HaKatan

If you get an invitation without a response card but with a Simchas Chassan ViKallah, it seems plain to me that nobody expects you to drive an hour or more just for the chuppah, then drive back home and turn around and then come right back for the 10:30 PM simchas chassan viKallah.

In this case, it’s obviously an either-or (but if you want to come to both then obviously they’ll be just as happy).

BTW, I happen to feel that this should be the norm; only very close family and select close friends should receive a response card. This would eliminate the “second class” issue.

The norm would be that unless you’re, say, either a brother or you’ve learned with the guy for 20 years, you’re getting a Chuppah and Simchas Chassan ViKallah invite. This would save millions of Jewish hard-earned dollars per year on full invites while still conveying to the invited party that you want to see them at your simcha and would be happy to provide dessert and tea, too, and allow that many more people to be misameach chassan vikallah (and stay for Sheva Brachos, too, once you’re coming that late…)

I am not at all insulted when I get a Chuppah/SImchas Chassan ViKalah invite. I take it as an acknowledgement that they wish me to participate in their simcha to the extent that they can reasonably offer, and I appreciate that. I don’t see the need to be insulted…

I’m not familiar with all of them.

The Oz ViHadar has some excellent “Hagahos viTziyunim” on the side, which show both mareh mekomos and also textual corrections, additions, and re-insertions of text previously censored. These are not found in the slightly older standard Shas editions. It also takes other Rash”is found elsewhere in Shas and places them on the page for reference and to compare with the Rashis on the same words in the current tractate.

Also, the Oz ViHadar re-did the layout and text of the Ros”h, Maharsh”A, the Ra”N and others, and it is far more readable and clear, in my humble opinion, than the older format used in older standard gemaras.

In addition, the Oz ViHadar has some other nice touches both on and off the page, such as for each pasuk referenced on a given page in the gemara, the complete passuk is shown both on that page and, in the back, in the “Torah Or HaShalem”, is also shown there with some basic Rash”is, which gives the learner some context and basic explanation of the passuk.

Finally, like some other editions, the Oz ViHadar combined many of the smaller commentaries into one “Yalkut Mefarshim” browsable in the gemara’s page order, instead of giving a page or two to each and making the user search through each one individually as done in the older editions, which is far more time consuming than Oz ViHadar’s and some others’ way. There may also be some other acharonim in the yalkut that are not in some others.

Artscroll is best known for its English translation and associated commentary on facing pages, both in-line with the English transaltion of the text and expository comments below it. It is otherwise essentially the standard Gemara, minus all the commentaries in the back, but does have, on the page, Likutei Rash”i which bring down Rash”is on the same words that are found in other tractates, and Laazei Rashi which translates the Old French words occasionally brought down in Rash”i.

I’d personally recommend both, for many people. The Oz ViHadar is a beautifully done gemara with many mefarshim and enhancements, and the Artscroll can supplement that with an excellent translation and commentary, both running commentary in-line with the text and expository comments below the text.

Bottom line: does it look “nice” and “well-put together”, or does it clearly exceed that and demand inappropriate attention?

Is a long-hair sheitel the latter? Or the former? Or could it be either?

Zionists are Euro-liberal and due to their unending struggle to be post-Jewish, will, as in the past, always turn the other cheek (like good Christians) regardless of what NK does or doesn’t do.

So it is absurd to suggest that NK is the cause of Israel’s lack of good PR, and it is further absurd to think that NK are the cause of their using second-choice military responses.

Think about what you’re saying, and you’ll realize it’s ridiculous.

The Zionsts were clearly wrong in charting this course against the majority of the gedolim of the early part of last century, and again, it’s their post-Jewish Euro-imitation that makes them not go in with force. Nothing to do with NK, however wrong as the NK’s methods may be.

I think it MIGHT have been a perfectly innocent compliment so I wouldn’t blow it out of proportion. But I would make sure it doesn’t go beyond a one-time compliment and stays 100% professional.

As far as the mussar stuff, I disagree that it is applicable here because what you seem to imply has nothing to do with personal middos but is rather a cultural issue, not a personality issue, from your description.

It’s also important to differentiate between the different types of “going slow” as I can’t believe gedolim are against learning pshat, whatever it takes this generation to do so.

I have a number of good friends, some Ashkenaz and some Sefard, and there are plenty of “intermarriages” between the two groups.

But the comparison to MO or chassidus is a faulty one. An Ashkenaz person and a Sefard person who went through the same or similar schools are likely at a similar level of observance and hashkafa (every individual is different, of course, though) so you would expect shidduchim between those 2 groups would make sense. But to compare that to an MO or Chassidic person who went to very different schools and/or has very different hashkafos, is ridiculous as one would need to adopt a very different STANDARD of observance rather than adapt to slight differences in the SAME LEVEL of observance.

I’ve seen many good photogs who do NOT “get in the way”.

Though I don’t really see the premise of the question…

Unless you get a personal psak otherwise, I would think Pac Man is basically on the money (perhaps they’re not 100% treif, but they are all definitely treif to various extents).

FACT: You are at least 99% guaranteed to negatively affect your neshama if you go to any performance that is NOT conceived, produced and acted by (pure) Torah-observant Jews. Simply, there has to be at least something in there, whether in concept, execution or both, that is kineged the Torah.

Shevet Reuven fell for Korach’s illogical arguments and rebelled against Moshe Rabbeinu who spoke to G-d face-to-face, Rashi says, because of their proximity in their encampments. But you’re sure you won’t be in any way negatively affected by going to an opera show? Really? It seems foolish and intellectually dishonest to bring raayos from what great men like these did in the times they lived in then for what could very well be personal or otherwise specific reasons/parameters.

In case this is not obvious: when you go to an opera show (or baseball game or anywhere else), you are subconsciously assimilating everything you see and hear. Now multiply that as needed given the emotional song and dance that goes on and it’s much more than subconscious (which is bad enough as you can’t defend it if you tried, unlike someone offering you a ham sandwich).

Besides the above:

The sexual debauchery of today was not what Rav Hutner allegedly went to see at an opera show. Also, since you’re not Rav Hutner, unless your Rav tells you it is okay, it is absurd to cherry-pick something he did then and take it as a carte-blanche heter for you. Incidentally, I don’t recall he recommend Opera in Pachad Yitzchak. Do you have a source for that?

Ditto for Rav Soloveichik, who, by the way, said that the more one can DISengage from modern society, the better! But cherry-picking and ignoring that is more convenient, of course.

Again, not every heter is universal or even close to it. Many are highly individual.

The technical parameters of kol isha are mainly irrelevant if you’re trampling on other issurei dioraysa and dirabbanan as those would in and of themselves forbid one from going to an opera performance. Such as, perhaps, Lo Sikrivu and uvichukoseihem lo seleichu for starters.

Whatever bein-adam laMakom aveiros you may choose to do are between you and G-d (and your Rav, if he permitted YOU to do it), but it’s certainly inappropriate to besmirch the name of great talmidei chachamim (who, as human beings, could have had special circumstances and/or could *possibly* have erred) to give yourself a faux heter to violate issurim chamurim.

minyan gal, the founders of this country were proud Christians, and since their concept of “God” is the trinity while yours, lihavdil, is not, what they did at that first Thanksgiving is certainly NOT what we do every Friday night and Yom Tov.

On another note, we thank Hashem at daily tefillos and other occasions, not the once a year we get around to it, so it is at least inappropriate for that reason. (Similarly, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are also not up to par.)

July 4th, on the other hand, is completely secular and national so Christianity has nothing to do with it, presumably. Having said that, that doesn’t mean it’s therefore a mitzva to celebrate it, but simply celebrating/BBQing in a dignified manner, preferably as a seudas mitzvah, would seem to be appropriate Hakaras HaTov to this Medina Shel Chessed. Ask your LOR, of course.

My guess is that hoods are too casual, like Jeans skirt vs Cotton/Poly/Wool.

mw13, that story is nauseating and I can’t see any halachic limud zchus in that story other than “oy larasha oy lishcheino”, as in last week’s parsha. There is absolutely no excuse for acting like a common ape instead of a human being.

Chaim,

First, you didn’t write where you were referring to, though your writing indicated the Eastern side of the Atlantic Ocean. However, if you were referring to NY and you are from, say England, please realize that New York is a busy place and NYers act that way. Think “Erev Shabbos”, 30 minutes to Shabbos. If someone needs your help, you might be happy to help even though you are under pressure to get some things done before Shabbos but that is not the time for needless small talk. I am not precisely defining this, but that should be somewhat accurate. As far as I’ve seen, this is a uniquely NY phenomenon, and it definitely has its advantages, though there is a down-side, too.

Besides for the above, I think there is a certain “familiar familial” feeling that is present at some of these establishments, which precludes the ability to serve customers the way they do in the (secular) world at large.

In other words, I get the feeling that in Jewish stores in heavily Jewish areas they expect that, like family, you would let them know if you need something but that, also like family, you don’t expect to be wined and dined since you could simply “help yourself” and, to an appropriate extent, “make yourself at home” and simply “speak up”.

I think the gender thing is also an issue, but this doesn’t explain your experiences if your counter-person was male.

“I bet if you were married in the last 20 years you came out to one of those songs too”

Bad bet to make. I have been to numerous weddings where the chosson/kallah insisted on only Jewish music and the band easily obliged them, INCLUDING for the opening dance. I don’t recall off-hand the songs used, but given the breadth of Jewish music out there, there must be (and are) options.

I feel the non-Jewish music is especially inappropriate at any seduas mitzvah, especially for a newlywed couple who are both newly tahor on their personal Yom Kippur, not to mention the rest of Klal Yisrael, so if some non-Jewish intro is played then I avoid dancing until the Jewish music starts.

It’s unbelievable how so many otherwise intelligent people have their heads in the sand about this issue.

YES, it definitely does affect us. It should be patently obvious that if this bill passes it is not a good thing for Jews, even if the effects take some time before they filter down, CH”V (though it’s already pretty terrible, may Hashem redeem us all BB”A).

Imagine a father-daughter or brother-sister alliance wanted the same for themselves, that a father and daughter or brother and sister should be allowed to have spousal benefits. Nothing to do with the bedroom, of course, but nonetheless they want equal rights…what about a man and his dog? Still no problem?

The more “normal” any perversion becomes, the more it will infiltrate into our holy camps. There’s nothing to debate and no amount of sheltering and talking about it post-facto will help return it to the days before it became legal.

Look around Chazal and take your pick…how about this week’s parsha? Binei Reuven got caught up with Korach’s rebellion because, Rashi says, Oy Larasha oy Lishcheino. This means, simply, that the Bnei Reuven knew better than to start up with Moshe Rabbeinu and Hashem Himself, but their mere proximity was enough to have them err and commit a grievous sin, one that makes no logical sense to an outside observer given Moshe Rabbeinu’s greatness and direct connection to Hashem.

If you live in NY and care about (acting and) raising kids properly, you do not want this bill to pass, no matter how little the effect may be on you, personally.

Mike, it is indeed sad.

While it may or may not be miraculous, it has also been very disastrous. Did your family also witness the atrocities of the Yaldei Teiman to the many other spiritual and physical atrocities from then all the way forward to things like the Oslo abomination and the various vicious expulsions of Jews at the hand of Jews or other Israelis? It is extremely sad, indeed, what brought about this State and what it has done to those it ironically claims it best protects, regardless of who does or does not live there. Has your family retained its strong pre-war Judaism in a supportive Jewish environment? Has your family been exposed to good Jewish values, or was it the anti-Torah post-Jewish Zionist values (including the IDF and its gender-mixing issues, regardless of the noble work they do in defending the lives of the Jews living there now that the Zionists insisted on a State)?

In fact, there are a great many yeshivos and many gedolim who live in Israel, and I alluded to that in my prior post. But that doesn’t change the facts of what happened and what is right and what is not right. It only supplies more fuel for fallacious rhetoric in an attempt to kasher this Chazir that, sadly, is even more like an Egel HaZahav than chazir.

From a practical perspective, as I’ve often written on these boards, Israel is a reality and it has placed itself responsible for millions of our brethren. This is not a flippant matter but one that requires a prudent practical approach now that Israel is a reality and the facts on the ground are what they are. But this does not excuse Zionism nor condone it in any way. It only further clarifies the disaster that Zionism was and is for Jews as a people.

Re: Lemony Snicket:

“Ever heard of the 1929 arab pogroms? Almost 20 years before the “medina” was even created, arab savages murdered 133 Jews including 68 in Hebron just for the simple fact that they were living in the land of their Forefathers. It’s almost as if you’re making an excuse for the arab brutalities. “

You’re inventing reasons for what the savages did. And you’re wrong, according to people who were there, like Rabbi Kaplan. Have you ever heard of “Shema Yisrael HaKosel Shelanu HaKosel Echad” which was a “religious zionist” idea at the time? This inflamed the savages (who were told that Al Aqsa was being threatened) and they acted like the barbarians they are.

So the Chevron Massacre does NOT at all indicate that the Arabs hated us before Zionism as Zionism actually pre-dated both the State and the Chevron Massacre by a good number of decades and the massacre did not happen in a vacuum.

None of this is intended to in any way excuse the savages for what they did. But it is also fallacious to say Zionism had nothing to do with it.

Goq, I am saddened to hear your pain, but I would hope that, in fact, you are misinterpreting her gestures and she has nothing against you.

I wouldn’t be surprised if she just heard that gemara about Uncles marrying Nieces and that kind of threw her and she was shy and confused because of that…also, young people do some strange things, both of which others have noted.

I’d be surprised if she actually intended to make you feel bad, though I obviously don’t know the people personally. I hope you can keep a good relationship in the future, BE”H, once this phase has passed.

Many simchas for all of you!

MANY guys continue to smoke after they get married no matter how much they love their wives. This is reality, and if you are willing to risk your life by dating a smoker, please do NOT have any illusions that he (or she) will likely quit. Is it possible? Yes, and I do know one or two people who have. But are the odds in your favor? NO WAY!

You can ask your mechaneches, Rav or whomever you look to for advice, but there is no person on this planet, no matter how many other maalos they have, that is worthwhile dating if he is so lacking in middos and brains that he is a smoker, even a “once-in-a-while” smoker. It’s very wrong and it speaks terribly of the person who smokes.

I happened to have been at a popular minyan factory in a certain well-established frum neighborhood and it was disgusting that there was no smoke-free area of the shul that I could get to and (not that anyone was smoking in shul, but) the strong lingering stench of cigarettes was repulsive (and a chilul Hashem). We are an am navon vichacham and yet this is what a shul smells like!?!

Also, anyone who starts to smoke now has an even lesser likelihood of quitting than someone who started 10 years ago, as someone who starts now is ignoring the many additional years of further medical knowledge of this deadly disgusting disease-causing dumb and deranged ADDICTIVE habit.

Virtually every society has its elegant and put-together form of dress. The form of dress of the United States and of many “Western” countries is that of a suit and hat. Unfortunately, the hat (and suit jacket, and soon the tie, too) have been mostly abandoned due to society’s decadence. However, the many military and other respectable institutions (like police departments), whose uniforms do include a hat, provide continued proof that a hat (and suit) is the most elegant form of dress, even if you would not nowadays wear a hat if you are not in a profession whose uniform includes a hat.

The black hat, in particular, is essentially as Grandmaster stated above. It’s not innately any more respectful than a different elegant hat, say, a Navy uniform’s cap, but in context it most likely is.

Therefore, *unless your minhag is otherwise* or there are practical consideration involved (work, people, etc.), it follows that a yeshiva-educated male would wear a hat to davening if not also throughout the day not less than, say, a firefighter or police officer wears his cap whenever he is on duty.

It’s obviously inadvisable to sit next to the opposite gender even if it’s not as obvious as not eating pork. Have you ever heard Lashon Hara (without wanting to, of course)? Does that make it okay? Obviously not.

And, incidentally, (perhaps?) you should not sit next to the opposite gender on a bus or train (even IF it is not technically forbidden? Ask your LOR, but don’t assume and extrapolate when it is not based on halacha.

As far as concerts, while it might be just fine to sit next to your spouse at a concert, that doesn’t mean there are no other issues in mixed concerts that need to be addressed. Are there any issues that concern you, personally? Perhaps ask your LOR.

While a posek should be consulted on this matter, my personal understanding and thoughts, based on what I have heard from prominent reliable people is that a shul and even a yachid cannot put someone in a situation where the person will either likely or definitely, (I cannot recall which, now) drive on Shabbos. More precisely, when dealing with someone who you know would drive on Shabbos, there has to be a practical and plausible alternative before you can invite him to your shul/home etc. on Shabbos.

Furthermore, to keep a shul parking lot open past the start of Shabbos, in a case where people will likely use it, seems irresponsible and a chilul Hashem. If they want to drive, they’ll find a way without you opening a parking lot for them as long as you do so with love and sincerity, not holier-than-thou nonsense.

A conservative Jew once mentioned to me in conversation that he lives too far from shul so he drives because how could he not pray to G-d on Shabbos just because he lives too far away? I was so thrown by this line of thinking that I regret I didn’t have an answer for him at the time that would not be CH”V embarrassing or offensive but still convey the fallacy of this argument.

The obvious flaw in that argument is that it is forbidden to drive on Shabbos. Prayer, however, can be done at home, too, even if this is not as preferable as praying in the synagogue. But, again, driving is absolutely forbidden barring pikuach nefesh et al reasons, so there is no justification for ASSISTING someone in doing so, CH”V. If someone parks around the corner then that’s his business, so to speak, but that doesn’t mean you leave the parking lot open to welcome the behavior, CH”V.

As with any mitzvah, the ends do NOT justify the means, and the future potential shemiras mitzvos is wonderful, but you can’t help him be mechalel shabbos to attain that wonderful goal. Let Hashem take care of His children while you work with them only within the framework of His Torah. Hashem is looking out for all His children and obviously does not want nor need you to assist in Chilul Shabbos.

There is plenty of Torah regarding how music is an expression of the soul and that it touches the soul directly.

Put simply, music is extremely powerful and its deepest “language” is understood by your soul, not your brain.

Why would anyone want to contaminate their neshama with some (low-life’s) “music” no matter what the lyrics, or even if it is instrumental?

Having said that, I have heard that this does not (fully?) apply to classical music. But it’s hard to imagine how any non-Jewish music could be safe, even if instrumental.

Comparing movies to the Internet is like comparing a Bais Zona to an apartment complex.

In each side of the two cases, one could find pritzus. But in each, as well, there is far more in one side than the other.

In other words, while the Internet contains both good and bad, as does any place where large numbers of humans exist like an apartment complex, any modern movie as well as a bais zona will definitely have unkosher material in it.

I think the mod made an excellent point about being desensitized to this stuff; just because society conducts itself in a very liberal manner does not ch”V change halacha.

Also, if one reads only the reviews of the movies currently out there (without even watching anything), there is no way any halachic Jew could justify such a debased and pathetic excuse for “the arts”. I don’t want to quote titles, but it is already beyond absurd; I don’t need to see the movies themselves to know it is not for any good Jewish boy or girl (yes, girls, too) to watch.

Even in a “normal” (by society’s standards) movie, there are too many potential issues to mention in even a few sentences, and the actresses’ inappropriate attire is not even the tip of the iceberg.

As with any halachic question, if in doubt, ask your LOR.

The notion that divorce is simply a “d-word” is, with all due respect, nonsense.

First, I would not make light of the mizbeach crying if one divorces his (first) wife, CH”V. That’s a serious statement.

Divorce has many ramifications and, for that reason alone, it should not be utilized unless it is truly necessary to do so, as opposed to anything less than necessary, including specifically *childish* divorces.

It is oftentimes also a tragedy because it is often avoidable given proper communication and proper mindsets before any nastiness starts. So it is, sometimes, a tragedy that did not have to happen if the players were both up to speed. Aseh licha Rav (uknei licha chaveir), and marital therapy as appropriate, would probably be extremely useful in nipping in the bud any potential trouble before it becomes a real issue.

Again, in cases of abuse or even for less serious issues, it would seem obvious that this is why Hashem, in His infinite wisdom gave us the framework for instantly ending a marriage in a halachic fashion. But this is not a decision to take lightly.

And the fear of divorce is not what will keep a marriage healthy. If that’s what’s keeping a marriage together then there are obviously underlying issues that must be worked through to keep the marriage truly healthy. But fear of it is obviously not the purpose of divorce nor the cause of lasting marriages.