I wanted to bring something up that I am sure many other girls are suffering from. I decided to write when I heard today of yet another 2 divorces. First of all, all of you out there that are living through it, I feel for you and hope Hashem gives you the strength to rise above your challenges whatever that may be.
As for my concern. Shidduchim is hard enough as it is with all the different challenges (as I prefer to refer to it instead of crisis). However, I have become a bit petrified when it comes to marriage! People that I have always known as such good and stable people, I am now hearing and seeing daily that they are getting divorced! My whole world is being shaken. My whole secure feeling of what marriage is, is totally being rocked. Of course I am aware that it’s not happily ever after the second prince charming comes along and sweeps you off to a new fantasy life of bliss. But I can’t handle this. My young classmates divorced… quite a few of them. My friends parents… also quite a few. Neighbors, friends, acquaintances…. ?!?!?! Hashem help me!!! I am so scared when dating. How will I know better than any other what to look for in each person and how to pick up on certain signs! I don’t mean to shift the blame to the boys. I am sure some of the boys have a fear likewise about the girls. And then some of them find out after marriage that a girl has a lot more to her than her looks, and they wish they would have known to be aware before they got married.
Yes, sometimes it is necessary to get a divorce because of abuse or mental health problems. This is scary because it is so hard to see especially when the person is charming and has lots of chein. And when checking out (so I have learned the hard way with dating) people don’t really tell you these things straight because they want the person to get married. Nebuch, at the spouse’s expense! I’ve wondered, is everyone in this world expected to and supposed to get married even if they have abuse issues, or anger problems that are out of control?
About the guys that are not of the above category, just not compatible and discovered they couldn’t work things out after marriage or whatever the case may be. How am I supposed to know what to look for in that case. I have been out with quite a few boys that I have been comfortable and happy around and in the end for x or y it didn’t go but how do I know what to look for to make sure I will be doing the right thing to marry the right one? Being in the somewhat yeshivish world I haven’t had much interaction with boys and don’t necessarily know how to read them since I am not one. And so the fear lives on.
Ah, Siyata Dishmaya you say??? I admit 100% it is all in Hashems hands. But my friend that just got divorced also had siyata dishmaya and is a baalas bitachon and was also so happy at her chasuna. Yet she and her baby are no longer in the life of her husband. And the chills once again run up my spine. Why am I special that Hashem will protect me more than her?
I mamish daven at every chuppah that it should be a bayis neeman adei ad…. I daven that the whole world should be able to raise the next generation with functional happy families. But I can not help but be afraid and cry as each day I hear of yet another….. broken home!!
Please readers…. What can we do??
Petrified in the Parsha.