Search
Close this search box.

Halachically Speaking: Following The Customs Of The Goyim


Halachically

[Halachically Speaking appears on YWN weekly, Tuesdays and Thursdays] 

Written by Rabbi Moishe Dovid Lebovits of KOF-K Kosher Supervision

The Torah[1] states “one may not follow in the ways of the goyim.” The Rambam[2] writes one should be different than the goyim in his actions, knowledge and in his understanding. There is a major dispute among theRishonim and Achronim as to the parameters of this issur.[3] A practice which the goyim do for their avodah zara, is forbidden for a Yid to do, even if the Torah says it is a Jewish custom.[4] The Maharik[5] writes that there are goyish practices, whose reasons and origins cannot be found, and are still forbidden to Yiddin since it would appear that we are copying them. Furthermore, all immodest practices that the goyim are associated with, is forbidden to a Yid. Most poskim agree with the guidelines of the Maharik.[6] However, the G’ra[7] says the only thing that is permitted is a practice which was possibly originated in Jewish circles, if it was not initiated by thegoyim. The Chinuch[8] says the reason for this mitzvah is in order that the Yiddin should distance ourselves from the goyim.

Goyish Names

The Medrash[9] states the Yiddin were redeemed from Mitzrayim through the merit of four things: one of them is that they did not change their names. The Maharam Shik[10] is of the opinion that one who has a goyish name has transgressed the issur of “following the customs of the goyim.” To stress this point, it is brought down that the last name Shik stands for Shem Yisroel Kodesh, to show one should only have a Jewish name.[11] What is the explanation as to why one would have a non-Jewish name? Horav Moshe Feinstein zt”l[12] says that many non-Jewish names today have gained acceptance because they originated from countries in which the Jews lived in.[13] The names taken eventually were accepted as Jewish names. The aforementioned Medrash should be a good reason as to why one should choose a Jewish name. Nonetheless, some say the Medrash is only referring to the Jews who left Mitzrayim, since the Yiddin had not yet become a nation, and needed to keep their Jewish names and language as a distinction between them and the Mitzrayim.[14] It is permitted for one to call his child a name that is a Jewish name but translated into a different language. For example, one can call his child Moshe-Moses.[15] Although having a goyish name might not be an issur, according to everyone, the poskim stress the importance of only having a Yiddish name.[16]

 

The “Red String”-Ruita Bendel

Many people have the “custom” of wearing a red string on their wrist to avoid any ayin hara.[17] The Tosefta in Shabbos[18] says tying a red string on one’s finger is Darchei Hu’emorey, and some seforim say “tying a red string” is darchei hu’emorey.[19] There is an opinion in the poskim that anything which is stated in the Gemorah is not a problem of darchei hu’emorey.[20] The seforim bring down that the color red does help protect againstayin hara.[21] The Be’er Moshe[22] says the custom is that one may place a red string to ward off any ayin hara.[23] The Zohar says that looking at techeiles avoids ayin hara.[24] Some explain the reason for wearing a red string is because red dye was used in the bais hamikdash, and it came from a worm. Horav Shamshon Refoel Hirsch zt”l points out that the worm is the lowest of the creatures and it was used for a holy purpose. Ayin hara is if a person is blessed with good, and he becomes haughty, it might cause him to be judged by Hashem. The red string is reminiscent of the lowly worm, and each time one looks at it, he is reminded to be humble, and this will hopefully save him from any ayin hara.[25] It is stated in seforim that if a pregnant woman wears the “strings” from Kever Rochel she will carry her baby to full term.[26] It is not clear where the custom to wrap the string seven times around the kever originated from.[27] Instead of relying on these red strings to ward off ayin hara, one should work on himself to be more humble, and in this way will be protected from any ayin hara.[28] One who is wearing the red string because he thinks it helps to prevent any ayin hara, nevertheless he should not wear it outside on Shabbos because of carrying.[29]

 

Flowers/Greenery In Shuls For Shavuos

The custom is to place greenery in shuls on Shavuos,[30] and many have the custom to place them in their homes as well.[31] Some say this is done for simchas haregel.[32] Others say the reason is as a remembrance of Har Sinai, which was surrounded with beautiful greenery at the time the Torah was given to Klal Yisroel.[33] The seforim mention many other reasons for placing greenery on Shavuos.[34] Another custom is to place trees in shulsfor Shavuos,[35] and the Magen Avraham[36] states the reason is because on Shavuos one is judged for the fruits of a tree. According to this reason one should only take branches of a fruit tree and place it in the shuls,[37]however, the custom is not like this.[38] It would seem that one should not place artificial flowers etc.[39] Many have the custom to place greenery etc. on the floor, but the custom is not so.[40] The Gra[41] was against theminhag of placing flowers-greenery in shuls for Shavuos, as this was the custom of the goyim who decorated their homes and churches with greenery during their holidays, and the Gra believed this minhag should be abolished. Many poskim go in accordance with the ruling of the Vilna Goan.[42] Some say the Gra wanted to abolish both the placing of flowers and trees in shuls.[43] However, Horav Shlomo Zalman Aurbach zt”l[44] says the Graonly wanted to abolish the custom of placing trees in shuls and not flowers. The custom in most places is to place flowers and branches of trees in the shuls for Shavuos.[45] Some place nice smelling greenery on the Sefer Torah in honor or Matan Torah.[46] Some have the custom to place pictures of flowers in their windows.[47]

 

Chupah In A Shul/Indoors

The custom is to have a chupah either outdoors or indoors under an open sky.[48] The reason for this is a siman tov for one to have “as many children just as the number of the stars in the sky.”[49] The custom to have the roof open in an indoor building, is considered under the sky.[50] The Sefardim do not perform their chupahs under an open sky.[51] There is a major discussion in the poskim whether one is allowed to have a chupah in a shul, or in any closed area, since it may seem that one is following in the ways of the goyim, who perform their weddings indoors in their churches.[52] Horav Moshe Feinstein zt”l[53] is of the opinion that there is no problem with performing a chupah in a shul. It is obvious that one is not doing this to follow in the ways of the goyim.[54]

 

The Wedding Ring

Some have the custom that after the chassan gives the kallah the wedding ring, in return the kallah gives the chassan one. Horav Moshe Feinstein zt”l[55] maintains that this is a goyisha custom and it is forbidden. However, if after the chupah the kallah gives her husband a ring to wear as an adornment, to show they are married it is permitted, as long as the ring is not a symbol of kiddushin on her part. Nonetheless, many poskim say although it might be permitted, a yira shomayim should not wear a ring.[56]

 

 

The Proper Place For The Bimah

The proper place for the bimah is in middle of the shul.[57] One of the reasons for this is that the goyim have their lecterns in the front part of their churches, and if the bimah would be in the front, it would seem that we are copying them.[58] Many poskim say it does not have to be exactly in the middle, but it should be far away from the aaron kodesh so that one may pass by the Aaron Kodesh and the Bima.[59]

 

The Bas-Mitzvah Celebration

Many poskim maintain that one should not celebrate their becoming Bas-Mitzvah with a party since it is following the ways of the goyim, and there is no basis for this seuda.[60] Nevertheless, many poskim say those that have the custom to have a Bas-Mitzvah celebration, have on whom to rely upon.[61] One may not have their bas-mitzvah celebration in a shul.[62] The Bas-Mitzvah celebration is not a seudas mitzvah according to many poskim.[63]

 

Thanksgiving Celebrations

Horav Moshe Feinstein zt”l was hesitant to permit one to have a Thanksgiving celebration. However, if the reason why one is eating turkey is not because of Thanksgiving (but because it is readily available) then one may eat the turkey. Nonetheless, one who wants to act in a more stringent manner, should eat the turkey on a different night. One should preferably not schedule a chasana or a Bar Mitzvah on the night of Thanksgiving, since it be marisayin. However, making a seuda for a Pidyon Haben or a Bris Milah is permitted, since it is obvious that the seuda you are making is for seudas mitzvah. If one schedules a chasana etc. on Thanksgiving because many people are off from work that day, he may do so.[64] Horav Yisroel Belsky Shlita adds the following; “If such parties were made as a sign of patriotism to the U.S., it would be acceptable for Yidin to make them as well as a sign of loyalty to their host country. This does not seem to be the case however, and there is no reason that a yid should make them.”

Placing Flowers/Pictures On A Gravestone

Some have the custom to place flowers etc. on the aaron of the deceased and/or on the gravestone. Many poskim are against this practice as this stems from the custom of the goyim.[65] Some say those who do so, have on what to rely on;[66] however, this is not the custom.[67] One is not allowed to place a picture of the deceased on the gravestone.[68]

 

Attending Sport Stadiums

Horav Moshe Feinstein zt”l[69] maintains that one who attends a sports stadium falls into the category of moshev leitzim. Although the issur of “following in the ways of the goyim” is not being transgressed, one is subjecting himself to a place where there is a lack of tznius.[70] If one does attend these sports events, he should be careful to act in accordance with halacha.



[1]  Parshas Kedoshim 2:23, see RashiEben Ezra, Refer to Parshas Achrei Mos 18:3.

[2] Hilchos Avoda Zara 11:1.

[3] Refer to  Tosfas Avoda Zara 12b “v’ey,” Rashi and Ramban Vayikra 19:9, Bach Y.D. 178, Bais Yosef,  Pri Hasadeh 1:48, Minhag Yisroel Torah 6:pages 19-28 in depth.

[4] Refer to Tosfas Avoda Zara 11a “v’ehi,” Ran Sanhedrin 52b, see Bach Y.D. 178, Shulchan Aruch Hamikutzar 144:5.

[5] Shoresh 88, Bais Yosef ibid.

[6] Refer to Darchei Moshe 1, Rama 178:1, Maharam Shik Y.D. 178.

[7] Y.D. 178:7, Darchei Teshuva Y.D. 178:14.

[8] Mitzvah 262. Refer to Shulchan Aruch Hamikutzar 144:2.

[9] Vayikra 32:5, Shir Hashirim perek 4:12:1, Medrash Tehillim 111:14, refer to Bnei Yissochor Nissin 4:10 tiul b’pardes why it was something special that they did not change their names when in Mitzrayim.

[10] Y.D. 169.

[11] Minchas Shmuel 1:page 191.

[12] O.C. 4:66, see E.H. 4:102, O.C. 5:10:1, Maharam Shik Y.D. 199.

[13] Refer to Chasam Sofer E.H. 2:21.

[14] Maharal Gevuras Hashem 43:pages 164-165, Igros Moshe ibid.

[15] Tzafnas Pa’neach 275:page 220, Otzer Habris 1:6:6:1, Shulchan Aruch Hamikutzar 144:footnote 19, Avnei Yushfei 1:196:4.

[16] Sefer Chassidim 1139:pages 567-568, Igros Moshe E.H. 3:35, O.C. 5:10:1, Be’er Moshe 8:19:8, Yufei Leleiv Y.D. 3:265:page 88b. Refer to Sharshei Minhag Ashkenaz 1:pages 444-448 on this inyun in its entirety.  

[17] Refer to Chasdei Dovid Tosefta Shabbos 7:1:page 49, Kesav V’hakabbalah Bamidbar 15:39, V’yan Dovid 3:54, Rivevos Ephraim 8:pages 24-25,  Minhag Yisroel Torah 6:pages 137-138. The sefer Kotton V’hilchoseha 1:teshuvas from Horav Chaim Kanievesky Shlita 21:page 21says one should not place the red string on his child.

[18] 7:1, see 8:4.

[19] Reishis Chuchma perek derech eretz 4:16, Darchei Teshuva Y.D. 178:21.

[20] Bais Yosef Y.D. 178, Rav Poalim Y.D. 2:29, Shurei Beracha Y.D. 179:3.

[21] Divrei Torah 2:71.

[22] 8:36:3. Refer to Ohr Yisroel 26:pages 182-185.

[23] Refer to Rivevos Ephraim 8:page 26.

[24] Parshas Shalch page 163b (old print), see Zohar Parshas NosoLev Chaim 3:99 “v’al fal pi, Yufei Leliev E.H 62:31.

[25] Based on an article from the Ohr Somayach Website.

[26] Refer to Kol Bo on hilchos milah (Kesei Eliyahu) page 129, Ohr Yisroel ibid:page 185.

[27] Refer to Matei Ephraim 603:7.

[28] V’ein Lumo Michshal 2:page 105:15. If one feels that he will be protected from ayin hara by wearing the red string then there is nothing wrong with wearing it (Horav Yisroel Belsky Shlita).

[29] Horav Yisroel Belsky Shlita.

[30] Maharil page 160, Leket Yosher page 103, Yosef Ometz 851:page 187, Rama O.C. 494:3, Magen Avraham 5, Chok Yaakov 7, Levush 1, Yalkut Gershuney 494:3, Shulchan Aruch Harav 15, Lekutei Maharich 3:page 574 (new), Mishnah Berurah 10, Aruch Ha’shulchan 6, Yalkut Yosef 5:page 443. Refer to Minhag Avoseinu B’yudeinu 2:pages 589-590:footnote 85 why this a custom only on Shavuos.

[31] Refer to Yosef Ometz ibid.

[32] Maharil ibid. Refer to Minhag Avoseinu B’yudeinu 2:page 578:footnote 22

[33] Rama ibid, Levush 1, Siddur Yaavetz 2:page 174:2, Shulchan Aruch Harav 14, Lekutei Maharich ibid, Mishnah Berurah 10, Aruch Ha’shulchan ibid, Kaf Ha’chaim 53, Da’as Torah 494, Minhag Yisroel Torah 494:7, Yalkut Yosef ibid, Minhag Avoseinu B’yudeinu 2:page 582:footnote 33, Orchos Rabbeinu 2:page 99:7.

[34] Refer to Birchei Yosef 494:6, Kaf Ha’chaim 494:53, Chasam Sofer Droshos Shevuos page 576, Bnei Yissochor Nissin 4:7-8 pages 135-136b (new), Minhag Avoseinu B’yudeinu 2:pages 578-588.

[35] Refer footnote 34, and Magen Avraham 5.

[36] 5, see Be’er Heitiv 7, Siddur Yaavetz 2:page 174:2, Chok Yaakov ibid, Elya Rabbah 2, Shulchan Aruch Harav 15, Mishnah Berurah 10, Kaf Ha’chaim 56, Yalkut Yosef ibid.

[37] Minhag Avoseinu B’yudeinu 2:page 590, see Natey Gavriel Shavuos 9:5:footnote 13 in depth (new).

[38] Minhag Avoseinu B’yudeinu 2:page 590:footnote 86.

[39] Minhag Avoseinu B’yudeinu 2:page 581:footnote 32.

[40] Minhag Avoseinu B’yudeinu 2:page 576:footnote 13.

[41] Massei Rav 191, Chai Adom 131:13, Chuchmas Adom 89:1, Darchei Chaim V’Sholom 637:page 206, Mishnah Berurah 10, Aruch Ha’shulchan 6, Kaf Ha’chaim 56, Igros Moshe Y.D. 4:11:5, Mekadesh Yisroel Shavuos 62:page 180, Orchos Rabbeinu ibid.

[42] Aruch Ha’shulchan 6, Igros Moshe ibid, see Igros Moshe intro to O.C. 5:page 6.

[43] Refer to Mishnah Berurah ibid, Igros Moshe ibid, Orchos Rabbeinu 2:page 99:7.

[44] Ve’alu Lo Yeibol 1:page 184:289, see Mishnah Berurah 494:10 who seems to say this as well. Refer to Chuchmas Adom ibid.

[45] Yalkut Gershuney ibid, Lekutei Maharich ibid, Da’as Torah ibid, Yechaveh Da’as 4:33, Yalkut Yosef 5:page 443, Mekadesh Yisroel Shevuos page 180, Piskei Teshuvos 494:10, Minhag Yisroel Torah 494:7:pages 363-364, Minhag Avosinu B’yudeinu2:pages 600-602. One may not use masser money to buy flowers to hang up for Shevuos (Mekadesh Yisroel Shevuos 66 new). As far as moving a door that has flowers hanging on it on Yom Tov refer to V’Yan Dovid 1:62.

[46] Minhag Avoseinu B’yudeinu 2:pgae 602.

[47] Natei Gavriel Shavuos 9:8, Minhag Avoseinu B’yudeinu 2:page 603.

[48] Rama E.H. 61:1, Bais Shmuel E.H. 30:9, Chassam Sofer E.H 98, Aruch Ha’shulchan E.H. 61:21, Otzar Haposkim 61:14:1, Chazzon Yeshaya page 280.

[49] Rama ibid. Refer to Sdei Chemed Chassan V’Kallah 1:pages 11-13.

[50] Chazzon Yeshaya page 281.

[51] Yaskil Avdi E.H. 6:1, Yismach Lev 1:page 82:122.

[52] Refer to Levushei Mordechai E.H. 1:47, Divrei Malkiel 5:205, Maharam Shik E.H. 87, Yehuda Yaleh 1:38, Chassan Sofer E.H. 85, Pri Hasadeh 4:97, Mishpatei Uziel E.H. 60, Yaskil Avdi E.H. 7:10, Yabea Omer E.H. 3:10, Teshuvos V’hanhugos 2:648,B’shvili Haparsha pages 340-341.

[53] E.H. 1:93.

[54] It is therefore permitted for a mesader kedushin to perform a kiddushin in a shul (Igros Moshe ibid). Nonetheless, a chupah should not be made in a shul for other reasons. (Yalkut Yosef (Soveh Simchas) 1:pages 90-91, Yismach Lev 1:page 83:124).

[55] Igros Moshe E.H. 3:18, 4:32:2, Yalkut Yosef (Soveh Simchas) 1:page 125, Asei Lechu Rav 5:page 386, Shevet Ha’kehusi 3:237. Refer to Ran Mesechtas Shabbos page 26a “v’al.

[56] Igros Moshe ibid.

[57] Rambam Hilchos Tefilla 11:3, Kesef MishnahRama O.C. 150:5, Levush 5, Maharam Shik Y.D. 165, Yehuda Yaleh 1:3, Levushei Mordechai O.C. 2:86, Ben Ish Chai Vayikra 1:14, Meishiv Dover O.C. 1:15, Shulchan Hatohar (Karmarna) 150:3, .Aruch Ha’shulchan 150:9, Yaskil Avdi 7:9, Betzel Hachuchma 2:69,  Minhag Yisroel Torah 150:15, Yalkut Yosef 150:5:footnote 5, see Mamer Mordechai 50:3, Kinyan Torah 1:17. The Serdei Eish 1:15:page 4 says it is forbidden to daven in a shul that does not have the bimah in middle of the shul. Many Sefardim do not have the bimah in the middle and they have on whom to rely upon (Halacha Berurah 150:14).

[58] Refer to Maharam Shik ibid, Biur Halacha 150 “b’emtza.” For additional reasons see Chasam Sofer O.C. 28, Pri Hasadeh 3:59, Machaneh Chaim 3:10.

[59] Refer to Divrei Malkiel 5:234:2, Arugas Habosem O.C. 29,  Aprikasisa D’Yanu 1:76, Noam 7:pages 125-128, Igros Moshe O.C. 1:42, 2:41, refer to Yalkut Yosef 150:pages 222-223:footnote 5 if it is permitted to move a bimah that was in middle to a different place.

[60] Igros Moshe O.C. 1:104, 2:97, Zekan Aaron 1:6, Serdei Eish 2:39:26-32, Be’er Moshe 1:10:5, Teshuvos V’hanhugos 1:156, refer to Minhag Yisroel Torah 6:pages 108-110.

[61] Ben Ish Chai Re’eh 1:17, Kol Mevaser 2:44, Yaskil Avdi O.C. 5:28, Yechaveh Da’as 2:29, Yabea Omer 6:29:4, Yalkut Yosef 225:20:page 607, see Noam 7:pages 54-55.

[62] Igros Moshe O.C. 1:104, Serdei Eish ibid, see Hakotton H’hilchosuv 83:page 169.

[63] Igros Moshe O.C. 4:36, Halachos V’halichos Bar Mitzvah 4:1.

[64] Refer to Igros Moshe E.H. 2:13:page 326,  O.C. 5:20:6, Y.D. 4:11:4.

 

[65] Refer to Bais Shearim Y.D. 428, Minchas Elazar 4:61:3, Serdei Eish 2:108, Yaskil Avid Y.D. 4:25, Teshuvos V’hanhugos 1:714, Kerem Shlomo Y.D. 178:7:13, Minchas Yitzchok 1:31, Natei Gavriel Aveilus 1:page 204:8,

[66] Yabea Omer 3:24 in depth.

[67] Refer to footnote 65.

[68] Chasam Sofer Lekutim 6:4:page 2, Maharam Shik Y.D. 170:page 53, Kol Mevaser 1:14, Minhag Yisroel Torah 6:pages 96-97:2, Shevet Ha’Levi 7:137, V’ein Lumo Michshal 2:page 110:21, see Yabea Omer Y.D. 7:32.

[69] Y.D. 4:11:1, see O.C. 2:95, Y.D. 2:33.

[70] Refer to Mesechtas Avodah Zara 18b, Chinuch Mitzvah 262, Yechaveh Da’as 3:66, Minchas Yitzchok 6:145, Minhag Yisroel Torah 6:pags 69-72. In regard to saying “bye” when leaving someone refer to Shulchan Aruch Hamikutzar 44:footnote 23.

 



16 Responses

  1. The rabbi is 100% correct that no yirei shamayim (male) wears a ring. Regarding bas mitzvah parties, Rav Moshe condemned this practice multiple times in the Igros Moshe.

  2. “Flowers/Greenery In Shuls For Shavuos”

    One of the forgotten reasons for this is to remember Moshe Rabbenu, A”H. In Shmot, Perek Bet, Pasuk Bet, it says that when Moshe Rabbenu was born, he was kept for three months and then placed in a basket of reeds, to be placed on/by the Nile River. We know Moshe Rabbenu was born Zayin Adar. Count 3 months to arrive to 6 Sivan. The greenery represents the reeds.

  3. When talking to our children about this subject, we must make it very clear to them, that Goyim are still Human Beings, B’tzelem Elokim.

    We must have sincere Empathy and caring for them as one human being to another. We should be sincerely pained at their misfortune and try to help in a sincere way as one human being to another.

    HKB”H will reward us Middoh Kneged Middoh, and we will Never-Again experience any hatred from the nations.

  4. Thanks rabbi lebovitz for the enlightenment on this subject, I wonder if having a jewish state wich for all practical reasons follows the laws and practices i.e. education, culture, jurisprudence, wars, philosopies of the free world, is it not forbidden to participate in or support such a state for the reasons of you have given above, יחזקאל והעולה על רוחכם הי׳ לא תהיה אשר אמרת נהיה ככל הגוי

  5. to #1, i have actually observed quite a few men who have quite a great deal of yiras shomayim and chochma and were actually marbitz torah in very big ways and shomrei torah and mitzvot and in general upstanding yidden. maybe this one aspect needs some work. while i personally dont wear a ring, and i agree 100% its not the correct way to act, your assertion is wrong and you’ve painted with a very broad brush to say any man who wears one is not a yire shomayim. let us focus atleast equally on the penimious of our fellow yidden at least as much or more than the hitzonius (which these days unfortunately means a lot less than it used to) before we assert that he lacks yiras shomayim. did we not just learn in pirkei avos that a yirei shomayim is dan lekhaf zechut on acheinu beis yisroel.

  6. baruchderrin #6: It was not my assertion; Rabbi Lebovits quoted the poskim as making that point about yirei shamayims and no ring wearing.

  7. I will b’ezras hashem look of the acharomin in note 19 to
    watch how the Gemara does not mean what it says.

  8. There have been many yirei shamayim men who walk in the secular world ADVISED to YES wear a wedding band in order to establish proper boundaries with those of the opposite gender.

  9. Rings – this is a time, place and position bound issue, kings always had signit rings and rings in general as did dignitaries.
    “The plebians” did not…

    Yiddish names – Surely you mean Hebrew names from Tana”ch or derived from words in the Tana”ch, “Yiddish” names are *not* Jewish names, many poskim have said it’s the same as giving an English or you name it what non Jewish language name to give a Yiddish name.

  10. When is the last time you saw a shiksa girl celebrate her bas mitzvah? Some of this stuff is difficult to comprehend. I think driving cars should be assur because goyim drive cars.

Leave a Reply


Popular Posts