WolfishMusings

The correct answer is No. It doesn’t “pas” that you should be eating leftovers.

Hope that helps and good luck in the shidduch market!

Oh well. I guess since we observe the mitzvah of “bal tashchis” we are “too frum” to be in the shidduch market. 🙂 I guess my kids will have to find their spouses the way I did… outside the shidduch system.

The Wolf

Same place it says a Yirei Shamayim shouldn’t fress a hot dog in public.

Exactly as I figured – you don’t have a source.

If you want to believe that, then that’s fine, that’s your opinion – but it doesn’t make it so.

The Wolf

i think i posession, not asset.

Kids aren’t possessions either.

my house is not so precious to me- it can be replaced if something were to happen.

Whether something can be replaced or not is not an indication of monetary value. Baby pictures can’t be replaced, but they aren’t partiuclarly valuable in the monetary sense.

if someone had millions of dollars worth of precious gems, wouldnt they take every precaution to make sure they were safe every second of every day? why are our children any different.

I understood your point, and did not necessarily disagree with it (see the pet peeve I just posted about). I was simply taking objection to the practice of referring to children as assets (or possessions).

The Wolf

Comparing children to assets or other money is not always valid. After all, I generally leave my most valuable asset*, my house, unattended almost every day.

The Wolf

* Children are NOT assets. Yes, they are valuable, but they are not assets.

You think everything a Yirei Shamayim would do is written down somewhere??

Written down or explained somewhere, yes. So, once again, cite?

The Wolf

(Or, one better… perhaps we should say a yarei shamayim doesn’t post on an internet board. 🙂

The Wolf)

A Yirei Shamayim doesn’t read fiction.

Cite?

According to one opinion in the Gemara, Iyov is fiction*. Are you telling me that a yorei shamayim doesn’t read Iyov?

The Wolf

* Fiction in the sense that it historically did not happen. That does not mean to say that there aren’t lessons to be learned from it, etc.

They certainly have far more to do with feminism, then with broken engagements.

Whatever. We discussed it over there. In fact, I still have an open question out to you there. Please respond there.

The Wolf

especially being pushed by corrupt therapists/counselors.

Just out of curiosity, do you feel that counselors have some reason for pushing divorce at the expense of the happiness of the couple, or do you think that they believe that divorce is the best thing for their clients.

In other words, are you accusing them of deliberate malpractice or gross ignorance?

The Wolf

Hereorthere,

And, again, I will state, that I find it personally galling that you are willing to castigate my family, where we *actively* made sure to have a parent at home when the kids were home while giving a “free pass” to others who have their kids practically raised by babysitters.

The Wolf

But that will not happen if they are not there in the first place.

Hello… I’m talking about a case where the parents abandon the kids to their own devices. I’m talking about a case where the parent goes to school or a job while the kids are at school.

What lessons are you expecting my wife to teach the kids while she is sitting at home and the kids are in school.

So you are playing G-d and deciding you have G-d like powers to know that all through their future they will NEVER make a wrong decision that they would have made the right choice about if your wife had been there to teach them a certain lesson (perhaps that they would just observed, rather then actually being lectured to)

that will not change the course of their lives for the worse.

Oy… where to begin with this illogic?

First of all, let’s repeat — when the kids are at school, then my wife is not actively parenting. As such, there is no reason for her to hang around the house to worry about “wrong decisions” they will make at home — because they aren’t at home.

Secondly, do you and your wife EVER go anywhere without your kids? Maybe you’re going miss an opportunity that will have important ramifications in their future?

Thirdly, you seem to be under the assumption that parents are responsible for every decision their children make when they get older. That’s not true. My job is to give my kids the tools to make decisions on their own as they get older. If they’re a CEO in the future and fire someone, then it’s because they made the call based on their judgment. It is unfair and wrong to hold parents eternally responsible for everything their kids do in life.

When YOU bring them up, and use them as examples with the OBVIOUS implication that others should take some lesson from it regarding the topic being discussed.

No, it’s not OBVIOUS. Because something works for me, that doesn’t mean it works for everyone. Every parent needs to know their own situation. I know mine — and you don’t.

See, a fair criticism would have been something like “I’m glad that works for you, Wolf, but I feel that in general…”

An unfair response is “God will judge you for that…”

The former is a proper response, the latter is a direct criticism of a personal situation. I would not have taken the former personally. The latter I have no choice BUT to take personally.

That being said, let me repeat to you my main question:

Since the kids are in school all day, why do you think it’s so bad that my wife out learning/working while they aren’t home?

The Wolf

You’re asking a hypothetical, not an actual situation.

That’s true.

(i.e. She was once pushed for the first and last time after 25 years of marriage of a loving marriage

That’s not the type of case that I was referring to… and you know it. I was referring to a case where a woman in punched/hit/kicked on a regular basis by her husband. That’s usually what people mean when they talk about physical abuse in marriage — not an isolated incident 25 years earlier.

The Wolf

Most of those issues CAN AND SHOULD be resolved within a marriage.

I’m curious… of the four that SJS mentioned, which do you think should be resolved within a marriage (and which, if any, do you think are legitimate grounds for divorce)?

The Wolf

Look at how many people smoke, they almost never start smoking as adults.

They do it as children or teenagers because of peer pressure.

Peer pressure occurs with kids whether the mother works or not.

There are many more indications that kids are not being raised properly, which are not as visible.

I’m not even sure what you mean by this. Please explain.

Actually there is a VERY strong and clear relation between vegetarianism and hatred of Jews.

All the animal rights wackos, hate Israel and can’t wait to see it destroyed.

In the end, she did both. When the kids were younger, she was a SAHM. Now that my kids are all teens and don’t need the full-time attention as much, she’s pursuing a career.

You missed the point. The point is that you can’t take trait A about a person who did evil and say that that was the cause of his/her evil. What if I showed you that the Columnbine shooters liked peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch? Would you then ban PB&J?

I am not G-d, HE is the one you will obne day have to defend yourself and the ideas YOU suoported and advocated, as will I, as will your wife.

I’m fairly certain that HE will not mind the fact that my wife did not just sit around the house while the kids were at school.

If you are the exception where you have found a way to do it without missing on second of being with the kids so that when they make a decision later in life as a CEO to fire someone when they should have had compassion and not fired them, but did not know that because there would have been on day that G-d (not me)

Then this is not about “you”.?

I have no idea what the heck you’re talking about here. Can you please explain more clearly?

I responded to your GENERAL statement, and too bad if you do not like THAT.

Actually, you did not respond to a GENERAL statement. You responded to a VERY SPECIFIC statement that I made about MY family. In fact, I made no general statement at all.

To refresh your memory, the statement of mine that you responded to was:

In the end, she did both. When the kids were younger, she was a SAHM. Now that my kids are all teens and don’t need the full-time attention as much, she’s pursuing a career.

I did not say IN GENERAL that teens don’t need their mothers. I was talking about MY wife, MY kids and MY family, whom, frankly, you have never met and (aside from what I’ve said here) you know not one thing about. That being said, I DO take exception to your criticism of ME and MY family when there are others in the frum community who commit far more lax in the parenting of their kids.

The Wolf

Found this oldie but goodie…

1) Do they use a plastic tablecloth on top of the Shabbos tablecloth

5) Is Sunday nights supper leftovers from Shabbos?

Here’s what we do.

1. Yes we do.

2. Yes we do.

3. I can’t speak for what my daughter will do when she’s ready for marraige, for for now, she wears a robe.

4. No, she doesn’t.

5. You’d better believe it.

I guess my kids are never getting married… oh wait, Eeees and I somehow managed it with the same answers. 🙂 Perhaps it’s because we didn’t go through such silly questions. 🙂

The Wolf

EDITED

I’m not convinced that having access to TV, reading books, etc. = a greater chance of having a marriage end before the first anniversary.

Or am I misunderstanding the assumption behind the point that was being made?

The Wolf

his is a topic for the feminism thread, so I will answer it there.

It really has nothing to do with feminism (your assertions beside the point), but I responded there anyway.

The Wolf

How would the posters here discribe the husband:

3. other

The choices are wrong. The Rambam didn’t say that women shouldn’t go out because it’s the husband’s perogative. He held that women shouldn’t go out for tznius reasons. I believe the Rambam’s halacha was meant for unmarried women as well.

The Wolf

My question pertains to the halachic basis (including minhugim, proper hashkofo, etc.), NOT personal opinions.

Fair enough. But then I’m left to wonder why you decided to post this hear rather than asking your LOR, where you can probably get a better answer than from the lay-folk here.

The Wolf

it is ridiculous that if her husbands rov holds carrying in flatbush is mechallel shabbos (which is skillah) that she then carries.

I don’t use the eruv, but I don’t consider those who do to be mechallelei Shabbos. Why do you assume SJS’s rav holds that way?

once married she goes by the husband.

Obviously, her rav found a reason to say not to. Do you know the reasoning for his p’sak?

The Wolf

Missme,

You still haven’t answered my question. What, specifically, were you decrying when you said “oy has our generation fallen?”

Were you decrying that someone doesn’t ask a shaila based on your say-so?

Were you decrying the fact that SJS has a different practice than her husband?

Were you decrying the fact that she uses the eruv at all?

Were you decrying the fact that I’m not asking a shaila about divorcing my wife?

Were you decrying that SJS asked a shaila about the eruv and you didn’t like the answer?

In short, what were you decrying?

The Wolf

oy has our generation fallen. and to what depths! and they actually think they have risen…

What, specifically, is this in reference to?

The Wolf

it is patently obvious you dont want to ask these two shaila’s we discussed above cause you know (and dont like) what the answers will be.

A person is not required to ask a shaila because an internet poster tells him/her that they think it’s necessary.

Heck, earlier in this thread, a poster said I needed to ask a shaila if I’m required to divorce my wife because I don’t force her to follow my orders. Needless to say, I’m not asking shailos because an anonymous Internet poster tells me I have to.

The Wolf

It’s interesting, but this situation is indicative of some of the struggling that I’ve done as a parent over the years.

While we don’t go upstate for the summer and therefore have never been to the WalMart in question, I find a lot of the sentiments expressed here hitting home.

My kids are all teenagers now. As teens, they are struggling to find and assert their own identities. As a parent, I often find myself asking myself how much to “crack down” on them and how much to simply allow them to be kids. Of course, there are lines not to be crossed, but OTOH, you can’t pounce on a kid for every infraction either. It’s finding that balancing point that has been, I believe, one of the major challenges of being a parent.

A lot of that, I find, is being expressed here in this thread. Of course, it’s for each parent to decide for their kids where the “do not cross” line is. For some, it’ll be physical activity with the other gender. For others, it might be conversations. Others, obviously, take *any* interaction as a line not to be crossed. I’m not going to judge any individual parent’s choices in this matter — they know their kids better than I do. But if you’re going to have “do not cross” lines (wherever they may be), then you have to relax a bit on the other side of that line. If you push the line too far to one side (where nothing is forbidden) you wind up with kids with no rules. If you push the line too far the other way (where your kids have to be perfect, or else) is just as bad.

But if your line is somewhere in the middle (as it is for most of us parents), then that means that (by definition) you have to allow the kids some leeway on those infractions that are not over that line.

The Wolf

I have not said anywhere that a wife can faif un a husband,

Please forgive the ignorance, but what, exactly, does “feif un” mean?

The Wolf