Having just recently read some gender-based letters (that is, letters from women complaining about men) in a Jewish publication, I was confronted with a mailbag letter from a female high school student complaining about the dress code of the seminary she will be attending next year. Besides saying that the code would stifle her self-expression, the student alleged that parallel standards are not applied to yeshiva bochurim, in that rules against “hoodies” and guidelines about haircuts are allegedly not being enforced in men’s yeshivas.

Excuse me??? Last time I checked, Yeshiva boys have the most restrictive dress code of all, being required to wear black suits/pants and white shirts. The focus of this letter is not on the merits of dress codes, although I would think that seminary is more a time for introspection and self-examination than outward expression. After all, isn’t the point of seminary to find your best self before expressing it to the world?

Nevertheless, my focus is on this student’s seeming need to point fingers at how the boys are being treated and to claim that that treatment is unequal.

For the record, I am a woman. That fact, rather than leading me to agree with the student, makes me ashamed of how so many frum women appear to be following secular “woke” women’s lead in blaming men for their problems, crying victimization and unfair treatment.

I beseech all frum girls and women to remember that humility is a key midah for all of klal Yisroel, male and female, and that we need to take responsibility for our thoughts and behaviors. We are living in a very dangerous time with anti-semitism growing daily. What we need now is to be humble before Hashem and grateful to Him for all that he gives us.

We should also be dan l’kaf zchus of other yidden and to take all setbacks or difficulties as a kappara and an opportunity to see what we need to do teshuva for or improve upon. While the current world situation is stressful, we must find a way to deal with that constructively rather than following the terrible example of the secular world and turning on each other.

Signed,
A concerned reader

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