There’s no shortage of articles, speeches, and podcasts analyzing the rising cost of frum living. No one denies it anymore—living a Torah lifestyle is expensive. Many factors have been blamed, from the shidduch system to basic market forces, and each plays a role. But one simple truth remains: if we, as a community, work to reduce our own spending, prices will eventually come down.
With that in mind, I’d like to suggest a practical first step. Each shul can establish basic guidelines for simchos held on its premises—whether it’s a Kiddush, bar mitzvah, aufruf, or similar event. The policy can be simple: the shul offers two or three preset Kiddush options. The Rav should discuss the pricing with members to ensure the tiers reflect what the community can realistically afford.
I know what some will immediately ask: “But what stops people from making their Kiddush somewhere else?” It’s true—no one can be forced to follow a policy outside the shul’s walls. But if even 90% of families choose to participate, the impact is real. And the reality is that many people – even those who can afford more elaborate events – would welcome the relief of a set standard. They can simply say, “I would have done more, but this is what the Rav allows.”
This idea doesn’t require a national movement or a new organization. We don’t need a conference panel, fundraising campaign, or committee. It calls for something much simpler: rabbanim and shul members deciding together that enough is enough.
If we take communal responsibility for our spending habits, we can start turning the tide. Change doesn’t have to begin with conferences and campaigns—it can begin in our own shul kiddush room.
Sincerely,
C.J.
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12 Responses
Our chasidish shul in bp has been doing this for years. So smart! There is no social pressure whatsoever!
“But if even 90% of families choose to participate, the impact is real.”
Sorry, 90% won’t follow it and the shuls dont want to lose the income from their hall being rented out for the kiddush
I am very proud of YWN! It is now several times a week that YWN has been publishing opinions like this. The people start talking about things that are important in a real religious Jewish life. Vilna Gaon said it: the generation before Moshiach will be infested with the reversal of the priorities! The problem is us, the spoiled American Jews. We do not appreciate the Galus as Galus. That is because we are still very comfortable with the artificial Norishkait that we have created over the past 50 years for ourselves. These articles remind everyone that a lot has been happening since the COVID. Hashem is trying to tell us something: Do Teshuva and get your priorities straight! The biggest priority right now is Love of self (because of Malmlechet Kohanim and Guy Kadosh. Not to mention that with greatness comes responsibility!), love of Yiden, love of Mitzvos, and love of Hashem.
These articles tell me that the kelal Yisrael( as mentioned in the Zohar Hakadosh) is getting tired of the orthodox fragmentations, none of which is anywhere near perfect. No more Zionist, anti Zionist, Chabad, Breslov, Satmar, Yeshivesh, litvak, chasiddish, and Sephardish….Just focus on the word and concept of the Yid-the children of the Aibeshter! People are beginning to realize that we all have one Torah and one Hashkafah and that is focus on these basic religious midos). Tune it down!
It is the first time that I see that people start to focus on the priorities and this makes me very happy. Articles like this tell me that we are on the right track to bring the Moshiach. Nothing more complicated. let’s get the gashmiositsike values, modeled after Eisav out of our system! Kol hakavod!
Just another desperate attempt to bring sanity to orthodox Jewry
Can someone please explain to me why every Simcha has to have 30 different bottles of vodka tequila bourbon whiskey schnapps, The Milk and Honey distillery, Jack Daniel’s, Bourbon Woodford, Balvenie, Benriach, Monkey Shoulder, Jim Beam, Patron tequila and etc.?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I know for a fact that many fathers and husbands come home after a Simcha completely wiped out and they go to sleep and the mother eats the Shabbos Seuda with her children without their father.
This is a symptom not the underlying problem. You can regulate all you want, this issue will just pop up somewhere else. There is an underlying problem that people feel unfulfilled in life are trying to fill it with something. If Shachris Shabbos morning was so exciting and exhilarating, people wouldn’t need a fancy kiddush they would already feel fulfilled. Focus on the real issue not the symptom.
Coffee addict: That is the root of the problem. If you trace all these issues with chessed organizations etc…. you will end up with oneor both of the 2 things: Desire for Kavod/koach and the desire for the momon! Very sad. That is why when sincere people like the people in these articles, take over and complain about the norishkaid, more organizations will start start looking for things that make an honest parnasah. Seperate the religion from business!
People who have money tend to overspend. The standards get raised. Other people feel embarrassed they can’t keep up. Everyone tries to outdo each other. Someone writes something up saying we should limit ourselves. The wealthy continue to spend because they have it and why should they listen. Nothing changes
Ahava,
The other side of your story is that the shul has operating expenses (besides the money that goes to the Rav) which membership dues and the yizkor appeals dont cover
Life isnt so simple
rebEmes: Good point. Yes if you do not have core Jewish values, then nothing stops you from spending. However, if you purify yourself from narishkait and self-worship. you can stop yourself. That is the whole point of these articles!
Coffeadict: KISS (keep it simple). King Chizkyahoo asked the Cohen Gadol to clean up the bais Hamikdash and do repairs. The Cohen Gadol was in charge of money and no repairs took place for many years. Until one day the King came and placed a big Pushkah at the chazer of the BHM and appointed a group of sadikim that acted as the treasures. Within days, the BHM appeared emasculate. We are obligated to give sedakah. Nothing wrong with that! Theses treasurers had no personal interest in the sedakah money. They had their own source of honest parnasah!
Here is the solution to all these problems: 1) concerned people like yourselves need to demand from the the leaders/Rabanim to talk about the very much needed reform in the chinuch of our young children. Trust me if enough people like you raise their concern, they will start leading. 2) Strong focus on the Tefilah: Our children need to understand the deep meaning behind every single word that we currently recite “like a Robat” To Hashem. 3) Mastership over our Lashaon Hakodesh and dikdok. This is the ONLY language that Hashem spoke to our forefathers. It should not be strange to our children. 4) Bring back the biggest Musar Sefer and Emunah Sefer that we have in our possession: The Tanach. Talk to R Reismman, Shelita about this! The Yeshiva system already in Europe wrote that treasure off a long ago. Look at our Sephardic brothers. They never banned the the Tanach and they never banned the Zohar Hakadosh! Compare their Emmunah to ours! They do not have 100 denominations of orthodoxy in order to figure out the truth! Sticking to the old stuff is very helpful! 5) The study of the Midrash metaher and mekadesh the heart of our children so that when they grow older, they will treat the gemarah not as an empty intellectual exercise, but rather a holy mission that penetrates through their heart so that they can do Maasim Tovim with it. ( Rav Chaim used to make a Siyum on the Tanach and Midrash once a year). 6) While we demand from mechanechim to stop robbing us from our very much needed mesorah, you as a holy Jewish mother have an obligation to bring to the attention of your friends that you all have the ULTIMATE POWER IN YOUR HANDS: Stop focusing on fancy dresses and sheitels. Stop modeling after holly wood and other social media garbage. In this week Parsha Yaakov Avinu wants to run away from the beis Midrash that is located inside his mother’s womb. He even has the best Rabbi there, Malach Hashem! The best true Chinuch. But he can not stay there. Why? What’s the rush to get out? Say Rav Chaim, the briskeh Rav: The influence of Esav is what makes Yaakov Avinu concerned. Even though he has the warmest and most comfortable Mokom Torah with the greatest Daas Torah/Rabi, he still wants to come out prematurely!!!!. The beautiful BLOND MODEL that Eisav wants to sell Yaako from LA and Miami is what frightens Yaakov! I just came home from a wedding. On my way out I decided to strike a conversation with the doorman that was holding the door for all of us and no one was saying a word to him. I decided to make a Kiddush Hashem. I even touch him to show him my warmth. You know what he asked me? He said Why is it that I see so many bearded man (that look not attractive), but I can not keep my eyes off of your drop dead gorges woman? One is more beautiful than the next one! I was speechless! This man was telling me that if you the holy Jewish mother focus on what Esev wants to get you busy with, of course you will come to neglect the Chinuch of your child and certainly not a Toradikeke role model for your own children. My dear holy Jewish mother: We desperately need you! We just need your attention so that we bring Mosheich. Be a role model first and then demand the Chinuch that gives emunah and Yiraas shomayim to our children. That is how our great great grand parents handed the mesorah to us! And Don’t forget to daven with lots of Kavana. That is what Rivkah emenu did. She was not somech on Basa Vedam. She said in the same Paskuk. let’s go Lidrosh Hashem. May Bezchus of getting our priorities staraight and bezchos our Nashim Sadkanyos, we will be zoche to witness Heveias Hagoel Bekarov!