt that if he wants to have a good laugh while waiting for others to post interesting and/or funny stories he could start there.
Here’s one-
One Erev Shabbos, my brothers and I went to visit a former neighbor who was not Frum and wasn’t doing to well physically. He had recently moved to an upscale non-frum neighborhood and they weren’t used to seeing Frum people around.
After we wished him a Gut Shabbos and left a neighbor came running out of his house and said “were you just here for Steve?” after we nodded yes he started crying, “I can’t believe it, I just saw him and he looked so good, I can’t imagine how it happened so fast, oy, his poor wife and kids…”. We had no idea what he was talking about until he asked where the hearse is.
We then realized that there is only one time when he sees frum people in suits. He then warned us that if we ever pull that prank again we had better be wearing ties with Mickey Mouse on it so that he knows we are not the real ones.
Health- I totally agree with you, that’s why Dor Yeshorim works the way it does. Even being a carrier is a stigma when there is nothing to worry about if the other partner is not a carrier.
The reason why we are behind the goyim is because of the modest way we go about finding a spouse. If a guy is given five names and information of potential dates and one of them has a “stigma”, she will immediately be eliminated.
If the goyim would date the same way as us there would be the same stigmas.
I can only try-
Sorry, but you started off wrong, a uniform rate over fifteen years means that it can not survive past fifteen years. The odds of both machines breaking down in the fifteen year period is 100%.
oomis1105-
I always tried to go out of my way to make sure that I would not offend anyone that I went out with. (I dreaded the thought of calling them on Erev Yom Kippur to ask for forgiveness.)
On more than one occasion I agreed to go on a second date with a girl so that she wouldn’t think I was saying no because of her looks.
However, the first time a shadchan told me that the girl was thin and pretty, and that was clearly not the case, I admit that I was taken aback and I sincerely hope she did not notice. I did take her out on a second date and then said I felt she wasn’t for me.
After that I was always prepared in case the girl wasn’t as described.
I sure hope I didn’t hurt the girls feeling but if I did the shadchan is the one responsible.
Once they break that is it, they are not fixed or replaced.
Squeak & sofdavarhakolnishma,
When she said the word “tip” she meant “advice”, he thought she meant good old Ben Franklin. I don’t think she was trying to tease him.
Slight tangent-
A friend on mine was telling me how annoyed he was that he barely got any tips. He was thrilled when a mother dropping off her son said, “Hey Moishy, do you want to come here for a second- I have a tip for you?”.
He hurried over and she then lifted up her sons shirt, pointed to his back and said “If I ever forget to send suntan lotion again please let him wear his undershirt for swimming”.
Back to the main topic…
WolfishMusings-
I definitely did not mean to make a confrontation or be disrespectful, you just have understand that in high school I always had a calculator on me (besides for Shabbos and if I was wearing pajamas that didn’t have pockets). I routinely whipped it out during class (both Limudei Kodesh and Limudeo Chol) with out thinking. The Rebbe got defensive because he knew that he made it up on the spot.
Had I been a person that normally did not take a calculator everywhere I would not have brought one just to put him on the spot.
I long suspected that a Rebbe of mine made up gematrias as he went along (after all who can mentally add up the gematria of a possuk and challenge him). I once whipped out a calculator and started adding up the words he was quoting, he got all defensive and said “put that away, this is Limudei Kodesh, not Limudeo Chol”.
The moral of the story, I believe, is that people feel they will have more credibility if they quote something that more than 99% of the population will not be able to refute on the spot.
All the information needed to solve the problem is there. The rate that they break down is uniform over 15 years (in other words, there is no day where it is more likely to break than any other day).
I hope this answers your question.
A company has two new machines, the probability of either one breaking is uniformly distributed over 15 years (it has the same chance of breaking after half a year as it does after 15 years).
What is the probability of the two machines breaking within a year of each other?
Hint: It is easier to calculate the chances of them not breaking within a year of each other and subtracting that from 1.
While at the Brooklyn Marriott a couple of years back for the Lakewood Dinner my friend asked one of his single sisters to come with him on a “date” to the lounge to see how many guys will date at the Brooklyn Marriott while the yeshiva is having the dinner there.
They saw three other couples.
speaktruth-
I meant that just like campers shouldn’t say things that make the staff member feel uncomfortable so too the staff member shouldn’t say things that will make the campers feel uncomfortable.
How do you think I felt? Was it my fault that my parents were tipping one week later than the other parents? It’s not as if I had my own money when I was a preteen.
I didn’t want to offend all Kohanim and red heads so I just left it to your imagination.
(The shadchan also asked if her first name bothers him but I didn’t mention that so that anyone else with that name wouldn’t feel self conscience about it.)
Shadchan: “Does your son mind red heads? Because if he does the girl is willing to wear a different color sheitel after the wedding?”
Mom: “I don’t know, I never asked him.”
Shadchan: “Can you ask him and let me know?”
Mom: “Sure, anything else?”
Shadchan: “Oh yeah, come to think of it, is your son a Kohain?”
Mom: “Yes”
Shadchan: “Oh, in that case never mind, her mother said it’s not good for a Kohain to marry a red head!”
I felt very awkward giving a tip to a teenage girl at my kids’ day camp so I gave it to my kids to give to them (they are not the type of kids to hold the tip hostage).
It also goes the other way. One summer I was going home for the weekend after visiting day so my parents didn’t come up on visiting day. My counselor mentioned to me that I should “remember to bring something back” for him. And no, he did not mean a burger from Kosher Delight.
A friend received a call for information about me after I had told the shadchan that I felt the girl she suggested wasn’t for me. (The friend knew I wasn’t interested but due to a communication error the shadchan told the mother I had agreed to go out with her daughter.)
He decided to answer all of her “brilliant” questions with even better answers.
Mother-in-law of the year: “So what is he looking for in a wife?”
Mr. Friend: “I honestly don’t know, I got engaged before he was even thinking of dating and we never had a serious discussion about what he is looking for.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “If you had a sister of marriageable age, would-“
Mr. Friend: “I actually do have a sister who is currently on the market.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “Well, would you let your sister go out with him?”
Mr. Friend: “No way, I wouldn’t even consider it.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “Why not?”
Mr. Friend: “My sister is looking for a long term learner and he is going to college and plans to get a job after a few years of Kollel.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “What if that’s what your sister is looking for, then would you let them go out?”
Mr. Friend: “For sure, I would have set them up along time ago.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “Let’s say he marries my daughter and they have a child together. If the baby wakes up in middle of the night, will he take care of the baby or would he make my daughter get out of bed?”
Mr. Friend: “To tell you the truth, in all the years we’ve been roommates that situation never came up.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “OK, I see. Let’s try another scenario. Let’s say they get married and they go to the wedding of one of her friends. Being that he doesn’t know anyone there- will he dance during the dancing or just eat?”
Mr. Friend: “I actually thought of that question myself recently and decided to see for myself what he would do when he is at a wedding where he doesn’t know anyone, but since I was there and he knew me I couldn’t find out.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “My husband gives the 6:00 A.M. Daf Yomi Shiur at our shul every morning, would he be prepared to give it if my husband has to go out of town?”
Mr. Friend: “I don’t get up before 9:00 A.M. so I don’t know what he is capable of doing at 6 in the morning.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “Can you please put your wife on the phone?”
Mr. Friend: “Sure, but she doesn’t know him at all.”
Mrs. Friend: “Hello, nice to speak with you.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “Can you do me a favor? Go get your rolling pin and whack your husband over the head until you knock some sense into him.”
Mr. Friend (taking back the phone): “I can’t say for sure what he is looking for but I can say for sure what he is not looking for.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “What’s that?”
Mr. Friend: “He definitely does not want a violent mother-in-law!”
She actually called the shadchan to say she was interested and the shadchan had to tell her that she made a mistake and that I had never agreed in the first place.
The mother then asked another shadchan, who is also a family friend, to personally suggest the shidduch, but again it was turned down.
I hope to continue with my regular schedule.
Gabboim-
I agree with you, even more so if the computer you are using to go online belongs to the company.
Some one asked the Chief Technology Officer at an all employee meeting if we can surf the web while we are supposed to be working. He gave permission on a few conditions:
1. We get all our work done at the end of the day regardless,
2. We don’t use the Internet for anything “unprofessional” (use your imagination- the IP address can be traced to the company)
3. It does not impact anyone else’s ability to work (downloading movies during business hours can use up a good portion of the bandwidth).
(It is explicitly stated in the company policy that since we are a financial institution- everything that takes place on any computer that is logged into under our user-name and password is permanently recorded and is our responsibility.)
hereorthere- In my opinion you should be entitled to a coffee break here and there and you should feel free to do what ever you want with your personal property (iPad…) during that time, but that all changes if the boss specifically says otherwise.
When I was in Israel a sweet middle aged woman who lived nearby came to the dira and asked how she can wash her husbands tzitzis without ruining the strings.
Everyone else admitted that they never wash their tzitzis but I showed her how to wrap the strings in aluminum foil and put the beged in a mesh bag and how to hang it up to dry as opposed to using a dryer.
I offered to lend her the mesh bag but she admitted that it was just a test to see who was good enough for her niece.
“Would you like to go out with her?”
“Sorry, I would love to have you as an aunt, but I’m only 19.”
I can only try-
I prefer to call them variables but thanks for the compliment.
Maybe Chofetz Chaim can verify this but I just read that the Chofetz Chaim married his step-sister.
RISE
RILE
FILE
FILL
FALL
CALM
CALL
WALL
WILL
WILD
A novel about his pseudonym alone would make a best seller.
I think I get it: Zev = Wolf?
emoticon613-
Supposedly he wrote another book, “Samson’s Lion” but under a pseudonym.
I think “Alef Shin” and “Every Man a Slave” were written by the same author.
oomis1105-
During a phone call in between dates my wife asked if we could have an argument. I picked a topic which had nothing to do with us personally and I knew we wouldn’t agree on (we still don’t). We had a pleasant “disagreement” and at the end we agreed that we can respect each other’s opinions even thought they are different.
I was good to see that we could get along without agreeing on everything.
There are many parameters to take into account- your knowledge in the field, the need of the person being tutored, the amount of readily available tutors and the going rate.
I normally do not charge for tutoring but the last time I charged it was for $65 per hour. The parents were willing to pay any price for their son to pass his math regents so he wouldn’t have to take summer school.
Why isn’t it fair? Both Air France and BA retired their fleet in 2003.